Exclusive Dating for Single Professionals Pretoria

Don't take people at face value

2012-01-26T21:53:00.000-08:00

We all know the saying “You never get a second chance to make a first impression”, but first impressions can be very deceiving. People are generally on their best behaviour when one meets them, and the true person usually only emerges with time. One can liken getting to know a person with peeling an onion: there are many layers covering the core.

I nearly fell into this trap when I met my current partner, with whom I am very happy. When I first met him I thought (erroneously) that he was not my type, and more or less discouraged him from contacting me. It was a year later that we met again, and then I was more willing to give him the time of day, only to realise he was almost exactly what I had always been looking for in very many ways! The first time I met him he did not show all his cards, and I took him at face value, never realising what a diamond had crossed my path.

Men and women often make snap decisions about whether they are attracted to a person or not. Perhaps we would all find many more people to our liking if we would just give them a chance beyond the first meeting. Food for thought …

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate in 2012? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't force a relationship

2012-01-20T05:00:00.000-08:00

So often I notice with the people on my books that one of the people is really keen to have a relationship and he/she pushes and pressurises their dates to go into a relationship with him/her. This can be compared to pushing fruit ripe, and the results are similar. The fruit is not as sweet as sun-ripened fruit which has fallen off the tree and your relationship will not be the best it could have been. The universe is never in a hurry and it is best to let it gently unfold and let your relationship progress at an unhurried pace. I know this is difficult, because we all wanted everything yesterday, but if something is good it is worth waiting for, particularly in the field of relationships. So practise patience, and you will be well rewarded.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate in 2012? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't have unrealistic expectations

2012-01-12T00:41:00.000-08:00

With my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, I sometimes find that my clients have unrealistic expectations. They come to me having had problematic relationships in the past, expecting that everything will be just plain sailing once they join my service.

Life is just not like that, and the people who join my service are real and not the type of people you may read about in romantic fantasies. My joining criteria are strict to ensure that only the best people are admitted, but we are all in the same boat, doing our best and trying to make sense of this crazy but wonderful life. We all have our own unique problems and set of circumstances to deal with, and sometimes this can cause friction between us and our romantic partners.

Whilst it is true that we should always expect the best, we need to be flexible and allow for our partner’s idiosyncrasies. We should remember that we ourselves are also not perfect. We should all know what we are looking for in our ideal partner whilst at the same time keeping our feet planted firmly on the ground.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate in 2012? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Relax when dating

2011-12-07T20:17:00.000-08:00

Isn’t it ironical that whenever we are anxious to have something, it just seems to run away from us all the time? In a similar vein, whenever we have felt ready to meet our soulmate, we are so impatient to do so, and we seem to find that despite how hard we try, our dating results in failure after failure.

I always tell my members to relax about dating and to just have fun. They should not be so keen to have results when they date, but just enjoy each moment for what it brings. I find that when they have this attitude, things somehow seem to fall into place, they enjoy themselves, and when the time is right, their soulmate just seems to fall into their lap!

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate this coming year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Be happy with yourself

2011-12-01T23:09:00.000-08:00

A wise person once said: “If you are happy with who you are, you will be happy with your circumstances.” I would like to take that a step further and say that if you are happy with who you are, you will be happy in your relationships.

As a professional dating service owner, I often come across people who are unhappy and searching. They think that if they meet the “right” person, their troubles will stop and they will be happy. Unfortunately life does not work that way. The Law of Attraction is absolute and what we give out comes back to us. If we give out vibes of being unhappy with ourselves, we will attract people who will magnify our problems and our dissatisfaction will spiral out of control.

We need to be emotionally whole before we start attracting the kind of circumstances and people who will add the best value to our lives. A good place to start is to recognise our strong points and good things in our life and be grateful for them. Once we start focusing on these things, we attract more of them into our lives and before long our lives will change for the better. Each of us has a unique role to play on this earth. Recognising our own greatness is just a start to playing the game of life and winning.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate this coming year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Be content with what you have

2011-11-24T05:07:00.000-08:00

We seem to spend our entire lives searching and striving for what we perceive we do not have. These days we are bombarded with stimuli urging us to buy this, do that, etc. We are seldom encouraged to take stock of what we have and learn to be content with it.

The same goes for our relationships. We always feel there is something missing or that maybe someone else will do it better for us. No. No. No. If we step back, count our blessings and take time to be sincerely grateful for what we have, the universe is more likely to give us more of those good things.

Perhaps now is the time to jump off that hamster wheel, break out and LIVE HAPPILY IN THE NOW. Quit thinking of yesterday or tomorrow, just be happy for what is happening now. Learn to appreciate your partner and enjoy his/her company NOW. Now is all we have. Live your relationship to the full so that you will never have regrets. Your partner will love you for it!

If you are single at the moment, structure your life in such a way that you thoroughly enjoy it. Learn to be happy with what you already have. This contentment is more likely to attract a good partner than an attitude of dissatisfaction. Remember that your mindset is constantly giving off signals to the universe and according to the Law of Attraction, you will attract what you think most about. Food for thought …

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate this coming year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Appreciate your partner's energies

2011-11-17T21:18:00.000-08:00

Running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, has taught me many things. One of the things I have become increasingly aware of over the years is the significant difference in energies that men and women live out.

Women are the nurturers and caregivers, but they tend to become too serious and nit-picking. They can also be calculating. Their feelings are easily hurt.

Men are the hunters and providers. They live more in the moment. They have a more casual approach to life and tend to bring humour to a situation.

If we have too many people of the same sex people in our lives, we tend to get slightly out of balance. That is one of the reasons why we enjoy dating and relationships so much. It provides a totally different energy to our day-to-day life and thus makes things a lot more interesting.

I remember when my husband passed away four years ago. I was left alone in my house with my old female dog, an old female cat and a young male cat. I was feeling a bit like an old woman myself at the time, and I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to have my young male cat in the house. I was so starved of living without the human male energy that my husband used to provide, that I developed a strong appreciation for my little cat. I found his approach to life quite delightful, and very different to mine. This made me more aware of male energies in general, and what an important contribution our sexual energies are to our partners.

So be aware of the spiritual/sexual energies your partner brings to your relationship. Appreciate the differences between you and don’t wish that your partner could be more like you!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate this coming year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

2011-11-11T03:03:00.000-08:00

Accept your partner as they are

2011-11-04T02:27:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in the course of my work, I am confronted with the fact that people want their partners to change. Of course, no one will ever be 100% what you are looking for, but there comes a time when you need to weigh up all the factors and decide to be happy with the partner you have, if you decide to stay with them.

One also needs to remember, if you want someone to change, you yourself need to change first before you can expect your partner to do any changing. Once they see that you are willing to put in an effort, they are far more likely to put in an effort themselves.

The people who irritate you are often your best life teachers. Usually the thing that gets to you is something in the depths of your very own persona that you do not like. It is your partner who is reflecting this to you, and that is often why you want them to change!

If you let go of your own issues, you will also find that it is easier to accept your partner as they are. Serenity will then surround you and you will find it easier to be grateful for this person. This state of mind will transmigrate into other areas in your life and you will be more content with life in general.

This is also a chance to practice some unconditional love. This is the kind of love you usually crave for yourself. What you give out comes back to you, so this is the best way to get what you want.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

I am making a Christmas special once-off offer to clients who enrol with Perfect Strangers between now and 31 December 2011: In addition to their normal membership, each client will also receive:

a) 20 Written Laser “Prepare to Meet Your Soulmate” Coaching sessions (one per week in your personal email inbox - Value R897-00). These inspiring teachings will coach you through any stumbling blocks you may experience in attracting and keeping the love of your life. (This will be the first time I am publishing these teachings!)

b) Each client will receive 2 extra months on their membership which will give them an additional window to meet their soulmate.

NB: The first 20 clients who enrol will, in addition, each receive a fabulous surprise bonus from me (Value R300). Remember to ask for this bonus when you apply.

Make use of this special offer before 31 December 2011 by contacting me for a FREE one-hour “Find Your Soulmate” session. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Marilyn Welch can also be contacted on 0825598322 or at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Keep your balance (Plus Christmas Special Offer)

2011-10-27T22:08:00.000-07:00

Often clients who join my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, tell me that they like to “give their all” in a relationship, or that they like really “spoiling” their partner. Despite this dedicated approach, they have not managed to be in a successful relationship. Why is this?

Too often when we go into a relationship, we find that either we or our partner or giving too much. This is a recipe for failure, as a successful relationship is a balanced relationship, where there is equal giving and receiving.

When we give more than our partners, we like to think we want nothing in return, but actually deep down we want a return on our investment very badly, and in the long term we feel cheated if our giving has not been reciprocated.

Worse still, our partner may see our giving as a means whereby they are controlled, and they may feel obligated to return the favours in some way, which takes away from the freedom of a loving relationship.

Women especially tend to give more in a relationship. It is their natural instinct as nurturers and caregivers. This giving of their all often results in losing the man of their dreams, as men naturally like to be the hunters.

Similarly, a man who spoils his girlfriend or wife disproportionately may find that his favours are not appreciated and that she takes him for granted. The relationship is not in balance and love flies out the window.

This world is not perfect, but in this world everything is in perfect balance. If we want our relationship to be successful, we need to be vigilant about keeping it in good balance. Apply this principle of balance with the giving and receiving in your relationship. You will be in tune with the natural harmony of the universe and your relationship is more likely to go in an upward spiral.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

I am making a special once-off Christmas offer to clients who enrol with Perfect Strangers between now and 31 December 2011: In addition to their normal membership, each client will also receive:

a) 20 Written Laser "Prepare to Meet Your Soulmate" Coaching sessions (one per week in your personal email inbox)(Value R1500-00). These inspiring teachings will coach you through any stumbling blocks you may experience in attracting and keeping the love of your life. (It will be the first time I am publishing these teachings!)

b) Each client will receive 2 extra months on their membership which will give them an additional window to meet their soulmate

NB: The first 20 clients who enrol will each receive a fabulous surprise bonus (Value R300). Remember to ask for this bonus when you apply.

Make use of this special offer before 31 December 2011 by contacting me for a FREE one-hour “Find Your Soulmate” session. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Marilyn Welch can be contacted personally on 0825598322 or at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

A good self-image promotes healthy relationships

2011-10-20T22:00:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago I bumped into Alison, a client I coached four years ago. At the time she was in a toxic relationship and was very unhappy. Together we had worked through a lot of her issues, but her primary problem was that she did not think well of herself and thus allowed people to treat her badly. She was struggling to find the strength to set proper boundaries with her boyfriend as she was scared she would lose him.

Catching up on her news I was very glad to hear that she had finally got rid of the old boyfriend and that she had had two relatively happy relationships since then and that she was now engaged to be married to a guy that “treats her like a queen”. She said it had been a gradual process, but that she now realises we only allow others to treat us badly to the extent that we treat ourselves badly. Without being selfish or conceited in any way it is better for us and for all our friends if we have a healthy self-respect and good self-image. We will also never be happy with our circumstances until we are happy with ourselves. It is true that if we expect the best we will get the best. Expect and command the best treatment from all the people you meet, remembering that you need to treat them with respect and consideration as well. With this kind of attitude, your relationships are likely to go in an upward spiral and you will be a far happier person for it.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Does your partner meet your needs?

2011-10-13T23:54:00.000-07:00

We all dream of that special partner who will love and understand us and meet all our needs. We also all need to come down to earth and realise that we as well as our partners are both imperfect human beings and that it is totally impossible for one person to meet ALL our needs.

So how do we find that someone special and cultivate an atmosphere in which we can both be happy?

It takes quite a while to get to know someone and to find out if we can be happy with them or not. If after six months we feel that our partner meets 80% of our needs, we are indeed fortunate. We also need to bear in mind that as time goes by our needs change and develop, so that is an added complication. If we are not the demanding type and live in gratitude, our needs will be less. We will focus on what is already good and build on that. Then our relationship goes in an upward spiral and we are very blessed.

No matter how wonderful our partner is, he/she will not be able to meet all our needs. It is up to us to fulfil our own needs or find same-sex friends and family who will meet the gap. That is why it is important to be a well-rounded person before you enter any romantic relationship. If one comes into a new relationship as a happy and whole person, and already knows how to get one’s needs met through a variety of different people, it takes pressure off the relationship, things are more likely to run smoothly and our relationship will be easy and pleasurable.

It is also important to be happy with the fact that in anything worthwhile in life we cannot have our cake and eat it. We need to be faithful to our partners if we want a winning relationship. If we want a fulfilling relationship, it may be a good idea to give up intimate friendships with others of the opposite sex. The idea is to give up these friendships for something that is better and more rewarding. Our partner will always appreciate our fidelity. Once we have made peace with this concept, we will be far happier in our relationship.

Don’t: Expect your partner to be perfect

Do: Practice appreciation and fidelity in your relationship

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation "Find Your Soulmate" session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Remain independent when in a relationship

2011-10-05T20:55:00.000-07:00

It is vitally important for the success of any relationship for both partners to remain as financially and emotionally independent as possible. The less we need our partners for anything, the more we are able to enjoy each other’s company. If we are financially independent, we seek each other’s company for the pure fun and pleasure of being with that person, and we have no ulterior motives or second agendas in working on our relationship.

A problem often arises with women in that they become so involved with their partners as their relationship progresses, that they often lose their emotional independence. They can often forget that they have interests of their own as they take on their partner’s interests. They often give up arrangements they have made with their female friends in order to spend time with their boyfriends. They forget their own value and importance as time goes by and put their partners on pedestals. By doing all these things, they lose their emotional independence and are no longer the independent woman their partners knew when they first met. They thus become less attractive in their partner’s eyes and he starts to lose interest. This is a very subtle, insidious process, and deadly if a woman wants to keep her relationship healthy. As he loses attraction for her and starts pulling away, she starts to pursue him which makes him want to pull still further away. He then also starts acting differently and they both wonder where their wonderful romance went to. This is a terrible, negative spiral which can be avoided by women not slipping into the bad habits I mentioned earlier in this paragraph and retaining their emotional independence and wonderful life they had before they met their boyfriends.

A woman values a man who is emotionally independent of her and not clingy in any way. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander!

Set time aside for the things that are important to you, and do them. Do not live in your partner’s pocket. Honour his/her need for space with vigilance.

Don’t: Cling to your partner, as this will just drive them away.

Do: Initiate the healthy relationship habits mentioned above, and maintain them.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Keep a sense of humour in your relationship

2011-09-29T23:19:00.000-07:00

When we start a relationship, all is moonshine and roses. That delicious euphoria of being in love takes over and we are totally besotted with our partners. With time, however, that feeling fades, and hopefully we have built a good enough foundation for the relationship to last. We should have kept up the romance and made it a habit, and with a bit of luck we may also find out that we are compatible with our partner.

It is important at this stage not to let your relationship become one of drudgery. Life is unpredictable and can often be downright lousy, but let your relationship be one area where you find enjoyment and satisfaction. We can get so serious in our everyday life. Wouldn’t it be nice if our relationship was one where we could laugh a lot, flirt and have a whole lot of fun?

Marriage counsellors often say that the couples who play together stay together. That is food for thought. Not all of us are clowns who can always be jovial and tell a lot of jokes, but we can all at least be open to the humorous side of life. Sometimes we can get into sticky situations in our relationships, and if we can at least laugh at ourselves, it just makes things a whole lot better.

It is also important to keep on flirting with your partner throughout your relationship, even if you have been married for fifty years! This helps keep the spice in your relationship and reminds you why you got together in the first place. Keep your partner guessing a little bit and even play innocent tricks on him/her. Of course, we all love to tease our partners, and this is a good thing as long as we don’t become personal and hurt their feelings. We also all love pleasant surprises, so make an effort to be innovative and be open to trying new things.

Don’t: Get stuck in the same old boring habits in your relationship.

Do: Always be on the lookout for humour in your relationship.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The power of NOW in your relationship

2011-09-15T02:54:00.000-07:00

The famous author Eckhart Tolle has written a very thought-provoking book called “The Power of Now”. Some of what he writes is very applicable to our relationships. We have a constant stream of thoughts in our minds, always based on something in the past or future, and we very seldom enjoy each moment as it arrives in our lives.

It would be wise to apply the principles in this book to our relationships. The present (now) is actually all we have. This very moment is complete and in it we have everything to make us happy. If we dwell on the past or are always dreaming of what may happen in the future, we are likely to make ourselves unhappy.

Tolle states that if we are unhappy with our situation, we can do one of three things: Walk away, change our circumstances or simply accept them as they are and decide to be content with them.

Some of us are fretting because we are not in a relationship, which is something we intensely desire. If this is the case, we should first and foremost accept what IS and make peace with it. Secondly, we can occupy our minds with good thoughts and find constructive things to keep ourselves busy. Best of all, if we find an interest we can be passionate about, this will do a lot to keep us busy and our minds will not be preoccupied with discontented thoughts.

If we are in a relationship that is not working out and we dislike our current circumstances, we can walk away or start changing things. A good place to start changing things is with our attitude. Are we anxious because we are focused on a result of some kind in our relationship? If so, we are focusing on the future and not on the now. Are we overreacting to something that is happening in our relationship because of something that happened in the past? Then we are dwelling on the past and also not living in the now. As you can see, both scenarios are a recipe for unhappiness. As I have said in many previous newsletters and blogs, have fun and enjoy your dating and don’t think that you need to see a result of some kind (like a marriage proposal) to make you happy.

If we drop thoughts of the past and the future and simply enjoy each moment as it arrives, we are much more likely to love life and be happy. We will have a lot more fun and life will be easier in general. Where do all these thoughts of the past and the future get us? Precisely nowhere, that’s where. Yes, it is important to plan for the future and also learn from our mistakes, but not at the expense of seldom enjoying what is happening in each moment, particularly when it comes to our relationships.

Don’t: Take your relationship or your present circumstances for granted.

Do: Savour and appreciate each moment as it arrives.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Honour what is important to your partner

2011-08-31T23:25:00.000-07:00

When we are in a relationship we are very aware of what we regard as important to us in that relationship, but sometimes we forget that it is perhaps even more important to honour what is important to our partner. A relationship is a two way street and sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

When our partner was first attracted to us, he/she saw something in us that corresponded to his/her values. In a similar fashion we were attracted to him/her. A person’s values are very important to them, and they will be loyal to their values even before they are loyal to their partner – food for thought. We may not have the same values as our partner, but it is very important to hold them in respect. This will definitely endear us to our partner.

