Relationships are learning experiences

Perhaps dating is not only about trying out and discarding partners who aren’t a perfect fit for us, but about learning relationship skills. As we grow into adults, we stop bringing an attitude of discovery and learning to our relationships. Instead we bring an attitude of evaluation and expectations. The only thing we want to discover is whether this is the right person for us. We’re less interested in learning skills that will help us be better partners for our future lovers, and more interested in evaluating whether we want to keep being in this particular relationship. No wonder relationships stop being so much fun! If you’re in a difficult relationship with someone that you don’t have fun with anymore, your immediate impulse is going to be to get out of the relationship. Obviously the relationship isn’t “right” for you because it’s hard work and unpleasant! But perhaps these challenges are actually proof that you’re in the “perfect” relationship for you at that particular time. Perhaps these challenges are actually teaching you exactly what you need to improve your understanding and move to the next stage in your personal growth. On the one hand this makes sense. When things are easy, you can just flow. You don’t have to think too much. You can just enjoy things. But when things are hard, you have to think about how you’re relating to your partner. You have to work through things. Your coping skills are put to the test. In other words, the harder a relationship is, the more learning opportunities you have. In short, as long as you focus on what the relationship is trying to teach you, no relationship is ever wasted. And so the most valuable relationship is the one in which you learn the most … not necessarily the one that lasts the longest. Relationships can thus be viewed as learning tools. Every relationship, whether good or bad, teaches us new skills. So if the real reason for a relationship isn’t finding “The One” … if it isn’t getting married someday … if it isn’t partnering with someone to raise a family … what is it? Perhaps the real purpose of relationships is to attract people to us in order to stimulate and support our growth and evolution as a being. And so the person we attract to us is exactly the person we need to teach us exactly what we need to learn at that point in our lives. Food for thought … What is your relationship teaching you? What has each one of your past relationships taught you? If you can approach your current or future relationships as learning experiences, rather than as win-lose situations where you “win” if you stay together and “lose” if you break up, then you may just find that you feel a lot better about them. You may just find that you’re attracting better and better partners … because YOU are becoming a better and better person yourself. Don’t: Think that a relationship has to be perfect for it to be worth the trouble. Do: Regard relationships as learning experiences and grow from them. I wish you luck with your relationships! © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Do you take your dates at face value?

We all have our ideas about what we are looking for in a partner, and it is very good to know what one wants, but what if one is so fussy, that one eventually has nobody to choose from? Every now and then I have somebody on my books who is very particular about what they want in a partner. There is a long list of MUST HAVES and MUST NOT HAVES. When this happens, this person’s list of potential partners is cut in half and it is very difficult to match him/her. Whilst this person is fully entitled to have their preferences, I sometimes wonder if this is wise. It also happens that I sometimes take a chance and introduce them to someone who is not “quite right” and they are overjoyed with the match. That special “chemistry” was there or they saw something else they liked and that list they had flew out the window! I was just as fussy some years back. Not that it helped, because I had many disastrous relationships! The first time I met my second husband, Bryan, I did not like him at all. He did not fit in with my “list” and I thought he was not at all suited to me. Two years later I met him again and decided to give him a chance because I then saw some very good aspects of his personality and character. That was an excellent move on my part, because he proved to be the most wonderful husband and we were very happy during the short time that we were together. I would have robbed myself of a blessing if I had stuck to my rigid “list”, and I am forever grateful for the experience of having had a happy marriage. The same thing happened with my present husband. There were no fireworks for me when I first met him, but as time went by I saw more and more things in him that I really liked and today I can truly say that he is the most wonderful husband and partner. Perhaps one should keep a healthy balance between having set ideas about what one wants and keeping an open mind. People are all so vastly different and each one has something good to offer. We would all like others to see us in the best possible light, so perhaps we should offer them the same opportunity and not make hasty judgements when we hardly know them. As we get to know someone, it is like peeling off the layers of an onion. There is always something fresh and new coming to the surface. One has to go through quite a few layers before one gets to the core of the onion, and similarly it takes us a long time to get to know someone. People are also always changing, so even if you think you know someone, you can be in for a surprise. Don’t: Take people at face value. Do: Be open to possibilities and give your dates a chance. May you meet a partner who will delight you! © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Expect the best

Some time ago I interviewed a lady who very quickly told me that she had met some horrible men, had some disastrous relationships and that all her friends had experienced the same thing. For this reason she was very dubious about meeting good men, as she had it firmly entrenched in her mind that there are no more good men around. I listened in dismay, because this kind of thinking is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and her chances of meeting a good man are minimal, if these are the thoughts she is feeding her mind. Many years ago, I myself fell into the same trap, and I also met dreadful men until I met my first husband, who was a psychopath! That really taught me a lesson, and I was determined at that stage to change my life, and change it I did. It was almost as if up until then I had the word “Victim” stamped on my forehead. From then on I decided to choose “good” men, and it was then that my life changed. I married Bryan, my second husband, and he was a “good” man and he treated me very well. After he passed away, I made friends with a friend of his, who is also a “good” man and today I have a wonderful relationship with my present husband, Richard, who treats me like a queen. All these men lived in Centurion, and there must be many more “good” men in Centurion, Pretoria, South Africa and anywhere in the world, for that matter. It is just a question of having the right mindset. The lady I interviewed is inviting the wrong men into her life by her negative mindset. She will continue meeting the wrong men until she changes her thinking. The universe has an infinite supply of good men, she is just attracting “bad” men because of the way she is thinking. If someone treats us badly, we must remember we more than likely invited that kind of treatment in some way. We will only allow someone else to treat us badly to the extent that we treat ourselves badly. We need to change our mindset, respect ourselves and put out the right thoughts, which includes thinking well of ourselves, everyone else, and especially the opposite sex, and then we are more likely to attract “good” partners. The same holds true for men who want to attract good women. They are out there, we must just hold the right thoughts, and the universe will supply them in abundance. For more information on this kind of thinking, read the books, “The Heart of Love” and “The Breakthrough Experience” by Dr John Demartini. These books will help you heal where you have been hurt and put you on the path to meeting suitable partners. Don’t: Make the mistake of thinking that everyone is the same. Do: Expect the best, and you will get the best! May you have an abundance mentality and meet the soulmate of your dreams! © 2008, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.