Keep your power

As a professional dating service owner and dating coach, many people tell me the ways in which they conduct their romantic relationships. Something I often hear is “When I am in a relationship, I give my all.” These people invariably have a history of failed relationships, even though they gave their all. Are you perhaps falling into the same trap?

When we are in a relationship, our partner generally likes to see us as a socially healthy, independent individual with our own wonderful, exciting life. When we “give our all” to a relationship, we may come across as needy and clingy. By giving our all to our partner, we may also come across as not having much to give to the rest of the world. It may also put a lot of pressure on our partner to reciprocate, which may make him/her very uncomfortable. By focusing on our partner in this way, we do not appear to them as rare and special individuals, whose company is of great value. We are too easy to get and are therefore easy to forget. For these reasons, this approach may very well be a big turnoff for our partner!

So what is the solution? Like with everything else in this life, it is good to keep a healthy balance. Rather focus on your Creator, your own personal development, your family and friends and your hobbies and interests. Then, if you have time left over, give it to the person you are dating. Let them understand that they are lucky to have you in their lives. Believe this yourself. Let your company always be a special event, not something that smothers them. Less is generally more, and it is no different when you date.

If, with time, your partner shows definite signs of appreciating you, then is the time to gradually start giving more. Let them earn the loving attention you want to give them. I guarantee you if you give this attention too soon, your partner will not appreciate it. All you will do is give away your power and be on your way to another failed relationship.

This gradual process of positive growth will result in you keeping your power in your relationship. It should be a mutual thing, and it will ensure that you keep your respect for each other. This kind of approach assures a solid foundation upon which a sound, healthy relationship can grow.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

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