There are the values of the Love Languages, which I have discussed before. They are words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and receiving of gifts. We need to discover our partner’s love language(s) and communicate with them via these languages to attain maximum benefit out of our relationship. This is one way of honouring what is important to our partner. For more information on this, read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.

Something men value a lot is their freedom. Some women give their partners plenty of freedom, and this is to be commended. Other women do not. Perhaps they are operating from a deep-seated sense of insecurity, or perhaps they gave their partner freedom before, only to have it abused. However, most men will deeply appreciate a woman who gives them freedom and will always gladly return to her once they are ready to “come out of their cave”. (Read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.)

Women, on the other hand, value a partner who gives them security. We are not necessarily talking about financial security here, but more about emotional security. A woman likes to know where she stands in a relationship, whereas men generally prefer a bit of a challenge. A woman needs to work on her own emotional security before she enters a relationship, because if she is “needy” she will drive all potential partners away. A man with a mature approach goes a long way in giving a woman the security she needs.

Sometimes our partner’s values can be seen in their hobbies. This is often seen by the other partner as time that is taken away from the relationship and can be viewed as a threat. Again it is part of the freedom aspect that is so important in a relationship. Each partner should have the freedom to pursue their own hobbies, within reason. It is also important that if you have a consuming passion for one or other hobby that you do not neglect your partner at the same time. One must always keep a balance.

Don’t: Trample on what your partner views as important, i.e. his/her values.

Do: Learn to communicate with your partner via his/her own love language(s).

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't create baggage as you go along

2011-08-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

What does the word “baggage” mean to you? We all want a partner who does not have baggage. We ourselves try not to have too much baggage. But there are plenty of us who actually create baggage as we go along in our relationship, as if there wasn’t enough of it already!

We are all familiar with control dramas. We see them often in the movies and on TV. Is this what we should be modelling our lives on? This is the kind of behaviour that definitely creates baggage, baggage that need not have been there. People who create baggage usually do not think before they act. They act on impulses which they often live to regret. When we act on an impulse, we usually do not consider our partner’s frame of reference and where they are coming from. It is all about our own egos, what WE want and how WE see life. We are then acting from a limited perspective.

When our partner makes us angry, we should count to ten and then count our words. What is it that is making us angry? Is it something that is threatening our ego? Are we reacting with an impoverished spirit and not an abundance mentality? Are we feeling threatened? Do we want to take revenge on our partner for an imagined wrong that we feel has been done to us? Good communication can do a lot to iron out misunderstandings that can lead to this kind of nonsense. Are we riddled with jealousy? Are we afraid to give our partners freedom because we are afraid to lose them? Deep-seated insecurities can lead to this kind of behaviour, which does not bode well for any relationship.

So what can we do to avoid creating baggage? First and foremost it is very important to be grateful for all the good we have in our lives and in our relationship. This helps create the abundance mentality I have just mentioned. We need to focus on good, wholesome things and not give negativity a chance to take root. We need to BE the type of partner we want in our lives. All this does not come in an instant, but may take many years of continual work on ourselves. Sometimes it is even necessary to go for counselling. But the rewards are there, and it is definitely worth all the time and effort.

Don’t: Get caught in the groove of continual control dramas.

Do: Read “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle and broaden your perspective on life.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Seek time-honoured values in your relationship

2011-08-20T00:21:00.000-07:00

We would all like to ultimately be in a relationship that has stood the test of time, but to reach that much sought after destination, we need to seek time-honoured values in our relationship.

Integrity and trust are two very important factors in a relationship. It is very important that both parties should keep their word when dealing with their partner (and, indeed, in all of life!). We all want someone who is consistent, congruent, and reliable. No relationship built on a foundation of lies will last. We need to make honesty a habit, so that our partner will know where we stand and also where they stand. We want someone who will trust us enough to give us freedom and space, yet who can also draw us near and hold us close. This foundation of trust protects a relationship. You have then built your relationship on a solid pillar and you know you can count on it.

Respect and consideration shown to your partner on a continual, long-term basis will endear you to him/her. This type of treatment from one’s partner gives a chance for real love to grow. We need to cultivate a healthy self-respect first before we can happily afford others the same respect. You may sometimes perceive your partner to be making wrong choices, but it is important to still respect them, and their choices, however hard this may be.

Consideration for one’s partner’s happiness and wellbeing is also very important in a relationship. If we are selfish and always thinking of how we can please ourselves in our relationship, it will bring us short term gratification only. We are then always wanting more and more, and are never satisfied. This type of behaviour leads to a downward spiral in your relationship, and should be avoided.

Loyalty and unconditional love are also important. We all want to know that our partner is faithful to us, no matter what. Our first loyalty should be to our partner, and if we are married, this is even more important. It is important that we are always supportive towards our partner, especially in company. It is very destructive to criticize one’s partner in the company of others, even if you perceive them to be wrong about something. Those matters should be sorted out in private.

It is also important to us that our partner loves us unconditionally. None of us can be perfect, and we need to know we are accepted for who we are, despite of our shortcomings. We need to know that even if our behaviour is not always of the best, that we have a safe haven where our partner will love us regardless. We want this for ourselves, so we must afford it to our partners.

Treat your partner in the same way as you would like to be treated. Take that one step further and treat them the way they would like to be treated. Remember, you will get back what you put into a relationship and much more, if you treat your partner well.

Don’t: Look for short term gratification in your relationship at the expense of your partner.

Do: Do unto your partner as you would have done unto you!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't have unrealistic expectations

2011-08-12T01:42:00.000-07:00

All of us want an ideal partner, someone who at least approaches our idea of perfect, but how does one find such a person when everyone around us seems to have issues, problems and baggage? Moreover we ourselves are always working through our own issues, so can we in any way be a perfect partner for someone else?

When clients approach me for membership to Perfect Strangers, I sometimes sense they have unrealistic expectations. A woman, for example, may, before she joins, have an issue with men standing her up on dates. This is a very real problem that is re-occurring in her life, and she expects that when she joins Perfect Strangers this problem is just going to go away completely. My heart sinks when I hear things like this, because I know her problem is ongoing, and even the most reliable men on my books will somehow find a way of letting her down. There is something in her psyche that is inviting men to do this, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it until she sorts it out in her own mind. Then and then only will the problem be righted.

Then there are others who find that in ordinary, everyday life they are meeting ordinary, everyday people, but they expect that when they join Perfect Strangers that they are suddenly going to meet partners who look like they have walked out of the movies or a glossy magazine! Nothing and nobody in this life is ever going to be perfect, but rest assured, you can find someone who is perfect for you, which implies that this person may have faults and issues, but they will certainly contribute towards your growth and development, which is, after all, why we have been put on this earth.

The media can often be blamed for us having these unrealistic expectations. The movies, TV and popular magazines often portray highly attractive, airbrushed people with superb builds, but in reality only 2% of the population look like this. The media also portray most people as always ready for instant, uncomplicated sex, whereas in real life romantic love doesn’t always work in this way. They also blow up these people as heroes and heroines in everyday situations, and real-life people simply cannot compete. And so we idealise what we see and expect our partners to live up to these unrealistic expectations. By doing this, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment time after time.

We also need to do some soul-searching into ourselves and our own lives. Are we in any way being the kind of partner we hope to meet? I have sometimes had overweight men come for interviews who tell me they want to meet petite women! This is an extreme example, but it happens from time to time. And then I might have a woman who tells me there are no good men left. This is her perception, but it is based on a lie which she has come to believe as true. She expects to meet only “bad” men and this is what she will find time after time. So expecting the worst is also an example of having unrealistic expectations.

When we are in the middle of a situation, it is sometimes difficult to see life in its true perspective. It is best for us if we have a cautiously optimistic outlook, without losing track of reality.

Don’t: Expect the airbrushed, skinny supermodels you see on TV and in glossy magazines to show up in real life.

Do: Train yourself to have a cautiously optimistic outlook while at the same time keeping your feet firmly on the ground.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Focus on your partner's good points

2011-08-03T23:27:00.000-07:00

We all would like a partner who sees the best in us and believes we are well-intentioned. We want someone who turns a blind eye to our many faults and who loves us just as we are, warts and all. Because this is what we want, this is the kind of partner we must be ourselves.

The Law of Attraction states that we bring about what we focus on. So if we want a certain result, it is very important to control our thoughts concerning this matter. Most surely we want more of the good points of our partner and less of the ones we don’t like. And so we must focus on the things we like in him/her and ignore the things that bother us. Apart from the fact that we will then get more of what we want, we ourselves will be happier people because of our positive attitude, and so the spin-offs multiply and our relationship goes in an upward spiral of getting better and better.

When we know our partner thinks well of us and expects the best of us, we are always very eager to prove them right and not to let them down. This is just human nature. Give someone a good name and they will do their best to live up to it. What’s more, it is also very important to let them know how much we appreciate the wonderful things they are and do, as this also opens up better communication between the two of you. Your partner will enjoy your conversation and appreciate you in return.

I myself was once happily married to a man who was a smoker. I am not a smoker, and did not enjoy his smoking. I found when I focused on his smoking I made myself unhappy. When I concentrated on how wonderful a partner he was in other ways, I had a more balanced perspective, and rightly considered myself lucky to have him in my life. He passed away five years ago and I remember him only as an exceptionally good husband who made me a very happy woman. It was a small sacrifice to put up with his smoking, considering what I received in return. Now that he is gone I only have good memories, and the smoking is a complete non-issue. I am glad we parted on excellent terms, and not with me focussing on his smoking.

Don’t: Let little annoyances trip up your relationship.

Do: See the bigger picture of your relationship in a balanced perspective.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Make romance a habit

2011-07-28T01:54:00.000-07:00

What is the glue that keeps relationships fun and exciting? Two major factors come to mind: chemistry and romance. Chemistry is either there or not there, and there is not much you can do to change it. But romance is equally as important, and it is something that can be worked on by both parties.

We experience many different kinds of relationships in life, but the ones that we remember as the most poignant are those where romance has played a big role. Romance is what makes your partner special: it sets your partner apart from the crowd. We often think of romance as gigantic gestures which are obvious and “in your face”. But it is the small things that count (as my clients tell me again and again). You can make a habit of keeping romance alive by doing little, inexpensive things that will make your partner love you to bits!

Gestures of caring and consideration are very important when it comes to romance. Do you make it a habit to always be kind to your partner? Romance does not start in the bedroom, but is the way you treat your partner on a 24/7 basis! It is easy to be romantic when a relationship is new, but it is very important to keep up those wonderful habits you got into when your relationship started and make them a way of life. When you see couples that have been happily married for years, they have inevitably kept the fires of romance consistently burning.

Romance need not be an expensive thing to maintain. It can be kept alive by being aware of the love language(s) that your partner speaks. (For more information on this read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.) To summarise, the languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation (These are positive and often involve sincere praise and encouragement)
2. Physical Touch (This covers a much broader base than sex on its own)
3. Quality Time
4. Deeds of Service
5. Gift Giving (Gifts can be small and inexpensive – it’s the thought that counts!)

Think about these five aspects of a relationship, and work out which one(s) appeals most to your partner. The way your partner treats you is a clue: they will relate to you according to their own love language(s), which is usually easy to spot. The very fact that you are making an effort indicates that you are already working on the romance in your relationship.

Don’t: Let your relationship run on autopilot.

Do: Make romance a habit, and watch love blossom!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Practise gratitude in your relationship

2011-07-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

There is something that almost all of us overlook when it comes to relationships, and that is sincere appreciation for our partner. We all need to practise gratitude in life, especially when it comes to our partners. Never take a good relationship for granted, because you never know how long that person may still be with you. If your partner is showing you sincere appreciation for all you do for him/her, you just want to do more and more for them, and so the relationship goes in an upward spiral of just getting better and better.

Sometimes in a relationship it can become hard to find things to be grateful for. Perhaps you and your partner are going through a difficult patch and things are not going so well. Isn’t it a good idea to rather focus on whatever you can find that is positive than to dwell on the negative and make yourself unhappy? You will find that if you focus on something positive, you will get more of that thing, and the negatives will tend to fade away. It all boils down to the Law of Attraction: You will attract into your life what you think about most.

Gratitude is a habit and a way of life. It is a universal principle that applies in all spheres of life. Why would the universe give you more of something you like if you are not grateful for what you already have? It applies to our finances as well. If you teach yourself how to work with money, appreciate every cent you earn and work hard for it, you are more likely to prosper financially than if you have a “don’t care” attitude towards money. Similarly, if we study the art of good relationships, cultivate good habits in our relationship and appreciate our partner for being in our life, our relationship is likely to be healthy and very rewarding.

If one has not yet consciously practised the habit of gratitude, how does one start? At the end of each day, before you go to sleep, think over the day and find at least five good things to thank your Creator for. Even better, write them down. Make this a daily habit, and before long you will find that your whole attitude to life has changed, and you are much happier. Moreover, as the years pass, this habit becomes ingrained, and you are a better person for it. At the same time, seize every opportunity to appreciate your partner, and let them know that you appreciate them. They will love you for it.

Don’t: Take life and your partner for granted.

Do: Seize every opportunity to sincerely appreciate life and the wonderful partner that you have.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought-after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

There is a blessing in every relationship

2011-07-14T22:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we wonder why we ever landed up in certain relationships. Everything just seems to go wrong and sometimes things get so twisted we just don’t know what to do. And often there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. What are we supposed to do in these circumstances?

Firstly it is good to remember that there is a divine balance in our universe. To the degree that something is bad, we can also find good things about it! You might ask what good there could possibly be in your situation, but if you think very deeply and for some time, you are bound to come up with some benefits, believe it or not. Often it is only in hindsight that we can see these blessings, but they are always there, if we just scratch beneath the surface.

Perhaps we “pushed” a relationship that was not yet “ripe”. Perhaps we took our partner for granted. Perhaps we neglected our partner. Maybe we were selfish … This list could go on and on, but there are mistakes we often make in relationships which lead to their downfall. These mistakes happened for a reason, as nothing happens by chance. They happened so that we could LEARN from our situation. And life keeps on presenting the same lessons to us until we learn to do things differently, so there is no escape.

We should train ourselves to look for the positives in every situation, as well as our relationships. If we dwell on what is wrong, we just make ourselves unhappy and gain nothing. Do yourself a favour and look back on all the relationships you have ever had. Find at least one good thing about every one of them, even if they didn’t end well. Then look at your present relationship and do the same thing. It is often more difficult to do this in the present, as we are so involved we often cannot see things in their true perspective. Something we can do is ask a friend if they can see any blessings that we are blind to. Our friends will give opinions that come from a completely different frame of reference, and they can often see things more clearly than we can when we are so caught up in a situation.

Don’t: Beat yourself up about it if a relationship has not worked out.

Do: Learn from your mistakes, see the blessings and move on.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Have you ever tried to force a relationship?

2011-07-07T02:52:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of us who have regrets in this life, and many who wish our lives were different. We look back and think of all sorts of situations we could have handled in a better way. Some of us look back on divorces and bad choices we made when selecting previous partners. Often we made wrong decisions only yesterday. Many of us are even guilty of forcing relationships and then wondering why they did not work out. What are the benefits of having a more relaxed approach to life and dating? How do we learn to let go and rather let the Universe organise things for us?

The first thing to know is that our Creator is in charge, and that the universe is arranging all things for our good. We often overlook the blessing when we are going through a rough patch. We see nothing good about what is happening to us at the time. Sometimes it is only years later that we see how that difficult time actually benefitted us, and that it was a good thing that it happened. Hindsight is an exact science, but most of us have been around long enough to know that there are many sides to most situations, both good and bad. The trick is to have a positive outlook and always look for the benefits of a situation. They are there, if we will just put our minds to it. It only makes us unhappy to dwell on the negative aspects of a situation, so we should learn to rather dwell on the positive side of the equation. Knowing that there are always positives to any situation should help us to relax a little about what is happening and this should also help us to have a happy mindset. Then we can say with a cheerful heart, “What’s meant to be is meant to be”. We never know what life is going to present us with, but if we just do what we have to do and relax about the outcome, we will have a serenity that nothing can take away.

We can also apply this attitude to our relationships. We often wish we could have our lives over and be wiser in our choice of partners. But if we look on the bright side, the universe allowed us to make those mistakes in order that we could be wiser and learn from them. If a relationship does not work out for whatever reason, be assured that there is someone better waiting for you around the next corner, someone more suited to you, who will appreciate you more than your previous partner did. I myself was once in love with someone who was no good for me. And because a relationship never got off the ground with him, I was open to a relationship with someone far better suited to me. But I would never have believed that at the time. Things were unclear to me then, but now many years have passed, I see the wisdom of my Creator, who actually had the best in mind for me. It was all a learning curve.

God’s timing is also perfect. We want things yesterday, but He knows best, and will give us what we need when the time is right. When we are pushing and chasing a relationship, it often seems to be running away from us all the time. But when we relax and let the universe unfold, and bring our partner gently to us, it is the best relationship we could ever have hoped for. Our Creator does things much better for us and in far grander style than we could ever hope to imagine!

Don’t: Try to force a relationship with anyone.

Do: Relax, enjoy your dating, and detach yourself from the results.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

How to have abundance in your relationship

2011-07-01T22:51:00.000-07:00

We are now officially into winter and as it becomes colder we are aware of how nice it can be to have someone special to cuddle up with. We actually want much more than that. We all want a relationship that is abundant.

The word “abundant” implies that there is more than sufficient of something, that there is a wealth of whatever it is that is abundant. One immediately thinks of a relationship that is very happy, with plenty of love flowing between the two partners.

How does one establish such a relationship?

A relationship like this is built on a good, solid foundation. All these things do not come immediately. In short, a relationship like this is earned. We all think that in the beginning, when everything is moonshine and roses, that OF COURSE we have abundance in our relationship, but, if after a year or two, all that love and happiness is still there, then you have definitely EARNED the abundance in your relationship. This abundance, that you have obviously worked hard to maintain, is of the lasting kind as good relationship habits pave the way to it.

