Good endings make good beginnings

In the longer run, most of us want to find a special soulmate to share our lives with. On the way to finding this person, we are likely to engage in a number of relationships, some good and some not so good. It is important to end each relationship on a good footing with the other person, as good endings make good beginnings.

When we are rejected, for whatever reason, we tend to feel resentful. When we are the one who has done the rejecting, we tend to feel guilty. Everybody has made mistakes in relationships, and it is natural to want to “fix” what went wrong. If the issues are unresolved, however, the next person we tend to attract is one where the same issues surface. We repeat this pattern until we get it right.

Sometimes people end relationships with feelings of resentment or guilt because they have stayed together too long. They did not recognise that they were with the wrong person. Every relationship requires work to keep the romance alive and to keep the relationship on a generally happy footing, but if the work becomes too hard or too much, perhaps you were actually not meant to be with this person. They may try to change the other person or themselves, and in the process of trying to make the relationship succeed, they actually make it worse, creating frustration and disappointment along the way. At a certain point, you will recognise when a relationship is not a fit and then is the time you need to move on.

It is perfectly OK to get to know a person, fall in love and later discover that this person is not the right one. That is why there is such a thing as courtship, where you get to know someone well before you feel certain enough to commit to engagement and ultimately marriage. A person may be close to being the right partner for you, but still not be the one for you. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean he or she is the one for you. Time spent together will guide you as to what your hearts are saying. It is important to listen to your intuition and also to try to see the relationship from your partner’s point of view. A one-sided relationship is not going to make you happy. It is important to not push or manipulate your partner into staying with you as this will cause them to resent you and then feel guilty – not a recipe for success. People should naturally and spontaneously want to be together, and it must be mutual.

When we feel positive about a dating experience or an exclusive relationship that ended, we gain the ability to self-correct and move on. Instead of repeating the pattern the next time, we are attracted to someone closer to what we want, and ultimately our soulmate.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

What are singles looking for appearance-wise? Remember, you never get a second chance to make a first impression!

Men are very visually oriented. They will usually make up their minds within twenty seconds whether they are interested in a woman or not. They actually admit that they look at things like personality later. And 99.9% of the men all say that they do not want to meet an overweight woman! Weight is a big issue for men. For them, sexual chemistry is either there or not there. They are not like women, and most of them do not believe in giving it time. Every now and then I get a phone call from one of my female clients to say that she had a wonderful first date with x, but cannot understand why he has not contacted her again. I can see that he obviously only liked her as a friend, and that the sexual chemistry was not there for him. In a case like this, the woman must realise that men are different, love them for it, and move on. She is walking in a fools’ paradise if she thinks that with time he will develop sexual chemistry for her. In practice this simply does not happen. “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”, and there are enough other people out there for you to meet someone who finds you appealing.

Most women, on the other hand, will still give a man a chance. For instance, a woman may wait to see how a man behaves in different circumstances or how he treats her before she finally makes up her mind. She will often accept it if a man is bald or if he has a bit of a tummy. Of importance to a woman, is that a man is kind and that he makes her laugh.

If you want to meet someone nice, you yourself must be marketable. Start with your appearance. A man wants to meet a FEMININE woman. A surprising amount of men look at FEET! Two things that put women off are men with huge big stomachs and men who drink too much. Now and then I interview a man with a big stomach who wants to meet a petite woman! And he doesn’t realise that a petite woman would not want to meet him!

Your appearance can be likened to your gift-wrapping, or the frosting on the cake. It can make all the difference between someone stopping to take a closer look or simply passing you by.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

How to relax whilst waiting for your Soulmate

Today I want to focus on being relaxed about meeting your soulmate. So many times we are in a hurry and want it to have happened yesterday, but in practicality, this is not how life works. God and the universe are not in a hurry, and if we want to work with them, we would be wise to be patient.

The universe unfolds, so they say, and that is a very gentle way of putting it. God is weaving an intricate tapestry of our lives intertwined with the lives of others, and His timing is exquisite. If you will just wait patiently, all the time working on yourself and knowing that the universe will deliver your soulmate to you, that person is sure to turn up at just the right time. Fruit is best when it is ripe and almost falling off the tree. If you try to push and rush something, it will not be of the best.

Never be hasty. That is just the time when you might have poor judgement and make mistakes. Who of us has not burnt their fingers by being in a hurry? We all have tales to tell. Hasty people are bad shoppers! They don’t examine the goods thoroughly before they buy and often end up being dissatisfied with their purchases. Beware if your partner is in a hurry. What are their motives? Lust, monetary greed? If a person cannot even enjoy his/her own company, what kind of company will they be for you? These are all things to consider when approaching a relationship.

Happiness is like a butterfly. When you pursue it, it is always just beyond your reach, but if you just relax, somehow, somewhere, it may alight upon your shoulder. It is just like this when you are seeking a soulmate. When you pursue a partner, they often flee. It is better to let a good romance and friendship develop slowly and sedately. We all at some time or other get caught up in a heady romance where things happen quickly, but how often does something like that last? “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”, the saying goes, and everything comes to he who waits. Have your dreams, but remember that patience and timing are crucial. Usually if we wait, it eventually just happens, and then that happening is perfect.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

How to end a relationship and learn from it

Some weeks ago, a young lady phoned me to say she wanted very much to join Perfect Strangers. Her fiancée had just left her for another woman and she was devastated, to say the least. I could hear how distraught she was and she kept saying “Marilyn, what must I do?”

Immediately red lights started going off in my mind. This woman was not in any state to start another relationship. She was not even ready to start dating again. Of course, she could not see it.

What must one do in such a situation?

One must always try to end a relationship in such a manner, that you are still on good terms with the other party. This is not always possible, but it augurs well for the next relationship.

