Don't compare!

In my experience as a professional dating service owner, I often see people comparing their dates to their previous partner(s). This is a process none of us can resist, but is it a good thing to do?

A client of mine (Let’s call him Hardus), who was widowed a few years ago comes to mind. He was very happily married and idolised his wife. Somehow he just can’t seem to find someone else he feels he can be happy with. He is a wonderful man and has met many wonderful women through my service, but just can’t seem to settle down. It is as if he has never found closure with his deceased wife and that he just cannot let her go and move on.

Often we idealise someone in the past as being just perfect for us. If this relationship never worked out and we move on, somehow nobody else after that is able to measure up. This type of situation can really shoot us in the foot when meeting new dates. We make snap judgements about them based on assumptions which often are not valid. We do our date and ourselves a disservice. We ourselves would not like to be compared to someone else and found wanting, and yet we readily do this to others. We can then miss out on having the marvellous experience of getting to know someone completely different, who is just as wonderful as our previous partner(s), and who may have things to offer which we may not even have dreamed of!

Yes, we definitely need to keep an open mind when meeting new dates. An example I used in a recent blog emphasises this. I wrote that each one of us is like a flower, with our own unique colour, shape and exquisite perfume. We cannot say that one flower is better than another, they are just all different. Let’s celebrate our differences and appreciate what each new person has to offer! © 2010

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