A myth that a lot of people have bought into is that one day they will look into the eyes of a stranger, see that this person is their soulmate, and walk off happily into a life of bliss. They even think that this is their birthright and feel cheated if it does not happen!
I don’t know who taught us to believe this fairytale, but what I do know is that a good relationship is earned. Like with everything else worthwhile, you have to work hard for it. You do not get capped with a doctorate if you do not first become a diligent student, and then slowly make your way up through all the stages of attaining your lesser degrees until you finally make it to the top. Similarly, if you want a happy relationship, you have to approach it with the best attitude, learn sound dating skills, adopt healthy relationship habits and consistently keep on improving on them etc. until you finally tie the knot with the love of your life. Then the work really starts!!
We seldom appreciate anything if we get it for nothing, so there is justice in this system that the universe has arranged for us. In my own life, I know I would not have appreciated my second husband, Bryan, or my present partner so much if romantic relationships had always been easy for me. And I never even think that I myself have “arrived” when it comes to my present relationship, even though it is wonderful in many ways. There are always areas I am spotting where I can improve – it’s an ongoing process. As time goes by, we should always be earning our way towards an even better relationship with our loved one. The alternative is that we and our relationship stagnate, with all the undesirable consequences. The choice is ours.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Don't misrepresent yourself
When we date, most of us try to put our best foot forward to make a good impression on our dates, especially the first time we make contact or actually meet. To my surprise the other day, I found out that Jimmy*, a client of mine has been giving ladies totally the wrong impression. He is a very modest, low-key kind of a person, but has been taking this to the extreme. He happens to be a very successful factory owner and has four degrees, but has been telling my ladies that he is a factory worker!
I also know of people who exaggerate to the opposite extreme and make out as if they are someone far better than who they really are. Well, I have news for you: your sins will find you out! There will come a time when you will have to drop the pretence. You may do this by accident, or someone may find you out anyway. Either way, you have gone to a lot of trouble and stress to just waste your time.
Just be who you are and don’t misrepresent yourself. Don’t make things complicated for yourself or your date. Life is complicated enough without making it more so. It pays to be honest – it is far less trouble in the long run. Don’t be overly modest and don’t brag. Tell the truth. There is always someone out there who will love you just as you are, warts and all. The saying “Elke pot het ‘n deksel” is really true.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
* Name has been changed.
I also know of people who exaggerate to the opposite extreme and make out as if they are someone far better than who they really are. Well, I have news for you: your sins will find you out! There will come a time when you will have to drop the pretence. You may do this by accident, or someone may find you out anyway. Either way, you have gone to a lot of trouble and stress to just waste your time.
Just be who you are and don’t misrepresent yourself. Don’t make things complicated for yourself or your date. Life is complicated enough without making it more so. It pays to be honest – it is far less trouble in the long run. Don’t be overly modest and don’t brag. Tell the truth. There is always someone out there who will love you just as you are, warts and all. The saying “Elke pot het ‘n deksel” is really true.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
* Name has been changed.
Monday, June 21, 2010
What are your motives?
Last week an old client of mine, Gerrie*, renewed his membership with Perfect Strangers, my professional dating service. (Old clients often renew their memberships with me because they know that they meet wonderful people through me and they know that I look after them well.) He told me that a female client of mine, Leonie* had broken his heart. As far as I knew they had split up early last year, but I did not know why.
He told me that he was madly in love with her, but that she was in a hurry and wanted to get married. He felt that there was no rush and that it was better to take things slowly. Someone else had intervened and Leonie had paired off with this person rather, thinking that her objective of getting married would now be fulfilled. Gerrie felt that she had an ulterior motive in going out with him: that of getting married, and that she did not really love him just for who he was as a person.
Being in the middle, I can see the situation from both sides. Leonie felt she had been going out with him long enough and she had felt entitled to a commitment from him. As far as he was concerned, there was an unspoken commitment and he absolutely adored her. Wasn’t that enough for the shorter term?
Leonie may or may not be happy with the guy she is with now, I don’t know. But what I do know is that she gave up on somebody who really loved her because she had an ulterior motive: that of getting married. Gerrie felt that she did not really appreciate him and that if she had loved him in the same way that he loved her, she would have waited.
We can debate for hours on end about who was right and who was wrong. The point I am trying to get across is that it is better to approach relationships without an agenda. If we do, we are results oriented, and we focus on what WE want instead of what’s good for the relationship and for the other person. It’s really better when dating to enjoy and savour each moment, leaving the results to your Creator. He does things better and in far grander style than we could ever do for ourselves. LOVE is what a relationship is all about, and the sooner we let go and let God the better for both parties. The purer your motives, the better it will be for you all round.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
* Names have been changed.
