Relationships are learning experiences

Perhaps dating is not only about trying out and discarding partners who aren’t a perfect fit for us, but about learning relationship skills. As we grow into adults, we stop bringing an attitude of discovery and learning to our relationships. Instead we bring an attitude of evaluation and expectations. The only thing we want to discover is whether this is the right person for us. We’re less interested in learning skills that will help us be better partners for our future lovers, and more interested in evaluating whether we want to keep being in this particular relationship. No wonder relationships stop being so much fun! If you’re in a difficult relationship with someone that you don’t have fun with anymore, your immediate impulse is going to be to get out of the relationship. Obviously the relationship isn’t “right” for you because it’s hard work and unpleasant! But perhaps these challenges are actually proof that you’re in the “perfect” relationship for you at that particular time. Perhaps these challenges are actually teaching you exactly what you need to improve your understanding and move to the next stage in your personal growth. On the one hand this makes sense. When things are easy, you can just flow. You don’t have to think too much. You can just enjoy things. But when things are hard, you have to think about how you’re relating to your partner. You have to work through things. Your coping skills are put to the test. In other words, the harder a relationship is, the more learning opportunities you have. In short, as long as you focus on what the relationship is trying to teach you, no relationship is ever wasted. And so the most valuable relationship is the one in which you learn the most … not necessarily the one that lasts the longest. Relationships can thus be viewed as learning tools. Every relationship, whether good or bad, teaches us new skills. So if the real reason for a relationship isn’t finding “The One” … if it isn’t getting married someday … if it isn’t partnering with someone to raise a family … what is it? Perhaps the real purpose of relationships is to attract people to us in order to stimulate and support our growth and evolution as a being. And so the person we attract to us is exactly the person we need to teach us exactly what we need to learn at that point in our lives. Food for thought … What is your relationship teaching you? What has each one of your past relationships taught you? If you can approach your current or future relationships as learning experiences, rather than as win-lose situations where you “win” if you stay together and “lose” if you break up, then you may just find that you feel a lot better about them. You may just find that you’re attracting better and better partners … because YOU are becoming a better and better person yourself. Don’t: Think that a relationship has to be perfect for it to be worth the trouble. Do: Regard relationships as learning experiences and grow from them. I wish you luck with your relationships! © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.