Today I am going to cover an issue which I am often asked about, namely “At what stage is one ready for commitment in a relationship?”
Firstly, I have noticed that almost inevitably, a woman will commit to a relationship before a man does. Invariably, she will phone me first to say she does not want me to arrange any more introductions for her, she and x now have a relationship. That’s all well and good, but has she any idea about how HE feels about commitment? Often it is not even the next day and x has asked me to organise another introduction for him!!! A man will often enjoy dating many women before he feels ready for a commitment. A woman seems to want to settle down earlier. Perhaps she is cheating herself out of meeting a variety of men. This would give her a better idea of what she really wants and she could have the opportunity to “practise” on men who are not so important to her, so that she is “ready” when the man of her dreams crosses her path.
A woman is very appealing when she has her own busy life and lots of friends, and is not waiting for that telephone to ring. A man is more likely to adore and commit to a woman who fits this scenario, and who has lots of spunk, than one who is needy and clingy.
It is not always a good idea for a woman to sit a man down and have a “commitment” talk with him. If he was committed to her, she would have known about it long ago, and it wouldn’t have been necessary to ask. She is likely to get an evasive answer, something like: “I don’t know what I want”. This is “guy speak” for “I’m not seriously interested in a relationship right now.”
Remember, IF A GUY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS, HE GENERALLY DOESN’T WANT WHAT HE’S GOT.
Lots of women ignore this principle. When men avoid, deny, react with anger, or play dumb, they’re communicating with indirect signals that they aren’t on the same page as a woman. If a woman ignores these signals, resists what he’s trying to tell her or tries to overcompensate in the relationship, she will never figure out how to make it work. And she’ll constantly remain the one who’s doing all the “work” in the relationship, only to have him sit back and not help out or do his part. If this is the scenario, a man will definitely not commit to a relationship.
I notice that quite often both sexes are too “anxious” to have a committed relationship, which puts all sorts of pressures on the people they date. This actually chases those potential partners away, which is just the opposite of what they want to achieve. It is better to relax, have fun, and let the universe “unfold”. Let God bring your partner to you, let the relationship develop naturally, and commitment will not be an issue. A relationship will then not be such a lot of hard work.
Don’t: Pressurise your partner too early for a commitment.
Do: Relax, have fun, enjoy your dating and don’t be too concerned about results.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.
You are welcome to contact Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Never take rejection personally
Many of you out there are probably wondering why you go out with someone for a first or second date and then nothing happens after then. There could be many reasons for this, but it is very important to never take anything personally. The reason could be as simple as there simply wasn’t a strong enough connection, sexual or otherwise.
Most of the time when this happens, you and your partner are coming from two completely different perspectives. The fact that there was no connection has very little, if anything to do with you, so there is no reason to beat yourself up about it or wonder if there is something wrong with you. Remember, “elke pot het ‘n deksel”, and sooner or later, if you are giving off the right signals, someone will come along who is genuinely interested in dating you.
Most of the time, men either feel an immediate sexual chemistry or there is no chemistry at all. This can be confusing for women, who often do not see a man in this way when they first meet him. My female clients sometimes tell me they can’t understand why x never phoned them after their first date, because they had such a good time. He obviously never felt any sexual chemistry, and that is why he never followed up. Men usually make up their minds in half a minute whether they are interested in a woman or not, based on sexual chemistry, whereas a woman will often wait to see how a man treats her and how he behaves before she makes up her mind about him. It is important to her that he is kind, and that he makes her laugh. Always remember that the opposite sex sees things differently.
It is very important for a man to not lead a woman on, right from the word go, if he knows he is not really interested. A lot of men, in an effort to be nice, say to the woman at the end of the date that they will phone her, not meaning to do so at all. This is wrong. Rather say nothing at all, than do something different to what you say. A man should have enough self confidence and be consistent enough to have integrity on this issue. Believe me, the women will appreciate this more than a meaningless promise.
Women should recognise their own power and not be needy and desperate. If you really believe in yourself and have plenty going for you, you will not be phased by a man who dates you once or twice and then disappears. You will have your own busy and interesting life to contend with and if someone does not appreciate you, you have the self-confidence to know that there are plenty of others out there who will.
