Communication between the sexes

Communication between the sexes seems to be a very complicated issue. Although we have all the means to communicate often, easily and inexpensively, we often end up misunderstanding each other. Because the two sexes come from frames of reference as opposite as Mars and Venus, there is bound to be sports!

If a man says something as simple as “I’ll pick the bread and milk up on the way home”, that is exactly what he means – it is all very simple. His wife may have another interpretation: She may think he means he is sick and tired of her choosing the bread he doesn’t like (as usual) and that he is trying to tell her she never does anything right. He may even be thinking “My wife looked so tired last night. Let me see if I can help her.” He gets home thinking he will get a big hug for being so helpful and instead she sarcastically says “Well, at least we won’t have to give half the bread to the dog” and moves out of his way before he can get near her! That night she finds something else to pick him out about and he ends up sleeping in the guest bedroom. And so the circus continues …

To cut a long story short, men are usually a lot more straightforward than women. We may think they are sometimes rude or bad-mannered, but they would also be right in thinking that women often have agendas and analyse and interpret things all the time, often incorrectly.

Sometimes it is even not a good thing to explain in detail what we mean because then something small and completely innocent can become an issue.

The trick is probably to try and see life the way your partner sees it (at important moments during communication and also in the longer term), and to be aware of his/her values and style of communication. Then have your say the way your partner would say it when communicating something important to him/her. Whichever way, if you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you are more likely to be understood in the way you really want to be.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

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