Men like their freedom, and women like their security. Are you providing these elements in your relationship? Women, if you are giving your men freedom, they will appreciate it and if the relationship is meant to be, they will always come back to you with loving hearts. If you give them their freedom, and they don’t come back to you, there is always someone else out there who will appreciate you building on this important long-term pillar in a relationship. Men, are you giving your girlfriends a lot of love and care and do they know that they can count on you? These are the things that make women feel secure and they will always love you for it. Giving freedom and security to one’s partner is not always easy, and often requires sacrifice on your part, over and over again. Make it a long term habit, and you will be amply rewarded with love and happiness in your relationship.

Caring and consideration are also important elements in a relationship. Sometimes one does not feel like being considerate, because it doesn’t suit one, but this always comes at the cost of the relationship. Everything has a price. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to pay small increments on a consistent basis towards your relationship in the form of sound relationship habits? Soon you will no longer notice that it is an effort, and it will come naturally and easily. Nothing worthwhile is achieved in life without sacrifice of some sort, and with time the good habits will be ingrained in you. Being selfish and thinking only of oneself can cost a relationship dearly. Your partner will not be happy and love will fly out of the window.

Don’t: Take your partner for granted.

Do: Practice generosity with your partner, especially generosity of your time and your love

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't be materialistic

2011-06-24T01:20:00.000-07:00

We all want a partner who loves us just for who we are, as well as for who we are not. None of us wants to perceive that our partner wants us for any kind of ulterior motive. We like to think that we are receiving at least as much as we are giving in our relationship. That makes us want to give more and more, and so our relationship goes in an upward spiral of giving and receiving, which is healthy.

Do we ever examine our motives when we start dating someone we like a lot?

Often when we are dating we weed out those people who are needy, who seem to want something from us and who are on the take. That is why it is healthy to date many people before marriage, so that you can recognise who the people are who relate to you in healthy ways. Once you are in a committed relationship, it is also wise to remain vigilant in keeping the balance of give and take between you and your partner.

Oftentimes a man is materialistic in a relationship when he is in it for the sex. He is vitally interested in satisfying himself and can leave his partner feeling unfulfilled. What is that man bringing to the relationship? Is he making it worthwhile for his partner? Maybe he thinks he can buy her love/sex, but that will ultimately leave her feeling empty and used. If, on the other hand, he is bringing in a healthy amount of loving and genuine happiness to the relationship, his partner will just want to give him more and more and will appreciate him hugely.

Women can be materialistic in expecting men to be the providers. In today’s society, where women are often the bigger earners, this is becoming more and more unrealistic. Yes, a man likes to provide, but never likes to feel that he is being used, or that a woman likes him just because he has money. He likes to feel admired, respected and loved for who he is as a person, and not only for the money he brings to the table. Everything is becoming more and more expensive as time goes by, and if a woman also earns good money, she should be willing to share some of it and not let her man bear the burden of all the expenses, unless, of course, he really doesn’t need or want any help in this arena.

The Law of Attraction also fits into this picture. What you constantly think about, you will ultimately bring into your life. Do you want to have a mountain of money when you are old, and no love and happiness to go with it, or do you want a healthy balance of a happy family, friends and good memories? On your deathbed, are you going to want to look at your bank balance, or are you going to want to look into the face of someone you have genuinely loved and been happy with? If we are in a relationship just for what we can get out of it, the universe may very well punish us by giving us what we want. Later we will see that genuine, time honoured values have made us happier than our materialistic desires have.

Don’t: Always think of what you can get out of a relationship.

Do: Appreciate your partner for who they are as a person.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Appreciate your partner

2011-06-17T01:05:00.000-07:00

We all want a partner who will treat us with respect and who will value us as human beings. When my husband, Bryan, was alive, we had this kind of relationship and appreciated each other enormously. It made it easier for me to find closure when he passed away four years ago because we had no unfinished business between us and we parted on good terms.

How do we set the stage to appreciate our partners?

Something we must always keep in mind is the law of attraction. The law of attraction is like a magnet, where like attracts like. So if we respect and value ourselves, we will automatically draw people to us who will treat us in this way.

Some of us tend to put others first, especially women. It is the way we were brought up to always care for others. This is especially true for a woman who has children. But a woman owes it to herself to take good care of herself, and to think well of herself, or otherwise she could end up being a doormat for her children and the man in her life.

Something we should never do is take people for granted, especially our partners. We never know how long we will have them in our lives, so whilst they are here, we should really appreciate them and also SHOW that appreciation. The chances are that if we are doing this, we ourselves will be appreciated and valued.

Another thing to respect is the free will of our partners. Who likes to be pushed into a corner and forced to do things? Nobody. Our partner’s free will is something we often never give a second thought. It is that free will that caused him/her to love you in the first place. Wouldn’t you like your partner to have choices, just as you have choices? If you respect your partner’s free will, he/she will most likely respect yours.

It is also very important to respect your partner’s values. They will most probably be different to your values, which will obviously require a little effort from you. Read Dr John Demartini’s book, “The Heart of Love”, which elaborates on the importance of aligning your values with those of your partner. It will be well worth that effort in the long run, because your partner is likely to appreciate your stance and reciprocate by returning the favour. Always be the first to show respect and appreciation – your partner is likely to follow suit.

Don’t: Put others first to your own detriment.

Do: Show your appreciation to your partner because you never know how long you will have them in your life.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Create variety in your relationship

2011-06-09T02:07:00.000-07:00

We all long for a partner who is interesting, and who surprises and delights us often, but have we ever thought about our own role in creating variety in our relationship?

It’s all too easy to start off a relationship, where everything is new and we are on a voyage of discovery. We are getting to know our partner and find everything he or she says or does to be fascinating. Come six months down the line and we could be falling into the trap of a set routine, always doing the same things and finding our once tantalizing partner to suddenly be boring and predictable!

How do we maintain the romance and excitement? (We wanted this to be forever, remember?) The secret is to cultivate good habits right from when the relationship starts. It is even more important for a woman to be unpredictable, as this is often one of the factors that keeps a man interested in her. (A woman can think differently, as she tends to find security in predictability, and security is often one of the most important values that she has.)

Part of the secret of being unpredictable and creating variety is to keep our partner guessing just a little bit. There is a fine balance between a mature sharing of your innermost self and “not letting it all hang out”. We all want a mixture of familiarity and that element of surprise.

Part of all this is self-respect, where we find it easy to act with poise. We even find ourselves exciting as we discover new things on life’s journey. Make a point of doing things that are out of your normal routine from time to time. And the things that you normally do … well, if you like to do them, try to do them differently now and then, just to spice things up a bit. Find novel ways of showing your respect and appreciation, and just now and then, if you have something else important and worthwhile to do, be unavailable. Bring fun and mischief into some of the things you do. There is nothing like laughter to add to good memories.

Remember the law of attraction? It works like a magnet. So if you want your relationship to be interesting, make sure you yourself are an interesting person. This involves creating variety and adventure in your relationship. Your partner is likely to mirror your behaviour and your relationship will tend to be exciting.

Don’t: Fall into the trap of having too set a routine in your relationship.

Do: Cultivate the habit of surprising your partner from time to time.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Give your partner privacy

2011-06-01T02:57:00.000-07:00

We all like to have our privacy, and so it is natural to expect that our partner would want the same for him/herself. We should all treat other people the way we want to be treated, so the privacy of both partners should be a given in a relationship.

How often does it happen that a call or sms arrives on our partner’s phone and we are tempted to peek and see who it was from? Some of us even think it is our right to do so, and yet we would hate it if we ourselves were treated like this.

Worse still, we want to know what our partner is up to every minute of the day. If you want your partner to feel hounded and to start withdrawing, be on his/her case in this way.

It all boils down to trust. Trust is such a vital part of a relationship that it needs to be mentioned here. It is always a good thing to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and to extend your trust first. If your trust is broken, that is another matter, but everyone likes to feel they are trusted when a relationship starts out. Your partner will not want to let you down and break your trust if he/she knows it has been extended. Expect the best and you will get the best.

What about secrets? If we can keep our own private secrets, our partner will know that they can trust us with theirs. It is not a good idea to be too inquisitive about one’s partner’s private life. If there is something you really need to know, the universe will make sure that you get wind of it.

Privacy and freedom go hand in hand. If you hold on tight to your partner and never want to let them out of your sight, they will rebel and want to get as far away from you as possible. If your partner knows you respect their space, he/she will surely appreciate this hugely and you will reap the benefits of the same respect afforded to you.

Privacy is sometimes very difficult to maintain when one lives with one’s partner. Here it is doubly important to be vigilant about giving one’s partner space. It all adds up to a healthy relationship.

Don’t: Be continually suspicious and snoop on your partner’s every move.

Do: Extend your trust to your partner in a mature way and you are likely to be rewarded.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Be generous in your relationship

2011-05-25T03:19:00.000-07:00

An aunt of mine once said to beware of a partner who is stingy with money in your relationship, because he/she will be stingy with their love as well. Being generous, however, applies to all areas of a relationship, including things like time and effort.

When a relationship is new and things are finding their balance, it is important not to overdo one’s generosity, as this will more than likely scare off one’s partner. Men in particular find a women who is over the top in this area, very scary, especially when a relationship is new. Women are by nature nurturers and it is very natural for them to give all they can, but this is not advisable in a new relationship. At this stage, a man usually enjoys pursuing a woman, and likes to perceive the woman as a challenge. A woman will completely take the wind out of his sails if she smothers him with attention at this stage. However, as things progress, a healthy give and take by both partners is desirable.

As time goes by and trust develops, a man likes it when the woman takes the initiative and makes him feel appreciated. Then both partners usually enjoy it when the other person gives them lots of time and attention. In particular, a man enjoys it when the woman is generous in giving him space. One can also be generous in affording one’s partner privacy. This kind of respect should be mutual. In a relationship like this there is an aura of abundance. Both partners have abundance mentalities and there is a great deal of freedom afforded to each person.

One can also be abundant in honesty. This type of generosity is usually much appreciated, as everyone wants a partner who is trustworthy and consistent in their approach to life.

One can be generous in one’s appreciation of one’s partner. It is nice when someone notices the things you do for them, however small, and thanks you from their heart. This kind of appreciation usually has a snowball effect of your partner wanting to do even more for you, and so the relationship goes in an upward spiral of getting better and better as time goes by. One has cultivated good habits and if one keeps them up, this type of relationship then does not require a lot of work.

Don’t: Expect your partner to do all the work in your relationship.

Do: Operate from an abundance mentality in your relationship, and things are likely to go your way.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Create space in your relationship

2011-05-16T04:01:00.000-07:00

Today I am going to focus on creating space for each other in your relationship. I am reminded of when I was married to my second husband, Bryan, and how happy we were. He gave me all the space I could possibly have desired, and you know what? I just simply didn’t want to go anywhere! If he had cramped my space, you can be sure I would have found all sorts of things I wanted to get up to. And I afforded him the same space. He never abused his freedom, always told me where he was going and always phoned if he was going to be late. And I was happy to let him do as he pleased. It was such a free arrangement that we had. I would wish this for any relationship.

Underlying the giving of space is an aura of trust. If one does not trust one’s partner, one is reluctant to give him/her the luxury of some space. Trust stems from a healthy self-respect and self-liking. You must trust yourself and have faith in your own integrity before you can trust someone else. With this attitude, you like to treat your partner the way you yourself want to be treated. You should offer your trust first, expecting it to be honoured. Only if this trust is broken do you need to reassess the situation.

How do we behave when we know we are trusted? We put our best foot forward, not wanting to disappoint our partner. We want him/her to know that this is the way we want to be treated and that we deserve this trust. This kind of attitude inspires loyalty, which in turn creates greater trust, and so the spiral goes upward. And the more trust there is, the more space we are prepared to give our partner and the more freedom we both have.

Needy, clingy people find it difficult to give their partners space. They need reassurance every step of the way and do not enjoy their own company. They tend to want to control their partner as they think this will make them feel more secure. What does this type of behaviour inspire in your partner? They want to get away from you and need even more space than what they normally would have wanted. The tight rein you try to harness them with just makes them want to rebel and so the spiral goes downward.

It is important to be emotionally independent in order not to be needy. Your emotional wholeness will go a long way towards ensuring a happy partnership.

Don’t: Hold on to your partner in an effort to make him/her stay with you.

Do: Give your partner the freedom they deserve. They will love you for it and always want to return to you.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Give and take in a relationship

2011-05-10T02:51:00.000-07:00

There is something that is very vital that must be present in a romantic relationship for it to prosper, and that is that there must be more or less equal give and take in the relationship. We all know of relationships where one party seems to be doing all the giving, and it becomes very hard for that person over time. So hard, that after a while it just does not seem worth it any more.

Why do some people give so much and others just take? If we look into the cause for this, it gives us some clues. Someone who gives more than they receive often has some kind of inferiority complex, and believes that of themselves they are not enough to sustain their partner’s interest. They feel their partner is in some way(s) superior to them, and they must compensate by working harder at the relationship. They attribute values to their partner that they believe they themselves do not have, not realising that they probably have those same values, just manifesting in different ways. If you spot it, you’ve got it, i.e. if you recognise some or other characteristic in your partner, you are able to see it because you have that same characteristic and it is in your frame of reference. By not recognising your own good qualities, you feel you are not good enough and give away your power to your partner, and so the cycle starts of doing more for the relationship than your partner in order to keep the relationship going. This is an unhealthy scenario.

The person who takes more than their partner often does so unconsciously, not even realising the sacrifices the other is making. When this kind of pattern is allowed to develop, the taker often takes for granted what his/her partner is doing and is not given a chance to do some of the giving. The taker is robbed of a chance to contribute equally and often starts to lose interest. The taker then does not see the giver as a person of equal status, with the same power as he/she has. The taker sees other people outside the relationship as having more power and more magnetic attraction. The giver ends up with feelings of jealousy and insecurity. As time goes on, the relationship becomes more and more unhealthy.

These are some of the scenarios that underlie problems in giving and taking. It is much better if both parties can recognise their own power from the start and not be sucked into unhealthy behavioural patterns. Each partner should have a healthy self-respect and self-liking for a relationship to get off to a good start. Do not allow your partner to give or take more than you do, and the relationship is more likely to be on a good footing.

Don’t: Attribute superiority to your partner

Do: Recognise your own good qualities and keep your relationship on an equal footing

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The importance of romance in a relationship

2011-05-03T03:13:00.000-07:00

I am often asked the question: “Who is the most romantic when it comes to relationships, men or women?” The answer is a little more complicated than one would think.

Women often set the scene with candlelit dinners, setting the atmosphere for a wonderful evening at home, whereas men often feel that they are the planners, planning dates at various romantic venues. Both sexes can be good at the giving of romantic gifts like flowers and chocolates etc.

Over time, I have come to the conclusion that the one who is more passionate and committed in a relationship will be the more romantic one. It is this particular partner who is more dedicated to the relationship, who will invest more in the relationship to keep it going, who will actively plan to keep romance alive.

Romance is a vitally important element in a relationship between a man and a woman. It is the aura of romance that will set a relationship apart from other relationships and make it special. We can all be friends with anyone, but we normally only have room for one person when it comes to romance.

And romance can be a time and energy consuming thing. It takes time and energy to plan special dates and outings, and buy suitable gifts for whatever occasion. Romance can also be a commitment of our energies to making our partner happy, whatever that may take.

Married people should especially be on their guard when it comes to romance. Too often one becomes so accustomed to one’s partner that before one knows it romance has flown out the window. Children come along, work commitments take one’s time away from one’s partner, and all too soon romance can be a thing of the past. Married people need to actively work on the romantic element in their relationship to keep it special. One actually needs to make romance a habit. Start when your relationship is new and it is very easy, and then keep up those habits for a lifetime. It will be well worth the effort. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to look back on a lifetime of romance with one’s partner, rather than one of drudgery?

Don’t: Think and act as if romance is not important in your relationship.

Do: Make it a habit to plan for romance in your relationship – it will be well worth your time and effort.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Law of Attraction and First Impressions

2011-04-17T23:56:00.000-07:00

We are all looking for that ideal partner, someone we can look up to and someone who we can see ourselves spending a lot of time with. A lot of us are also wondering just how we can meet this person. There is a way in which we are likely to meet this person, and it involves The Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like, so what this boils down to is that we are very likely to attract a partner(s) who is similar to us. So basically we ourselves must BE the type of people we wish to attract.

A lot of us have long lists of what we require in a partner, never dreaming that if we do not get our own house in order, that person is very unlikely to appear. I have people all the time telling me that they want to meet someone who is honest, slim, someone who has little or no baggage, and they do not stop to ask themselves whether they also have these qualities. Food for thought …

There are also those people who take a person at face value. First impressions are important, and there is basic, sensible behaviour that should be adhered to at a first meeting, but not all people show all their cards the first time we meet them.

It is therefore a good idea to get to know a person gradually. As the layers of an onion can be peeled off one by one, so we can get to know a person. The true person and character is only revealed with time. I myself never judge my clients the first time I meet them, because a few months later I can have a totally different impression of them. During this time I have had many interactions with them and occasionally it turns out that they are a completely different person to what I had thought, and I have been doing this business for 14 years already!

I myself almost bypassed the person I am happy with today for this exact same reason. There were no fireworks when we met, and I hastily assumed that he was not the one for me. A year later when we met up again, I decided to give him a chance, only to find out with time that we are very well matched. I had grown as a person before I met him the second time, and therefore had the maturity to appreciate him more.

So we all need to work on ourselves and not make too hasty judgements about potential partners we meet.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Relationships are learning experiences

2011-04-07T02:42:00.000-07:00

Perhaps dating is not only about trying out and discarding partners who aren’t a perfect fit for us, but about learning relationship skills. As we grow into adults, we stop bringing an attitude of discovery and learning to our relationships. Instead we bring an attitude of evaluation and expectations. The only thing we want to discover is whether this is the right person for us. We’re less interested in learning skills that will help us be better partners for our future lovers, and more interested in evaluating whether we want to keep being in this particular relationship. No wonder relationships stop being so much fun!