Next, one must take stock of one’s situation, take a step back and withdraw temporarily from the dating scene. Now is the time to search your heart and see if there are any unresolved issues you can work on (anger, jealousy, resentment etc.). Now is also the time to realise that the relationship was not actually a failure, even though it ended. It was not a failure, because you learned something from it, even if all you learned is how to do it differently next time. THERE ARE NO FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. All relationships are learning processes. You had your good times and your bad times. You enjoyed the good times and learned to love, and you must make sure that the lessons of the bad times sink in and stand you in good stead in all future relationships in that you do not repeat them. Do NOT, on any account feel that YOU are a failure. You have learned a lesson, albeit a painful one, and therefore, you are actually a WINNER, and you will do better next time.

If you date or become involved too soon after a relationship has ended, you will take all your unfinished business to the next relationship and just repeat your experience, albeit in a slightly different way. Take this time to enjoy your own company, treat yourself and strengthen ties with family and friends. With time you will feel stronger and more relaxed about dating again.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

How to Attract the Partner of your Dreams

How do you get your dream partner to come looking for you? You most probably have all heard about Quantum Physics and the Law of Attraction. This law states that like attracts like, and so, like a magnet, you will draw to you people who have similarities to you. You may say, but I am not like the people around me, and I say to you look again. As they say, if you spot it, you’ve got it. Your personality trait may just appear in a different or disguised form, but I guarantee you, you are reflecting what you see!

So how to attract what you really want? The answer is almost obvious. You must BE the type of person you want to attract. Your psyche is sending out a constant signal to the universe of who and what you are, and people are picking up that signal. Sooner or later, someone with a similar signal will pick up yours and be drawn to you like a magnet … Therefore, if you want to find a suitable partner, it will be worth your while to work on yourself. Develop the personality traits you desire most in a partner, in yourself.

If you have unresolved issues, you will draw to you people who will force you to work on those issues. This explains why a woman who has an alcoholic father may marry one or two, if not more alcoholics in her lifetime. She vows and declares she will never become involved with an alcoholic again, but who is she most attracted to? You guessed it. This is nature’s way of ensuring that we as people are constantly evolving towards becoming the best we can be. Sometimes the lesson is not learned the first or second time, but you can be assured, the same situations will keep happening until you learn to deal with your issues and put them behind you. These situations are seen as patterns in our lives, and we should be vigilant and go for counselling if there is something we cannot resolve on our own.

A good book to read, which relates to this theme is “Keeping The Love You Find” by Harville Hendrix.

© 2008 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Communication between the sexes

Communication between the sexes seems to be a very complicated issue. Although we have all the means to communicate often, easily and inexpensively, we often end up misunderstanding each other. Because the two sexes come from frames of reference as opposite as Mars and Venus, there is bound to be sports!

If a man says something as simple as “I’ll pick the bread and milk up on the way home”, that is exactly what he means – it is all very simple. His wife may have another interpretation: She may think he means he is sick and tired of her choosing the bread he doesn’t like (as usual) and that he is trying to tell her she never does anything right. He may even be thinking “My wife looked so tired last night. Let me see if I can help her.” He gets home thinking he will get a big hug for being so helpful and instead she sarcastically says “Well, at least we won’t have to give half the bread to the dog” and moves out of his way before he can get near her! That night she finds something else to pick him out about and he ends up sleeping in the guest bedroom. And so the circus continues …

To cut a long story short, men are usually a lot more straightforward than women. We may think they are sometimes rude or bad-mannered, but they would also be right in thinking that women often have agendas and analyse and interpret things all the time, often incorrectly.

Sometimes it is even not a good thing to explain in detail what we mean because then something small and completely innocent can become an issue.

The trick is probably to try and see life the way your partner sees it (at important moments during communication and also in the longer term), and to be aware of his/her values and style of communication. Then have your say the way your partner would say it when communicating something important to him/her. Whichever way, if you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you are more likely to be understood in the way you really want to be.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Preconceived ideas

Most of us have preconceived ideas about what kind of person we want as a soulmate. This person must preferably be attractive, slim, financially independent, have little or no baggage etc. We sometimes forget that we are living in the real world and that people seldom live up to our idea of perfect. We also tend to forget that we also need to work on ourselves in order to fit in with someone else’s idea of perfect!

Some years back I had a client called Gerhard* who was very adamant that he did not want to meet an overweight woman. He was also very particular about what he was looking for. He had so many criteria for me to look out for that he almost ruled out every lady on my books! I introduced him to some of my members and he did not meet anyone he really liked until one day I took a chance and introduced him to Sheila, one of my prettiest ladies. Sheila has a vibrant personality and everyone loves her. I say I took a chance because, although she is not really overweight, she was not as slim as Gerhard originally would have liked. Well, Gerhard loved her (and still does). They got engaged six months later and married at the end of that year. She did not exactly fit his criteria, but the chemistry was there and the rest is history.

Then there was Jan*, who insisted on seeing a photo of each lady he met. (Photos are first impressions, but have you ever seen someone who looks exactly like their photo?) When I wanted to introduce him to Anne, one of my most attractive, eligible ladies, he did not like her photo and did not want to meet her. I worked very hard to convince him to meet her, only to have him say afterwards that her photo does not do her justice and that he thought she was wonderful! (I happened to think it was a very good photo, but everyone has differing perceptions).

Sometimes the person who bowls us over is nothing like what we expected him/her to be. When we walk around with blinkers on we are not open to receive the first prize. It’s good to know what we want, but it also pays to be flexible, as preconceived ideas can be a stumbling block when looking for our soulmate.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

* Names have been changed.

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Managing Loneliness

Most of us at some time or other experience the ravages of loneliness. Loneliness can come in many forms: sometimes we are at our loneliest when surrounded by people whom we love and whom we know love us! How do we cope with this insidious state of mind?

Something I myself have always drawn comfort from is how incredibly blessed I am by what life has given me: my good health just for starters. How have you been blessed? Do you live in beautiful and comfortable surroundings? Are you financially independent? Do you have a career that stimulates and excites you? Do you have friends who form a wonderful support network for you? Most of us can find quite a few things to be thankful for if we just give it a bit of thought.