It is very important to relax about dating and not worry about a clock that is ticking or feel that this is your last chance. Do not think that you will be a failure if your date does not work out as you planned or if the other party eventually is not interested in you. Your date will pick up subconsciously if you are needy or clingy, and nothing could be a bigger turnoff. Concentrate on enjoying the present moment with your date and do not have second agendas. Have innocent fun and laugh a lot. If you follow these guidelines, you are more likely to be successful in your dating than if you have planned an outcome before the time. Be fun and uncomplicated company, and your date is more likely to appreciate you.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Revolutionise your dating life by applying the principles in Marilyn’s FREE Dating Guide: “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams”. You can apply to receive it here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Most of the time when this happens, you and your partner are coming from two completely different perspectives. The fact that there was no connection has very little, if anything to do with you, so there is no reason to beat yourself up about it or wonder if there is something wrong with you. Remember, “elke pot het ‘n deksel”, and sooner or later, if you are giving off the right signals, someone will come along who is genuinely interested in dating you.
Most of the time, men either feel an immediate sexual chemistry or there is no chemistry at all. This can be confusing for women, who often do not see a man in this way when they first meet him. My female clients sometimes tell me they can’t understand why x never phoned them after their first date, because they had such a good time. He obviously never felt any sexual chemistry, and that is why he never followed up. Men usually make up their minds in half a minute whether they are interested in a woman or not, based on sexual chemistry, whereas a woman will often wait to see how a man treats her and how he behaves before she makes up her mind about him. It is important to her that he is kind, and that he makes her laugh. Always remember that the opposite sex sees things differently.
It is very important for a man to not lead a woman on, right from the word go, if he knows he is not really interested. A lot of men, in an effort to be nice, say to the woman at the end of the date that they will phone her, not meaning to do so at all. This is wrong. Rather say nothing at all, than do something different to what you say. A man should have enough self confidence and be consistent enough to have integrity on this issue. Believe me, the women will appreciate this more than a meaningless promise.
Women should recognise their own power and not be needy and desperate. If you really believe in yourself and have plenty going for you, you will not be phased by a man who dates you once or twice and then disappears. You will have your own busy and interesting life to contend with and if someone does not appreciate you, you have the self-confidence to know that there are plenty of others out there who will.
It is very important to relax about dating and not worry about a clock that is ticking or feel that this is your last chance. Do not think that you will be a failure if your date does not work out as you planned or if the other party eventually is not interested in you. Your date will pick up subconsciously if you are needy or clingy, and nothing could be a bigger turnoff. Concentrate on enjoying the present moment with your date and do not have second agendas. Have innocent fun and laugh a lot. If you follow these guidelines, you are more likely to be successful in your dating than if you have planned an outcome before the time. Be fun and uncomplicated company, and your date is more likely to appreciate you.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Revolutionise your dating life by applying the principles in Marilyn’s FREE Dating Guide: “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams”. You can apply to receive it here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Recognise your inherent greatness
Have you ever been in a relationship where you craved commitment from your partner, but he/she just simply didn’t seem able to give it? Many people are in this position, and below are my thoughts on such a situation:
When you have a partner, and you perceive (rightly or wrongly) that that person is in a stronger position than you (this can be real or imagined), you naturally want to align yourself with that person, so you yourself can become stronger. In your thoughts you have endowed this person with character and personality traits and capabilities that you admire and want to be associated with. You have more than likely idolized this person, and assume that they have something you do not have, i.e. you may perceive them as secure, and you assume that if you are married to them, you will also be secure.
Two things I’d like to mention here: You are most probably not aware of your own strengths and capabilities, and secondly, as I have said in a previous blog, if you spot it, you’ve got it!
It is important for the health of the relationship for each of the two partners to realize their own power in the relationship. So many of us think very little of ourselves and do not recognise our own inherent greatness. What you need to do is go within yourself in the seven areas of your life and look really hard for your strengths. The seven areas are:
Spiritual
Mental
Vocational
Financial
Familial
Social
Physical
The strength you perceive in your partner is very likely to be an unrecognised strength within your very own self. Look deep within yourself for the same strengths he/she has in the seven areas of your life. Your strengths will manifest differently to your partner’s strengths, so look at things from a different angle. Once you can draw your own strengths into the light, you will look at yourself in a different way, and start recognising your power. Firstly this will allow you to crave commitment from your partner far less, and he/she will perceive you as less clingy. Secondly, when you recognise and acknowledge your own power, your partner will perceive you as more desirable, and he/she will be far more likely to commit him/herself to you! So as you can see, this process is a double-edged sword and a good tool to use in all your relationships.
For more information on this process, read “The Heart of Love” by Dr John Demartini.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website and applying for it in the box on the left hand side under the navigation menu.
Also, visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
When you have a partner, and you perceive (rightly or wrongly) that that person is in a stronger position than you (this can be real or imagined), you naturally want to align yourself with that person, so you yourself can become stronger. In your thoughts you have endowed this person with character and personality traits and capabilities that you admire and want to be associated with. You have more than likely idolized this person, and assume that they have something you do not have, i.e. you may perceive them as secure, and you assume that if you are married to them, you will also be secure.
