Create space in your relationship

Today I am going to focus on creating space for each other in your relationship. I am reminded of when I was married to my second husband, Bryan, and how happy we were. He gave me all the space I could possibly have desired, and you know what? I just simply didn’t want to go anywhere! If he had cramped my space, you can be sure I would have found all sorts of things I wanted to get up to. And I afforded him the same space. He never abused his freedom, always told me where he was going and always phoned if he was going to be late. And I was happy to let him do as he pleased. It was such a free arrangement that we had. I would wish this for any relationship. Underlying the giving of space is an aura of trust. If one does not trust one’s partner, one is reluctant to give him/her the luxury of some space. Trust stems from a healthy self-respect and self-liking. You must trust yourself and have faith in your own integrity before you can trust someone else. With this attitude, you like to treat your partner the way you yourself want to be treated. You should offer your trust first, expecting it to be honoured. Only if this trust is broken do you need to reassess the situation. How do we behave when we know we are trusted? We put our best foot forward, not wanting to disappoint our partner. We want him/her to know that this is the way we want to be treated and that we deserve this trust. This kind of attitude inspires loyalty, which in turn creates greater trust, and so the spiral goes upward. And the more trust there is, the more space we are prepared to give our partner and the more freedom we both have. Needy, clingy people find it difficult to give their partners space. They need reassurance every step of the way and do not enjoy their own company. They tend to want to control their partner as they think this will make them feel more secure. What does this type of behaviour inspire in your partner? They want to get away from you and need even more space than what they normally would have wanted. The tight rein you try to harness them with just makes them want to rebel and so the spiral goes downward. It is important to be emotionally independent in order not to be needy. Your emotional wholeness will go a long way towards ensuring a happy partnership. Don’t: Hold on to your partner in an effort to make him/her stay with you. Do: Give your partner the freedom they deserve. They will love you for it and always want to return to you. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Give and Take in a Relationship

There is something that is very vital that must be present in a romantic relationship for it to prosper, and that is that there must be more or less equal give and take in the relationship. We all know of relationships where one party seems to be doing all the giving, and it becomes very hard for that person over time. So hard, that after a while it just does not seem worth it any more. Why do some people give so much and others just take? If we look into the cause for this, it gives us some clues. Someone who gives more than they receive often has some kind of inferiority complex, and believes that of themselves they are not enough to sustain their partner’s interest. They feel their partner is in some way(s) superior to them, and they must compensate by working harder at the relationship. They attribute values to their partner that they believe they themselves do not have, not realising that they probably have those same values, just manifesting in different ways. If you spot it, you’ve got it, i.e. if you recognise some or other characteristic in your partner, you are able to see it because you have that same characteristic and it is in your frame of reference. By not recognising your own good qualities, you feel you are not good enough and give away your power to your partner, and so the cycle starts of doing more for the relationship than your partner in order to keep the relationship going. This is an unhealthy scenario. The person who takes more than their partner often does so unconsciously, not even realising the sacrifices the other is making. When this kind of pattern is allowed to develop, the taker often takes for granted what his/her partner is doing and is not given a chance to do some of the giving. The taker is robbed of a chance to contribute equally and often starts to lose interest. The taker then does not see the giver as a person of equal status, with the same power as he/she has. The taker sees other people outside the relationship as having more power and more magnetic attraction. The giver ends up with feelings of jealousy and insecurity. As time goes on, the relationship becomes more and more unhealthy. These are some of the scenarios that underlie problems in giving and taking. It is much better if both parties can recognise their own power from the start and not be sucked into unhealthy behavioural patterns. Each partner should have a healthy self-respect and self-liking for a relationship to get off to a good start. Do not allow your partner to give or take more than you do, and the relationship is more likely to be on a good footing. Don’t: Attribute superiority to your partner Do: Recognise your own good qualities and keep your relationship on an equal footing © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