Then there is the question of a good self-image. If we think well of ourselves and respect ourselves, we are likely to be living a life of integrity. The chances are then that we have a healthy relationship with ourselves. A person like this probably has multiple hobbies and interests. Someone of this calibre will keep their friends’ secrets. Someone like this deserves to have some good friends in this life. Good friends can be an antidote for loneliness …

Whatever your situation and degree of loneliness, only you can work on the solution. Start with a few basic building blocks, some of which I have just mentioned.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

I am back from holiday!

To everybody who was wondering if I had disappeared off the face of the earth, I would just like to let you know that I am now back from the first long holiday I have had since I established Perfect Strangers in Pretoria exactly 13 years ago in October 1997!

It has been an exciting journey, with many ups and downs. There were times when I almost gave up on my business. Today I can say with confidence that I am passionate about matching up soulmates and it is wonderful to be back at my desk.

Please give me a week or two to settle down, and then I promise I will write my normal weekly blog for those of you who enjoy reading it.

All the best until then

Marilyn Welch

How do we recognise our soulmate?

SOULMATE. The word rings nicely in our ears. We all want someone we can live with happily ever after. We all want to feel that “God’s in His heaven, all’s right with the world”. But when we look at everything going on around us it is easy to lose our focus.

How do we recognise our own true soulmate?

I know that I was married to my soulmate. He was not rich or good-looking, but he had a heart of gold and treated me with the utmost kindness. He was totally reliable and I always knew that I could trust him. He held down a dynamic job and was well-liked and respected by everyone he knew. He did all the shopping and cooked for me almost every night. I will always have good memories of him.

My friend, Vera*, is also a very fortunate woman. She is of Danish descent and has their typical blonde hair, blue eyes and startling good looks. She has a stunning personality and a very warm heart. There is only one possible drawback: she is very fat. But her boyfriend is head over heels in love with her and for him there will never be any other woman.

So for all of us who have preconceived ideas about what our soulmate should look like or what they should own, think again. Our Creator is our actual matchmaker, and if he has organised a match for you, it does not matter whether this person is tall or short, fat or thin, rich or poor, black or white. When we KNOW we have met our soulmate, nothing else matters. When we KNOW we have met this person we need to get down on our knees and thank our Maker for all He has given us.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following wording with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

* Name has been changed.

Build a good foundation in your relationship

Most of us want everything yesterday. Today’s world is based on instant gratification. One can compare this to building a house. We want to put in a jacuzzi and plan the garden before building solid foundations and giving proper attention and care to every room in the house. Of course, such an approach is doomed to fail. We see it all around us: failed relationships, failed business ventures, and so the list goes on.

How can we remedy this syndrome?

The key is to get back to basics. Most of us have become so sidetracked we have even forgotten what the basics are! Let me list just three:

1. Integrity. We all want partners who are honest and don’t lie to us. We need to be this kind of person ourself before we can expect to attract someone like this. (Remember the Law of Attraction, which states that like attracts like, is absolute.)
2. Kindness. There are so few people in the world who are truly kind that the ones that are stick out like a sore thumb. Be this kind of person and you will then discover that the universe is a friendly place.
3. Hard Work. We all want something for nothing, but the universe simply doesn’t work this way. When something is just given to us, we tend not to appreciate it. If we work long and hard for it, and earn it literally by the sweat of our brow, it is ours forever!

These are just three basic rules to keep in mind. I am sure you can think of more. Don’t just think about them, practise them. Do it now.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following wording with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Give the best, expect the best

Three things I know for sure in this life:

1. This world may not be perfect, but it is in perfect balance
2. If you sow onions, you are not going to get potatoes
3. Time is an illusion

Let me elaborate:

Most of us go into a relationship expecting the best but not always giving the best. In other words we enter this relationship starting with an imbalance. It stands to reason that the scales are going to tip against our favour. Exactly the opposite is also true: if we give the best but do not expect the best, we are also going to be shortchanged. People invariably live up to our expectations! So it stands to reason that we should all give our best in a relationship and expect the best from the other person.

If we do this, and for some reason, our partner lets us down, then is the only time we can walk away when the time is right with absolutely no regrets. We will then know that we have sowed something good, that we can still expect to reap something good, to the exact measure that we invested, but that we will reap elsewhere in the fullness of time.

The Universe unfolds, and very gently. It does not push or demand things of us, but brings them to us, if we will just have patience. We always want things yesterday, but that is not God’s way. His timing is perfectly precise and we need to trust, have faith and wait. The present is all we have, and we have everything we need (not necessarily what we want) in this very moment. Live for now, do your best and tomorrow will take care of you!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following wording with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The Chase

In my profession as a dating service owner and relationship coach, I see many people chasing after romance. When I look a little deeper, I see that this chase pertains to their whole lives. We are always striving towards a goal or goals, looking to improve or change our lot in life. Do we ever stop and realise that life might just be perfect right this very second?

Why are we never satisfied with what we already have?

Perhaps the media is largely responsible for this phenomenon. We are forever lured into the cycle of wanting and buying. Advertising messages bombard us from the moment we open our eyes in the morning until we close them again to sleep that night. There are gurus we look up to who are constantly telling us how to live our lives a better way – usually to the advantage of their pockets.

But what if life is perfect right now? What if we have everything we will ever need at this very moment? What if we practised a little gratitude and realised how blessed we are currently? What if we dropped all our attachments to the results we are always striving after and just enjoyed the present in all its splendour?

Hurry, hurry, hurry. Buy, buy, buy. That’s the message the world is screaming in our ears. I say enough! Drop the attachments. Focus on the present. And then something miraculous starts to happen. Instead of you chasing after what you so desperately desire, those very things slowly but surely start coming your way, literally arriving in your lap! Doors open, soulmates materialise and you realise all you really need to do is to relax and let the Universe open up for you. And it does so in much grander style than you could ever arrange by yourself!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following wording with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.

