Do you take your partners at face value?

We all have our ideas about what we are looking for in a partner, and it is very good to know what one wants, but what if one is so fussy, that one eventually has nobody to choose from?

Every now and then I have somebody on my books who is very particular about what they want in a partner. There is a long list of MUST HAVES and MUST NOT HAVES. When this happens, this person’s list of potential partners is cut in half and it is very difficult to match him/her. Whilst this person is fully entitled to have their preferences, I sometimes wonder if this is wise. It also happens that I sometimes take a chance and introduce them to someone who is not “quite right” and they are overjoyed with the match. That special “chemistry” was there or they saw something else they liked and that list they had flew out the window!

I was just as fussy some years back. Not that it helped, because I had many disastrous relationships! The first time I met my second husband, Bryan, I did not like him at all. He did not fit in with my “list” and I thought he was not at all suited to me. Two years later I met him again and decided to give him a chance because I then saw some very good aspects of his personality and character. That was an excellent move on my part, because he proved to be the most wonderful husband and we were very happy during the short time that we were together. I would have robbed myself of a blessing if I had stuck to my rigid “list”, and I am forever grateful for the experience of having had a happy marriage. The same thing happened with my present partner. There were no fireworks for me when I first met him, but as time went by I saw more and more things in him that I really liked and today I can truly say that he is the most wonderful partner I have ever had.

Perhaps one should keep a healthy balance between having set ideas about what one wants and keeping an open mind. People are all so vastly different and each one has something wonderful to offer. We would all like others to see us in the best possible light, so perhaps we should offer them the same opportunity and not make hasty judgements when we hardly know them.

As we get to know someone, it is like peeling off the layers of an onion. There is always something fresh and new coming to the surface. One has to go through quite a few layers before one gets to the core of the onion, and similarly it takes us a long time to get to know someone. People are also always changing, so even if you think you know someone, you can be in for a surprise.

Don’t: Take people at face value.

Do: Be open to possibilities and give your dates a chance.

May you meet a partner who will delight you!

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za, to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

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