If you’re in a difficult relationship with someone that you don’t have fun with anymore, your immediate impulse is going to be to get out of the relationship. Obviously the relationship isn’t “right” for you because it’s hard work and unpleasant! But perhaps these challenges are actually proof that you’re in the “perfect” relationship for you at that particular time. Perhaps these challenges are actually teaching you exactly what you need to improve your understanding and move to the next stage in your personal growth.

On the one hand this makes sense. When things are easy, you can just flow. You don’t have to think too much. You can just enjoy things. But when things are hard, you have to think about how you’re relating to your partner. You have to work through things. Your coping skills are put to the test. In other words, the harder a relationship is, the more learning opportunities you have. In short, as long as you focus on what the relationship is trying to teach you, no relationship is ever wasted.

And so the most valuable relationship is the one in which you learn the most … not necessarily the one that lasts the longest. Relationships can thus be viewed as learning tools. Every relationship, whether good or bad, teaches us new skills.

So if the real reason for a relationship isn’t finding “The One” … if it isn’t getting married someday … if it isn’t partnering with someone to raise a family … what is it? Perhaps the real purpose of relationships is to attract people to us in order to stimulate and support our growth and evolution as a being. And so the person we attract to us is exactly the person we need to teach us exactly what we need to learn at that point in our lives. Food for thought …

What is your relationship teaching you? What has each one of your past relationships taught you? If you can approach your current or future relationships as learning experiences, rather than as win-lose situations where you “win” if you stay together and “lose” if you break up, then you may just find that you feel a lot better about them. You may just find that you’re attracting better and better partners … because YOU are becoming a better and better person yourself.

Don’t: Think that a relationship has to be perfect for it to be worth the trouble.

Do: Regard relationships as learning experiences and grow from them.

I wish you luck with your relationships!

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Do you take your partners at face value?

2011-03-31T23:53:00.000-07:00

We all have our ideas about what we are looking for in a partner, and it is very good to know what one wants, but what if one is so fussy, that one eventually has nobody to choose from?

Every now and then I have somebody on my books who is very particular about what they want in a partner. There is a long list of MUST HAVES and MUST NOT HAVES. When this happens, this person’s list of potential partners is cut in half and it is very difficult to match him/her. Whilst this person is fully entitled to have their preferences, I sometimes wonder if this is wise. It also happens that I sometimes take a chance and introduce them to someone who is not “quite right” and they are overjoyed with the match. That special “chemistry” was there or they saw something else they liked and that list they had flew out the window!

I was just as fussy some years back. Not that it helped, because I had many disastrous relationships! The first time I met my second husband, Bryan, I did not like him at all. He did not fit in with my “list” and I thought he was not at all suited to me. Two years later I met him again and decided to give him a chance because I then saw some very good aspects of his personality and character. That was an excellent move on my part, because he proved to be the most wonderful husband and we were very happy during the short time that we were together. I would have robbed myself of a blessing if I had stuck to my rigid “list”, and I am forever grateful for the experience of having had a happy marriage. The same thing happened with my present partner. There were no fireworks for me when I first met him, but as time went by I saw more and more things in him that I really liked and today I can truly say that he is the most wonderful partner I have ever had.

Perhaps one should keep a healthy balance between having set ideas about what one wants and keeping an open mind. People are all so vastly different and each one has something wonderful to offer. We would all like others to see us in the best possible light, so perhaps we should offer them the same opportunity and not make hasty judgements when we hardly know them.

As we get to know someone, it is like peeling off the layers of an onion. There is always something fresh and new coming to the surface. One has to go through quite a few layers before one gets to the core of the onion, and similarly it takes us a long time to get to know someone. People are also always changing, so even if you think you know someone, you can be in for a surprise.

Don’t: Take people at face value.

Do: Be open to possibilities and give your dates a chance.

May you meet a partner who will delight you!

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za, to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Expect the best

2011-03-25T02:05:00.000-07:00

Some time ago I interviewed a lady who very quickly told me that she had met some horrible men, had some disastrous relationships and that all her friends had experienced the same thing. For this reason she was very dubious about meeting good men, as she had it firmly entrenched in her mind that there are no more good men around. I listened in dismay, because this kind of thinking is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and her chances of meeting a good man are minimal, if these are the thoughts she is feeding her mind.

Many years ago, I myself fell into the same trap, and I also met dreadful men until I met my first husband, who was a psychopath! That really taught me a lesson, and I was determined at that stage to change my life, and change it I did. It was almost as if up until then I had the word “Victim” stamped on my forehead. From then on I decided to choose “good” men, and it was then that my life changed. I married Bryan, my second husband, and he was a “good” man and he treated me very well. After he passed away, I made friends with a friend of his, who is also a “good” man and today I have a wonderful relationship with my present boyfriend, who treats me like a queen. All these men live in Centurion, and there must be many more “good” men in Centurion, Pretoria, South Africa and anywhere in the world, for that matter. It is just a matter of having the right mindset.

The lady I interviewed is inviting the wrong men into her life by her negative mindset. She will continue meeting the wrong men until she changes her thinking. The universe has an infinite supply of good men, she is only attracting “bad” men because of the way she is thinking. If someone treats us badly, we must remember we more than likely invited that kind of treatment in some way. We need to change our mindset, respect ourselves and put out the right thoughts, which includes thinking well of everyone, as well as the opposite sex, and then we are more likely to attract “good” partners.

The same holds true for men who want to attract good women. They are out there, we must just hold the right thoughts, and the universe will supply them in abundance. For more information on this kind of thinking, read the books, “The Heart of Love” and “The Breakthrough Experience” by Dr John Demartini. These books will help you heal where you have been hurt and put you on the path to meeting suitable partners.

Don’t: Make the mistake of thinking that everyone is the same.

Do: Expect the best, and you will get the best!

May you have an abundance mentality and meet the soulmate of your dreams!

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her FREE Dating Guide: “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The importance of self-respect

2011-03-15T23:09:00.000-07:00

Does your partner treat you well? We all dream about having someone who will not only complement us, but be kind, considerate and thoughtful, and treat us with respect. We want someone who encourages us and brings out the best in us.

The Law of Attraction in Quantum Physics states that like attracts like, and so we will attract the signal we are giving out. In other words, if we are kind, considerate and thoughtful towards our partners, and treat them with respect, we are likely to get the same kind of treatment back. So we must be the partner we dream of, and then we are likely to be treated in a similar way.

I am not talking about being a doormat for someone or being a wimp in your relationship. We must obviously have a healthy self-respect first. This self-respect seems to command a respect from others and good treatment follows. So if we respect ourselves, we are also likely to find someone who respects him/herself and then things start falling into place.

Perhaps we need to do some soul searching here. Are we in any way belittling our partners or putting them down? This kind of thing can be so subtle, but once it is there, it is a big turnoff. Men and women are very different, and sometimes we can be doing something that minimizes our partners without even realising it, simply because we do not understand how the opposite sex thinks. It is important to study and read up information on dating and how the sexes differ in order to be good at this. It is surely worth the trouble to do this if it means a rewarding relationship in the long run.

We also need to examine ourselves and discover if we really like the opposite sex. Sometimes we were brought up with a parent(s) who warped our perception of how the sexes should behave and interact. This can cause a deep seated fear or dislike of one’s partner that one may not consciously be aware of. Should you suspect this is the case, it would be wise to go for counselling.

For those of us who do not have a healthy self-respect, we must remember that other people will only treat us badly to the same degree that we are prepared to treat ourselves badly. It is really important for us to think well of ourselves and have a healthy self-esteem. This augurs well for all relationships.

I wish you luck in your relationships!

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Common dating issues

2011-03-02T03:56:00.000-08:00

Today I am going to cover some issues that I am often asked about:

Why is it so difficult to find the perfect match these days?

These days there are no longer arranged marriages, and people’s lists of what they want in a partner gets bigger and better by the day, even to the point of being unrealistic. If people would just learn to love the person they find, and not have unrealistic expectations, they would be a lot happier. It seems that not only they, but the whole world must think their partner is wonderful. People are only human, after all, and one must realize that every person has good and bad character and personality traits.

Is there an ideal partner out there for each of us?

I believe there are several ideal partners out there for each one of us, it’s just a matter of finding them. But what we think is our ideal partner is often not the case and someone we may discard as irrelevant, may in actual fact be just the right partner for us.

What do you find are the most important things one should have in common to be really compatible? Or is it not that important to have things in common?

The most important thing to have in common is common values. A person will be loyal to his/her values before being loyal to a partner. Don’t underestimate the value of common values.

What is the one thing that dooms any budding relationship?

When one or both parties are in a hurry and take things too fast, the relationship is always on rocky ground. If you are not in a hurry, it always augurs well for any relationship.

How does one handle rejection?

The important thing with rejection is not to take it personally. The reason you are rejected has usually 100% to do with the other person and their particular frame of reference and almost NOTHING to do with you at all. There will always be people who like you just the way you are, and at the same time there will always be people who find fault with you. I see this happening with my clients all the time. As many as there are people, there will be different opinions about them. These opinions have nothing to do with you, it is just how people perceive you, according to their own unique place where they are coming from. You remain unchanged, whilst all around you, different people perceive you differently. Therefore one should not take other people’s opinions, whether good or bad, too seriously. If you really think you can improve, then do something about it, but don’t be discouraged if you encounter rejection, simply move on to the next person to meet.

Don’t: Be discouraged if you have difficulty finding that ideal partner.

Do: Meet as many people as you can, and know that the right person is out there waiting for you.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Commitment in a relationship

2011-02-24T00:06:00.000-08:00

Today I am going to cover an issue which I am often asked about, namely “At what stage is one ready for commitment in a relationship?”

Firstly, I have noticed that almost inevitably, a woman will commit to a relationship before a man does. Invariably, she will phone me first to say she does not want me to arrange any more introductions for her, she and x now have a relationship. That’s all well and good, but has she any idea about how HE feels about commitment? Often it is not even the next day and x has asked me to organise another introduction for him!!! A man will often enjoy dating many women before he feels ready for a commitment. A woman seems to want to settle down earlier. Perhaps she is cheating herself out of meeting a variety of men. This would give her a better idea of what she really wants and she could have the opportunity to “practise” on men who are not so important to her, so that she is “ready” when the man of her dreams crosses her path.

A woman is very appealing when she has her own busy life and lots of friends, and is not waiting for that telephone to ring. A man is more likely to adore and commit to a woman who fits this scenario, and who has lots of spunk, than one who is needy and clingy.

It is not always a good idea for a woman to sit a man down and have a “commitment” talk with him. If he was committed to her, she would have known about it long ago, and it wouldn’t have been necessary to ask. She is likely to get an evasive answer, something like: “I don’t know what I want”. This is “guy speak” for “I’m not seriously interested in a relationship right now.”

Remember, IF A GUY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS, HE GENERALLY DOESN’T WANT WHAT HE’S GOT.

Lots of women ignore this principle. When men avoid, deny, react with anger, or play dumb, they’re communicating with indirect signals that they aren’t on the same page as a woman. If a woman ignores these signals, resists what he’s trying to tell her or tries to overcompensate in the relationship, she will never figure out how to make it work. And she’ll constantly remain the one who’s doing all the “work” in the relationship, only to have him sit back and not help out or do his part. If this is the scenario, a man will definitely not commit to a relationship.

I notice that quite often both sexes are too “anxious” to have a committed relationship, which puts all sorts of pressures on the people they date. This actually chases those potential partners away, which is just the opposite of what they want to achieve. It is better to relax, have fun, and let the universe “unfold”. Let God bring your partner to you, let the relationship develop naturally, and commitment will not be an issue. A relationship will then not be such a lot of hard work.

Don’t: Pressurise your partner too early for a commitment.

Do: Relax, have fun, enjoy your dating and don’t be too concerned about results.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

You are welcome to contact Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

Never take rejection personally

2011-02-15T03:52:00.000-08:00

Many of you out there are probably wondering why you go out with someone for a first or second date and then nothing happens after then. There could be many reasons for this, but it is very important to never take anything personally. The reason could be as simple as there simply wasn’t a strong enough connection, sexual or otherwise.

Most of the time when this happens, you and your partner are coming from two completely different perspectives. The fact that there was no connection has very little, if anything to do with you, so there is no reason to beat yourself up about it or wonder if there is something wrong with you. Remember, “elke pot het ‘n deksel”, and sooner or later, if you are giving off the right signals, someone will come along who is genuinely interested in dating you.

Most of the time, men either feel an immediate sexual chemistry or there is no chemistry at all. This can be confusing for women, who often do not see a man in this way when they first meet him. My female clients sometimes tell me they can’t understand why x never phoned them after their first date, because they had such a good time. He obviously never felt any sexual chemistry, and that is why he never followed up. Men usually make up their minds in half a minute whether they are interested in a woman or not, based on sexual chemistry, whereas a woman will often wait to see how a man treats her and how he behaves before she makes up her mind about him. It is important to her that he is kind, and that he makes her laugh. Always remember that the opposite sex sees things differently.

It is very important for a man to not lead a woman on, right from the word go, if he knows he is not really interested. A lot of men, in an effort to be nice, say to the woman at the end of the date that they will phone her, not meaning to do so at all. This is wrong. Rather say nothing at all, than do something different to what you say. A man should have enough self confidence and be consistent enough to have integrity on this issue. Believe me, the women will appreciate this more than a meaningless promise.

Women should recognise their own power and not be needy and desperate. If you really believe in yourself and have plenty going for you, you will not be phased by a man who dates you once or twice and then disappears. You will have your own busy and interesting life to contend with and if someone does not appreciate you, you have the self-confidence to know that there are plenty of others out there who will.

It is very important to relax about dating and not worry about a clock that is ticking or feel that this is your last chance. Do not think that you will be a failure if your date does not work out as you planned or if the other party eventually is not interested in you. Your date will pick up subconsciously if you are needy or clingy, and nothing could be a bigger turnoff. Concentrate on enjoying the present moment with your date and do not have second agendas. Have innocent fun and laugh a lot. If you follow these guidelines, you are more likely to be successful in your dating than if you have planned an outcome before the time. Be fun and uncomplicated company, and your date is more likely to appreciate you.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Revolutionise your dating life by applying the principles in Marilyn’s FREE Dating Guide: “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams”. You can apply to receive it here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Recognise your inherent greatness

2011-02-08T02:04:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been in a relationship where you craved commitment from your partner, but he/she just simply didn’t seem able to give it? Many people are in this position, and below are my thoughts on such a situation:

When you have a partner, and you perceive (rightly or wrongly) that that person is in a stronger position than you (this can be real or imagined), you naturally want to align yourself with that person, so you yourself can become stronger. In your thoughts you have endowed this person with character and personality traits and capabilities that you admire and want to be associated with. You have more than likely idolized this person, and assume that they have something you do not have, i.e. you may perceive them as secure, and you assume that if you are married to them, you will also be secure.

Two things I’d like to mention here: You are most probably not aware of your own strengths and capabilities, and secondly, as I have said in a previous blog, if you spot it, you’ve got it!

It is important for the health of the relationship for each of the two partners to realize their own power in the relationship. So many of us think very little of ourselves and do not recognise our own inherent greatness. What you need to do is go within yourself in the seven areas of your life and look really hard for your strengths. The seven areas are:

Spiritual
Mental
Vocational
Financial
Familial
Social
Physical

The strength you perceive in your partner is very likely to be an unrecognised strength within your very own self. Look deep within yourself for the same strengths he/she has in the seven areas of your life. Your strengths will manifest differently to your partner’s strengths, so look at things from a different angle. Once you can draw your own strengths into the light, you will look at yourself in a different way, and start recognising your power. Firstly this will allow you to crave commitment from your partner far less, and he/she will perceive you as less clingy. Secondly, when you recognise and acknowledge your own power, your partner will perceive you as more desirable, and he/she will be far more likely to commit him/herself to you! So as you can see, this process is a double-edged sword and a good tool to use in all your relationships.

For more information on this process, read “The Heart of Love” by Dr John Demartini.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website and applying for it in the box on the left hand side under the navigation menu.

Also, visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Choose the right partner

2011-02-02T01:58:00.000-08:00

I so often hear from my clients that they keep on meeting the wrong person. Perhaps you, too, keep on meeting people who bring out the worst in you and do not treat you well.

Firstly you need to recognise that this is a pattern in your life and that it is likely to repeat itself again and again, until you face it and deal with it. I myself also used to fall into this trap. I had disaster after disaster in my relationships until I married a psychopath! That was the turning point for me. In my mind, I had had enough, and after that I vowed and declared I was going to choose good men. And, shortly after that I met my second husband, Bryan, who treated me very well, and we were very happy. And, to prove that it was not just a fluke, I am now again in a very happy relationship where I am treated like a queen. So the pattern has changed. How did I do it?

If I look back, I always used to choose “exciting” men, men who were in it for themselves, who reflected back to me that I chose to be a “victim”. Because I was shown this type of example in my upbringing, I brought it to all my relationships. I chose to meet men who would reflect my “victimhood” back to me, so that I could learn from them how not to choose a life partner. Each disastrous relationship was an opportunity to correct the imbalanced perspectives that I had grown up with. I had to consciously analyse what was happening in my life, and from then on consciously choose “good” men.

I instinctively knew that Bryan was a “good” man when I met him, and I consciously chose to further our relationship, because I knew he would treat me well. He was not good-looking or rich in a material way, which is what I always was attracted to previously. Although there was an obvious "spark" between us, it took a conscious effort for me to stay on track and keep the relationship going, but I was handsomely rewarded for it in the long run. I learnt that love is also a choice, and it’s not just about how you feel. You really can choose your partner, based on sensible criteria. And those criteria are the ones you are going to ultimately fall in love with and they will keep you happy for a long, long time after the initial infatuation you felt has worn off. Men and women alike can learn not to be victims.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Dating Guide: “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

How does one recognise one's soulmate?

2011-01-27T02:07:00.000-08:00

How does one recognize one’s soulmate? Most of us tend to think we will recognize him/her immediately and then proceed to have a relationship most people only dream about. Sadly, in most cases, this does not happen. Bear in mind that many people who are extremely happy in their relationship did not start off in this way.