He told me that he was madly in love with her, but that she was in a hurry and wanted to get married. He felt that there was no rush and that it was better to take things slowly. Someone else had intervened and Leonie had paired off with this person rather, thinking that her objective of getting married would now be fulfilled. Gerrie felt that she had an ulterior motive in going out with him: that of getting married, and that she did not really love him just for who he was as a person.
Being in the middle, I can see the situation from both sides. Leonie felt she had been going out with him long enough and she had felt entitled to a commitment from him. As far as he was concerned, there was an unspoken commitment and he absolutely adored her. Wasn’t that enough for the shorter term?
Leonie may or may not be happy with the guy she is with now, I don’t know. But what I do know is that she gave up on somebody who really loved her because she had an ulterior motive: that of getting married. Gerrie felt that she did not really appreciate him and that if she had loved him in the same way that he loved her, she would have waited.
We can debate for hours on end about who was right and who was wrong. The point I am trying to get across is that it is better to approach relationships without an agenda. If we do, we are results oriented, and we focus on what WE want instead of what’s good for the relationship and for the other person. It’s really better when dating to enjoy and savour each moment, leaving the results to your Creator. He does things better and in far grander style than we could ever do for ourselves. LOVE is what a relationship is all about, and the sooner we let go and let God the better for both parties. The purer your motives, the better it will be for you all round.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
* Names have been changed.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Who are your role models?
When we date, we tend to fall into certain relationship habits, some good, some not so good. Even though we start out with the best of intentions, we often end up doing just what we said we would not do. Without meaning to, we often copy the examples our role models have taught us.
Be very careful of the role models you choose. Obviously we had no choice when it came to our parents. You may have come from a happy home, and then it may be good to follow your parents’ example. Not many of us were that fortunate, and we often have to guard against copying what our parents did.
Possibly the worst kinds of role models are to be found in the soap operas and in the media. It is easy to worship the material standards they represent, but in reality their romantic relationships and home lives are not necessarily the kind we would like to have for ourselves.
When it comes to healthy romantic relationships, we should choose role models who have stood the test of time. Perhaps you know of a couple who have been happily married for years. Ask them the secrets to having a happy relationship. These are the people to emulate and to ask advice. Let them lead you by their example. They will most probably tell you that a relationship can at times be hard work, but that they never gave up. Whichever way you look at it, there are no instant results. We need to start our relationships with good habits, keep them up and even improve on them as time goes by. The chances are we will reap the rewards for a very long time.
The bottom line is that we need to be very careful whom we choose as role models. The behaviour we copy can affect us and our relationships to the very end of our lives. Not only that, it can affect our children’s lives for a long time as well! So choose your role models well, and tread very carefully, because other people may be looking to you in turn as their example!
© 2010 Marilyn Welch
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Be very careful of the role models you choose. Obviously we had no choice when it came to our parents. You may have come from a happy home, and then it may be good to follow your parents’ example. Not many of us were that fortunate, and we often have to guard against copying what our parents did.
Possibly the worst kinds of role models are to be found in the soap operas and in the media. It is easy to worship the material standards they represent, but in reality their romantic relationships and home lives are not necessarily the kind we would like to have for ourselves.
When it comes to healthy romantic relationships, we should choose role models who have stood the test of time. Perhaps you know of a couple who have been happily married for years. Ask them the secrets to having a happy relationship. These are the people to emulate and to ask advice. Let them lead you by their example. They will most probably tell you that a relationship can at times be hard work, but that they never gave up. Whichever way you look at it, there are no instant results. We need to start our relationships with good habits, keep them up and even improve on them as time goes by. The chances are we will reap the rewards for a very long time.
The bottom line is that we need to be very careful whom we choose as role models. The behaviour we copy can affect us and our relationships to the very end of our lives. Not only that, it can affect our children’s lives for a long time as well! So choose your role models well, and tread very carefully, because other people may be looking to you in turn as their example!
© 2010 Marilyn Welch
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Your attitude determines your luck
Last week I was at a function where I met a remarkable woman called Sue*. The nature of my work (professional dating service owner and dating coach) often results in people telling me very interesting stories, and Sue’s story is no exception.
Years ago she was dating a guy called Bertus*. They had been going out for over two years and Sue was tearing her hair out because Bertus showed no signs of settling down with her and getting married. They had been happy until she had started pressurising him to get married. From that point on, the relationship had gone steadily downhill. The inevitable happened and they split up.
Today she is going out with Hannes, a guy she is simply nuts about and who she perceives as her “soulmate”. Her approach these days is entirely different. Since the days of Bertus she has read many self-help books and attended many courses. This has radically altered her approach to life and dating. She lives in gratitude and practises living in the moment. She has learned over time to always do her best and then to leave the results to the Universe to sort out. Hannes is also not making any overtures of marriage, but she has learned that when it comes to relationships it is best not to focus on results. At this point, Hannes is totally captivated by her and is a model boyfriend. She senses that it will be futile to rock the boat and try to push the relationship in any way. She knows intuitively that if it does not work out with Hannes, there is someone or something better waiting for her. This knowledge and faith in her Creator is sustaining her very well.
