Choose the right partner

I so often hear from my clients that they keep on meeting the wrong person. Perhaps you, too, keep on meeting people who bring out the worst in you and do not treat you well. Firstly you need to recognise that this is a pattern in your life and that it is likely to repeat itself again and again, until you face it and deal with it. I myself also used to fall into this trap. I had disaster after disaster in my relationships until I married a psychopath! That was the turning point for me. In my mind, I had had enough, and after that I vowed and declared I was going to choose good men. And, shortly after that I met my second husband, Bryan, who treated me very well, and we were very happy. And, to prove that it was not just a fluke, I am now again happily married and treated like a queen. So the pattern has changed. How did I do it? If I look back, I always used to choose “exciting” men, men who were in it for themselves, who reflected back to me that I chose to be a “victim”. Because I was shown this type of example in my upbringing, I brought it to all my relationships. I chose to meet men who would reflect my “victimhood” back to me, so that I could learn from them how not to choose a life partner. Each disastrous relationship was an opportunity to correct the imbalanced perspectives that I had grown up with. I had to consciously analyse what was happening in my life, and from then on consciously choose “good” men. I instinctively knew that Bryan was a “good” man when I met him, and I consciously chose to further our relationship, because I knew he would treat me well. He was not good-looking or rich in a material way, which is what I always was attracted to previously. It took a conscious effort for me to stay on track and keep the relationship going, but I was handsomely rewarded for it in the long run. My present husband, Richard, is such a pleasure to live with, so the pattern has really and truly changed. I have learned that love is also a choice, and it’s not just about how one feels. You really can choose your partner, based on sensible criteria. And those criteria are the ones you are going to ultimately fall in love with and they will keep you happy for a long, long time. Men and women alike can learn not to be victims. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

How does one recognise one's soulmate?

How does one recognize one’s soulmate? Most of us tend to think we will recognize him/her immediately and then proceed to have a relationship most people only dream about. Sadly, in most cases, this does not happen. Bear in mind that many people who are extremely happy in their relationship did not start off in this way. In my own case, when I met my present husband, Richard, I was still getting over the death of my previous husband, Bryan. I compared him to Bryan and he was very different. Also I felt I was not ready for a relationship at the time. So I avoided him and it was only a year later that we met again. By then tremendous growth had taken place in my emotional and spiritual life, and I was prepared to give Richard a chance. At first, I felt a gentle attraction, but it was not the kind of attraction you read about or see in the movies. As time went by, I found myself liking this man more and more, and, to my delight, I kept on discovering new things about him that I had always wanted in a man. Today I can honestly say I feel he is my soulmate. But, please note, I did not feel this way at all when I first met him. This is just what happened in my case, but perhaps there is someone out there you are not giving a chance, because you think lightning bolts are meant to hit you when you meet your soulmate. And also, please remember, a relationship takes time to grow. I knew my husband, Bryan, for 5 years before he passed away, but it took a number of years before we could really know that we loved each other, years of consistently caring and being considerate towards each other. Only when infatuation disappears does real love have a chance to take root. So real love is something that takes its time. It needs consistent nourishment and a mature approach. I wish you well in your search for your soulmate! © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Love Languages in a Relationship

Do you know that each of us has a special love language(s) through which we communicate with our partner? According to Gary Chapman, author of “The Five Languages of Love”, they are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch We usually communicate our love to our partner through one or maybe two of these languages. The problems set in when our partner speaks a different love language to what we do! We might think our partner does not love us, meanwhile they really do, but are speaking a different love language which we maybe do not understand so well, so we miscommunicate. If your partner often speaks encouraging words to you, it is likely that Words of Affirmation is his/her primary love language. And if this is the case, they will definitely appreciate it if you do the same for them. Watch your partner to see if you can identify their love language. This also corresponds to their values, and if you can link your values to theirs, you will have something marvellous in common. Speak their love language back to them, and a deeper understanding and love will grow between the two of you. Some people like receiving gifts. Your gift need not be big or expensive. It is the thought that counts. If you notice that your partner likes giving you gifts, they will more than likely appreciate receiving them too. Regard your gift giving as an investment in your relationship. In some cases this can be priceless. When Dr Chapman talks about physical touch, he is not only referring to the sex act, but to loving caresses you may bestow on your partner at odd times of the day, like rubbing his/her arm when you are talking to him/her. Some people like showing their affection via a loving touch. Be on the lookout for signs like this so that you can know your partner’s love language. If you do not speak the same love language as your partner, you may think they do not love you, which may not at all be true. You may simply be misunderstanding each other. Do yourself a favour and read “The Five Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman. People like being addressed in their own language, and so it is also with our own unique love language. Reading this book may just shine a light on a failing relationship. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, over 40% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.