In my own case, when I met the man I am happy with today, I was still getting over the death of my husband, Bryan. I compared him to Bryan and he was very different. Also I felt I was not ready for a relationship at the time. So I avoided him and it was only a year later that we met again. By then tremendous growth had taken place in my emotional and spiritual life, and I was prepared to give this man a chance. At first, I felt a mild attraction, but it was not the kind of attraction you read about or see in the movies. As time went by, I found myself liking this man more and more, and, to my delight, I kept on discovering new things about him that I had always wanted in a man. Today I can honestly say I feel he is my soulmate. But, please note, I did not feel this way at all when I first met him.

This is just what happened in my case, but perhaps there is someone out there you are not giving a chance, because you think lightning bolts are meant to hit you when you meet your soulmate. And also, please remember, a relationship takes time to grow. I knew my husband, Bryan, for 5 years before he passed away, but it took a number of years before we could really know that we loved each other, years of consistently caring and being considerate towards each other. Only when infatuation disappears does real love have a chance to take root.

So real love is something that takes its time. It needs consistent nourishment and a mature approach.

I wish you well in your search for your soulmate!

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Honesty is always the best policy

2011-01-18T03:01:00.000-08:00

Today I am going to focus on why honesty is the best policy in your relationships. We have all heard the saying: “It pays to be honest”, but what will this mean to you in your relationship with your partner?

Firstly, you want to lay a good foundation for the future of your relationship. As layer after layer of a relationship is built, it will be unstable if there is not a sound foundation based on honesty. We all want a partner we can trust. Someone who is reliable, consistent and open. So many of my clients ask to meet someone who has integrity and who is trustworthy. This factor of honesty is indeed high on everyone’s list of priorities.

According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like, so if you yourself are honest, you are likely to attract an honest partner. It is very important to be the kind of person you want to attract.

It is also very important to always be yourself, and not try and be someone you are not I know a lady called Sandy, who tried so hard to impress her partner by trying to appear as if she was someone “better” than what she actually was. She confessed to me later that it was always so stressful to be in her partner’s company, as she always had to be “better than her best” and she could never relax. Of course, the relationship did not succeed. And some months later, through the grapevine, she heard that this man had initially liked her, but had been intimidated by what she projected, and had gone off in search of easier, more “laid-back” company. So this relationship was based on lies, and she lost a promising boyfriend. If she had just been herself, it might have turned into something more, which was what she wanted right from the start.

Another lady called Madeleine fell in love with a guy she thought was a hunk, and whom she wanted at any cost. Shortly after they met, she started feeling that she was “too good” for him. She was still infatuated with him, however, so she started playing herself down and hiding all her good points, so that he would not be intimidated by her. In the end he turned out to be the kind of guy who often put her down, and she didn’t even have to put herself down anymore. Luckily her eyes opened and she got out of the relationship before it was too late. Her self confidence took a knock, however, and she is still recovering from the experience.

There are many other detrimental twists and turns a relationship can take as a result of not being honest with one’s partner. I am not talking about “letting it all hang out”, but about a mature sharing of who you truly are with someone you really like a lot. If you are not the right partner for this person, the sooner you know about it, the better. Less damage will be done, and you will have a clearer idea of who your ideal soulmate is.

I recommend that you are open and honest with your prospective partner right from the word go. If the relationship does not work out, you are more likely to at least have made a good friend.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Dating Guide “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

* Names have been changed.

How to make a success of every relationship

2011-01-11T20:59:00.000-08:00

Sometimes singles have very black or white ideas about relationships, particularly if a marriage or short or long term relationship has not worked out. They tend to think in absolutes, that because it didn’t last forever, the relationship was a failure, or worse still, that they themselves are failures.

It would help if people would just look at the whole scenario differently. Firstly, you are carrying a very heavy weight by believing that you or your relationship was a failure. Secondly, this is not even true! Every relationship is a success if you grow from it and learn how to make better and more conscious decisions the next time round. You will have learned lessons from this relationship, which will stand you in good stead for all future relationships, and you are a better person because of what you have learned.

Often I hear people say:

“I’ve been divorced more than once. I’m a complete failure when it comes to relationships.”

Or “None of the relationships I have been in have worked out.”

One must learn to think differently about these relationships. Rather train yourself to think:

“What have I learned from my marriage(s) and divorce(s) that I can use to make healthy, conscious choices as I move forward?”

Or “What have I learned from this/these relationship(s) and how am I a better person because of them?”

So stop beating yourself up about your past failed relationships, change your attitude about them and see them as learning processes. See yourself as a WINNER for having gone through the experience and coming out wiser at the other side. See yourself as brave for having made the attempt and know that you have definitely not lost anything.

I wish you luck for your future relationships!

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The Number One Relationship Myth

2011-01-05T00:49:00.000-08:00

What is the No. 1 relationship myth that nearly all singles believe? When I meet my soulmate, we will live happily ever after and life will forever be a bed of roses. Somehow people think that once they meet their special partner and especially if they get married, life is going to magically change and there will only be pleasure and no pain…

When you first meet your dream partner, yes, indeed, all is moonshine and roses, but there is a danger in that infatuation. You do not notice that he has bad table manners or that her feet smell. It is only when you know the person much better and have risen to some form of commitment, that these things surface in your awareness. That is what we call reality setting in …

They did not make those marriage vows for nothing: for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health … These things really do play a role. Isn’t it better to experience life in all its richness? Aren’t the best friends tested “deur om ‘n sakkie sout saam op te eet?”

We are not complete unless we experience the duality of life, in all its dreadfulness as well as all its splendour. When we have bad times, we appreciate the good times more, and if we are aware that the good times may not last forever, it keeps us humble. Would we build character if things always went well for us? No, we would become selfish, egotistical, horrible people.

Yes, we need both the good and the bad times to make sense of this wonderful life. We need to stay centred and humbly grateful for both. When times are tough, it inevitably builds our character and makes better people of us. Are we not rewarded with a pearl of a relationship when we have withstood a tough test and come out together at the other end?

So beware when you are infatuated and only see the good side of your partner. Try to remember that he/she is a person who has a good side and a bad side. THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS ONLY GOOD, AND THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS ONLY BAD, we all have both good and bad character and personality traits in our make-up, and that is reality. In all probability, you will RESENT the person you were once infatuated with, once you realise that person is not all you thought he/she was, and that they perhaps do not live up to your expectations. After infatuation has cooled down, you have a chance to get to know your partner properly. It is then that the lesson of your being together can be learned. We are all here to grow and evolve, and it is through our “rubbing against each other” that it happens. As they say in Afrikaans: “Yster slyp yster, vriende vorm mekaar.” Whether the relationship lasts or is only for a season, appreciate your partner for what you can learn from him/her.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Good endings make good beginnings

2010-12-06T03:43:00.000-08:00

In the longer run, most of us want to find a special soulmate to share our lives with. On the way to finding this person, we are likely to engage in a number of relationships, some good and some not so good. It is important to end each relationship on a good footing with the other person, as good endings make good beginnings.

When we are rejected, for whatever reason, we tend to feel resentful. When we are the one who has done the rejecting, we tend to feel guilty. Everybody has made mistakes in relationships, and it is natural to want to “fix” what went wrong. If the issues are unresolved, however, the next person we tend to attract is one where the same issues surface. We repeat this pattern until we get it right.

Sometimes people end relationships with feelings of resentment or guilt because they have stayed together too long. They did not recognise that they were with the wrong person. Every relationship requires work to keep the romance alive and to keep the relationship on a generally happy footing, but if the work becomes too hard or too much, perhaps you were actually not meant to be with this person. They may try to change the other person or themselves, and in the process of trying to make the relationship succeed, they actually make it worse, creating frustration and disappointment along the way. At a certain point, you will recognise when a relationship is not a fit and then is the time you need to move on.

It is perfectly OK to get to know a person, fall in love and later discover that this person is not the right one. That is why there is such a thing as courtship, where you get to know someone well before you feel certain enough to commit to engagement and ultimately marriage. A person may be close to being the right partner for you, but still not be the one for you. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean he or she is the one for you. Time spent together will guide you as to what your hearts are saying. It is important to listen to your intuition and also to try to see the relationship from your partner’s point of view. A one-sided relationship is not going to make you happy. It is important to not push or manipulate your partner into staying with you as this will cause them to resent you and then feel guilty – not a recipe for success. People should naturally and spontaneously want to be together, and it must be mutual.

When we feel positive about a dating experience or an exclusive relationship that ended, we gain the ability to self-correct and move on. Instead of repeating the pattern the next time, we are attracted to someone closer to what we want, and ultimately our soulmate.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

2010-11-29T01:57:00.000-08:00

What are singles looking for appearance-wise? Remember, you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

Men are very visually oriented. They will usually make up their minds within twenty seconds whether they are interested in a woman or not. They actually admit that they look at things like personality later. And 99.9% of the men all say that they do not want to meet an overweight woman! Weight is a big issue for men. For them, sexual chemistry is either there or not there. They are not like women, and most of them do not believe in giving it time. Every now and then I get a phone call from one of my female clients to say that she had a wonderful first date with x, but cannot understand why he has not contacted her again. I can see that he obviously only liked her as a friend, and that the sexual chemistry was not there for him. In a case like this, the woman must realise that men are different, love them for it, and move on. She is walking in a fools’ paradise if she thinks that with time he will develop sexual chemistry for her. In practice this simply does not happen. “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”, and there are enough other people out there for you to meet someone who finds you appealing.

Most women, on the other hand, will still give a man a chance. For instance, a woman may wait to see how a man behaves in different circumstances or how he treats her before she finally makes up her mind. She will often accept it if a man is bald or if he has a bit of a tummy. Of importance to a woman, is that a man is kind and that he makes her laugh.

If you want to meet someone nice, you yourself must be marketable. Start with your appearance. A man wants to meet a FEMININE woman. A surprising amount of men look at FEET! Two things that put women off are men with huge big stomachs and men who drink too much. Now and then I interview a man with a big stomach who wants to meet a petite woman! And he doesn’t realise that a petite woman would not want to meet him!

Your appearance can be likened to your gift-wrapping, or the frosting on the cake. It can make all the difference between someone stopping to take a closer look or simply passing you by.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

How to relax whilst waiting for your Soulmate

2010-11-23T01:05:00.000-08:00

Today I want to focus on being relaxed about meeting your soulmate. So many times we are in a hurry and want it to have happened yesterday, but in practicality, this is not how life works. God and the universe are not in a hurry, and if we want to work with them, we would be wise to be patient.

The universe unfolds, so they say, and that is a very gentle way of putting it. God is weaving an intricate tapestry of our lives intertwined with the lives of others, and His timing is exquisite. If you will just wait patiently, all the time working on yourself and knowing that the universe will deliver your soulmate to you, that person is sure to turn up at just the right time. Fruit is best when it is ripe and almost falling off the tree. If you try to push and rush something, it will not be of the best.

Never be hasty. That is just the time when you might have poor judgement and make mistakes. Who of us has not burnt their fingers by being in a hurry? We all have tales to tell. Hasty people are bad shoppers! They don’t examine the goods thoroughly before they buy and often end up being dissatisfied with their purchases. Beware if your partner is in a hurry. What are their motives? Lust, monetary greed? If a person cannot even enjoy his/her own company, what kind of company will they be for you? These are all things to consider when approaching a relationship.

Happiness is like a butterfly. When you pursue it, it is always just beyond your reach, but if you just relax, somehow, somewhere, it may alight upon your shoulder. It is just like this when you are seeking a soulmate. When you pursue a partner, they often flee. It is better to let a good romance and friendship develop slowly and sedately. We all at some time or other get caught up in a heady romance where things happen quickly, but how often does something like that last? “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”, the saying goes, and everything comes to he who waits. Have your dreams, but remember that patience and timing are crucial. Usually if we wait, it eventually just happens, and then that happening is perfect.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

How to end a relationship and learn from it

2010-11-15T01:38:00.000-08:00

Some weeks ago, a young lady phoned me to say she wanted very much to join Perfect Strangers. Her fiancée had just left her for another woman and she was devastated, to say the least. I could hear how distraught she was and she kept saying “Marilyn, what must I do?”

Immediately red lights started going off in my mind. This woman was not in any state to start another relationship. She was not even ready to start dating again. Of course, she could not see it.

What must one do in such a situation?

One must always try to end a relationship in such a manner, that you are still on good terms with the other party. This is not always possible, but it augurs well for the next relationship.

Next, one must take stock of one’s situation, take a step back and withdraw temporarily from the dating scene. Now is the time to search your heart and see if there are any unresolved issues you can work on (anger, jealousy, resentment etc.). Now is also the time to realise that the relationship was not actually a failure, even though it ended. It was not a failure, because you learned something from it, even if all you learned is how to do it differently next time. THERE ARE NO FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. All relationships are learning processes. You had your good times and your bad times. You enjoyed the good times and learned to love, and you must make sure that the lessons of the bad times sink in and stand you in good stead in all future relationships in that you do not repeat them. Do NOT, on any account feel that YOU are a failure. You have learned a lesson, albeit a painful one, and therefore, you are actually a WINNER, and you will do better next time.

If you date or become involved too soon after a relationship has ended, you will take all your unfinished business to the next relationship and just repeat your experience, albeit in a slightly different way. Take this time to enjoy your own company, treat yourself and strengthen ties with family and friends. With time you will feel stronger and more relaxed about dating again.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

How to Attract the Partner of your Dreams

2010-11-07T23:26:00.000-08:00

How do you get your dream partner to come looking for you? You most probably have all heard about Quantum Physics and the Law of Attraction. This law states that like attracts like, and so, like a magnet, you will draw to you people who have similarities to you. You may say, but I am not like the people around me, and I say to you look again. As they say, if you spot it, you’ve got it. Your personality trait may just appear in a different or disguised form, but I guarantee you, you are reflecting what you see!

So how to attract what you really want? The answer is almost obvious. You must BE the type of person you want to attract. Your psyche is sending out a constant signal to the universe of who and what you are, and people are picking up that signal. Sooner or later, someone with a similar signal will pick up yours and be drawn to you like a magnet … Therefore, if you want to find a suitable partner, it will be worth your while to work on yourself. Develop the personality traits you desire most in a partner, in yourself.

If you have unresolved issues, you will draw to you people who will force you to work on those issues. This explains why a woman who has an alcoholic father may marry one or two, if not more alcoholics in her lifetime. She vows and declares she will never become involved with an alcoholic again, but who is she most attracted to? You guessed it. This is nature’s way of ensuring that we as people are constantly evolving towards becoming the best we can be. Sometimes the lesson is not learned the first or second time, but you can be assured, the same situations will keep happening until you learn to deal with your issues and put them behind you. These situations are seen as patterns in our lives, and we should be vigilant and go for counselling if there is something we cannot resolve on our own.

A good book to read, which relates to this theme is “Keeping The Love You Find” by Harville Hendrix.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Communication between the sexes

2010-11-01T04:40:00.000-07:00

Communication between the sexes seems to be a very complicated issue. Although we have all the means to communicate often, easily and inexpensively, we often end up misunderstanding each other. Because the two sexes come from frames of reference as opposite as Mars and Venus, there is bound to be sports!

If a man says something as simple as “I’ll pick the bread and milk up on the way home”, that is exactly what he means – it is all very simple. His wife may have another interpretation: She may think he means he is sick and tired of her choosing the bread he doesn’t like (as usual) and that he is trying to tell her she never does anything right. He may even be thinking “My wife looked so tired last night. Let me see if I can help her.” He gets home thinking he will get a big hug for being so helpful and instead she sarcastically says “Well, at least we won’t have to give half the bread to the dog” and moves out of his way before he can get near her! That night she finds something else to pick him out about and he ends up sleeping in the guest bedroom. And so the circus continues …

To cut a long story short, men are usually a lot more straightforward than women. We may think they are sometimes rude or bad-mannered, but they would also be right in thinking that women often have agendas and analyse and interpret things all the time, often incorrectly.

Sometimes it is even not a good thing to explain in detail what we mean because then something small and completely innocent can become an issue.

The trick is probably to try and see life the way your partner sees it (at important moments during communication and also in the longer term), and to be aware of his/her values and style of communication. Then have your say the way your partner would say it when communicating something important to him/her. Whichever way, if you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you are more likely to be understood in the way you really want to be.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Preconceived ideas

2010-10-25T02:38:00.000-07:00

Most of us have preconceived ideas about what kind of person we want as a soulmate. This person must preferably be attractive, slim, financially independent, have little or no baggage etc. We sometimes forget that we are living in the real world and that people seldom live up to our idea of perfect. We also tend to forget that we also need to work on ourselves in order to fit in with someone else’s idea of perfect!

Some years back I had a client called Gerhard* who was very adamant that he did not want to meet an overweight woman. He was also very particular about what he was looking for. He had so many criteria for me to look out for that he almost ruled out every lady on my books! I introduced him to some of my members and he did not meet anyone he really liked until one day I took a chance and introduced him to Sheila, one of my prettiest ladies. Sheila has a vibrant personality and everyone loves her. I say I took a chance because, although she is not really overweight, she was not as slim as Gerhard originally would have liked. Well, Gerhard loved her (and still does). They got engaged six months later and married at the end of that year. She did not exactly fit his criteria, but the chemistry was there and the rest is history.

Then there was Jan*, who insisted on seeing a photo of each lady he met. (Photos are first impressions, but have you ever seen someone who looks exactly like their photo?) When I wanted to introduce him to Anne, one of my most attractive, eligible ladies, he did not like her photo and did not want to meet her. I worked very hard to convince him to meet her, only to have him say afterwards that her photo does not do her justice and that he thought she was wonderful! (I happened to think it was a very good photo, but everyone has differing perceptions).

Sometimes the person who bowls us over is nothing like what we expected him/her to be. When we walk around with blinkers on we are not open to receive the first prize. It’s good to know what we want, but it also pays to be flexible, as preconceived ideas can be a stumbling block when looking for our soulmate.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

* Names have been changed.

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Managing Loneliness

2010-10-18T22:45:00.000-07:00

Most of us at some time or other experience the ravages of loneliness. Loneliness can come in many forms: sometimes we are at our loneliest when surrounded by people whom we love and whom we know love us! How do we cope with this insidious state of mind?

Something I myself have always drawn comfort from is how incredibly blessed I am by what life has given me: my good health just for starters. How have you been blessed? Do you live in beautiful and comfortable surroundings? Are you financially independent? Do you have a career that stimulates and excites you? Do you have friends who form a wonderful support network for you? Most of us can find quite a few things to be thankful for if we just give it a bit of thought.