Integrity in a relationship

As a professional dating service owner and relationship coach specialising in social skills, many people have told me what they are looking for in a romantic partner. One of the qualities stands out above the rest: people are looking for a partner with integrity.

We all want someone who will deal honestly with us, someone whom we can trust. We need to make sure we ourselves are also just such a person. What does it mean to have integrity in a relationship?

It’s actually very simple and it’s also a matter of developing good habits. A good place to start is to be an absolutely reliable person yourself. When you say you are going to do something, do it. Don’t delay or not do it. Don’t lie to people. They will find you out and it will just bounce back on you. When someone leaves a message for you on your phone, return the call. If you make an appointment with someone, keep it. If you can’t for some reason, let the other person know in good time. It’s just common courtesy. Be a faithful and loyal friend. Don’t gossip about others.

As you develop these habits, people will start realising you are consistently straight down the line and they will start feeling safe with you. This is a springboard into developing worthwhile relationships. As you become this kind of person, you will like yourself more and more and the universe will open up for you. You will most probably find you become a more reliable worker in your chosen profession as well, and people will start looking up to you. Doors will open for you in every sphere if you just make the choice. Go out and do it now.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you can find your soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

Fidelity in a relationship

In the course of my work as a professional dating service owner and relationship coach, people tell me very interesting stories.

Take the case of Ingrid*, a client I coached a year ago. She told me she had been in what she thought was an idyllic relationship, only to find that her partner had cheated on her. When she first realised what was going on, she was very upset and indignant. Then she thought back on a time when she had had an affair with a married man, never dreaming what hurt she was doing to his wife. Now the chickens had come home to roost.

What goes around comes around. Before we embark on any suspect behaviour, we need to put ourselves in the shoes of all parties concerned and know that sooner or later there will be repercussions, because we only get what we deserve. I have seen in my own family where an injustice was done that it took 20 years for the wheel to turn, but turn it eventually did. Newton’s Third Law states that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This law holds true not only in the physical domain but in the emotional and spiritual spheres too.

These days it is very easy to be unfaithful to one’s partner. Think twice before you do it, because the person it will eventually hurt will be you.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

* Name has been changed.

The List

Something we are all told to do when we are looking for a partner is to write down a list of all the qualities we want this person to have. I have a slightly different take on this, which you can read about below:

For some of us it can be quite a long list, but I would urge you to narrow down this list to no more than 10 MUST HAVES.

When this is done, in the same vein make a list of all the things you cannot stand in a partner, and also narrow this down to no more than 10 CAN’T STANDS.

Now comes the interesting part:

Take your MUST HAVE shortlist, and list the qualities on this list which you yourself have! Most people admit that they themselves have only have three or four of the qualities they want in a partner …

In all fairness, we cannot expect something of another person that we do not or cannot deliver ourselves.

Now, take your CAN’T STAND shortlist, think carefully, and see if you can identify any of these traits in yourself! The world reflects us to ourselves, and if someone irritates us in some way, we often have that annoying characteristic lurking in our inner selves … It is important to be scrupulously honest with yourself.

According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like. The Universe may be trying to teach you something here.

As you can see, to be the kind of person who can attract the soulmate of their dreams, we have some work to do!

Let’s go ahead now and work on ourselves so that we can be happy, emotionally independent people who can be a tonic to our ideal partners.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The world reflects us back to ourselves

In the course of my work (professional dating service owner and relationship coach), people are always telling me interesting stories. From what they tell me, I learn a lot about them. An example comes to mind of a client of mine, Len*. When my lady clients give me feedback about him, it is generally very positive. I myself have always found him to be pleasant and reliable. Imagine my surprise when one of my ladies, Annabelle*, told me she found him to be unreliable and that he was not always truthful!

Did Annabelle tell me the truth?

After she told me about this I sat down and thought for a while. As I thought about Annabelle, it slowly started to dawn on me. I have found in the past that Annabelle is seldom available to take calls and that when one leaves messages for her she seldom returns them. I also know that I cannot depend on her when I ask her to do something for me. She herself is unreliable and tends to bend the truth at times. Therefore she is eliciting this kind of response in the men that she dates! Annabelle perceives what she told me as the truth. It is her truth. It is not the truth of the majority of people who know Len. The Law of Attraction always holds true. Like a magnet attracts iron filings, so we attract people who demonstrate the same qualities we do.

We should never ask of people what we are not prepared to give ourselves. So let’s all work on ourselves to be the very best we can be. That way, we are more likely to attract the partner of our dreams.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

* Names have been changed.

A good relationship is earned

A myth that a lot of people have bought into is that one day they will look into the eyes of a stranger, see that this person is their soulmate, and walk off happily into a life of bliss. They even think that this is their birthright and feel cheated if it does not happen!

I don’t know who taught us to believe this fairytale, but what I do know is that a good relationship is earned. Like with everything else worthwhile, you have to work hard for it. You do not get capped with a doctorate if you do not first become a diligent student, and then slowly make your way up through all the stages of attaining your lesser degrees until you finally make it to the top. Similarly, if you want a happy relationship, you have to approach it with the best attitude, learn sound dating skills, adopt healthy relationship habits and consistently keep on improving on them etc. until you finally tie the knot with the love of your life. Then the work really starts!!

We seldom appreciate anything if we get it for nothing, so there is justice in this system that the universe has arranged for us. In my own life, I know I would not have appreciated my second husband, Bryan, or my present partner so much if romantic relationships had always been easy for me. And I never even think that I myself have “arrived” when it comes to my present relationship, even though it is wonderful in many ways. There are always areas I am spotting where I can improve – it’s an ongoing process. As time goes by, we should always be earning our way towards an even better relationship with our loved one. The alternative is that we and our relationship stagnate, with all the undesirable consequences. The choice is ours.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't misrepresent yourself

When we date, most of us try to put our best foot forward to make a good impression on our dates, especially the first time we make contact or actually meet. To my surprise the other day, I found out that Jimmy*, a client of mine has been giving ladies totally the wrong impression. He is a very modest, low-key kind of a person, but has been taking this to the extreme. He happens to be a very successful factory owner and has four degrees, but has been telling my ladies that he is a factory worker!

