How to listen effectively

Communication is part speaking and part listening. If we want the other party to hear what we are saying, we need first to afford them the opportunity of feeling that they have been heard. We are always so eager to have our own say and make sure that our partner hears us, but how often do we put ourselves in their shoes? When they speak, how often do we make sure we understood what they say the way they meant us to hear it? How often do we put our own interpretation on what they said, which sometimes has very little, if anything, to do with what they are actually trying to communicate to us? Listening, really listening to what our partner is saying, is the first step towards effective communication. When we listen, we sometimes need to hear what is not said, we need to understand their body language, we need to understand their spoken word according to their unique frame of reference. It also helps if we understand their unique love language(s) (Read Gary Chapman: “The Five Love Languages”). If we drop our own preconceived ideas about our partner and what they are trying to tell us, forget our own perspective on life and really, really listen, we may just discover that we do not even know this person! No wonder there are so many divorces. You can never really know what is going on in your partner’s head, but if you afford them the empathy I have just described above, you will go a long way in communicating effectively. Your relationship with this special person is then more likely to go in an upward spiral. Indeed, once you learn how to apply this to one person, you find you start applying it to everyone. It can be a life-changing exercise! © 2011, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, one out of every three people who joined Perfect Strangers, met someone special! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!