It's ok to change your mind

When we meet someone special, we like to hang in there and do our best to make things work. If we hit a rough patch, we like to persevere with our efforts to make our relationship work, and usually this is a good thing.

Sometimes, however, it is not in our best interests to stay in such a relationship. Some years back, a friend of mine, Alicia*, was engaged to Grant*. They went out steadily for a year and then decided to get engaged. The wedding was planned for six months later. A week before the wedding, Alicia and Grant had a huge fight. Grant hit Alicia and broke one of her ribs. Alicia was terrified, but did not want to call the wedding off because all the arrangements had been made and she felt she couldn’t back out. Needless to say, after they got married he continued his abuse and a year later she filed for divorce.

The order of things in a relationship is usually courtship, engagement and then marriage. It is good to take things really slowly and if we feel we are dating the wrong person, it is ok to change our mind and withdraw. Maybe we think we will never be lucky in love again and this person is our last chance. WRONG. If you see any red lights, you owe it to yourself to pull out and end a relationship. Do this whilst you are still dating or engaged, but you have only yourself to blame if you see the signs but get married anyway.

It happens often that our partner only lets us see their true colours once we are ensnared in a marriage. For this reason it is best to not be in a hurry. Time usually sorts these kinds of problems out, if we will just allow it. Take time getting to know your partner and don’t commit to anything unless you are very sure. If necessary, stop a bad relationship and know that it is perfectly acceptable to have a change of heart. You could save yourself a load of trouble!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

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* Names have been changed.