Honour what is important to your partner

When we are in a relationship we are very aware of what we regard as important to us in that relationship, but sometimes we forget that it is perhaps even more important to honour what is important to our partner. A relationship is a two way street and sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. When our partner was first attracted to us, he/she saw something in us that corresponded to his/her values. In a similar fashion we were attracted to him/her. A person’s values are very important to them, and they will be loyal to their values even before they are loyal to their partner – food for thought. We may not have the same values as our partner, but it is very important to hold them in respect. This will definitely endear us to our partner. There are the values of the Love Languages, which I have discussed before. They are words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and receiving of gifts. We need to discover our partner’s love language(s) and communicate with them via these languages to attain maximum benefit out of our relationship. This is one way of honouring what is important to our partner. For more information on this, read “The Five Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman. Something men value a lot is their freedom. Some women give their partners plenty of freedom, and this is to be commended. Other women do not. Perhaps they are operating from a deep-seated sense of insecurity, or perhaps they gave their partner freedom before, only to have it abused. However, most men will deeply appreciate a woman who gives them freedom and will always gladly return to her once they are ready to “come out of their cave”. (Read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.) Women, on the other hand, value a partner who gives them security. We are not necessarily talking about financial security here, but more about emotional security. A woman likes to know where she stands in a relationship, whereas men generally prefer a bit of a challenge. A woman needs to work on her own emotional security before she enters a relationship, because if she is “needy” she will drive all potential partners away. A man with a mature approach goes a long way in giving a woman the security she needs. Sometimes our partner’s values can be seen in their hobbies. This is often seen by the other partner as time that is taken away from the relationship and can be viewed as a threat. Again it is part of the freedom aspect that is so important in a relationship. Each partner should have the freedom to pursue their own hobbies, within reason. It is also important that if you have a consuming passion for one or other hobby that you do not neglect your partner at the same time. One must always keep a balance. Don’t: Trample on what your partner views as important, i.e. his/her values. Do: Learn to communicate with your partner via his/her own love language(s). © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Don't create baggage as you go along

What does the word “baggage” mean to you? We all want a partner who does not have baggage. We ourselves try not to have too much baggage. But there are plenty of us who actually create baggage as we go along in our relationship, as if there wasn’t enough of it already! We are all familiar with control dramas. We see them often in the movies and on TV. Is this what we should be modelling our lives on? This is the kind of behaviour that definitely creates baggage, baggage that need not have been there. People who create baggage usually do not think before they act. They act on impulses which they often live to regret. When we act on an impulse, we usually do not consider our partner’s frame of reference and where they are coming from. It is all about our own egos, what WE want and how WE see life. We are then acting from a limited perspective. When our partner makes us angry, we should count to ten and then count our words. What is it that is making us angry? Is it something that is threatening our ego? Are we reacting with an impoverished spirit and not an abundance mentality? Are we feeling threatened? Do we want to take revenge on our partner for an imagined wrong that we feel has been done to us? Good communication can do a lot to iron out misunderstandings that can lead to this kind of nonsense. Are we riddled with jealousy? Are we afraid to give our partners freedom because we are afraid to lose them? Deep-seated insecurities can lead to this kind of behaviour, which does not bode well for any relationship. So what can we do to avoid creating baggage? First and foremost it is very important to be grateful for all the good we have in our lives and in our relationship. This helps create the abundance mentality I have just mentioned. We need to focus on good, wholesome things and not give negativity a chance to take root. We need to BE the type of partner we want in our lives. All this does not come in an instant, but may take many years of continual work on ourselves. Sometimes it is even necessary to go for counselling. But the rewards are there, and it is definitely worth all the time and effort. Don’t: Get caught in the groove of continual control dramas. Do: Read “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle and broaden your perspective on life. © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Seek time-honoured values in your relationship

