Follow your intuition

In my experience as a professional dating service owner, I come across many people who ignore their intuition. Indeed, society almost teaches us to ignore it. Well-meaning friends and family impress their values on us and easily convince us that we are wrong and that they are right. We do not have enough confidence in our own judgement to follow what we think is right.

This applies in particular to whom we date and marry. It’s almost as if our friends and family must be satisfied that we have made the right choice before we ourselves can be happy about it. Glenda* and Jack* were just such a couple. Although Glenda’s parents always allowed her to live her own life and make her own choices, she was greatly influenced by peer pressure to settle down with Jack, who met her friends’ approval. She had had her doubts about Jack at the time, but in their group of friends they all had so much fun that she ignored that still, small voice that was telling her that Jack was not the right person for her. Ten years after marrying him she had grown as a person, met other friends who had other standards, and Jack no longer measured up. They went for counselling, and it was there that Glenda started learning to appreciate her own values and ideas, and to be emotionally more independent. She and Jack did finally split up, but she now has a much better idea of who she is as a person and what she wants out of life and a future partner. She is still learning to listen to her own intuition and not the opinions of her friends, but has progressed considerably since the days when she first got married.

Yes, we all want a partner who will fit in with our friends and family, but not at the expense of compromising our own values and standards, which may be different to theirs, and not at the expense of choosing someone who we in any way feel uneasy about. Choosing a life partner is a monumental decision. We need to develop our sixth sense, be sensitive to it and use it carefully and constructively when making this choice. This may involve taking a stance that will make us stand out as different from everyone else. Only we will know in our heart of hearts what is right for us. So have courage and stand up for what you know is right for you as a unique individual. You may save yourself years of heartache. © 2010. All rights reserved.

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* Names have been changed.