Then there is the question of a good self-image. If we think well of ourselves and respect ourselves, we are likely to be living a life of integrity. The chances are then that we have a healthy relationship with ourselves. A person like this probably has multiple hobbies and interests. Someone of this calibre will keep their friends’ secrets. Someone like this deserves to have some good friends in this life. Good friends can be an antidote for loneliness …

Whatever your situation and degree of loneliness, only you can work on the solution. Start with a few basic building blocks, some of which I have just mentioned.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

I am back from holiday!

2010-10-11T03:54:00.000-07:00

To everybody who was wondering if I had disappeared off the face of the earth, I would just like to let you know that I am now back from the first long holiday I have had since I established Perfect Strangers in Pretoria exactly 13 years ago in October 1997!

It has been an exciting journey, with many ups and downs. There were times when I almost gave up on my business. Today I can say with confidence that I am passionate about matching up soulmates and it is wonderful to be back at my desk.

Please give me a week or two to settle down, and then I promise I will write my normal weekly blog for those of you who enjoy reading it.

All the best until then

Marilyn Welch

How do we recognise our soulmate?

2010-08-25T22:34:00.000-07:00

SOULMATE. The word rings nicely in our ears. We all want someone we can live with happily ever after. We all want to feel that “God’s in His heaven, all’s right with the world”. But when we look at everything going on around us it is easy to lose our focus.

How do we recognise our own true soulmate?

I know that I was married to my soulmate. He was not rich or good-looking, but he had a heart of gold and treated me with the utmost kindness. He was totally reliable and I always knew that I could trust him. He held down a dynamic job and was well-liked and respected by everyone he knew. He did all the shopping and cooked for me almost every night. I will always have good memories of him.

My friend, Vera*, is also a very fortunate woman. She is of Danish descent and has their typical blonde hair, blue eyes and startling good looks. She has a stunning personality and a very warm heart. There is only one possible drawback: she is very fat. But her boyfriend is head over heels in love with her and for him there will never be any other woman.

So for all of us who have preconceived ideas about what our soulmate should look like or what they should own, think again. Our Creator is our actual matchmaker, and if he has organised a match for you, it does not matter whether this person is tall or short, fat or thin, rich or poor, black or white. When we KNOW we have met our soulmate, nothing else matters. When we KNOW we have met this person we need to get down on our knees and thank our Maker for all He has given us.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following wording with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

* Name has been changed.

Build a good foundation in your relationship

2010-08-17T23:19:00.000-07:00

Most of us want everything yesterday. Today’s world is based on instant gratification. One can compare this to building a house. We want to put in a jacuzzi and plan the garden before building solid foundations and giving proper attention and care to every room in the house. Of course, such an approach is doomed to fail. We see it all around us: failed relationships, failed business ventures, and so the list goes on.

How can we remedy this syndrome?

The key is to get back to basics. Most of us have become so sidetracked we have even forgotten what the basics are! Let me list just three:

1. Integrity. We all want partners who are honest and don’t lie to us. We need to be this kind of person ourself before we can expect to attract someone like this. (Remember the Law of Attraction, which states that like attracts like, is absolute.)
2. Kindness. There are so few people in the world who are truly kind that the ones that are stick out like a sore thumb. Be this kind of person and you will then discover that the universe is a friendly place.
3. Hard Work. We all want something for nothing, but the universe simply doesn’t work this way. When something is just given to us, we tend not to appreciate it. If we work long and hard for it, and earn it literally by the sweat of our brow, it is ours forever!

These are just three basic rules to keep in mind. I am sure you can think of more. Don’t just think about them, practise them. Do it now.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following wording with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Give the best, expect the best

2010-08-11T02:45:00.000-07:00

Three things I know for sure in this life:

1. This world may not be perfect, but it is in perfect balance
2. If you sow onions, you are not going to get potatoes
3. Time is an illusion

Let me elaborate:

Most of us go into a relationship expecting the best but not always giving the best. In other words we enter this relationship starting with an imbalance. It stands to reason that the scales are going to tip against our favour. Exactly the opposite is also true: if we give the best but do not expect the best, we are also going to be shortchanged. People invariably live up to our expectations! So it stands to reason that we should all give our best in a relationship and expect the best from the other person.

If we do this, and for some reason, our partner lets us down, then is the only time we can walk away when the time is right with absolutely no regrets. We will then know that we have sowed something good, that we can still expect to reap something good, to the exact measure that we invested, but that we will reap elsewhere in the fullness of time.

The Universe unfolds, and very gently. It does not push or demand things of us, but brings them to us, if we will just have patience. We always want things yesterday, but that is not God’s way. His timing is perfectly precise and we need to trust, have faith and wait. The present is all we have, and we have everything we need (not necessarily what we want) in this very moment. Live for now, do your best and tomorrow will take care of you!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following wording with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The Chase

2010-08-04T01:32:00.000-07:00

In my profession as a dating service owner and relationship coach, I see many people chasing after romance. When I look a little deeper, I see that this chase pertains to their whole lives. We are always striving towards a goal or goals, looking to improve or change our lot in life. Do we ever stop and realise that life might just be perfect right this very second?

Why are we never satisfied with what we already have?

Perhaps the media is largely responsible for this phenomenon. We are forever lured into the cycle of wanting and buying. Advertising messages bombard us from the moment we open our eyes in the morning until we close them again to sleep that night. There are gurus we look up to who are constantly telling us how to live our lives a better way – usually to the advantage of their pockets.

But what if life is perfect right now? What if we have everything we will ever need at this very moment? What if we practised a little gratitude and realised how blessed we are currently? What if we dropped all our attachments to the results we are always striving after and just enjoyed the present in all its splendour?

Hurry, hurry, hurry. Buy, buy, buy. That’s the message the world is screaming in our ears. I say enough! Drop the attachments. Focus on the present. And then something miraculous starts to happen. Instead of you chasing after what you so desperately desire, those very things slowly but surely start coming your way, literally arriving in your lap! Doors open, soulmates materialise and you realise all you really need to do is to relax and let the Universe open up for you. And it does so in much grander style than you could ever arrange by yourself!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following wording with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Integrity in a relationship

2010-07-27T03:03:00.000-07:00

As a professional dating service owner and relationship coach specialising in social skills, many people have told me what they are looking for in a romantic partner. One of the qualities stands out above the rest: people are looking for a partner with integrity.

We all want someone who will deal honestly with us, someone whom we can trust. We need to make sure we ourselves are also just such a person. What does it mean to have integrity in a relationship?

It’s actually very simple and it’s also a matter of developing good habits. A good place to start is to be an absolutely reliable person yourself. When you say you are going to do something, do it. Don’t delay or not do it. Don’t lie to people. They will find you out and it will just bounce back on you. When someone leaves a message for you on your phone, return the call. If you make an appointment with someone, keep it. If you can’t for some reason, let the other person know in good time. It’s just common courtesy. Be a faithful and loyal friend. Don’t gossip about others.

As you develop these habits, people will start realising you are consistently straight down the line and they will start feeling safe with you. This is a springboard into developing worthwhile relationships. As you become this kind of person, you will like yourself more and more and the universe will open up for you. You will most probably find you become a more reliable worker in your chosen profession as well, and people will start looking up to you. Doors will open for you in every sphere if you just make the choice. Go out and do it now.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you can find your soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

Fidelity in a relationship

2010-07-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

In the course of my work as a professional dating service owner and relationship coach, people tell me very interesting stories.

Take the case of Ingrid*, a client I coached a year ago. She told me she had been in what she thought was an idyllic relationship, only to find that her partner had cheated on her. When she first realised what was going on, she was very upset and indignant. Then she thought back on a time when she had had an affair with a married man, never dreaming what hurt she was doing to his wife. Now the chickens had come home to roost.

What goes around comes around. Before we embark on any suspect behaviour, we need to put ourselves in the shoes of all parties concerned and know that sooner or later there will be repercussions, because we only get what we deserve. I have seen in my own family where an injustice was done that it took 20 years for the wheel to turn, but turn it eventually did. Newton’s Third Law states that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This law holds true not only in the physical domain but in the emotional and spiritual spheres too.

These days it is very easy to be unfaithful to one’s partner. Think twice before you do it, because the person it will eventually hurt will be you.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

* Name has been changed.

The List

2010-07-12T01:46:00.000-07:00

Something we are all told to do when we are looking for a partner is to write down a list of all the qualities we want this person to have. I have a slightly different take on this, which you can read about below:

For some of us it can be quite a long list, but I would urge you to narrow down this list to no more than 10 MUST HAVES.

When this is done, in the same vein make a list of all the things you cannot stand in a partner, and also narrow this down to no more than 10 CAN’T STANDS.

Now comes the interesting part:

Take your MUST HAVE shortlist, and list the qualities on this list which you yourself have! Most people admit that they themselves have only have three or four of the qualities they want in a partner …

In all fairness, we cannot expect something of another person that we do not or cannot deliver ourselves.

Now, take your CAN’T STAND shortlist, think carefully, and see if you can identify any of these traits in yourself! The world reflects us to ourselves, and if someone irritates us in some way, we often have that annoying characteristic lurking in our inner selves … It is important to be scrupulously honest with yourself.

According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like. The Universe may be trying to teach you something here.

As you can see, to be the kind of person who can attract the soulmate of their dreams, we have some work to do!

Let’s go ahead now and work on ourselves so that we can be happy, emotionally independent people who can be a tonic to our ideal partners.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The world reflects us back to ourselves

2010-07-05T01:01:00.000-07:00

In the course of my work (professional dating service owner and relationship coach), people are always telling me interesting stories. From what they tell me, I learn a lot about them. An example comes to mind of a client of mine, Len*. When my lady clients give me feedback about him, it is generally very positive. I myself have always found him to be pleasant and reliable. Imagine my surprise when one of my ladies, Annabelle*, told me she found him to be unreliable and that he was not always truthful!

Did Annabelle tell me the truth?

After she told me about this I sat down and thought for a while. As I thought about Annabelle, it slowly started to dawn on me. I have found in the past that Annabelle is seldom available to take calls and that when one leaves messages for her she seldom returns them. I also know that I cannot depend on her when I ask her to do something for me. She herself is unreliable and tends to bend the truth at times. Therefore she is eliciting this kind of response in the men that she dates! Annabelle perceives what she told me as the truth. It is her truth. It is not the truth of the majority of people who know Len. The Law of Attraction always holds true. Like a magnet attracts iron filings, so we attract people who demonstrate the same qualities we do.

We should never ask of people what we are not prepared to give ourselves. So let’s all work on ourselves to be the very best we can be. That way, we are more likely to attract the partner of our dreams.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

* Names have been changed.

A good relationship is earned

2010-06-28T03:04:00.000-07:00

A myth that a lot of people have bought into is that one day they will look into the eyes of a stranger, see that this person is their soulmate, and walk off happily into a life of bliss. They even think that this is their birthright and feel cheated if it does not happen!

I don’t know who taught us to believe this fairytale, but what I do know is that a good relationship is earned. Like with everything else worthwhile, you have to work hard for it. You do not get capped with a doctorate if you do not first become a diligent student, and then slowly make your way up through all the stages of attaining your lesser degrees until you finally make it to the top. Similarly, if you want a happy relationship, you have to approach it with the best attitude, learn sound dating skills, adopt healthy relationship habits and consistently keep on improving on them etc. until you finally tie the knot with the love of your life. Then the work really starts!!

We seldom appreciate anything if we get it for nothing, so there is justice in this system that the universe has arranged for us. In my own life, I know I would not have appreciated my second husband, Bryan, or my present partner so much if romantic relationships had always been easy for me. And I never even think that I myself have “arrived” when it comes to my present relationship, even though it is wonderful in many ways. There are always areas I am spotting where I can improve – it’s an ongoing process. As time goes by, we should always be earning our way towards an even better relationship with our loved one. The alternative is that we and our relationship stagnate, with all the undesirable consequences. The choice is ours.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't misrepresent yourself

2010-06-24T04:33:00.000-07:00

When we date, most of us try to put our best foot forward to make a good impression on our dates, especially the first time we make contact or actually meet. To my surprise the other day, I found out that Jimmy*, a client of mine has been giving ladies totally the wrong impression. He is a very modest, low-key kind of a person, but has been taking this to the extreme. He happens to be a very successful factory owner and has four degrees, but has been telling my ladies that he is a factory worker!

I also know of people who exaggerate to the opposite extreme and make out as if they are someone far better than who they really are. Well, I have news for you: your sins will find you out! There will come a time when you will have to drop the pretence. You may do this by accident, or someone may find you out anyway. Either way, you have gone to a lot of trouble and stress to just waste your time.

Just be who you are and don’t misrepresent yourself. Don’t make things complicated for yourself or your date. Life is complicated enough without making it more so. It pays to be honest – it is far less trouble in the long run. Don’t be overly modest and don’t brag. Tell the truth. There is always someone out there who will love you just as you are, warts and all. The saying “Elke pot het ‘n deksel” is really true.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

* Name has been changed.

What are your motives?

2010-06-21T03:37:00.000-07:00

Last week an old client of mine, Gerrie*, renewed his membership with Perfect Strangers, my professional dating service. (Old clients often renew their memberships with me because they know that they meet wonderful people through me and they know that I look after them well.) He told me that a female client of mine, Leonie* had broken his heart. As far as I knew they had split up early last year, but I did not know why.

He told me that he was madly in love with her, but that she was in a hurry and wanted to get married. He felt that there was no rush and that it was better to take things slowly. Someone else had intervened and Leonie had paired off with this person rather, thinking that her objective of getting married would now be fulfilled. Gerrie felt that she had an ulterior motive in going out with him: that of getting married, and that she did not really love him just for who he was as a person.

Being in the middle, I can see the situation from both sides. Leonie felt she had been going out with him long enough and she had felt entitled to a commitment from him. As far as he was concerned, there was an unspoken commitment and he absolutely adored her. Wasn’t that enough for the shorter term?

Leonie may or may not be happy with the guy she is with now, I don’t know. But what I do know is that she gave up on somebody who really loved her because she had an ulterior motive: that of getting married. Gerrie felt that she did not really appreciate him and that if she had loved him in the same way that he loved her, she would have waited.

We can debate for hours on end about who was right and who was wrong. The point I am trying to get across is that it is better to approach relationships without an agenda. If we do, we are results oriented, and we focus on what WE want instead of what’s good for the relationship and for the other person. It’s really better when dating to enjoy and savour each moment, leaving the results to your Creator. He does things better and in far grander style than we could ever do for ourselves. LOVE is what a relationship is all about, and the sooner we let go and let God the better for both parties. The purer your motives, the better it will be for you all round.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

* Names have been changed.

Who are your role models?

2010-06-17T05:19:00.000-07:00

When we date, we tend to fall into certain relationship habits, some good, some not so good. Even though we start out with the best of intentions, we often end up doing just what we said we would not do. Without meaning to, we often copy the examples our role models have taught us.

Be very careful of the role models you choose. Obviously we had no choice when it came to our parents. You may have come from a happy home, and then it may be good to follow your parents’ example. Not many of us were that fortunate, and we often have to guard against copying what our parents did.

Possibly the worst kinds of role models are to be found in the soap operas and in the media. It is easy to worship the material standards they represent, but in reality their romantic relationships and home lives are not necessarily the kind we would like to have for ourselves.

When it comes to healthy romantic relationships, we should choose role models who have stood the test of time. Perhaps you know of a couple who have been happily married for years. Ask them the secrets to having a happy relationship. These are the people to emulate and to ask advice. Let them lead you by their example. They will most probably tell you that a relationship can at times be hard work, but that they never gave up. Whichever way you look at it, there are no instant results. We need to start our relationships with good habits, keep them up and even improve on them as time goes by. The chances are we will reap the rewards for a very long time.

The bottom line is that we need to be very careful whom we choose as role models. The behaviour we copy can affect us and our relationships to the very end of our lives. Not only that, it can affect our children’s lives for a long time as well! So choose your role models well, and tread very carefully, because other people may be looking to you in turn as their example!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Your attitude determines your luck

2010-06-14T00:34:00.000-07:00

Last week I was at a function where I met a remarkable woman called Sue*. The nature of my work (professional dating service owner and dating coach) often results in people telling me very interesting stories, and Sue’s story is no exception.

Years ago she was dating a guy called Bertus*. They had been going out for over two years and Sue was tearing her hair out because Bertus showed no signs of settling down with her and getting married. They had been happy until she had started pressurising him to get married. From that point on, the relationship had gone steadily downhill. The inevitable happened and they split up.

Today she is going out with Hannes, a guy she is simply nuts about and who she perceives as her “soulmate”. Her approach these days is entirely different. Since the days of Bertus she has read many self-help books and attended many courses. This has radically altered her approach to life and dating. She lives in gratitude and practises living in the moment. She has learned over time to always do her best and then to leave the results to the Universe to sort out. Hannes is also not making any overtures of marriage, but she has learned that when it comes to relationships it is best not to focus on results. At this point, Hannes is totally captivated by her and is a model boyfriend. She senses that it will be futile to rock the boat and try to push the relationship in any way. She knows intuitively that if it does not work out with Hannes, there is someone or something better waiting for her. This knowledge and faith in her Creator is sustaining her very well.

Your attitude always determines your luck, and I predict that Sue is always going to be a person who is lucky in her love life. This attitude of hers is not something she suddenly decided to adopt one day. It is the result of years of training herself to have the best approach to whatever she does. She was always open to positive change and always read books and did courses that she thought would help her. It was knowledge hard gained but today she is reaping the fruits. Let’s all take a leaf from Sue’s book. We are never too old to learn!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch. All rights reserved.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

• Names have been changed.

Keep your power

2010-06-10T03:21:00.000-07:00

As a professional dating service owner and dating coach, many people tell me the ways in which they conduct their romantic relationships. Something I often hear is “When I am in a relationship, I give my all.” These people invariably have a history of failed relationships, even though they gave their all. Are you perhaps falling into the same trap?