We would all like to ultimately be in a relationship that has stood the test of time, but to reach that much sought-after destination, we need to seek time-honoured values in our relationship. Integrity and trust are two very important factors in a relationship. It is very important that both parties should keep their word when dealing with their partner (and, indeed, in all of life!). We all want someone who is consistent, congruent, and reliable. No relationship built on a foundation of lies will last. We need to make honesty a habit, so that our partner will know where we stand and also where they stand. We want someone who will trust us enough to give us freedom and space, yet who can also draw us near and hold us close. This foundation of trust protects a relationship. You have then built your relationship on a solid pillar and you know you can count on it. Respect and consideration shown to your partner on a continual, long-term basis will endear you to him/her. This type of treatment from one’s partner gives a chance for real love to grow. We need to cultivate a healthy self-respect first before we can happily afford others the same respect. You may sometimes perceive your partner to be making wrong choices, but it is important to still respect them, and their choices, however hard this may be. Consideration for one’s partner’s happiness and wellbeing is also very important in a relationship. If we are selfish and always thinking of how we can please ourselves in our relationship, it will bring us short term gratification only. We are then always wanting more and more, and are never satisfied. This type of behaviour leads to a downward spiral in your relationship, and should be avoided. Loyalty and unconditional love are also important. We all want to know that our partner is faithful to us, no matter what. Our first loyalty should be to our partner, and if we are married, this is even more important. It is important that we are always supportive towards our partner, especially in company. It is very destructive to criticize one’s partner in the company of others, even if you perceive them to be wrong about something. Those matters should be sorted out in private. It is also important to us that our partner loves us unconditionally. None of us can be perfect, and we need to know we are accepted for who we are, despite of our shortcomings. We need to know that even if our behaviour is not always of the best, that we have a safe haven where our partner will love us regardless. We want this for ourselves, so we must afford it to our partners. Treat your partner in the same way as you would like to be treated. Take that one step further and treat them the way they would like to be treated. Remember, you will get back what you put into a relationship and much more, if you treat your partner well. Don’t: Look for short term gratification in your relationship at the expense of your partner. Do: Do unto your partner as you would have done unto you! © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Don't have unrealistic expectations

All of us want an ideal partner, someone who at least approaches our idea of perfect, but how does one find such a person when everyone around us seems to have issues, problems and baggage? Moreover we ourselves are always working through our own issues, so can we in any way be a perfect partner for someone else? When clients approach me for membership to Perfect Strangers, I sometimes sense they have unrealistic expectations. A woman, for example, may, before she joins, have an issue with men standing her up on dates. This is a very real problem that is re-occurring in her life, and she expects that when she joins Perfect Strangers this problem is just going to go away completely. My heart sinks when I hear things like this, because I know her problem is ongoing, and even the most reliable men on my books will somehow find a way of letting her down. There is something in her psyche that is inviting men to do this, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it until she sorts it out in her own mind. Then and then only will the problem be righted. Then there are others who find that in ordinary, everyday life they are meeting ordinary, everyday people, but they expect that when they join Perfect Strangers that they are suddenly going to meet partners who look like they have walked out of the movies or a glossy magazine! Nothing and nobody in this life is ever going to be perfect, but rest assured, you can find someone who is perfect for you, which implies that this person may have faults and issues, but they will certainly contribute towards your growth and development, which is, after all, why we have been put on this earth. The media can often be blamed for us having these unrealistic expectations. The movies, TV and popular magazines often portray highly attractive, airbrushed people with superb builds, but in reality only 2% of the population look like this. The media also portray most people as always ready for instant, uncomplicated sex, whereas in real life romantic love doesn’t always work in this way. They also blow up these people as heroes and heroines in everyday situations, and real-life people simply cannot compete. And so we idealise what we see and expect our partners to live up to these unrealistic expectations. By doing this, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment time after time. We also need to do some soul-searching into ourselves and our own lives. Are we in any way being the kind of partner we hope to meet? I have sometimes had overweight men come for interviews who tell me they want to meet petite women! This is an extreme example, but it happens from time to time. And then I might have a woman who tells me there are no good men left. This is her perception, but it is based on a lie which she has come to believe as true. She expects to meet only “bad” men and this is what she will find time after time. So expecting the worst is also an example of having unrealistic expectations. When we are in the middle of a situation, it is sometimes difficult to see life in its true perspective. It is best for us if we have a cautiously optimistic outlook, without losing track of reality. Don’t: Expect the airbrushed, skinny supermodels you see on TV and in glossy magazines to show up in real life. Do: Train yourself to have a cautiously optimistic outlook while at the same time keeping your feet firmly on the ground. © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Focus on your partner's good points