The importance of romance

I am often asked the question: “Who is the most romantic when it comes to relationships, men or women?” The answer is a little more complicated than one would think. Women often set the scene with candlelit dinners, setting the atmosphere for a wonderful evening at home, whereas men often feel that they are the planners, planning dates at various romantic venues. Both sexes can be good at the giving of romantic gifts like flowers and chocolates etc. Over time, I have come to the conclusion that the one who is more passionate and committed in a relationship will be the more romantic one. It is this particular partner who is more dedicated to the relationship, who will invest more in the relationship to keep it going, who will actively plan to keep romance alive. Romance is a vitally important element in a relationship between a man and a woman. It is the aura of romance that will set a relationship apart from other relationships and make it special. We can all be friends with anyone, but we normally only have room for one person when it comes to romance. And romance can be a time and energy consuming thing. It takes time and energy to plan special dates and outings, and buy suitable gifts for whatever occasion. Romance can also be a commitment of our energies to making our partner happy, whatever that may take. Married people should especially be on their guard when it comes to romance. Too often one becomes so accustomed to one’s partner that before one knows it romance has flown out the window. Children come along, work commitments take one’s time away from one’s partner, and all too soon romance can be a thing of the past. Married people need to actively work on the romantic element in their relationship to keep it special. One actually needs to make romance a habit. Start when your relationship is new and it is very easy, and then keep up those habits for a lifetime. It will be well worth the effort. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to look back on a lifetime of romance with one’s partner, rather than one of drudgery? Don’t: Think and act as if romance is not important in your relationship. Do: Make it a habit to plan for romance in your relationship – it will be well worth your time and effort. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Law of Attraction and First Impressions

We are all looking for that ideal partner, someone we can look up to and someone who we can see ourselves spending a lot of time with. A lot of us are also wondering just how we can meet this person. There is a way in which we are likely to meet this person, and it involves The Law of Attraction. The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like, so what this boils down to is that we are very likely to attract a partner(s) who is similar to us. So basically we ourselves must BE the type of people we wish to attract. A lot of us have long lists of what we require in a partner, never dreaming that if we do not get our own house in order, that person is very unlikely to appear. I have people all the time telling me that they want to meet someone who is honest, slim, someone who has little or no baggage, and they do not stop to ask themselves whether they also have these qualities. Food for thought … There are also those people who take a person at face value. First impressions are important, and there is basic, sensible behaviour that should be adhered to at a first meeting, but not all people show all their cards the first time we meet them. It is therefore a good idea to get to know a person gradually. As the layers of an onion can be peeled off one by one, so we can get to know a person. The true person and character is only revealed with time. I myself never judge my clients the first time I meet them, because a few months later I can have a totally different impression of them. During this time I have had many interactions with them and occasionally it turns out that they are a completely different person to what I had thought, and I have been doing this business for 16 years already! I myself almost bypassed my wonderful husband for this exact same reason. There were no fireworks when we first met, and I hastily assumed that he was not the one for me. A year later when we met up again, I decided to give him a chance, only to find out with time that we are very well matched. I had grown as a person before I met him the second time, and therefore had the maturity to appreciate him more. So we all need to work on ourselves and not make hasty judgements about potential partners we meet. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Relationships are learning experiences

Perhaps dating is not only about trying out and discarding partners who aren’t a perfect fit for us, but about learning relationship skills. As we grow into adults, we stop bringing an attitude of discovery and learning to our relationships. Instead we bring an attitude of evaluation and expectations. The only thing we want to discover is whether this is the right person for us. We’re less interested in learning skills that will help us be better partners for our future lovers, and more interested in evaluating whether we want to keep being in this particular relationship. No wonder relationships stop being so much fun! If you’re in a difficult relationship with someone that you don’t have fun with anymore, your immediate impulse is going to be to get out of the relationship. Obviously the relationship isn’t “right” for you because it’s hard work and unpleasant! But perhaps these challenges are actually proof that you’re in the “perfect” relationship for you at that particular time. Perhaps these challenges are actually teaching you exactly what you need to improve your understanding and move to the next stage in your personal growth. On the one hand this makes sense. When things are easy, you can just flow. You don’t have to think too much. You can just enjoy things. But when things are hard, you have to think about how you’re relating to your partner. You have to work through things. Your coping skills are put to the test. In other words, the harder a relationship is, the more learning opportunities you have. In short, as long as you focus on what the relationship is trying to teach you, no relationship is ever wasted. And so the most valuable relationship is the one in which you learn the most … not necessarily the one that lasts the longest. Relationships can thus be viewed as learning tools. Every relationship, whether good or bad, teaches us new skills. So if the real reason for a relationship isn’t finding “The One” … if it isn’t getting married someday … if it isn’t partnering with someone to raise a family … what is it? Perhaps the real purpose of relationships is to attract people to us in order to stimulate and support our growth and evolution as a being. And so the person we attract to us is exactly the person we need to teach us exactly what we need to learn at that point in our lives. Food for thought … What is your relationship teaching you? What has each one of your past relationships taught you? If you can approach your current or future relationships as learning experiences, rather than as win-lose situations where you “win” if you stay together and “lose” if you break up, then you may just find that you feel a lot better about them. You may just find that you’re attracting better and better partners … because YOU are becoming a better and better person yourself. Don’t: Think that a relationship has to be perfect for it to be worth the trouble. Do: Regard relationships as learning experiences and grow from them. I wish you luck with your relationships! © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Do you take your dates at face value?