I also know of people who exaggerate to the opposite extreme and make out as if they are someone far better than who they really are. Well, I have news for you: your sins will find you out! There will come a time when you will have to drop the pretence. You may do this by accident, or someone may find you out anyway. Either way, you have gone to a lot of trouble and stress to just waste your time.

Just be who you are and don’t misrepresent yourself. Don’t make things complicated for yourself or your date. Life is complicated enough without making it more so. It pays to be honest – it is far less trouble in the long run. Don’t be overly modest and don’t brag. Tell the truth. There is always someone out there who will love you just as you are, warts and all. The saying “Elke pot het ‘n deksel” is really true.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

* Name has been changed.

What are your motives?

Last week an old client of mine, Gerrie*, renewed his membership with Perfect Strangers, my professional dating service. (Old clients often renew their memberships with me because they know that they meet wonderful people through me and they know that I look after them well.) He told me that a female client of mine, Leonie* had broken his heart. As far as I knew they had split up early last year, but I did not know why.

He told me that he was madly in love with her, but that she was in a hurry and wanted to get married. He felt that there was no rush and that it was better to take things slowly. Someone else had intervened and Leonie had paired off with this person rather, thinking that her objective of getting married would now be fulfilled. Gerrie felt that she had an ulterior motive in going out with him: that of getting married, and that she did not really love him just for who he was as a person.

Being in the middle, I can see the situation from both sides. Leonie felt she had been going out with him long enough and she had felt entitled to a commitment from him. As far as he was concerned, there was an unspoken commitment and he absolutely adored her. Wasn’t that enough for the shorter term?

Leonie may or may not be happy with the guy she is with now, I don’t know. But what I do know is that she gave up on somebody who really loved her because she had an ulterior motive: that of getting married. Gerrie felt that she did not really appreciate him and that if she had loved him in the same way that he loved her, she would have waited.

We can debate for hours on end about who was right and who was wrong. The point I am trying to get across is that it is better to approach relationships without an agenda. If we do, we are results oriented, and we focus on what WE want instead of what’s good for the relationship and for the other person. It’s really better when dating to enjoy and savour each moment, leaving the results to your Creator. He does things better and in far grander style than we could ever do for ourselves. LOVE is what a relationship is all about, and the sooner we let go and let God the better for both parties. The purer your motives, the better it will be for you all round.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch


Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

* Names have been changed.

Who are your role models?

When we date, we tend to fall into certain relationship habits, some good, some not so good. Even though we start out with the best of intentions, we often end up doing just what we said we would not do. Without meaning to, we often copy the examples our role models have taught us.

Be very careful of the role models you choose. Obviously we had no choice when it came to our parents. You may have come from a happy home, and then it may be good to follow your parents’ example. Not many of us were that fortunate, and we often have to guard against copying what our parents did.

Possibly the worst kinds of role models are to be found in the soap operas and in the media. It is easy to worship the material standards they represent, but in reality their romantic relationships and home lives are not necessarily the kind we would like to have for ourselves.

When it comes to healthy romantic relationships, we should choose role models who have stood the test of time. Perhaps you know of a couple who have been happily married for years. Ask them the secrets to having a happy relationship. These are the people to emulate and to ask advice. Let them lead you by their example. They will most probably tell you that a relationship can at times be hard work, but that they never gave up. Whichever way you look at it, there are no instant results. We need to start our relationships with good habits, keep them up and even improve on them as time goes by. The chances are we will reap the rewards for a very long time.

The bottom line is that we need to be very careful whom we choose as role models. The behaviour we copy can affect us and our relationships to the very end of our lives. Not only that, it can affect our children’s lives for a long time as well! So choose your role models well, and tread very carefully, because other people may be looking to you in turn as their example!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Your attitude determines your luck

Last week I was at a function where I met a remarkable woman called Sue*. The nature of my work (professional dating service owner and dating coach) often results in people telling me very interesting stories, and Sue’s story is no exception.

Years ago she was dating a guy called Bertus*. They had been going out for over two years and Sue was tearing her hair out because Bertus showed no signs of settling down with her and getting married. They had been happy until she had started pressurising him to get married. From that point on, the relationship had gone steadily downhill. The inevitable happened and they split up.

Today she is going out with Hannes, a guy she is simply nuts about and who she perceives as her “soulmate”. Her approach these days is entirely different. Since the days of Bertus she has read many self-help books and attended many courses. This has radically altered her approach to life and dating. She lives in gratitude and practises living in the moment. She has learned over time to always do her best and then to leave the results to the Universe to sort out. Hannes is also not making any overtures of marriage, but she has learned that when it comes to relationships it is best not to focus on results. At this point, Hannes is totally captivated by her and is a model boyfriend. She senses that it will be futile to rock the boat and try to push the relationship in any way. She knows intuitively that if it does not work out with Hannes, there is someone or something better waiting for her. This knowledge and faith in her Creator is sustaining her very well.

Your attitude always determines your luck, and I predict that Sue is always going to be a person who is lucky in her love life. This attitude of hers is not something she suddenly decided to adopt one day. It is the result of years of training herself to have the best approach to whatever she does. She was always open to positive change and always read books and did courses that she thought would help her. It was knowledge hard gained but today she is reaping the fruits. Let’s all take a leaf from Sue’s book. We are never too old to learn!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch. All rights reserved.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

• Names have been changed.

Keep your power

As a professional dating service owner and dating coach, many people tell me the ways in which they conduct their romantic relationships. Something I often hear is “When I am in a relationship, I give my all.” These people invariably have a history of failed relationships, even though they gave their all. Are you perhaps falling into the same trap?