When we are in a relationship, our partner generally likes to see us as a socially healthy, independent individual with our own wonderful, exciting life. When we “give our all” to a relationship, we may come across as needy and clingy. By giving our all to our partner, we may also come across as not having much to give to the rest of the world. It may also put a lot of pressure on our partner to reciprocate, which may make him/her very uncomfortable. By focusing on our partner in this way, we do not appear to them as rare and special individuals, whose company is of great value. We are too easy to get and are therefore easy to forget. For these reasons, this approach may very well be a big turnoff for our partner!

So what is the solution? Like with everything else in this life, it is good to keep a healthy balance. Rather focus on your Creator, your own personal development, your family and friends and your hobbies and interests. Then, if you have time left over, give it to the person you are dating. Let them understand that they are lucky to have you in their lives. Believe this yourself. Let your company always be a special event, not something that smothers them. Less is generally more, and it is no different when you date.

If, with time, your partner shows definite signs of appreciating you, then is the time to gradually start giving more. Let them earn the loving attention you want to give them. I guarantee you if you give this attention too soon, your partner will not appreciate it. All you will do is give away your power and be on your way to another failed relationship.

This gradual process of positive growth will result in you keeping your power in your relationship. It should be a mutual thing, and it will ensure that you keep your respect for each other. This kind of approach assures a solid foundation upon which a sound, healthy relationship can grow.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

It's ok to change your mind

2010-06-07T03:16:00.000-07:00

When we meet someone special, we like to hang in there and do our best to make things work. If we hit a rough patch, we like to persevere with our efforts to make our relationship work, and usually this is a good thing.

Sometimes, however, it is not in our best interests to stay in such a relationship. Some years back, a friend of mine, Alicia*, was engaged to Grant*. They went out steadily for a year and then decided to get engaged. The wedding was planned for six months later. A week before the wedding, Alicia and Grant had a huge fight. Grant hit Alicia and broke one of her ribs. Alicia was terrified, but did not want to call the wedding off because all the arrangements had been made and she felt she couldn’t back out. Needless to say, after they got married he continued his abuse and a year later she filed for divorce.

The order of things in a relationship is usually courtship, engagement and then marriage. It is good to take things really slowly and if we feel we are dating the wrong person, it is ok to change our mind and withdraw. Maybe we think we will never be lucky in love again and this person is our last chance. WRONG. If you see any red lights, you owe it to yourself to pull out and end a relationship. Do this whilst you are still dating or engaged, but you have only yourself to blame if you see the signs but get married anyway.

It happens often that our partner only lets us see their true colours once we are ensnared in a marriage. For this reason it is best to not be in a hurry. Time usually sorts these kinds of problems out, if we will just allow it. Take time getting to know your partner and don’t commit to anything unless you are very sure. If necessary, stop a bad relationship and know that it is perfectly acceptable to have a change of heart. You could save yourself a load of trouble!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Names have been changed.

Give what you expect

2010-06-03T03:45:00.000-07:00

As a dating coach and professional dating service owner, I listen very carefully to what people say. A couple of days ago on the Oprah show, one of her guests said that in a relationship, you should only expect of your partner what you can give yourself. This set me thinking.

We all make our lists of what we expect in an ideal partner and look very hard to find these qualities. Sadly, we do not always have these qualities ourselves. Just speaking superficially, I have sometimes interviewed overweight men and women who are looking to meet slim partners! This is not a patch on the vast majority of us who often have unrealistic expectations.

Once again we can go back to the Law of Attraction. Like a magnet attracts iron filings, we will attract people with qualities that reside within our own selves. This makes it all the more important to better ourselves as best we can in order to attract the kind of partner we desire. We need to become more aware of who we are ourselves and what we can offer before we start making demands of other people.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

People are often not what they seem

2010-05-31T04:30:00.000-07:00

In my experience as a dating coach and professional dating service owner, I have come to the conclusion that people are often not what they seem. In most cases, people are on their best behaviour when they first meet us, and it is often only after a long time that the real person emerges.

In my own case, when I first met the man I am happy with today, I thought he was very ordinary and did not give him a second thought. I met him again a year later and something told me to scratch beneath the surface. I am very glad I did just that, because he did not play all his cards when he first met me and I made the common mistake of judging a book by its cover. As time went by, I realised again and again that he has nearly all the qualities I had been looking for in a man and much more.

To go to the opposite extreme, a client of mine, Paul*, told me of his experiences the other day. Sixteen months ago he met Mandy*, and could not believe that such a gorgeous creature was interested in him. She was everything a man dreamed of: beautiful, a figure to die for and very entertaining company. She was financially independent and did not have any baggage he could see at that stage. As time went by, however, the real Mandy came to light. She lied a lot, she was unreliable, she had a vicious temper and had no friends. In the beginning he was madly in love, but because of the bad treatment he received from her, he eventually fell out of love. It was quite difficult to back out of the relationship, but when he finally did it was a big relief. He says he will be much more careful in the future.

If we are prepared to give people a chance and take things slowly, to a large degree we can prevent ourselves from making these types of mistakes. So let’s not judge books by their covers, but look for the inner qualities of the people we meet. First impressions can be deceiving!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

• Names have been changed.

Practice makes perfect

2010-05-27T01:15:00.000-07:00

As a professional dating service owner and dating coach, I have noticed that people seldom want to actually date much. They often seem to want to meet their soulmate immediately without any fuss. In theory, this may sound like they are getting to the point and not wasting time, but practically speaking, it may not be such a good idea.

When we first start dating, we often have a very vague idea of what we really want from a partner. By meeting lots of people, we start learning what we like and don’t like and how we will handle different situations. We get to know how the opposite sex thinks. All this stands us in very good stead when choosing a life partner. Nothing teaches us better than our own life experience, and with dating and choosing good partners, it is no different. We need to find out where we are making mistakes and how we can improve in order to be the best partner ourselves.

Most of us don’t meet our soulmate early in life. Lots of us have relationships that do not work out, sometimes many of them. We should regard all of them as learning experiences. We should regard our dates as opportunities to practice the art of learning how to choose who is best for us. Practice makes perfect. Practice your way lovingly and carefully into meeting the partner of your dreams. Most of us can say that in the long run we know better as we grow older.

So take heart if it takes time to meet that special partner. The dates you have now are paving the way for you to meet your soulmate.

Copyright 2010. Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

Mixed messages get you nowhere

2010-05-24T03:32:00.000-07:00

In my experience as a dating coach and professional dating service owner, I often come across people who give out mixed messages. Last year I coached a lady called Tessa*, who used to do just this. She came to me because she felt she was having no luck with her dating. On closer examination I found out that her actions contradicted her words.

She claimed to be open to having a serious relationship if a suitable man came into her life. The trouble was, in the last five years she had come nowhere near to becoming serious with anyone. I found out that she had not been very open and friendly when anyone asked her for a date and that she had often cancelled a date at the last minute or simply not pitched up! This is what I call incongruent behaviour and it gets you nowhere if you want a serious, stable relationship. At first she did not see anything really wrong with her behaviour and it took quite some time for her to see that the universe only reflects back to you what you give out, and that she would have to change her behaviour before her life would change in any way. It turned out that there were deep-seated reasons for her attitude and I eventually referred her to a competent psychologist.

The point is, if you really want something in life, the last thing you need to do is sabotage your attempts to get it. In the dating field, your dates will quickly pick up that something is wrong if you behave in this confused way. Sometimes this kind of behaviour can easily be changed, and it will certainly be worth your while to reflect on the Law of Attraction and how to use it. Like a magnet, what you give out comes back to you and you will eventually get what you think most about. Let’s all give out clear messages and help make our dating less complicated! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate.

Visit the coaching section of the website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Name has been changed.

Follow your intuition

2010-05-20T00:48:00.000-07:00

In my experience as a professional dating service owner, I come across many people who ignore their intuition. Indeed, society almost teaches us to ignore it. Well-meaning friends and family impress their values on us and easily convince us that we are wrong and that they are right. We do not have enough confidence in our own judgement to follow what we think is right.

This applies in particular to whom we date and marry. It’s almost as if our friends and family must be satisfied that we have made the right choice before we ourselves can be happy about it. Glenda* and Jack* were just such a couple. Although Glenda’s parents always allowed her to live her own life and make her own choices, she was greatly influenced by peer pressure to settle down with Jack, who met her friends’ approval. She had had her doubts about Jack at the time, but in their group of friends they all had so much fun that she ignored that still, small voice that was telling her that Jack was not the right person for her. Ten years after marrying him she had grown as a person, met other friends who had other standards, and Jack no longer measured up. They went for counselling, and it was there that Glenda started learning to appreciate her own values and ideas, and to be emotionally more independent. She and Jack did finally split up, but she now has a much better idea of who she is as a person and what she wants out of life and a future partner. She is still learning to listen to her own intuition and not the opinions of her friends, but has progressed considerably since the days when she first got married.

Yes, we all want a partner who will fit in with our friends and family, but not at the expense of compromising our own values and standards, which may be different to theirs, and not at the expense of choosing someone who we in any way feel uneasy about. Choosing a life partner is a monumental decision. We need to develop our sixth sense, be sensitive to it and use it carefully and constructively when making this choice. This may involve taking a stance that will make us stand out as different from everyone else. Only we will know in our heart of hearts what is right for us. So have courage and stand up for what you know is right for you as a unique individual. You may save yourself years of heartache. © 2010. All rights reserved.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Names have been changed.

All that glitters is not gold

2010-05-18T05:04:00.000-07:00

In my thirteen years of experience as a professional dating service owner, I have come across many people who are attracted by material things. For example, a woman may say she would like to meet a good-looking hunk with lots of money and a man may say he wants to meet a woman who is slim and gorgeous.

I see from my vantage point of getting to know my clients that this is often a recipe for disaster. The women often find that this kind of man does not appreciate them or treat them well. The men often find that the stunning looking women turn out to be bitches who make their lives a misery.

The men and women who look for these qualities often go through a series of failed relationships before they learn to look more for the inner qualities that make a person a good romantic partner. It is not to say that good-looking hunks with lots of money and slim, gorgeous women are all bad. My advice is just to be careful. You may find instead that the so-called “boring” people make the best life partners.

I myself fell into this trap two years ago when I met the man I am happy with today. I at first thought he was very unexciting. As I got to know him, however, I found that in the beginning he did not play all his cards. As time went by I discovered absolutely wonderful things about him which are not obvious when you first get to know him. Today I can honestly say he is the most fabulous partner and that we are very well suited! (NB: He is not a rich, good-looking hunk!!)

Everyone has something unique and wonderful to offer. So let’s not judge a book by its cover and be more flexible in our choices. We may just be very pleasantly surprised! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate.

Visit the coaching section of my website for no-nonsense, practical dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

A good relationship requires steadfast maintenance

2010-05-13T02:01:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine, Sylvia*, has a very good relationship with her husband, Ronald*. But she tells me that this was not always the case. Years ago they had fallen into the trap of taking each other for granted. Luckily when they saw things were not going so well, they went for counselling and put matters right. Within a couple of months things had greatly improved. Sylvia says it was actually very simple. They had gotten into bad habits and had started neglecting each other. In a nutshell, it was a case of finding out what had always been good and MAINTAINING and even IMPROVING on that magic.

A man will never dream of running his prize motorcar without always checking that it has water, oil and petrol. He will send it for regular services and make sure it is always sparkling clean. A good gardener will lavish attention on his garden to make sure it always stays beautiful. He will regularly water and fertilise his plants and lawn. He will make sure everything is trimmed and pruned at the right time.

So it is with our relationships. If we are lucky enough to have someone special in our lives, we need to keep the romance alive. We need to nurture and protect this relationship. We need to be unselfish and put the other person first. I was lucky enough to have had a happy marriage to my second husband, Bryan. If something was wrong, we immediately put it right. We worked hard at making sure that the other party always felt appreciated. When he passed away we were on very good terms and I have no regrets. We need to live in the present moment and live as if each day were our very last.

So find out what is good in your relationship, build on that and MAINTAIN AND EVEN IMPROVE on it. Pull out the weeds that are choking it to death and look after your relationship as if it were gold. What we give out comes back to us, so it is in our own best interests. Copyright 2010.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Names have been changed.

The world mirrors us

2010-05-10T05:47:00.000-07:00

Being the owner of my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, and having given out plenty of dating and relationship advice over the years, I am in the privileged position where I am told many interesting stories.

Just last week, a client of mine, Lisa*, brought an important point home to me by telling me her story. This is what she told me in summary:

Lisa came out of a very toxic home. Her father and her brothers were very poor examples of how a man should treat a woman, and she grew up feeling fearful of men. This translated to her relationships with boyfriends as she grew up, and she always chose the wrong men. The men experienced her as unfriendly and cold, because these were the energies she was giving out. They mirrored her vibrations and treated her badly.

As the years went by and she became older, she read many books to help her cope with life and relationships in general. She even went for therapy at different stages of her life. Gradually something inside her started to thaw. She started choosing men she knew would treat her well instead of the playboys who messed her around. The good treatment started melting her heart and by and by she started feeling like a normal woman. Men in general started treating her more kindly and she started feeling a sincere and very real liking for them.

Lisa is an attractive woman, and her new attitude started attracting men who genuinely liked women, and many of them. Previously she had fallen into the trap of erroneously thinking that there are no good men. Because her attitude has changed, she is now discovering that this is untrue. She tells me that each successive boyfriend she meets treats her better than the previous one. She now has the confidence to set sensible boundaries. Men don’t take chances with her anymore. She confidently expects the best and gets it.

Strangely enough, this attitude towards men has translated into her life in general. She is a highly successful entrepreneur and her relationships with her clients have improved dramatically over the years. Life is treating her well these days and she has come a long way since the days when she lived in that toxic home. Over the years, the world mirrored her attitude and she attracted what she gave out. She now realises how important it is to give out good energies, because the world mirrors them back to you. I am looking forward to introducing some of the wonderful men I have on my books to her. © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You can email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Name has been changed.

Everything happens for the best

2010-05-06T03:30:00.000-07:00

As a professional dating service owner, I speak to many people who have regrets about how their previous relationships have panned out. In my previous blog, I told the story of Jill and Jeremy* whose relationship never worked out. For a long time Jill had big regrets about what happened and kept playing scenes over and over again in her mind about how things could have worked out if she had handled them differently. She went from being obsessed about her future to being absorbed in the past.

Recently Jill met someone very special and was determined to do things differently this time. She came to me for coaching as she felt she needed some dating and relationship advice. She is now focusing on enjoying every moment with her new boyfriend and is determined not to be results oriented in this relationship. She feels he is much better suited to her than Jeremy was and sees that her breakup with Jeremy happened for the best. She now believes that everything always works out for the best. (Even the Bible tells us this!) She tells me that even if her present relationship does not work out, she will see it as a blessing in disguise and will wait confidently and patiently for the universe to bring her the right man. When she spoke to me a few days ago about her new frame of mind, I could not believe it was the same person, so dramatic has been the transformation since we started the coaching. Such is the power of living in the moment! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Copyright subsists in this material and it may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Names have been changed.

Don't date with expectations

2010-05-04T03:30:00.000-07:00

As a professional dating service owner, I come across plenty of people who have great expectations when it comes to dating. If it is not themselves who are placing the expectations, it is well-meaning friends and family.

One of my clients, (let’s call her Jill), was going out with a guy (let’s call him Jeremy) some years back. They had a lot of fun together and became very fond of each other as time went by. After about a year her friends and family started asking questions about when they would be getting married etc. Jill then started putting pressure on Jeremy to marry her and it is then that their relationship started going downhill. Because they had been going out for a year and people were asking questions, she then automatically expected that they should marry. Jeremy had reasons of his own why he was not ready, and if he had not been pressurised, would probably have got around to it in time. But Jill was like a dog with a bone and would not relax and let the matter drop. In time Jeremy felt totally overwhelmed and then backed out of the relationship and Jill chalked up a failed relationship to her slate. If only she had relaxed and appreciated what she had. If only she had not taken notice of her family and friends.

All too often we forget about enjoying the present and focus on some future event which we feel should be taking place. Now is all we have. No matter how hard we think about it or plan, the future is uncertain. Now is a certainty. How we live today determines our future. Let’s make the most of today and appreciate what we have right now. If we live in gratitude and appreciation the universe is likely to bless us with even more abundance. The choice is ours! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

Don't compare!

2010-04-30T01:04:00.000-07:00

In my experience as a professional dating service owner, I often see people comparing their dates to their previous partner(s). This is a process none of us can resist, but is it a good thing to do?

A client of mine (Let’s call him Hardus), who was widowed a few years ago comes to mind. He was very happily married and idolised his wife. Somehow he just can’t seem to find someone else he feels he can be happy with. He is a wonderful man and has met many wonderful women through my service, but just can’t seem to settle down. It is as if he has never found closure with his deceased wife and that he just cannot let her go and move on.

Often we idealise someone in the past as being just perfect for us. If this relationship never worked out and we move on, somehow nobody else after that is able to measure up. This type of situation can really shoot us in the foot when meeting new dates. We make snap judgements about them based on assumptions which often are not valid. We do our date and ourselves a disservice. We ourselves would not like to be compared to someone else and found wanting, and yet we readily do this to others. We can then miss out on having the marvellous experience of getting to know someone completely different, who is just as wonderful as our previous partner(s), and who may have things to offer which we may not even have dreamed of!

Yes, we definitely need to keep an open mind when meeting new dates. An example I used in a recent blog emphasises this. I wrote that each one of us is like a flower, with our own unique colour, shape and exquisite perfume. We cannot say that one flower is better than another, they are just all different. Let’s celebrate our differences and appreciate what each new person has to offer! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

Do the thing you fear

2010-04-26T02:45:00.000-07:00

As a professional dating service owner, I get to hear the personal stories of many of my clients. A particularly heartwarming story was told to me last week:

A 35 year old guy (let’s call him Piet) had been married for the last 10 years. He had tried very hard to make a success of his marriage, but his wife’s behaviour had spiralled out of control in recent years. To make a long story short she had been taking drugs and was without work. The thing he feared most was looming uppermost in his mind: he was about to lose his wife.

