Choose the right partner

I so often hear from my clients that they keep on meeting the wrong person. Perhaps you, too, keep on meeting people who bring out the worst in you and do not treat you well. Firstly you need to recognise that this is a pattern in your life and that it is likely to repeat itself again and again, until you face it and deal with it. I myself also used to fall into this trap. I had disaster after disaster in my relationships until I married a psychopath! That was the turning point for me. In my mind, I had had enough, and after that I vowed and declared I was going to choose good men. And, shortly after that I met my second husband, Bryan, who treated me very well, and we were very happy. And, to prove that it was not just a fluke, I am now again happily married and treated like a queen. So the pattern has changed. How did I do it? If I look back, I always used to choose “exciting” men, men who were in it for themselves, who reflected back to me that I chose to be a “victim”. Because I was shown this type of example in my upbringing, I brought it to all my relationships. I chose to meet men who would reflect my “victimhood” back to me, so that I could learn from them how not to choose a life partner. Each disastrous relationship was an opportunity to correct the imbalanced perspectives that I had grown up with. I had to consciously analyse what was happening in my life, and from then on consciously choose “good” men. I instinctively knew that Bryan was a “good” man when I met him, and I consciously chose to further our relationship, because I knew he would treat me well. He was not good-looking or rich in a material way, which is what I always was attracted to previously. It took a conscious effort for me to stay on track and keep the relationship going, but I was handsomely rewarded for it in the long run. My present husband, Richard, is such a pleasure to live with, so the pattern has really and truly changed. I have learned that love is also a choice, and it’s not just about how one feels. You really can choose your partner, based on sensible criteria. And those criteria are the ones you are going to ultimately fall in love with and they will keep you happy for a long, long time. Men and women alike can learn not to be victims. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.