We all have our ideas about what we are looking for in a partner, and it is very good to know what one wants, but what if one is so fussy, that one eventually has nobody to choose from? Every now and then I have somebody on my books who is very particular about what they want in a partner. There is a long list of MUST HAVES and MUST NOT HAVES. When this happens, this person’s list of potential partners is cut in half and it is very difficult to match him/her. Whilst this person is fully entitled to have their preferences, I sometimes wonder if this is wise. It also happens that I sometimes take a chance and introduce them to someone who is not “quite right” and they are overjoyed with the match. That special “chemistry” was there or they saw something else they liked and that list they had flew out the window! I was just as fussy some years back. Not that it helped, because I had many disastrous relationships! The first time I met my second husband, Bryan, I did not like him at all. He did not fit in with my “list” and I thought he was not at all suited to me. Two years later I met him again and decided to give him a chance because I then saw some very good aspects of his personality and character. That was an excellent move on my part, because he proved to be the most wonderful husband and we were very happy during the short time that we were together. I would have robbed myself of a blessing if I had stuck to my rigid “list”, and I am forever grateful for the experience of having had a happy marriage. The same thing happened with my present husband. There were no fireworks for me when I first met him, but as time went by I saw more and more things in him that I really liked and today I can truly say that he is the most wonderful husband and partner. Perhaps one should keep a healthy balance between having set ideas about what one wants and keeping an open mind. People are all so vastly different and each one has something good to offer. We would all like others to see us in the best possible light, so perhaps we should offer them the same opportunity and not make hasty judgements when we hardly know them. As we get to know someone, it is like peeling off the layers of an onion. There is always something fresh and new coming to the surface. One has to go through quite a few layers before one gets to the core of the onion, and similarly it takes us a long time to get to know someone. People are also always changing, so even if you think you know someone, you can be in for a surprise. Don’t: Take people at face value. Do: Be open to possibilities and give your dates a chance. May you meet a partner who will delight you! © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Expect the best

Some time ago I interviewed a lady who very quickly told me that she had met some horrible men, had some disastrous relationships and that all her friends had experienced the same thing. For this reason she was very dubious about meeting good men, as she had it firmly entrenched in her mind that there are no more good men around. I listened in dismay, because this kind of thinking is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and her chances of meeting a good man are minimal, if these are the thoughts she is feeding her mind. Many years ago, I myself fell into the same trap, and I also met dreadful men until I met my first husband, who was a psychopath! That really taught me a lesson, and I was determined at that stage to change my life, and change it I did. It was almost as if up until then I had the word “Victim” stamped on my forehead. From then on I decided to choose “good” men, and it was then that my life changed. I married Bryan, my second husband, and he was a “good” man and he treated me very well. After he passed away, I made friends with a friend of his, who is also a “good” man and today I have a wonderful relationship with my present husband, Richard, who treats me like a queen. All these men lived in Centurion, and there must be many more “good” men in Centurion, Pretoria, South Africa and anywhere in the world, for that matter. It is just a question of having the right mindset. The lady I interviewed is inviting the wrong men into her life by her negative mindset. She will continue meeting the wrong men until she changes her thinking. The universe has an infinite supply of good men, she is just attracting “bad” men because of the way she is thinking. If someone treats us badly, we must remember we more than likely invited that kind of treatment in some way. We will only allow someone else to treat us badly to the extent that we treat ourselves badly. We need to change our mindset, respect ourselves and put out the right thoughts, which includes thinking well of ourselves, everyone else, and especially the opposite sex, and then we are more likely to attract “good” partners. The same holds true for men who want to attract good women. They are out there, we must just hold the right thoughts, and the universe will supply them in abundance. For more information on this kind of thinking, read the books, “The Heart of Love” and “The Breakthrough Experience” by Dr John Demartini. These books will help you heal where you have been hurt and put you on the path to meeting suitable partners. Don’t: Make the mistake of thinking that everyone is the same. Do: Expect the best, and you will get the best! May you have an abundance mentality and meet the soulmate of your dreams! © 2008, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.