When we are in a relationship, our partner generally likes to see us as a socially healthy, independent individual with our own wonderful, exciting life. When we “give our all” to a relationship, we may come across as needy and clingy. By giving our all to our partner, we may also come across as not having much to give to the rest of the world. It may also put a lot of pressure on our partner to reciprocate, which may make him/her very uncomfortable. By focusing on our partner in this way, we do not appear to them as rare and special individuals, whose company is of great value. We are too easy to get and are therefore easy to forget. For these reasons, this approach may very well be a big turnoff for our partner!

So what is the solution? Like with everything else in this life, it is good to keep a healthy balance. Rather focus on your Creator, your own personal development, your family and friends and your hobbies and interests. Then, if you have time left over, give it to the person you are dating. Let them understand that they are lucky to have you in their lives. Believe this yourself. Let your company always be a special event, not something that smothers them. Less is generally more, and it is no different when you date.

If, with time, your partner shows definite signs of appreciating you, then is the time to gradually start giving more. Let them earn the loving attention you want to give them. I guarantee you if you give this attention too soon, your partner will not appreciate it. All you will do is give away your power and be on your way to another failed relationship.

This gradual process of positive growth will result in you keeping your power in your relationship. It should be a mutual thing, and it will ensure that you keep your respect for each other. This kind of approach assures a solid foundation upon which a sound, healthy relationship can grow.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

It's ok to change your mind

When we meet someone special, we like to hang in there and do our best to make things work. If we hit a rough patch, we like to persevere with our efforts to make our relationship work, and usually this is a good thing.

Sometimes, however, it is not in our best interests to stay in such a relationship. Some years back, a friend of mine, Alicia*, was engaged to Grant*. They went out steadily for a year and then decided to get engaged. The wedding was planned for six months later. A week before the wedding, Alicia and Grant had a huge fight. Grant hit Alicia and broke one of her ribs. Alicia was terrified, but did not want to call the wedding off because all the arrangements had been made and she felt she couldn’t back out. Needless to say, after they got married he continued his abuse and a year later she filed for divorce.

The order of things in a relationship is usually courtship, engagement and then marriage. It is good to take things really slowly and if we feel we are dating the wrong person, it is ok to change our mind and withdraw. Maybe we think we will never be lucky in love again and this person is our last chance. WRONG. If you see any red lights, you owe it to yourself to pull out and end a relationship. Do this whilst you are still dating or engaged, but you have only yourself to blame if you see the signs but get married anyway.

It happens often that our partner only lets us see their true colours once we are ensnared in a marriage. For this reason it is best to not be in a hurry. Time usually sorts these kinds of problems out, if we will just allow it. Take time getting to know your partner and don’t commit to anything unless you are very sure. If necessary, stop a bad relationship and know that it is perfectly acceptable to have a change of heart. You could save yourself a load of trouble!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Names have been changed.

Give what you expect

As a dating coach and professional dating service owner, I listen very carefully to what people say. A couple of days ago on the Oprah show, one of her guests said that in a relationship, you should only expect of your partner what you can give yourself. This set me thinking.

We all make our lists of what we expect in an ideal partner and look very hard to find these qualities. Sadly, we do not always have these qualities ourselves. Just speaking superficially, I have sometimes interviewed overweight men and women who are looking to meet slim partners! This is not a patch on the vast majority of us who often have unrealistic expectations.

Once again we can go back to the Law of Attraction. Like a magnet attracts iron filings, we will attract people with qualities that reside within our own selves. This makes it all the more important to better ourselves as best we can in order to attract the kind of partner we desire. We need to become more aware of who we are ourselves and what we can offer before we start making demands of other people.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

People are often not what they seem

In my experience as a dating coach and professional dating service owner, I have come to the conclusion that people are often not what they seem. In most cases, people are on their best behaviour when they first meet us, and it is often only after a long time that the real person emerges.

In my own case, when I first met the man I am happy with today, I thought he was very ordinary and did not give him a second thought. I met him again a year later and something told me to scratch beneath the surface. I am very glad I did just that, because he did not play all his cards when he first met me and I made the common mistake of judging a book by its cover. As time went by, I realised again and again that he has nearly all the qualities I had been looking for in a man and much more.

To go to the opposite extreme, a client of mine, Paul*, told me of his experiences the other day. Sixteen months ago he met Mandy*, and could not believe that such a gorgeous creature was interested in him. She was everything a man dreamed of: beautiful, a figure to die for and very entertaining company. She was financially independent and did not have any baggage he could see at that stage. As time went by, however, the real Mandy came to light. She lied a lot, she was unreliable, she had a vicious temper and had no friends. In the beginning he was madly in love, but because of the bad treatment he received from her, he eventually fell out of love. It was quite difficult to back out of the relationship, but when he finally did it was a big relief. He says he will be much more careful in the future.

If we are prepared to give people a chance and take things slowly, to a large degree we can prevent ourselves from making these types of mistakes. So let’s not judge books by their covers, but look for the inner qualities of the people we meet. First impressions can be deceiving!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

• Names have been changed.

Practice makes perfect

As a professional dating service owner and dating coach, I have noticed that people seldom want to actually date much. They often seem to want to meet their soulmate immediately without any fuss. In theory, this may sound like they are getting to the point and not wasting time, but practically speaking, it may not be such a good idea.

When we first start dating, we often have a very vague idea of what we really want from a partner. By meeting lots of people, we start learning what we like and don’t like and how we will handle different situations. We get to know how the opposite sex thinks. All this stands us in very good stead when choosing a life partner. Nothing teaches us better than our own life experience, and with dating and choosing good partners, it is no different. We need to find out where we are making mistakes and how we can improve in order to be the best partner ourselves.