In short, their marriage did come to an end. But now, a year later, he has a very interesting perspective on it: He discovered that the whole process was not as bad as he had feared it would be, and that he had actually coped quite well. Now that he has more or less put it behind him, he even sees it as a blessing in disguise! For a long time he thought he would never be interested in women again, but to his surprise, this last month he has been feeling that he would like to date again. Understandably he is very cautious and would just like to make friends, but isn’t it wonderful how time and circumstances can actually be powerful healing influences?

Sometimes we fear losing a partner so much that we continue on dead-end street for many years. We are afraid that we will never again meet someone special and that we will be very lonely without that person. We humans are very resilient, however, and it is really true that the universe arranges all things for good, if only we would believe it. Sometimes it is necessary to take a step of faith and do the thing we fear. Not only do our circumstances usually improve, but we gain a confidence we would never have had.

So if you find yourself in similar circumstances, remember Piet’s story. Take a leap of faith and do the thing you fear. You will discover that the worst thing to be afraid of is not the thing that you are about to do, but the actual fear itself! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To find out more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

Be an original

2010-04-22T03:47:00.000-07:00

So often in the course of my duties as a professional dating service owner, I come across people who are afraid to be themselves. They find it easier to fit in with what everyone else is doing and feel they have to live up to others’ expectations, and so find themselves conforming to “the norm”. They feel that if they are the same as everyone else, they are more likely to find a suitable partner. No, no, no!

We were made to be originals, and it is true that as they say in Afrikaans: “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”. I remember being quite hurt years ago when someone said to me: “’n Skewe pot sal ook sy deksel kry!” Now when I look back, I am pleased to say that I have always had interesting boyfriends. In all honesty I would not be attracted to a conventional man. There are many of us out there who enjoy partners who are “different”. So why are we so hesitant to be “different” ourselves? Let’s rather celebrate our uniqueness than be carbon copies.

When I look at the ladies on my books, I always think of them as flowers, each one with a different, colour, shape, perfume, etc, but each one with an exquisite beauty of her own. In reality, people love someone who is original and different, and the ones that aren’t attracted to you are ones you can pass by. Be yourself, and you will always find that you draw the “right” people to you. Relax and enjoy yourself the way God made you! © 2010

Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

You decide your own dating future

2010-04-19T01:18:00.000-07:00

In the course of running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, I see time and again that people hold their dating future in their own hands. They themselves determine what is going to happen to them.

Firstly by joining my service, they make a commitment to meet partners, which puts them squarely in the running for meeting a possible soulmate. Secondly, their attitude, positive or negative, determines the outcome of the dates they go on.

The way they handle how their dates go now also determines their long term future when it comes to relationships. I have seen men being slow to commit to women, only to lose them to someone else and be very sorry they lost their chance. I have seen women become embittered when their relationships do not work out, and this attitude sabotages any relationships they may have in the future.

I have seen clients who look for the best in their partners, and who find it. I have seen clients who are patient and confident that they will get what they want, only to find that the Law of Attraction really works and that they ultimately meet and marry the partner of their dreams.

Yes, our attitude determines our dating future, and we alone are responsible for our decisions. © 2010

Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more on Marilyn Welch, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material and it may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

Give your partner space

2010-04-15T04:40:00.000-07:00

© As a professional dating service owner, I get to see the “wish lists” of my clients. One of the things they often say is “I need someone who will give me space”. Sometimes we think that because we want to see someone as often as possible, that they want the same thing. This is not always the case.

When a relationship is new, we cannot see enough of our partner, and this is just the time when we should start practising the art of giving them space. Even the Bible says that we should not visit our neighbours too often because they will tire of us and start to despise us! It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you want your partner to really crave your company, try being a little scarce. It works nearly every time!

Paired with giving your partner space is giving him/her freedom. When my husband was still alive he gave me all the space and freedom I could possibly have desired. And do you know what? I didn’t want to go anywhere! But if he had cramped my style and been possessive I would have found every excuse under the sun to just get away. That is how we human beings are wired and this is just one of the things it would do us all good to remember when we want a relationship to work.

Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email me at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch, click here.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

Be happy with who you are

2010-04-12T23:00:00.000-07:00

© A wise person once said: “If you are happy with who you are, you will be happy with your circumstances.” I would like to take that a step further and say that if you are happy with who you are, you will be happy in your relationships.

As a professional dating service owner, I often come across people who are unhappy and searching. They think that if they meet the “right” person, their troubles will stop and they will be happy. Unfortunately life does not work that way. The Law of Attraction is absolute and what you give out comes back to you. If you give out vibes of being unhappy with yourself, you will attract people who will magnify your problem and your dissatisfaction will spiral out of control.

We need to be emotionally whole before we start attracting the kind of circumstances and people who will add the best value to our lives. A good place to start is to recognise your strong points and good things in your life and be grateful for them. Once we start focusing on these things, we attract more of them into our lives and before long our lives will change for the better. Each of us has a unique role to play on this earth. Recognising your own greatness is just a start to playing the game of life and winning.

Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It is illegal to reproduce it in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

A good self-image promotes healthy relationships

2010-04-09T02:12:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago I bumped into Alison, a client I coached four years ago. At the time she was in a toxic relationship and was very unhappy. Together we had worked through a lot of her issues, but her primary problem was that she did not think well of herself and thus allowed people to treat her badly. She was struggling to find the strength to set proper boundaries with her boyfriend as she was scared she would lose him.

Catching up on her news I was very glad to hear that she had finally got rid of the old boyfriend and that she had had two relatively happy relationships since then and that she was now engaged to be married to a guy that “treats her like a queen”. She said it had been a gradual process, but that she now realises we allow others to treat us badly to the extent that we treat ourselves badly. Without being selfish or conceited in any way it is better for us and for all our friends if we have a healthy self-respect and good self-image. We will also never be happy with our circumstances until we are happy with ourselves. It is true that if we expect the best we will get the best. Expect and command the best treatment from all the people you meet, remembering that you need to treat them with respect and consideration as well. With this kind of attitude, your relationships are likely to go in an upward spiral and you will be a far happier person for it.

Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It is illegal to reproduce it in any way whatsoever without the express, written consent of Marilyn Welch.

A relationship must be in balance

2010-04-04T23:11:00.000-07:00

Appreciate your partner's energies

2010-04-02T23:29:00.000-07:00

Running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, has taught me many things. One of the things I have become increasingly aware of over the years is the significant difference in energies that men and women live out.

Women are the nurturers and caregivers, but they tend to become too serious and nit-picking. They can also be calculating. Their feelings are easily hurt.

Men are the hunters and providers. They live more in the moment. They have a more casual approach to life and tend to bring humour to a situation.

If we have too many people of the same sex in our lives, we tend to get a bit out of balance. That is one of the reasons why we enjoy dating and relationships so much. It provides something different to ourselves and thus makes our lives more interesting.

I remember when my husband, Bryan, passed away four years ago. I was left alone in my house with my old female dog, an old female cat and a young male cat, Gungie. I was feeling a bit like an old woman myself at the time, and I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to have Gungie in the house. I was so starved of living without the human male energy that Bryan used to provide, that I developed a strong appreciation for my little cat. I found his approach to life quite delightful, and very different to mine. This made me more aware of male energies in general, and what an important contribution our sexual energies are to our partners.

So be aware of the spiritual/sexual energies your partner brings to your relationship. Appreciate the differences between you and don’t wish that your partner could be more like you!

Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

Women want security whilst men like a challenge!

2010-03-29T02:01:00.000-07:00

Running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, certainly shows me that people have a wide variety of different motives for wanting a special romantic relationship. In general, women seem to think more of a committed long term relationship, whilst men seem to think more of having fun with their partners and enjoying what each moment brings. Neither approach is wrong. Men and women are just different, and maybe these differences are teaching us to love and appreciate the opposite sex!

I cannot stress enough the importance of living in the present moment and enjoying what each moment brings. If we are results oriented in our dating and relationships, we can very easily set ourselves up for disappointment. If our partner senses that we want something from them other than simply the pleasure of their company, we bring issues and complications into the relationship and this can really spoil a friendship that has the potential to be something special.

In relationships, women like security whilst men like a challenge. We as women all need to realise that our only true security lies within ourselves. Another human simply cannot cater for all our needs. We need to develop the independence to understand and apply this knowledge. I have seen in my practice that a woman who has this kind of mindset is automatically a challenge for her partner. By having this kind of outlook, a woman is more likely to have success in a long term relationship and thus meets her need of a long term commitment from her partner. This is most certainly an excellent way of setting up a spiral of a potentially good relationship which satisfies the needs of both parties.

Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate.

Visit the coaching section of my website to find more practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

We all like a challenge

2010-03-26T22:15:00.000-07:00

When it comes to dating, we always seem to want the one we can’t quite get, the one who we are not sure of. The dates that run after us like puppy dogs all bore us to tears. It is just human nature to pursue something that is elusive. We must be careful and ensure that the person we are pursuing is really worth it, that we won’t end up like a dog that has caught a car and doesn’t know what to do with it!

In order to be a challenge, we must ensure that we are not desperate. If we come across as too eager, it can easily kill the attraction our partner feels for us. Women especially need to be on their guard against this as it is still true that a man likes to be the hunter, despite what modern life may lead us to believe. A man who is desperate simply comes across as a wimp, as most women want a strong man that they can look up to.

If we have a healthy self-liking and self-respect, we are at least half way there to being a challenge. We should all have a strong support network and lots of good hobbies and interests. These are the things that will help keep us emotionally independent and not desperate. We need to have our own independent and rewarding personal life outside of our work and careers, and outside of any romantic relationships. If we lead this kind of a life we are likely to be seen as desirable and someone worth pursuing.

Join my professional dating service to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

Love covers a multitude of sins

2010-03-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

Love is what makes the world go round, and it is what we all crave, in one form or another. When we are young we get love from our parents and siblings. As we grow older we start making friends and we learn to love them. When we become teenagers we start having love relationships with the opposite sex, and these relationships are normally a challenge for the rest of our lives!

In any relationship, the more good we do our partner and the more love we shower on them, the more “cash” we are likely to have in their “emotional bank account”. (Steven Covey goes into detail about one’s emotional bank account in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”). If we have a lot of cash in someone’s emotional bank account and we only make occasional withdrawals (like sometimes treating them a bit unfairly), the bank account will remain relatively healthy. If we do something really dreadful to our partner, or treat them really badly, it amounts to a huge withdrawal, and the bank account may end up in the red! In a relationship, the trick is to maintain a healthy bank balance in both partners’ emotional bank accounts. In the Bible it states that love covers a multitude of sins. That is certainly true. If you know that your partner loves you and treats you well, you are likely to ignore minor things that he/she does wrong. This all adds up to a happy and healthy relationship.

Let my professional dating service put you in the running for having that wonderful romantic relationship!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some no-nonsense, practical dating and relationship advice.

Focus on your partner's good points

2010-03-18T03:05:00.000-07:00

When a relationship is new, it is all too easy to see only the good in one’s partner. One sees him/her through rose-tinted spectacles and we are very excited about having this person in our life.

As time goes by, however, the spectacles come off and we see this person in a more realistic perspective, warts and all. If you really care for him/her, it is very important to focus on your partner’s good points and not the bad ones. If your relationship is generally a happy one, what you focus on, you’ll get more of and if you turn a blind eye to the bad points, they will tend to fade away. If there is something you cannot tolerate, deal with it and move on, but if you dwell on it, it will only get worse.

We make ourselves unhappy by thinking about negative things, so not only is it good for our relationship to be positive, it is also good for us personally. Treat a person as if they are wonderful, and they will tend to live up to your expectations.

Visit my website to find out more about my professional dating service and to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for some no-nonsense, practical dating and relationship advice.

We all appreciate a consistent partner

2010-03-16T01:24:00.000-07:00

Running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, has taught me a lot about what people want in a romantic partner.

One of the qualities my clients seem to appreciate most in a partner is someone who is reliable, consistent and congruent. We like to know that this person will usually answer our call, and if they can’t, they will come back to us if we leave a message. We like to know that if we make an arrangement with them, they will honour it, or let us know in time if there is a problem. We like to know that if we have a problem, we can phone this person and they will always be friendly and kind, unless there is really something terrible bothering them, and then they will explain why they are not their usual self. We also like to know that, consistent with their normal behaviour, they will try to help us with this problem, if at all possible. It is important to not only want and expect this kind of behaviour from our date or partner, but to also behave this way ourselves.

Ah, you say, but I like someone who surprises me, who is not predictable. Yes, this is nice too, but within limits. There is a fine balance between being interesting in this way and being downright unreliable and making people feel uneasy around you. Keep all this in mind when entering a new relationship. By following this dating and relationship advice you will show that you can be a good friend, which is a sound basis for any romance.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website to find some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

Don't have unrealistic expectations

2010-03-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

With my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, I sometimes find that my clients have unrealistic expectations. They come to me having had problematic relationships in the past, expecting that everything will be just plain sailing once they join my service.

Life is just not like that, and the people who join my service are real and not the type of people you may read about in romanitc fantasies. My joining criteria are strict to ensure that only the best people are admitted, but we are all in the same boat, doing our best and trying to make sense of this crazy but wonderful life. We all have our own unique problems and set of circumstances to deal with, and sometimes this can cause friction between us and our romantic partners.

Whilst it is true that we should always expect the best, we need to be flexible and allow for our partner's idiosyncrasies. We should remember that we ourselves are also not perfect. We should all know what we are looking for in our ideal partner whilst at the same time keeping our feet planted firmly on the ground.

Having said that, I would urge you to visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

You can also visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

Be happy with your present circumstances

2010-03-09T04:28:00.000-08:00

We seem to spend our entire lives searching and striving for what we perceive we do not have. These days we are bombarded with stimuli urging us to buy this, do that, etc. We are seldom encouraged to take stock of what we already have and learn to be content with it.

The same goes for our relationships. We always feel there is something missing or that maybe someone else will do it better for us. No. No. No. If we step back, count our blessings and take time to be sincerely grateful for what we have, the universe is more likely to give us more of those good things.

Perhaps now is the time to jump off that hamster wheel, break out and LIVE HAPPILY IN THE NOW. Quit thinking of yesterday or tomorrow, just be happy for what is happening now. Learn to appreciate your partner and enjoy his/her company NOW. Now is all we have. Live your relationship to the full so that you will never have regrets. Your partner will love you for it!

If you are single at the moment, structure your life in such a way that you thoroughly enjoy it. Learn to be happy with what you already have. This contentment is more likely to attract a good partner than an attitude of dissatisfaction. Remember that your mindset is constantly giving off signals to the universe and according to the Law of Attraction, you will attract what you think about most. Food for thought ...

Visit my website to make use of my professional dating service. Visit the coaching section of my website to find sound dating and relationship advice.

You get what you focus on

2010-02-25T02:26:00.000-08:00

A year ago I coached a client called Helen through her divorce. When I first spoke to her and assessed her situation, it was clear to me that she spent all her time and energy focusing on her impending divorce, and that the rest of her life was simply passing her by.

At the time she was bitterly unhappy and life had indeed turned sour. She had seen a psychologist and counsellors from her church, but there just seemed to be no solutions. She thought that if she started meeting some decent men, that that might help her to feel happier. So she turned to me for some dating and relationship advice, with a view to joining my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, when her divorce was through.

It was obvious to me that she needed to get past her problems and gain some inner peace before she could attract anybody remotely like what she had in mind. I asked her what good things there were in her life. Surprisingly enough she could quickly mention at least five positive things about her life (her good health, her well-paying career, her nice home, her children and the relationship she had with her parents). Somehow, amidst all her problems, she had forgotten these wonderful aspects of her life. I told her to take 30 minutes each day and to focus on being grateful for these things (What you focus on you get more of). During these 30 minutes she was to shut out all thoughts of her soon-to-be ex husband and their divorce situation. When we discussed this, she immediately perked up and had something to look forward to each day.

Her feedback a week later was that she now realised she had been giving a disproportionate amount of time and energy to her problems, and not enough time to the things that made her happy. She realised that she had been responsible for a lot of her own misery by doing this. As time went by, the intensity of her emotions about the divorce diminished, and she was also able to incorporate in her daily 30 minutes some pleasant dreams about the kind of men she would like to meet in the future.

It is now a year later and two months ago she joined my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers. Because her focus has dramatically shifted since a year ago, she is giving out a different vibe, attracting good things into her life, and she is a catch for any man. She is enjoying the experience of meeting new people and the men on my books like her immensely. By a simple change in her focus, she turned her life around!

Visit my website to meet a variety of qualify partners from whom you can choose a soulmate! Visit the coaching page of my website for some sound dating and relationship advice.

Gratitude gets you places

2010-02-17T03:13:00.000-08:00

The story of Anne and Louise (told in greater detail in the last two blogs) is certainly food for thought. Anne had a positive, balanced perspective. Louise was negative and always finding fault. Anne took the trouble to thank me after each introduction I arranged for her, and gave constructive feedback, which assisted and inspired me to find even better suited partners for her as time went by. Louise was never satisfied, no matter how much trouble I went to for her.

Anne's approach to me always inspired me to do all I possibly could to introduce her to suitable parners. She expected the best from me and thoroughly enjoyed meeting my high profile, quality men. You always get more of what you are grateful for and the universe eventually rewarded Anne with the man of her dreams. They are now happily engaged and looking forward to a bright future together.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

If you have issues about successful dating and forming healthy romantic relationships, I am happy to discuss them with you until they are resolved.

If you spot it you've got it!

2010-02-03T01:43:00.001-08:00

In my last blog entry I told the story of my two clients, Anne and Louise. Anne simply loved the men I introduced to her and Louise could only find fault with them. Ironically, I introduced them to exactly the same men! So what was the problem? Were the men to blame or was Louise the problem?

It just so happens that we see people not as they are, but as we are. We notice things in others that we identify with, things that are part of our own makeup. If there are things in ourselves that we are not happy with, we notice them in others, and these qualities irritate us speechless. People reflect back to us the things we don't like in ourselves and we think that they are at fault and not us!

The universe arranges situations in such a way that we are constantly given opportunities to learn and grow as people. The people we find fault with are often our best teachers! They give us the opportunities to change for the better and transcend ourselves, if we so choose.

I have lost contact with Louise, but I know that Anne has now met the man of her dreams. They are happily engaged and excited about their future. When you see the best in life and people, the universe is eager to give you back what you deserve.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!