We all would like a partner who sees the best in us and believes we are well-intentioned. We want someone who turns a blind eye to our many faults and who loves us just as we are, warts and all. Because this is what we want, this is the kind of partner we must be ourselves. The Law of Attraction states that we bring about what we focus on. So if we want a certain result, it is very important to control our thoughts concerning this matter. Most surely we want more of the good points of our partner and less of the ones we don’t like. And so we must focus on the things we like in him/her and ignore the things that bother us. Apart from the fact that we will then get more of what we want, we ourselves will be happier people because of our positive attitude, and so the spin-offs multiply and our relationship goes in an upward spiral of getting better and better. When we know our partner thinks well of us and expects the best of us, we are always very eager to prove them right and not to let them down. This is just human nature. Give someone a good name and they will do their best to live up to it. What’s more, it is also very important to let them know how much we appreciate the wonderful things they are and do, as this also opens up better communication between the two of you. Your partner will enjoy your conversation and appreciate you in return. I myself was once happily married to a man who was a smoker. I am not a smoker, and did not enjoy his smoking. I found when I focused on his smoking I made myself unhappy. When I concentrated on how wonderful a partner he was in other ways, I had a more balanced perspective, and rightly considered myself lucky to have him in my life. He passed away eight years ago and I remember him only as an exceptionally good husband who made me a very happy woman. It was a small sacrifice to put up with his smoking, considering what I received in return. Now that he is gone I only have good memories, and the smoking is a complete non-issue. I am glad we parted on excellent terms, and not with me focussing on his smoking. Don’t: Let little annoyances trip up your relationship. Do: See the bigger picture of your relationship in a balanced perspective. © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Make romance a habit

What is the glue that keeps relationships fun and exciting? Two major factors come to mind: chemistry and romance. Chemistry is either there or not there, and there is not much you can do to change it. But romance is equally as important, and it is something that can be worked on by both parties. We experience many different kinds of relationships in life, but the ones that we remember as the most poignant are those where romance has played a big role. Romance is what makes your partner special: it sets your partner apart from the crowd. We often think of romance as gigantic gestures which are obvious and “in your face”. But it is the small things that count (as my clients tell me again and again!). You can make a habit of keeping romance alive by doing little, inexpensive things that will make your partner love you to bits! Gestures of caring and consideration are very important when it comes to romance. Do you make it a habit to always be kind to your partner? Romance does not start in the bedroom, but is the way you treat your partner on a 24/7 basis! It is easy to be romantic when a relationship is new, but it is very important to keep up those wonderful habits you got into when your relationship started and make them a way of life. When you see couples that have been happily married for years, they have inevitably kept the fires of romance consistently burning. Romance need not be an expensive thing to maintain. It can be kept alive by being aware of the love language(s) that your partner speaks. (For more information on this read “The Five Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman. To summarise, the languages are: 1. Words of Affirmation (These are positive and often involve sincere praise and encouragement) 2. Physical Touch (This covers a much broader base than sex on its own) 3. Quality Time 4. Deeds of Service 5. Gift Giving(Gifts can be small and inexpensive – it’s the thought that counts!) Think about these five aspects of a relationship, and work out which one(s) appeals most to your partner. The way your partner treats you is a clue: they will relate to you according to their own love language(s), which is usually easy to spot. The very fact that you are making an effort indicates that you are already working on the romance in your relationship. Don’t: Let your relationship run on autopilot. Do: Make romance a habit, and watch love blossom! © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Practise gratitude

