See every relationship as a success

Sometimes singles have very black or white ideas about relationships, particularly if a marriage or short or long term relationship has not worked out. They tend to think in absolutes, that because it didn’t last forever, the relationship was a failure, or worse still, that they themselves are failures. It would help if people would just look at the whole scenario differently. Firstly, you are carrying a very heavy weight by believing that you or your relationship was a failure. Secondly, this is not even true! Every relationship is a success if you grow from it and learn how to make better and more conscious decisions the next time round. You will have learned lessons from this relationship, which will stand you in good stead for all future relationships, and you are a better person because of what you have learned. Often I hear people say: “I’ve been divorced more than once. I’m a complete failure when it comes to relationships.” Or “None of the relationships I have been in have worked out.” One must learn to think differently about these relationships. Rather train yourself to think: “What have I learned from my marriage(s) and divorce(s) that I can use to make healthy, conscious choices as I move forward?” Or “What have I learned from this/these relationship(s) and how am I a better person because of them?” So stop beating yourself up about your past failed relationships, change your attitude about them and see them as learning processes. See yourself as a WINNER for having gone through the experience and coming out wiser at the other side. See yourself as brave for having made the attempt and know that a better future awaits you. I wish you luck for your future relationships! © 2008, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, one out of every three people who joined Perfect Strangers, met someone special! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

The Number One Relationship Myth

What is the number one relationship myth that nearly all singles believe? When I meet my soulmate, we will live happily ever after and life will forever be a bed of roses. Somehow people think that once they meet their special partner and especially if they get married, life is going to magically change and there will only be pleasure and no pain… When you first meet your dream partner, yes, indeed, all is moonshine and roses, but there is a danger in that infatuation. You do not notice that he has bad table manners or that she is constantly clearing her throat. It is only when you know the person much better and have risen to some form of commitment, that these things surface in your awareness. That is what we call reality setting in … They did not make those marriage vows for nothing: for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health … These things really do play a role. Isn’t it better to experience life in all its richness? Aren’t the best friends tested “deur om ‘n sakkie sout saam op te eet"? We are not complete unless we experience the duality of life, in all its dreadfulness as well as all its splendour. When we have bad times, we appreciate the good times more, and if we are aware that the good times may not last forever, it keeps us humble. Would we build character if things always went well for us? No, we would become selfish, egotistical, horrible people. Yes, we need both the good and the bad times to make sense of this wonderful life. We need to stay centred and humbly grateful for both. When times are tough, it inevitably builds our character and makes better people of us. Are we not rewarded with a pearl of a relationship when we have withstood a tough test and come out together at the other end? So beware when you are infatuated and only see the good side of your partner. Try to remember that he/she is a person who has a good side and a bad side. THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS ONLY GOOD, AND THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS ONLY BAD, we all have both good and bad character and personality traits in our make-up, and that is reality. In all probability, you will RESENT the person you were once infatuated with, once you realise that person is not all you thought he/she was, and that they perhaps do not live up to your expectations. After infatuation has cooled down, you have a chance to get to know your partner properly. It is then that the lesson of your being together can be learned. We are all here to grow and evolve, and it is through our “rubbing against each other” that it happens. As they say in Afrikaans: “Yster slyp yster, vriende vorm mekaar.” Whether the relationship lasts or is only for a season, appreciate your partner for what you can learn from him/her. © 2008, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, one out of every three people who joined Perfect Strangers, met someone special! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Good endings make good beginnings

