What you focus on you get more of

In 2009 I mentored a client called Helen* through her divorce. When I first spoke to her and assessed her situation, it was clear to me that she spent all her time and energy focusing on her impending divorce, and that the rest of her life was simply passing her by. At the time she was bitterly unhappy and life had indeed turned sour. She had seen a psychologist and counsellors from her church, but there just seemed to be no solutions. She thought that if she started meeting some decent men, that that might help her to feel happier. So she turned to me for some dating and relationship advice, with a view to joining my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, when her divorce was through. It was obvious to me that she needed to get past her problems and gain some inner peace before she could attract anybody remotely like what she had in mind. I asked her what good things there were in her life. Surprisingly enough she could quickly mention at least five positive things about her life (her good health, her well-paying career, her nice home, her children and the relationship she had with her parents). Somehow, amidst all her problems, she had forgotten these wonderful aspects of her life. I told her to take 30 minutes each day and to focus on being grateful for these things (What you focus on you get more of). During these 30 minutes she was to shut out all thoughts of her soon-to-be ex husband and their divorce situation. When we discussed this, she immediately perked up and had something to look forward to each day. Her feedback a week later was that she now realised she had been giving a disproportionate amount of time and energy to her problems, and not enough time to the things that made her happy. She realised that she had been responsible for a lot of her own misery by doing this. As time went by, the intensity of her emotions about the divorce diminished, and she was also able to incorporate in her daily 30 minutes some pleasant dreams about the kind of men she would like to meet in the future. Note made in 2010: It is now a year later and two months ago she joined my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers. Because her focus has dramatically shifted since a year ago, she is giving out a different vibe, attracting good things into her life, and she is a catch for any man. She is enjoying the experience of meeting new people and the men on my books like her immensely. By a simple change in her focus, she turned her life around! Note made in 2012: This is a universal principle that was applied here: What you focus on, you will get more of , and what you ignore usually fades away. * Name has been changed. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Women like security whereas men want a challenge

Running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, certainly shows me that people have a wide variety of different motives for wanting a special romantic relationship. In general, women seem to focus on having a committed long term relationship, whilst men seem to think more about having fun with their partners and enjoying what each moment brings. Neither approach is wrong. Men and women are just different, and maybe these differences are teaching us to love and appreciate the opposite sex! I cannot stress enough the importance of living in the present moment and enjoying what each moment brings. If we are results oriented in our dating and relationships, we can very easily set ourselves up for disappointment. If our partner senses that we want something from them other than simply the pleasure of their company, we bring issues and complications into the relationship. This can really ruin a friendship that has the potential to become something special. In relationships, women tend to like security whilst men generally want a challenge. We as women all need to realise that our only true security lies within ourselves. Another human simply cannot cater for all our needs. We need to develop the independence to understand and apply this knowledge. I have seen in my practice that a woman who has this kind of mindset is automatically a challenge for her partner. By having this kind of outlook, a woman is more likely to have success in a long term relationship and thus meets her need of a long term commitment from her partner. This is most certainly an excellent way of setting an upward spiral in a potentially good relationship, and it will satisfy the needs of both parties. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

We all like a challenge

When it comes to dating, we always seem to want the one we can’t quite get, the one who we are not sure of. The dates that run after us like puppy dogs all bore us to tears. It is just human nature to pursue something that is elusive. We must be careful and ensure that the person we are pursuing is really worth it, that we won’t end up like a dog that has caught a car and doesn’t know what to do with it! In order to be a challenge, we must ensure that we are not desperate. If we come across as too eager, it can easily kill the attraction our partner feels for us. Women especially need to be on their guard against this as it is still true that a man likes to be the hunter, despite what modern life may lead us to believe. A man who is desperate simply comes across as a wimp, as most women want a strong man that they can look up to. If we have a healthy self-liking and self-respect, we are at least half way there to being a challenge. We should all have a strong support network and lots of good hobbies and interests. These are the things that will help keep us emotionally independent and not desperate. We need to have our own independent and rewarding personal life outside of our work and careers, and outside of any romantic relationships. If we lead this kind of a life we are likely to be seen as desirable and someone worth pursuing. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The importance of consistency

One of the qualities my clients seem to appreciate most in a partner is someone who is reliable, consistent and congruent. We like to know that this person will usually answer our call, and if they can’t, they will come back to us if we leave a message. We like to know that if we make an arrangement with them, they will honour it, or let us know in time if there is a problem. We like to know that if we have a problem, we can phone this person and they will always be friendly and kind, unless there is really something terrible bothering them, and then they will explain why they are not their usual self. We also like to know that, consistent with their normal behaviour, they will try to help us with this problem, if at all possible. It is important to not only want and expect this kind of behaviour from our date or partner, but to also behave in this way ourselves. Ah, you say, but I like someone who surprises me, who is not predictable. Yes, this is nice too, but within limits. There is a fine balance between being interesting in this way and being downright unreliable and making people feel uneasy around you. Keep all this in mind when entering a new relationship. By following this dating and relationship advice you will show that you can be a good friend, which is a sound basis for any romance. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Treat your partner well

So often I am faced with clients who have regrets about previous relationships. They are sorry about the way they treated their partner and wish they could have a second chance. Life seldom gives us second chances and so the onus is on us not to treat life as a dress rehearsal, but to make the most of each and every opportunity that comes our way, as it might be the only opportunity we ever have. If you have a wonderful partner, be sure to appreciate him/her and not take this person for granted. What we sow we also reap: Be sure to be planting good seeds in your relationship. It is important to treat our partners the way we would like to be treated. Better still, we can even go one better and treat them the way they want to be treated. The chances are, of course, that if you do this, you are likely to receive good treatment in return, and your relationship will go in an upward spiral. This will ensure that you are less likely to live with regrets. I wish you luck with your relationships! © 2009, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The role of predictability in a relationship

The word “predictable” carries with it a slightly negative connotation. We tend to think of predictable people as slightly boring and we usually do not want others to think they have completely sussed us out. It is, however, important to be predictable to some degree in your romantic relationship. For example, we all want our partners to be reliable, punctual, honest, dependable, etc., and these are qualities we would do well to cultivate in ourselves. However, to keep a relationship interesting and keep our partner enthralled, we have to sometimes do or say the unexpected thing. Romance thrives on excitement and novelty, and we should bring this to our relationship as much as we can. The trick is to keep a balance when it comes to being predictable, and this we can all do. © 2009, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Recognising your soulmate

Most of us tend to think that when we meet our soulmate, a siren is going to sound and fireworks will fill the sky! Most of the time, however, this does not happen. A soulmate is someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with and one has to be very careful about choosing this person. Appearance is a big factor when we initially meet, but time reveals who the real person is, and this is the person we must make up our minds about. As time goes by, you build up a shared history of good times and bad. You get into habits and routines and slowly but surely life has a way of pointing you in the direction which is right for you. It is important to live in the present with this person and enjoy each moment. It is not a good idea to be results oriented. Do not try to push situations, but just relax and let the universe gradually lead you to where you are meant to be. I wish you luck in finding this very special person! © 2009, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.