There is something that almost all of us overlook when it comes to relationships, and that is sincere appreciation for our partner. We all need to practise gratitude in life, especially when it comes to our partners. Never take a good relationship for granted, because you never know how long that person may still be with you. If your partner is showing you sincere appreciation for all you do for him/her, you just want to do more and more for them, and so the relationship goes in an upward spiral of just getting better and better. Sometimes in a relationship it can become hard to find things to be grateful for. Perhaps you and your partner are going through a difficult patch and things are not going so well. Isn’t it a good idea to rather focus on whatever you can find that is positive than to dwell on the negative and make yourself unhappy? You will find that if you focus on something positive, you will get more of that thing, and the negatives will tend to fade away. It all boils down to the Law of Attraction: You will attract into your life what you think about most. Gratitude is a habit and a way of life. It is a universal principle that applies in all spheres of life. Why would the universe give you more of something you like if you are not grateful for what you already have? It applies to our finances as well. If you teach yourself how to work with money, appreciate every cent you earn and work hard for it, you are more likely to prosper financially than if you have a “don’t care” attitude towards money. Similarly, if we study the art of good relationships, cultivate good habits in our relationship and appreciate our partner for being in our life, our relationship is likely to be healthy and very rewarding. If one has not yet consciously practised the habit of gratitude, how does one start? At the end of each day, before you go to sleep, think over the day and find at least five good things to thank your Creator for. Even better, write them down. Make this a daily habit, and before long you will find that your whole attitude to life has changed, and you are much happier. Moreover, as the years pass, this habit becomes ingrained, and you are a better person for it. At the same time, seize every opportunity to appreciate your partner, and let them know that you appreciate them. They will love you for it. Don’t: Take life and your partner for granted. Do: Seize every opportunity to sincerely appreciate life and the wonderful partner that you have. © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

There is a blessing in every relationship

Sometimes we wonder why we ever landed up in certain relationships. Everything just seems to go wrong and sometimes things get so twisted we just don’t know what to do. And often there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. What are we supposed to do in these circumstances? Firstly it is good to remember that there is a divine balance in our universe. To the degree that something is bad, we can also find good things about it! You might ask what good there could possibly be in your situation, but if you think very deeply and for some time, you are bound to come up with some benefits, believe it or not. Often it is only in hindsight that we can see these blessings, but they are always there, if we just scratch beneath the surface. Perhaps we “pushed” a relationship that was not yet “ripe”. Perhaps we took our partner for granted. Perhaps we neglected our partner. Maybe we were selfish … This list could go on and on, but there are mistakes we often make in relationships which lead to their downfall. These mistakes happened for a reason, as nothing happens by chance. They happened so that we could LEARN from our situation. And life keeps on presenting the same lessons to us until we learn to do things differently, so there is no escape. We should train ourselves to look for the positives in every situation, as well as our relationships. If we dwell on what is wrong, we just make ourselves unhappy and gain nothing. Do yourself a favour and look back on all the relationships you have ever had. Find at least one good thing about every one of them, even if they didn’t end well. Then look at your present relationship and do the same thing. It is often more difficult to do this in the present, as we are so involved we often cannot see things in their true perspective. Something we can do is ask a friend if they can see any blessings that we are blind to. Our friends will give opinions that come from a completely different frame of reference, and they can often see things more clearly than we can when we are so caught up in a situation. Don’t: Beat yourself up about it if a relationship has not worked out. Do: Learn from your mistakes, see the blessings and move on. © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Don't force a relationship