Most of us don’t meet our soulmate early in life. Lots of us have relationships that do not work out, sometimes many of them. We should regard all of them as learning experiences. We should regard our dates as opportunities to practice the art of learning how to choose who is best for us. Practice makes perfect. Practice your way lovingly and carefully into meeting the partner of your dreams. Most of us can say that in the long run we know better as we grow older.

So take heart if it takes time to meet that special partner. The dates you have now are paving the way for you to meet your soulmate.

Copyright 2010. Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

Mixed messages get you nowhere

In my experience as a dating coach and professional dating service owner, I often come across people who give out mixed messages. Last year I coached a lady called Tessa*, who used to do just this. She came to me because she felt she was having no luck with her dating. On closer examination I found out that her actions contradicted her words.

She claimed to be open to having a serious relationship if a suitable man came into her life. The trouble was, in the last five years she had come nowhere near to becoming serious with anyone. I found out that she had not been very open and friendly when anyone asked her for a date and that she had often cancelled a date at the last minute or simply not pitched up! This is what I call incongruent behaviour and it gets you nowhere if you want a serious, stable relationship. At first she did not see anything really wrong with her behaviour and it took quite some time for her to see that the universe only reflects back to you what you give out, and that she would have to change her behaviour before her life would change in any way. It turned out that there were deep-seated reasons for her attitude and I eventually referred her to a competent psychologist.

The point is, if you really want something in life, the last thing you need to do is sabotage your attempts to get it. In the dating field, your dates will quickly pick up that something is wrong if you behave in this confused way. Sometimes this kind of behaviour can easily be changed, and it will certainly be worth your while to reflect on the Law of Attraction and how to use it. Like a magnet, what you give out comes back to you and you will eventually get what you think most about. Let’s all give out clear messages and help make our dating less complicated! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate.

Visit the coaching section of the website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Name has been changed.

Follow your intuition

In my experience as a professional dating service owner, I come across many people who ignore their intuition. Indeed, society almost teaches us to ignore it. Well-meaning friends and family impress their values on us and easily convince us that we are wrong and that they are right. We do not have enough confidence in our own judgement to follow what we think is right.

This applies in particular to whom we date and marry. It’s almost as if our friends and family must be satisfied that we have made the right choice before we ourselves can be happy about it. Glenda* and Jack* were just such a couple. Although Glenda’s parents always allowed her to live her own life and make her own choices, she was greatly influenced by peer pressure to settle down with Jack, who met her friends’ approval. She had had her doubts about Jack at the time, but in their group of friends they all had so much fun that she ignored that still, small voice that was telling her that Jack was not the right person for her. Ten years after marrying him she had grown as a person, met other friends who had other standards, and Jack no longer measured up. They went for counselling, and it was there that Glenda started learning to appreciate her own values and ideas, and to be emotionally more independent. She and Jack did finally split up, but she now has a much better idea of who she is as a person and what she wants out of life and a future partner. She is still learning to listen to her own intuition and not the opinions of her friends, but has progressed considerably since the days when she first got married.

Yes, we all want a partner who will fit in with our friends and family, but not at the expense of compromising our own values and standards, which may be different to theirs, and not at the expense of choosing someone who we in any way feel uneasy about. Choosing a life partner is a monumental decision. We need to develop our sixth sense, be sensitive to it and use it carefully and constructively when making this choice. This may involve taking a stance that will make us stand out as different from everyone else. Only we will know in our heart of hearts what is right for us. So have courage and stand up for what you know is right for you as a unique individual. You may save yourself years of heartache. © 2010. All rights reserved.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Names have been changed.

All that glitters is not gold

In my thirteen years of experience as a professional dating service owner, I have come across many people who are attracted by material things. For example, a woman may say she would like to meet a good-looking hunk with lots of money and a man may say he wants to meet a woman who is slim and gorgeous.

I see from my vantage point of getting to know my clients that this is often a recipe for disaster. The women often find that this kind of man does not appreciate them or treat them well. The men often find that the stunning looking women turn out to be bitches who make their lives a misery.

The men and women who look for these qualities often go through a series of failed relationships before they learn to look more for the inner qualities that make a person a good romantic partner. It is not to say that good-looking hunks with lots of money and slim, gorgeous women are all bad. My advice is just to be careful. You may find instead that the so-called “boring” people make the best life partners.

I myself fell into this trap two years ago when I met the man I am happy with today. I at first thought he was very unexciting. As I got to know him, however, I found that in the beginning he did not play all his cards. As time went by I discovered absolutely wonderful things about him which are not obvious when you first get to know him. Today I can honestly say he is the most fabulous partner and that we are very well suited! (NB: He is not a rich, good-looking hunk!!)

Everyone has something unique and wonderful to offer. So let’s not judge a book by its cover and be more flexible in our choices. We may just be very pleasantly surprised! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate.

Visit the coaching section of my website for no-nonsense, practical dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

A good relationship requires steadfast maintenance

A friend of mine, Sylvia*, has a very good relationship with her husband, Ronald*. But she tells me that this was not always the case. Years ago they had fallen into the trap of taking each other for granted. Luckily when they saw things were not going so well, they went for counselling and put matters right. Within a couple of months things had greatly improved. Sylvia says it was actually very simple. They had gotten into bad habits and had started neglecting each other. In a nutshell, it was a case of finding out what had always been good and MAINTAINING and even IMPROVING on that magic.

A man will never dream of running his prize motorcar without always checking that it has water, oil and petrol. He will send it for regular services and make sure it is always sparkling clean. A good gardener will lavish attention on his garden to make sure it always stays beautiful. He will regularly water and fertilise his plants and lawn. He will make sure everything is trimmed and pruned at the right time.

So it is with our relationships. If we are lucky enough to have someone special in our lives, we need to keep the romance alive. We need to nurture and protect this relationship. We need to be unselfish and put the other person first. I was lucky enough to have had a happy marriage to my second husband, Bryan. If something was wrong, we immediately put it right. We worked hard at making sure that the other party always felt appreciated. When he passed away we were on very good terms and I have no regrets. We need to live in the present moment and live as if each day were our very last.

