Change in a relationship and the role of values

The one and only thing in life that we can all be certain of is change, and relationships are no different. People change as they grow older and life situations are forever presenting us with challenges. Perhaps that is one of the reasons why there are so many divorces. Our feelings for our partners change as we go through the inevitable ebb and flow of life, and sometimes there is not enough depth and strength in a relationship to keep it together. This is one of the reasons why we should never rush into a relationship. If we intend spending the rest of our lives with someone special, that is a very long time, so what is the rush anyway? Hasty people make poor shoppers. In the first place we need to have the time to be absolutely sure before we make a long term commitment. For that we need time to test our partners and the relationship through all sorts of circumstances, good and bad. In Afrikaans they say: “Ons moet eers ‘n hele paar sakke sout saam opeet”. This is not a guarantee, but it can be a good indicator of whether or not our partner is right for us. That is also one of the reasons why we need to find someone who has the same values as we do and who consistently makes choices that are in line with our own values. Our values determine the actions we take on a regular basis throughout our lives and to find someone who is “in sync” with us on this score is a good starting point. A person always puts loyalty to their own values before loyalty to their partners. Let’s face it: We almost always put our own interests first. Basic values like honesty, integrity and kindness are usually there from an early age and if they are there, a person tends to act on these values for the rest of their lives. A person’s values are one of the few things that tend to stay the same rather than change. So determine what values are important to you and be sure to choose a partner who has these same values. This will surely help you and your partner to stay together over the longer term. © 2011, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, one out of every three people who joined Perfect Strangers, met someone special! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!