Do you sometimes try to force relationships? There are a lot of us who have regrets in this life, and many who wish our lives were different. We look back and think of all sorts of situations we could have handled in a better way. Some of us look back on divorces and bad choices we made when selecting previous partners. Often we made wrong decisions only yesterday. Many of us are even guilty of forcing relationships and then wondering why they did not work out. What are the benefits of having a more relaxed approach to life and dating? How do we learn to let go and rather let the universe organise things for us? The first thing to know is that we are not in charge, and that the universe is arranging all things for our good. We often overlook the blessing when we are going through a rough patch. We see nothing good about what is happening to us at the time. Sometimes it is only years later that we see how that difficult time actually benefitted us, and that it was a good thing that it happened. Hindsight is an exact science, but most of us have been around long enough to know that there are many sides to most situations, both good and bad. The trick is to have a positive outlook and always look for the benefits of a situation. They are there, if we will just put our minds to it. It only makes us unhappy to dwell on the negative aspects of a situation, so we should learn to rather dwell on the positive side of the equation. Knowing that there are always positives to any situation should help us to relax a little about what is happening and this should also help us to have a happy mindset. Then we can say with a cheerful heart, “What’s meant to be is meant to be”. We never know what life is going to present us with, but if we just do what we have to do and relax about the outcome, we will have a serenity that nothing can take away. We can also apply this attitude to our relationships. We often wish we could have our lives over and be wiser in our choice of partners. But if we look on the bright side, the universe allowed us to make those mistakes in order that we could be wiser and learn from them. If a relationship does not work out for whatever reason, be assured that there is someone better waiting for you around the next corner, someone more suited to you, who will appreciate you more than your previous partner did. I myself was once in love with someone who was no good for me. And because a relationship never got off the ground with him, I was open to a relationship with someone far better suited to me. But I would never have believed that at the time. Things were unclear to me then, but now many years have passed, I see the wisdom of my Creator, who actually had the best in mind for me. It was all a learning curve. The Creator’s timing is also perfect. We want things yesterday, but He knows best, and will give us what we need when the time is right. When we are pushing and chasing a relationship, it often seems to be running away from us all the time. But when we relax and let the universe unfold, and bring our partner gently to us, it is the best relationship we could ever have hoped for. Our Creator does things much better for us and in far grander style than we could ever hope to imagine! Don’t: Try to force a relationship with anyone. Do: Relax, enjoy your dating, and detach yourself from the results. © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Have an abundance approach

Most of us would like to settle down with someone special. We actually want much more than that. We all want a relationship that is abundant. The word “abundant” implies that there is more than sufficient of something, that there is a wealth of whatever it is that is abundant. One immediately thinks of a relationship that is very happy, with plenty of love flowing between the two partners. How does one establish such a relationship? A relationship like this is built on a good, solid foundation. All these things do not come immediately. In short, a relationship like this is earned. We all think that in the beginning, when everything is moonshine and roses, that OF COURSE we have abundance in our relationship, but, if after a year or two, all that love and happiness is still there, then you have definitely EARNED the abundance in your relationship. This abundance, that you have obviously worked hard to maintain, is of the lasting kind as good relationship habits pave the way to it. Men like their freedom, and women like their security. Are you providing these elements in your relationship? Women, if you are giving your men freedom, they will appreciate it and if the relationship is meant to be, they will always come back to you with loving hearts. If you give them their freedom, and they don’t come back to you, there is always someone else out there who will appreciate you building on this important long-term pillar in a relationship. Men, are you giving your girlfriends a lot of love and care and do they know that they can count on you? These are the things that make women feel secure and they will always love you for it. Giving freedom and security to one’s partner is not always easy, and often requires sacrifice on your part, over and over again. Make it a long term habit, and you will be amply rewarded with love and happiness in your relationship. Caring and consideration are also important elements in a relationship. Sometimes one does not feel like being considerate, because it doesn’t suit one, but this always comes at the cost of the relationship. Everything has a price. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to pay small increments on a consistent basis towards your relationship in the form of sound relationship habits? Soon you will no longer notice that it is an effort, and it will come naturally and easily. Nothing worthwhile is achieved in life without sacrifice of some sort, and with time the good habits will be ingrained in you. Being selfish and thinking only of oneself can cost a relationship dearly. Your partner will not be happy and love will fly out of the window. Don’t: Take your partner for granted. Do: Practice generosity with your partner, especially generosity of your time and your love © 2009, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Don't be materialistic

