Photos can be misleading

Our appearance is always of paramount importance as we never get a second chance to make a first impression. We are not always available in person for people to sum us up, so these days we rely a lot on photos. They abound on internet sites and we make our decisions whether or not to make contact with people based on their photos.

In my own profession as a romance expert, I personally find that photos can be very misleading. A specific incident comes to mind: One of the men on my books was about to meet one of my ladies, but he insisted on seeing a photo of her first. He asked her to email it to him, which she did. He then phoned me and was very worried about meeting her as he did not like her face and was most put off. I know this lady in question very well. She is very attractive and in my opinion it was a very nice photo of her. I almost had to beg him to meet her. I knew it was a good match in all ways, including the kind of looks he had requested. He most reluctantly met her. That evening he phoned me and said that her photo did not do her justice, that she was absolutely stunning and that they suited each other very well. She also gave me feedback that she was very impressed and that she liked him very much.

As we get to know people, they reveal more and more about themselves, and it is like peeling the skin off an onion, layer by layer. It is only when we start reaching the layers close to the core that we can really know whether this person is suited to us or not. Yes, personal appearance is important, but it reveals even less than the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. When we see a photo, we cannot hear that person, we have no idea of the kind of vibes they are sending out, and we make a judgement based on an extremely flimsy piece of evidence.

Photos give us a first impression, but we should always bear in mind that there is much more to a person than just their photo.

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Recognise Your Soulmate

Most of us tend to think that when we meet our soulmate, a siren is going to sound and fireworks will fill the sky! Most of the time, however, this does not happen. A soulmate is someone we want to spend the rest of our lives with and one has to be very careful about choosing this person.

Appearance is a big factor when we initially meet, but time reveals who the real person is, and this is the person we must make up our minds about. As time goes by, you build up a shared history of good times and bad. You get into habits and routines and slowly but surely life has a way of pointing you in the direction which is right for you.

It is important to live in the present with this person and enjoy each moment. It is not a good idea to be results oriented. Do not try to push situations, but just relax and let the universe gradually lead you to where you are meant to be.

I wish you luck in finding this very special person!

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The Role of Predictability in a Relationship

The word "predictable" carries with it a slightly negative connotation. We tend to think of predictable people as slightly boring and we do not want others to think they have completely sussed us out.

It is, however, important to be predictable to some degree in our romantic relationship. For example, we all want our partner to be reliable, punctual, honest, dependable, etc., and these are all qualities we would do well to cultivate in ourselves.

However, to keep a relationship interesting and keep our partner enthralled, we have to sometimes do or say the unexpected thing. Romance thrives on excitement and novelty, and we should bring this to our relationship as much as we can.

The trick is to keep a balance when it comes to being predictable, and this we can all do.

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Accept your partner as they are

Sometimes in the course of my work, I am confronted with the fact that people want their partners to change. Of course, no one will ever be 100% what you are looking for, but there comes a time when you need to weigh up all the factors and decide to be happy with the partner you have, if you decide to stay with them.

One also needs to remember, if you want someone to change, you yourself need to change first before you can expect your partner to do any changing. Once they see that you are willing to put in an effort, they are far more likely to put in an effort themselves.

The people who irritate you are often your best life teachers. Usually the thing that gets to you is something in the depths of your very own persona that you do not like. It is your partner who is reflecting this back to you, and that is very often why you want them to change!

If you let go of your own issues, you will also find that it is easier to accept your partner as they are. Serenity will then surround you and you will find it easier to be grateful for him/her. You will be more content with life in general.

This is also a chance to practise some unconditional love. This is the kind of love you usually crave for yourself. What you give out comes back to you, so this is the best way to go.

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How to approach a relationship

I am often asked: "Will I recognise my soulmate immediately or will it take time to realise if my partner is my true soulmate?"

My instinct is to go for the second option. So often we meet people we are instantly attracted to, only to find with time that they make a disastrous partner. The chemistry is there in a big way, but so are the multiple problems that go with it. It is important to have some kind of spark between the two of you, but not at such a cost.

If you take the time to get to know someone, something very special can happen between the two of you. The emphasis here is on time and lots of it. God has plenty of time and it is a good thing to let your universe gently unfold. Savour each moment of getting to know someone and don't be results oriented. Enjoy what each day brings to your relationship and don't let issues and baggage drag you down.

If you have this approach, you will have a deep-seated serenity and you will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your life is perfect and that everything is happening the way it should. You will be contented with your life in general and you will attract good into it.

It's good that we don't know the future, because this makes life an adventure. It is a friendly universe and God is definitely working things out for the good of all of us. Just trust that this applies to your love life as well!

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Treat your partner the way you would like to be treated

So often I am faced with clients who have regrets about previous relationships. They are sorry about the way they treated their partner and wish they could have a second chance. Life seldom gives us second chances and so the onus is on us not to treat life as a dress rehearsal, but to make the most of each and every opportunity that comes our way, as it might be the only opportunity we ever have. If you have a wonderful partner, be sure to appreciate him/her and not take this person for granted.

What we sow we also reap. Be sure to be planting good seeds in your relationship. It is important to treat our partner the way we would like to be treated. Better still, we should treat them the way they want to be treated. The chances are, of course, that if you do this, you are likely to receive good treatment in return, and your relationship will go in an upward spiral. This will ensure that you are less likely to live with regrets.

I wish you luck with your relationships!

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Keep an open mind when meeting your dates

So often we go on a date with all sorts of expectations. We have a list of what we want and what we don't want and some of us are quite rigid in sticking to that list. But people are full of surprises and it is difficult to put them in boxes. We ourselves would like others to give us a chance when meeting us, so we need to afford them the same opportunity.

Some people are quick and easy to get to know and others take their time in allowing us close. I myself nearly missed an opportunity when I met my present partner. He did not show all his cards in the beginning and because of that I nearly overlooked him. Thank heavens I gave him a second chance, because as time went by I discovered more and more things about him that I really like, and today we are very happy.

And then there is chemistry ... If a spark ignites between two people, the "list" often flies out of the window and the most unlikely people can pair up and be blissfully happy. Here we need to keep an open mind in the sense that we must be on the lookout for the negatives in this case, as our feeling of being "in love" can lead us into big trouble!

So keep your eyes wide open whilst at the same time expecting the best of your date. Be flexible and enjoy each moment.

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