Your attitude always determines your luck, and I predict that Sue is always going to be a person who is lucky in her love life. This attitude of hers is not something she suddenly decided to adopt one day. It is the result of years of training herself to have the best approach to whatever she does. She was always open to positive change and always read books and did courses that she thought would help her. It was knowledge hard gained but today she is reaping the fruits. Let’s all take a leaf from Sue’s book. We are never too old to learn!
© 2010 Marilyn Welch. All rights reserved.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
• Names have been changed.
Years ago she was dating a guy called Bertus*. They had been going out for over two years and Sue was tearing her hair out because Bertus showed no signs of settling down with her and getting married. They had been happy until she had started pressurising him to get married. From that point on, the relationship had gone steadily downhill. The inevitable happened and they split up.
Today she is going out with Hannes, a guy she is simply nuts about and who she perceives as her “soulmate”. Her approach these days is entirely different. Since the days of Bertus she has read many self-help books and attended many courses. This has radically altered her approach to life and dating. She lives in gratitude and practises living in the moment. She has learned over time to always do her best and then to leave the results to the Universe to sort out. Hannes is also not making any overtures of marriage, but she has learned that when it comes to relationships it is best not to focus on results. At this point, Hannes is totally captivated by her and is a model boyfriend. She senses that it will be futile to rock the boat and try to push the relationship in any way. She knows intuitively that if it does not work out with Hannes, there is someone or something better waiting for her. This knowledge and faith in her Creator is sustaining her very well.
Your attitude always determines your luck, and I predict that Sue is always going to be a person who is lucky in her love life. This attitude of hers is not something she suddenly decided to adopt one day. It is the result of years of training herself to have the best approach to whatever she does. She was always open to positive change and always read books and did courses that she thought would help her. It was knowledge hard gained but today she is reaping the fruits. Let’s all take a leaf from Sue’s book. We are never too old to learn!
© 2010 Marilyn Welch. All rights reserved.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
• Names have been changed.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Keep your power
As a professional dating service owner and dating coach, many people tell me the ways in which they conduct their romantic relationships. Something I often hear is “When I am in a relationship, I give my all.” These people invariably have a history of failed relationships, even though they gave their all. Are you perhaps falling into the same trap?
When we are in a relationship, our partner generally likes to see us as a socially healthy, independent individual with our own wonderful, exciting life. When we “give our all” to a relationship, we may come across as needy and clingy. By giving our all to our partner, we may also come across as not having much to give to the rest of the world. It may also put a lot of pressure on our partner to reciprocate, which may make him/her very uncomfortable. By focusing on our partner in this way, we do not appear to them as rare and special individuals, whose company is of great value. We are too easy to get and are therefore easy to forget. For these reasons, this approach may very well be a big turnoff for our partner!
So what is the solution? Like with everything else in this life, it is good to keep a healthy balance. Rather focus on your Creator, your own personal development, your family and friends and your hobbies and interests. Then, if you have time left over, give it to the person you are dating. Let them understand that they are lucky to have you in their lives. Believe this yourself. Let your company always be a special event, not something that smothers them. Less is generally more, and it is no different when you date.
If, with time, your partner shows definite signs of appreciating you, then is the time to gradually start giving more. Let them earn the loving attention you want to give them. I guarantee you if you give this attention too soon, your partner will not appreciate it. All you will do is give away your power and be on your way to another failed relationship.
This gradual process of positive growth will result in you keeping your power in your relationship. It should be a mutual thing, and it will ensure that you keep your respect for each other. This kind of approach assures a solid foundation upon which a sound, healthy relationship can grow.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
When we are in a relationship, our partner generally likes to see us as a socially healthy, independent individual with our own wonderful, exciting life. When we “give our all” to a relationship, we may come across as needy and clingy. By giving our all to our partner, we may also come across as not having much to give to the rest of the world. It may also put a lot of pressure on our partner to reciprocate, which may make him/her very uncomfortable. By focusing on our partner in this way, we do not appear to them as rare and special individuals, whose company is of great value. We are too easy to get and are therefore easy to forget. For these reasons, this approach may very well be a big turnoff for our partner!
So what is the solution? Like with everything else in this life, it is good to keep a healthy balance. Rather focus on your Creator, your own personal development, your family and friends and your hobbies and interests. Then, if you have time left over, give it to the person you are dating. Let them understand that they are lucky to have you in their lives. Believe this yourself. Let your company always be a special event, not something that smothers them. Less is generally more, and it is no different when you date.