In the longer run, most of us want to find a special soulmate to share our lives with. On the way to finding this person, we are likely to engage in a number of relationships, some good and some not so good. It is important to end each relationship on a good footing with the other person, as good endings make good beginnings. When we are rejected, for whatever reason, we tend to feel resentful. When we are the one who has done the rejecting, we tend to feel guilty. Everybody has made mistakes in relationships, and it is natural to want to “fix” what went wrong. If the issues are unresolved, however, the next person we tend to attract is one where the same issues surface. We repeat this pattern until we get it right. Sometimes people end relationships with feelings of resentment or guilt because they have stayed together too long. They did not recognise that they were with the wrong person. Every relationship requires work to keep the romance alive and to keep the relationship on a generally happy footing, but if the work becomes too hard or too much, perhaps you were actually not meant to be with this person. They may try to change the other person or themselves, and in the process of trying to make the relationship succeed, they actually make it worse, creating frustration and disappointment along the way. At a certain point, you will recognise when a relationship is not a fit and then is the time you need to move on. It is perfectly OK to get to know a person, fall in love and later discover that this person is not the right one. That is why there is such a thing as courtship, where you get to know someone well before you feel certain enough to commit to engagement and ultimately marriage. A person may be close to being the right partner for you, but still not be the one for you. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean he or she is the one for you. Time spent together will guide you as to what your hearts are saying. It is important to listen to your intuition and also to try to see the relationship from your partner’s point of view. A one-sided relationship is not going to make you happy. It is important to not push or manipulate your partner into staying with you as this will cause them to resent you and then feel guilty – not a recipe for success. People should naturally and spontaneously want to be together, and it must be mutual. When we feel positive about a dating experience or an exclusive relationship that ended, we gain the ability to self-correct and move on. Instead of repeating the pattern the next time, we are attracted to someone closer to what we want, and ultimately our soulmate. © 2008, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, one out of every three people who joined Perfect Strangers, met someone special! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

What are singles looking for appearance-wise?

What are singles looking for appearance-wise? Remember, you never get a second chance to make a first impression! Men are very visually oriented. They will usually make up their minds within twenty seconds whether they are interested in a woman or not. They actually admit that they look at things like personality later. And 99.9% of the men all say that they do not want to meet an overweight woman! Weight is a big issue for men. For them, sexual chemistry is either there or not there. They are not like women, and most of them do not believe in giving it time. Every now and then I get a phone call from one of my female clients to say that she had a wonderful first date with x, but cannot understand why he has not contacted her again. I can see that he obviously only liked her as a friend, and that the sexual chemistry was not there for him. In a case like this, the woman must realise that men are different, love them for it, and move on. She may well be mistaken if she thinks that with time he will develop sexual chemistry for her. In practice this seldom happens. “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”, and there are enough other people out there for you to meet someone who finds you appealing. Most women, on the other hand, will be happy to give a man a few chances. For instance, a woman may wait to see how a man behaves in different circumstances or how he treats her before she finally makes up her mind. She will often accept it if a man is bald or if he has a bit of a tummy. Of importance to a woman, is that a man is kind and that he makes her laugh. If he has good manners and treats her well, that is a distinct plus. If you want to meet someone nice, you yourself must be marketable. Start with your appearance. A man wants to meet a FEMININE woman. A surprising amount of men look at FEET! Two things that put women off are men with huge stomachs and men who drink too much. Now and then I interview a man with a big stomach who wants to meet a petite woman! And he doesn’t realise that a petite woman would not want to meet him! Your appearance can be likened to your gift-wrapping, or the frosting on the cake. It can make all the difference between someone stopping to take a closer look or simply passing you by. © 2008, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, one out of every three people who joined Perfect Strangers, met someone special! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Relax whilst waiting for your dream partner

Today I want to focus on being relaxed about meeting your soulmate. So many times we are in a hurry and want it to have happened yesterday, but in practicality, this is not how life works. The universe is never in a hurry, and if we want to work with it, we would be wise to be patient. The universe unfolds, so they say, and that is a very gentle way of putting it. The universe is weaving an intricate tapestry of our lives intertwined with the lives of others, and its timing is exquisite. If you will just wait patiently, all the time working on yourself and knowing that the universe will deliver your soulmate to you, that person is sure to turn up at just the right time. Fruit is best when it is ripe and almost falling off the tree. If you try to push and rush something, it will not be of the best. Never be hasty. That is just the time when you might have poor judgement and make mistakes. Who of us has not burnt their fingers by being in a hurry? We all have tales to tell. Hasty people are bad shoppers! They don’t examine the goods thoroughly before they buy and often end up being dissatisfied with their purchases. Beware if your partner is in a hurry. What are their motives? Lust? Monetary greed? A ticking clock? If a person cannot even enjoy his/her own company, what kind of company will they be for you? These are all things to consider when approaching a relationship. Happiness is like a butterfly. When you pursue it, it is usually always just beyond your reach, but if you just relax, somehow, somewhere, it may alight upon your shoulder. It is just like this when you are seeking a soulmate. When you pursue a partner, they often flee. It is better to let a good romance and friendship develop slowly and sedately. We all at some time or other get caught up in a heady romance where things happen quickly, but how often does something like that last? “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”, the saying goes, and everything comes to he who waits. Have your dreams, but remember that patience and timing are crucial. Usually if we wait, what we want often lands in our lap, and then it is just perfect! © 2008, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, one out of every three people who joined Perfect Strangers, met someone special! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

