Give and Take in a Relationship

There is something that is very vital that must be present in a romantic relationship for it to prosper, and that is that there must be more or less equal give and take in the relationship. We all know of relationships where one party seems to be doing all the giving, and it becomes very hard for that person over time. So hard, that after a while it just does not seem worth it any more. Why do some people give so much and others just take? If we look into the cause for this, it gives us some clues. Someone who gives more than they receive often has some kind of inferiority complex, and believes that of themselves they are not enough to sustain their partner’s interest. They feel their partner is in some way(s) superior to them, and they must compensate by working harder at the relationship. They attribute values to their partner that they believe they themselves do not have, not realising that they probably have those same values, just manifesting in different ways. If you spot it, you’ve got it, i.e. if you recognise some or other characteristic in your partner, you are able to see it because you have that same characteristic and it is in your frame of reference. By not recognising your own good qualities, you feel you are not good enough and give away your power to your partner, and so the cycle starts of doing more for the relationship than your partner in order to keep the relationship going. This is an unhealthy scenario. The person who takes more than their partner often does so unconsciously, not even realising the sacrifices the other is making. When this kind of pattern is allowed to develop, the taker often takes for granted what his/her partner is doing and is not given a chance to do some of the giving. The taker is robbed of a chance to contribute equally and often starts to lose interest. The taker then does not see the giver as a person of equal status, with the same power as he/she has. The taker sees other people outside the relationship as having more power and more magnetic attraction. The giver ends up with feelings of jealousy and insecurity. As time goes on, the relationship becomes more and more unhealthy. These are some of the scenarios that underlie problems in giving and taking. It is much better if both parties can recognise their own power from the start and not be sucked into unhealthy behavioural patterns. Each partner should have a healthy self-respect and self-liking for a relationship to get off to a good start. Do not allow your partner to give or take more than you do, and the relationship is more likely to be on a good footing. Don’t: Attribute superiority to your partner Do: Recognise your own good qualities and keep your relationship on an equal footing © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.