We all want a partner who loves us just for who we are, as well as for who we are not. None of us wants to perceive that our partner wants us for any kind of ulterior motive. We like to think that we are receiving at least as much as we are giving in our relationship. That makes us want to give more and more, and so our relationship goes in an upward spiral of giving and receiving, which is healthy. Do we ever examine our motives when we start dating someone we like a lot? Often when we are dating we weed out those people who are needy, who seem to want something from us and who are on the take. That is why it is healthy to date many people before marriage, so that you can recognise who the people are who relate to you in healthy ways. Once you are in a committed relationship, it is also wise to remain vigilant in keeping the balance of give and take between you and your partner. Oftentimes a man is materialistic in a relationship when he is in it for the sex. He is vitally interested in satisfying himself and can leave his partner feeling unfulfilled. What is that man bringing to the relationship? Is he making it worthwhile for his partner? Maybe he thinks he can buy her love/sex, but that will ultimately leave her feeling empty and used. If, on the other hand, he is bringing in a healthy amount of loving and genuine happiness to the relationship, his partner will just want to give him more and more and will appreciate him hugely. Women can be materialistic in expecting men to be the providers. In today’s society, where women are often the bigger earners, this is becoming more and more unrealistic. Yes, a man likes to provide, but never likes to feel that he is being used, or that a woman likes him just because he has money. He likes to feel admired, respected and loved for who he is as a person, and not only for the money he brings to the table. Everything is becoming more and more expensive as time goes by, and if a woman also earns good money, she should be willing to share some of it and not let her man bear the burden of all the expenses, unless, of course, he really doesn’t need or want any help in this arena. The Law of Attraction also fits into this picture. What you constantly think about, you will ultimately bring into your life. Do you want to have a mountain of money when you are old, and no love and happiness to go with it, or do you want a healthy balance of a happy family, friends and good memories? On your deathbed, are you going to want to look at your bank balance, or are you going to want to look into the face of someone you have genuinely loved and been happy with? If we are in a relationship just for what we can get out of it, the universe may very well punish us by giving us what we want! Later we will see that genuine, time honoured values have made us happier than our materialistic desires have. Don’t: Always think of what you can get out of a relationship. Do: Appreciate your partner for who they are as a person. © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Appreciate your partner

We all want a partner who will treat us with respect and who will value us as human beings. When my previous husband, Bryan, was alive, we had this kind of relationship and appreciated each other enormously. It made it easier for me to find closure when he passed away eight years ago because we had no unfinished business between us and we parted on good terms. How do we set the stage to appreciate our partners? Something we must always keep in mind is the law of attraction. The law of attraction is like a magnet, where like attracts like. So if we respect and value ourselves, we will automatically draw people to us who will treat us in this way. Some of us tend to put others first, especially women. It is the way we were brought up to always care for others. This is especially true for a woman who has children. But a woman owes it to herself to take good care of herself, and to think well of herself, or otherwise she could end up being a doormat for her children and the man in her life. Something we should never do is take people for granted, especially our partners. We never know how long we will have them in our lives, so whilst they are here, we should really appreciate them and also SHOW that appreciation. The chances are that if we are doing this, we ourselves will be appreciated and valued. Another thing to respect is the free will of our partners. Who likes to be pushed into a corner and forced to do things? Nobody. Our partner’s free will is something we often never give a second thought. It is that free will that caused him/her to love you in the first place. Wouldn’t you like your partner to have choices, just as you have choices? If you respect your partner’s free will, he/she will most likely respect yours. It is also very important to respect your partner’s values. They will most probably be different to your values, which will obviously require a little effort from you. Read Dr John Demartini’s book, “The Heart of Love”, which elaborates on the importance of aligning your values with those of your partner. It will be well worth that effort in the long run, because your partner is likely to appreciate your stance and reciprocate by returning the favour. Always be the first to show respect and appreciation – your partner is likely to follow suit. Don’t: Put others first to your own detriment. Do: Show your appreciation to your partner because you never know how long you will have them in your life. © 2009, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Create variety in your relationship

We all long for a partner who is interesting, and who surprises and delights us often, but have we ever thought about our own role in creating variety in our relationship? It’s all too easy to start off a relationship, where everything is new and we are on a voyage of discovery. We are getting to know our partner and find everything he or she says or does to be fascinating. Come six months down the line and we could be falling into the trap of a set routine, always doing the same things and finding our once tantalizing partner to suddenly be boring and predictable! How do we maintain the romance and excitement? (We wanted this to be forever, remember?) The secret is to cultivate good habits right from when the relationship starts. It is even more important for a woman to be unpredictable, as this is often one of the factors that keeps a man interested in her. (A woman can think differently, as she tends to find security in predictability, and security is often one of the most important values that she has.) Part of the secret of being unpredictable and creating variety is to keep our partner guessing just a little bit. There is a fine balance between a mature sharing of your innermost self and “not letting it all hang out”. We all want a mixture of familiarity and that element of surprise. Part of all this is self-respect, where we find it easy to act with poise. We even find ourselves exciting as we discover new things on life’s journey. Make a point of doing things that are out of your normal routine from time to time. And the things that you normally do … well, if you like to do them, try to do them differently now and then, just to spice things up a bit. Find novel ways of showing your respect and appreciation, and just now and then, if you have something else important and worthwhile to do, be unavailable. Bring fun and mischief into some of the things you do. There is nothing like laughter to add to good memories. Remember the law of attraction? It works like a magnet. So if you want your relationship to be interesting, make sure you yourself are an interesting person. This involves creating variety and adventure in your relationship. Your partner is likely to mirror your behaviour and your relationship will tend to be exciting. Don’t: Fall into the trap of having too set a routine in your relationship. Do: Cultivate the habit of surprising your partner from time to time. © 2009, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Give your partner privacy