How to end a relationship and learn from it

Some time ago, a young lady phoned me to say she wanted very much to join Perfect Strangers. Her fiancée had just left her for another woman and she was devastated, to say the least. I could hear how distraught she was and she kept saying “Marilyn, what must I do?” Immediately red lights started going off in my mind. This woman was not in any state to start another relationship. She was not even ready to start dating again. Of course, she could not see it. What must one do in such a situation? One must always try to end a relationship in such a manner, that you are still on good terms with the other party. This is not always possible, but it augurs well for the next relationship. Next, one must take stock of one’s situation, take a step back and withdraw temporarily from the dating scene. Now is the time to search your heart and see if there are any unresolved issues you can work on (anger, jealousy, resentment etc.). Now is also the time to realise that the relationship was not actually a failure, even though it ended. It is not a failure, because you learned something from it, even if all you learned is how to do it differently next time. THERE ARE NO FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. All relationships are learning processes. You had your good times and your bad times. You enjoyed the good times and learned to love, and you must make sure that the lessons of the bad times sink in and stand you in good stead in all future relationships in that you do not repeat them. Do NOT, on any account feel that YOU are a failure. You have learned a lesson, albeit a painful one, and therefore, you are actually a WINNER, and you will do better next time. If you date or become involved too soon after a relationship has ended, you will take all your unfinished business to the next relationship and just repeat your experience, albeit in a slightly different way. Take this time to enjoy your own company, treat yourself and strengthen ties with family and friends. With time you will feel stronger and more relaxed about dating again. © 2008, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, one out of every three people who joined Perfect Strangers, met someone special! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

How do I attract the soulmate of my dreams?

How do you get your dream partner to come looking for you? You most probably have all heard about Quantum Physics and the Law of Attraction. This law states that like attracts like, and so, like a magnet, you will draw to you people who have similarities to you. You may say, but I am not like the people around me, and I say to you look again. As they say, if you spot it, you’ve got it. Your personality trait may just appear in a different or disguised form, but I guarantee you, you are reflecting what you see! So how to attract what you really want? The answer is almost obvious. You must BE the type of person you want to attract. Your psyche is sending out a constant signal to the universe of who and what you are, and people are picking up that signal. Sooner or later, someone with a similar signal will pick up yours and be drawn to you like a magnet … Therefore, if you want to find a suitable partner, it will be worth your while to work on yourself. Develop the personality traits you desire most in a partner, in yourself. If you have unresolved issues, you will draw to you people who will force you to work on those issues. This explains why a woman who has an alcoholic father may marry one or two, if not more alcoholics in her lifetime. She vows and declares she will never become involved with an alcoholic again, but who is she most attracted to? You guessed it. This is nature’s way of ensuring that we as people are constantly evolving towards becoming the best we can be. Sometimes the lesson is not learned the first or second time, but you can be assured, the same situations will keep happening until you learn to deal with your issues and put them behind you. These situations are seen as patterns in our lives, and we should be vigilant and go for counselling if there is something we cannot resolve on our own. A good book to read, which relates to this theme is “Keeping The Love You Find” by Harville Hendrix. © 2008, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, one out of every three people who joined Perfect Strangers, met someone special! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!