Two things I’d like to mention here: You are most probably not aware of your own strengths and capabilities, and secondly, as I have said in a previous blog, if you spot it, you’ve got it!
It is important for the health of the relationship for each of the two partners to realize their own power in the relationship. So many of us think very little of ourselves and do not recognise our own inherent greatness. What you need to do is go within yourself in the seven areas of your life and look really hard for your strengths. The seven areas are:
Spiritual
Mental
Vocational
Financial
Familial
Social
Physical
The strength you perceive in your partner is very likely to be an unrecognised strength within your very own self. Look deep within yourself for the same strengths he/she has in the seven areas of your life. Your strengths will manifest differently to your partner’s strengths, so look at things from a different angle. Once you can draw your own strengths into the light, you will look at yourself in a different way, and start recognising your power. Firstly this will allow you to crave commitment from your partner far less, and he/she will perceive you as less clingy. Secondly, when you recognise and acknowledge your own power, your partner will perceive you as more desirable, and he/she will be far more likely to commit him/herself to you! So as you can see, this process is a double-edged sword and a good tool to use in all your relationships.
For more information on this process, read “The Heart of Love” by Dr John Demartini.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website and applying for it in the box on the left hand side under the navigation menu.
Also, visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Choose the right partner
I so often hear from my clients that they keep on meeting the wrong person. Perhaps you, too, keep on meeting people who bring out the worst in you and do not treat you well.
Firstly you need to recognise that this is a pattern in your life and that it is likely to repeat itself again and again, until you face it and deal with it. I myself also used to fall into this trap. I had disaster after disaster in my relationships until I married a psychopath! That was the turning point for me. In my mind, I had had enough, and after that I vowed and declared I was going to choose good men. And, shortly after that I met my second husband, Bryan, who treated me very well, and we were very happy. And, to prove that it was not just a fluke, I am now again in a very happy relationship where I am treated like a queen. So the pattern has changed. How did I do it?
If I look back, I always used to choose “exciting” men, men who were in it for themselves, who reflected back to me that I chose to be a “victim”. Because I was shown this type of example in my upbringing, I brought it to all my relationships. I chose to meet men who would reflect my “victimhood” back to me, so that I could learn from them how not to choose a life partner. Each disastrous relationship was an opportunity to correct the imbalanced perspectives that I had grown up with. I had to consciously analyse what was happening in my life, and from then on consciously choose “good” men.
I instinctively knew that Bryan was a “good” man when I met him, and I consciously chose to further our relationship, because I knew he would treat me well. He was not good-looking or rich in a material way, which is what I always was attracted to previously. Although there was an obvious "spark" between us, it took a conscious effort for me to stay on track and keep the relationship going, but I was handsomely rewarded for it in the long run. I learnt that love is also a choice, and it’s not just about how you feel. You really can choose your partner, based on sensible criteria. And those criteria are the ones you are going to ultimately fall in love with and they will keep you happy for a long, long time after the initial infatuation you felt has worn off. Men and women alike can learn not to be victims.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Dating Guide: “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Firstly you need to recognise that this is a pattern in your life and that it is likely to repeat itself again and again, until you face it and deal with it. I myself also used to fall into this trap. I had disaster after disaster in my relationships until I married a psychopath! That was the turning point for me. In my mind, I had had enough, and after that I vowed and declared I was going to choose good men. And, shortly after that I met my second husband, Bryan, who treated me very well, and we were very happy. And, to prove that it was not just a fluke, I am now again in a very happy relationship where I am treated like a queen. So the pattern has changed. How did I do it?
If I look back, I always used to choose “exciting” men, men who were in it for themselves, who reflected back to me that I chose to be a “victim”. Because I was shown this type of example in my upbringing, I brought it to all my relationships. I chose to meet men who would reflect my “victimhood” back to me, so that I could learn from them how not to choose a life partner. Each disastrous relationship was an opportunity to correct the imbalanced perspectives that I had grown up with. I had to consciously analyse what was happening in my life, and from then on consciously choose “good” men.
I instinctively knew that Bryan was a “good” man when I met him, and I consciously chose to further our relationship, because I knew he would treat me well. He was not good-looking or rich in a material way, which is what I always was attracted to previously. Although there was an obvious "spark" between us, it took a conscious effort for me to stay on track and keep the relationship going, but I was handsomely rewarded for it in the long run. I learnt that love is also a choice, and it’s not just about how you feel. You really can choose your partner, based on sensible criteria. And those criteria are the ones you are going to ultimately fall in love with and they will keep you happy for a long, long time after the initial infatuation you felt has worn off. Men and women alike can learn not to be victims.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Dating Guide: “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
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