If, with time, your partner shows definite signs of appreciating you, then is the time to gradually start giving more. Let them earn the loving attention you want to give them. I guarantee you if you give this attention too soon, your partner will not appreciate it. All you will do is give away your power and be on your way to another failed relationship.
This gradual process of positive growth will result in you keeping your power in your relationship. It should be a mutual thing, and it will ensure that you keep your respect for each other. This kind of approach assures a solid foundation upon which a sound, healthy relationship can grow.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
Monday, June 7, 2010
It's ok to change your mind
When we meet someone special, we like to hang in there and do our best to make things work. If we hit a rough patch, we like to persevere with our efforts to make our relationship work, and usually this is a good thing.
Sometimes, however, it is not in our best interests to stay in such a relationship. Some years back, a friend of mine, Alicia*, was engaged to Grant*. They went out steadily for a year and then decided to get engaged. The wedding was planned for six months later. A week before the wedding, Alicia and Grant had a huge fight. Grant hit Alicia and broke one of her ribs. Alicia was terrified, but did not want to call the wedding off because all the arrangements had been made and she felt she couldn’t back out. Needless to say, after they got married he continued his abuse and a year later she filed for divorce.
The order of things in a relationship is usually courtship, engagement and then marriage. It is good to take things really slowly and if we feel we are dating the wrong person, it is ok to change our mind and withdraw. Maybe we think we will never be lucky in love again and this person is our last chance. WRONG. If you see any red lights, you owe it to yourself to pull out and end a relationship. Do this whilst you are still dating or engaged, but you have only yourself to blame if you see the signs but get married anyway.
It happens often that our partner only lets us see their true colours once we are ensnared in a marriage. For this reason it is best to not be in a hurry. Time usually sorts these kinds of problems out, if we will just allow it. Take time getting to know your partner and don’t commit to anything unless you are very sure. If necessary, stop a bad relationship and know that it is perfectly acceptable to have a change of heart. You could save yourself a load of trouble!
© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
* Names have been changed.
Sometimes, however, it is not in our best interests to stay in such a relationship. Some years back, a friend of mine, Alicia*, was engaged to Grant*. They went out steadily for a year and then decided to get engaged. The wedding was planned for six months later. A week before the wedding, Alicia and Grant had a huge fight. Grant hit Alicia and broke one of her ribs. Alicia was terrified, but did not want to call the wedding off because all the arrangements had been made and she felt she couldn’t back out. Needless to say, after they got married he continued his abuse and a year later she filed for divorce.
The order of things in a relationship is usually courtship, engagement and then marriage. It is good to take things really slowly and if we feel we are dating the wrong person, it is ok to change our mind and withdraw. Maybe we think we will never be lucky in love again and this person is our last chance. WRONG. If you see any red lights, you owe it to yourself to pull out and end a relationship. Do this whilst you are still dating or engaged, but you have only yourself to blame if you see the signs but get married anyway.
It happens often that our partner only lets us see their true colours once we are ensnared in a marriage. For this reason it is best to not be in a hurry. Time usually sorts these kinds of problems out, if we will just allow it. Take time getting to know your partner and don’t commit to anything unless you are very sure. If necessary, stop a bad relationship and know that it is perfectly acceptable to have a change of heart. You could save yourself a load of trouble!
© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
* Names have been changed.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Give what you expect
As a dating coach and professional dating service owner, I listen very carefully to what people say. A couple of days ago on the Oprah show, one of her guests said that in a relationship, you should only expect of your partner what you can give yourself. This set me thinking.
We all make our lists of what we expect in an ideal partner and look very hard to find these qualities. Sadly, we do not always have these qualities ourselves. Just speaking superficially, I have sometimes interviewed overweight men and women who are looking to meet slim partners! This is not a patch on the vast majority of us who often have unrealistic expectations.
Once again we can go back to the Law of Attraction. Like a magnet attracts iron filings, we will attract people with qualities that reside within our own selves. This makes it all the more important to better ourselves as best we can in order to attract the kind of partner we desire. We need to become more aware of who we are ourselves and what we can offer before we start making demands of other people.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
We all make our lists of what we expect in an ideal partner and look very hard to find these qualities. Sadly, we do not always have these qualities ourselves. Just speaking superficially, I have sometimes interviewed overweight men and women who are looking to meet slim partners! This is not a patch on the vast majority of us who often have unrealistic expectations.
Once again we can go back to the Law of Attraction. Like a magnet attracts iron filings, we will attract people with qualities that reside within our own selves. This makes it all the more important to better ourselves as best we can in order to attract the kind of partner we desire. We need to become more aware of who we are ourselves and what we can offer before we start making demands of other people.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
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