We all like to have our privacy, and so it is natural to expect that our partner would want the same for him/herself. We should all treat other people the way we want to be treated, so the privacy of both partners should be a given in a relationship. How often does it happen that a call or sms arrives on our partner’s phone and we are tempted to peek and see who it was from? Some of us even think it is our right to do so, and yet we would hate it if we ourselves were treated like this. Worse still, we want to know what our partner is up to every minute of the day. If you want your partner to feel hounded and to start withdrawing, be on his/her case in this way. It all boils down to trust. Trust is such a vital part of a relationship that it needs to be mentioned here. It is usually a good thing to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and to extend your trust first. If your trust is broken, that is another matter, but everyone likes to feel they are trusted when a relationship starts out. Your partner will not want to let you down and break your trust if he/she knows that that trust has been extended. Expect the best and you will get the best. What about secrets? If we can keep our own private secrets, our partner will know that they can trust us with theirs. It is not a good idea to be too inquisitive about one’s partner’s private life. If there is something you really need to know, it is better to let it come to the surface in a natural way than to force an issue. Privacy and freedom go hand in hand. If you hold on tight to your partner and never want to let them out of your sight, they will rebel and want to get as far away from you as possible. If your partner knows you respect their space, he/she will surely appreciate this hugely and you will reap the benefits of the same respect afforded to you. Privacy is sometimes very difficult to maintain when one lives with one’s partner. Here it is doubly important to be vigilant about giving one’s partner space. It all adds up to a healthy relationship. Don’t: Be continually suspicious and snoop on your partner’s every move. Do: Extend your trust to your partner in a mature way and you are likely to be rewarded. © 2009, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Be generous in your relationship

An aunt of mine once said to beware of a partner who is stingy with money in your relationship, because he/she will be stingy with their love as well. Being generous, however, applies to all areas of a relationship, including things like time and effort. When a relationship is new and things are finding their balance, it is important not to overdo one’s generosity, as this will more than likely scare off one’s partner. Men in particular find a women who is over the top in this area, very scary, especially when a relationship is new. Women are by nature nurturers and it is very natural for them to give all they can, but this is not advisable in a new relationship. At this stage, a man usually enjoys pursuing a woman, and likes to perceive the woman as a challenge. A woman will completely take the wind out of his sails if she smothers him with attention at this stage. However, as things develop, a healthy give and take by both partners is desirable. As time goes by and trust develops, a man likes it when the woman takes the initiative and makes him feel appreciated. Then both partners usually enjoy it when the other person gives them lots of time and attention. In particular, a man enjoys it when the woman is generous in giving him space. One can also be generous in affording one’s partner privacy. This kind of respect should be mutual. In a relationship like this there is an aura of abundance. Both partners have abundance mentalities and there is a great deal of freedom afforded to each person. One can also be abundant in honesty. This type of generosity is usually much appreciated, as everyone wants a partner who is trustworthy and consistent in their approach to life. One can be generous in one’s appreciation of one’s partner. It is nice when someone notices the things you do for them, however small, and thanks you from their heart. This kind of appreciation usually has a snowball effect of your partner wanting to do even more for you, and so the relationship goes in an upward spiral of getting better and better as time goes by. One has cultivated good habits and if one keeps them up, this type of relationship then does not require a lot of work. Don’t: Expect your partner to do all the work in your relationship. Do: Operate from an abundance mentality in your relationship, and things are likely to go your way. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.