So find out what is good in your relationship, build on that and MAINTAIN AND EVEN IMPROVE on it. Pull out the weeds that are choking it to death and look after your relationship as if it were gold. What we give out comes back to us, so it is in our own best interests. Copyright 2010.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Names have been changed.

The world mirrors us

Being the owner of my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, and having given out plenty of dating and relationship advice over the years, I am in the privileged position where I am told many interesting stories.

Just last week, a client of mine, Lisa*, brought an important point home to me by telling me her story. This is what she told me in summary:

Lisa came out of a very toxic home. Her father and her brothers were very poor examples of how a man should treat a woman, and she grew up feeling fearful of men. This translated to her relationships with boyfriends as she grew up, and she always chose the wrong men. The men experienced her as unfriendly and cold, because these were the energies she was giving out. They mirrored her vibrations and treated her badly.

As the years went by and she became older, she read many books to help her cope with life and relationships in general. She even went for therapy at different stages of her life. Gradually something inside her started to thaw. She started choosing men she knew would treat her well instead of the playboys who messed her around. The good treatment started melting her heart and by and by she started feeling like a normal woman. Men in general started treating her more kindly and she started feeling a sincere and very real liking for them.

Lisa is an attractive woman, and her new attitude started attracting men who genuinely liked women, and many of them. Previously she had fallen into the trap of erroneously thinking that there are no good men. Because her attitude has changed, she is now discovering that this is untrue. She tells me that each successive boyfriend she meets treats her better than the previous one. She now has the confidence to set sensible boundaries. Men don’t take chances with her anymore. She confidently expects the best and gets it.

Strangely enough, this attitude towards men has translated into her life in general. She is a highly successful entrepreneur and her relationships with her clients have improved dramatically over the years. Life is treating her well these days and she has come a long way since the days when she lived in that toxic home. Over the years, the world mirrored her attitude and she attracted what she gave out. She now realises how important it is to give out good energies, because the world mirrors them back to you. I am looking forward to introducing some of the wonderful men I have on my books to her. © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You can email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Name has been changed.

Everything happens for the best

As a professional dating service owner, I speak to many people who have regrets about how their previous relationships have panned out. In my previous blog, I told the story of Jill and Jeremy* whose relationship never worked out. For a long time Jill had big regrets about what happened and kept playing scenes over and over again in her mind about how things could have worked out if she had handled them differently. She went from being obsessed about her future to being absorbed in the past.

Recently Jill met someone very special and was determined to do things differently this time. She came to me for coaching as she felt she needed some dating and relationship advice. She is now focusing on enjoying every moment with her new boyfriend and is determined not to be results oriented in this relationship. She feels he is much better suited to her than Jeremy was and sees that her breakup with Jeremy happened for the best. She now believes that everything always works out for the best. (Even the Bible tells us this!) She tells me that even if her present relationship does not work out, she will see it as a blessing in disguise and will wait confidently and patiently for the universe to bring her the right man. When she spoke to me a few days ago about her new frame of mind, I could not believe it was the same person, so dramatic has been the transformation since we started the coaching. Such is the power of living in the moment! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Copyright subsists in this material and it may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

* Names have been changed.

Don't date with expectations

As a professional dating service owner, I come across plenty of people who have great expectations when it comes to dating. If it is not themselves who are placing the expectations, it is well-meaning friends and family.

One of my clients, (let’s call her Jill), was going out with a guy (let’s call him Jeremy) some years back. They had a lot of fun together and became very fond of each other as time went by. After about a year her friends and family started asking questions about when they would be getting married etc. Jill then started putting pressure on Jeremy to marry her and it is then that their relationship started going downhill. Because they had been going out for a year and people were asking questions, she then automatically expected that they should marry. Jeremy had reasons of his own why he was not ready, and if he had not been pressurised, would probably have got around to it in time. But Jill was like a dog with a bone and would not relax and let the matter drop. In time Jeremy felt totally overwhelmed and then backed out of the relationship and Jill chalked up a failed relationship to her slate. If only she had relaxed and appreciated what she had. If only she had not taken notice of her family and friends.

All too often we forget about enjoying the present and focus on some future event which we feel should be taking place. Now is all we have. No matter how hard we think about it or plan, the future is uncertain. Now is a certainty. How we live today determines our future. Let’s make the most of today and appreciate what we have right now. If we live in gratitude and appreciation the universe is likely to bless us with even more abundance. The choice is ours! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more on Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.

Don't compare!

In my experience as a professional dating service owner, I often see people comparing their dates to their previous partner(s). This is a process none of us can resist, but is it a good thing to do?

A client of mine (Let’s call him Hardus), who was widowed a few years ago comes to mind. He was very happily married and idolised his wife. Somehow he just can’t seem to find someone else he feels he can be happy with. He is a wonderful man and has met many wonderful women through my service, but just can’t seem to settle down. It is as if he has never found closure with his deceased wife and that he just cannot let her go and move on.

Often we idealise someone in the past as being just perfect for us. If this relationship never worked out and we move on, somehow nobody else after that is able to measure up. This type of situation can really shoot us in the foot when meeting new dates. We make snap judgements about them based on assumptions which often are not valid. We do our date and ourselves a disservice. We ourselves would not like to be compared to someone else and found wanting, and yet we readily do this to others. We can then miss out on having the marvellous experience of getting to know someone completely different, who is just as wonderful as our previous partner(s), and who may have things to offer which we may not even have dreamed of!

Yes, we definitely need to keep an open mind when meeting new dates. An example I used in a recent blog emphasises this. I wrote that each one of us is like a flower, with our own unique colour, shape and exquisite perfume. We cannot say that one flower is better than another, they are just all different. Let’s celebrate our differences and appreciate what each new person has to offer! © 2010

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.

To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.