You get what you focus on

A year ago I coached a client called Helen through her divorce. When I first spoke to her and assessed her situation, it was clear to me that she spent all her time and energy focusing on her impending divorce, and that the rest of her life was simply passing her by.

At the time she was bitterly unhappy and life had indeed turned sour. She had seen a psychologist and counsellors from her church, but there just seemed to be no solutions. She thought that if she started meeting some decent men, that that might help her to feel happier. So she turned to me for some dating and relationship advice, with a view to joining my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, when her divorce was through.

It was obvious to me that she needed to get past her problems and gain some inner peace before she could attract anybody remotely like what she had in mind. I asked her what good things there were in her life. Surprisingly enough she could quickly mention at least five positive things about her life (her good health, her well-paying career, her nice home, her children and the relationship she had with her parents). Somehow, amidst all her problems, she had forgotten these wonderful aspects of her life. I told her to take 30 minutes each day and to focus on being grateful for these things (What you focus on you get more of). During these 30 minutes she was to shut out all thoughts of her soon-to-be ex husband and their divorce situation. When we discussed this, she immediately perked up and had something to look forward to each day.

Her feedback a week later was that she now realised she had been giving a disproportionate amount of time and energy to her problems, and not enough time to the things that made her happy. She realised that she had been responsible for a lot of her own misery by doing this. As time went by, the intensity of her emotions about the divorce diminished, and she was also able to incorporate in her daily 30 minutes some pleasant dreams about the kind of men she would like to meet in the future.

It is now a year later and two months ago she joined my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers. Because her focus has dramatically shifted since a year ago, she is giving out a different vibe, attracting good things into her life, and she is a catch for any man. She is enjoying the experience of meeting new people and the men on my books like her immensely. By a simple change in her focus, she turned her life around!

Visit my website to meet a variety of qualify partners from whom you can choose a soulmate! Visit the coaching page of my website for some sound dating and relationship advice.

Gratitude gets you places

The story of Anne and Louise (told in greater detail in the last two blogs) is certainly food for thought. Anne had a positive, balanced perspective. Louise was negative and always finding fault. Anne took the trouble to thank me after each introduction I arranged for her, and gave constructive feedback, which assisted and inspired me to find even better suited partners for her as time went by. Louise was never satisfied, no matter how much trouble I went to for her.

Anne's approach to me always inspired me to do all I possibly could to introduce her to suitable parners. She expected the best from me and thoroughly enjoyed meeting my high profile, quality men. You always get more of what you are grateful for and the universe eventually rewarded Anne with the man of her dreams. They are now happily engaged and looking forward to a bright future together.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!

If you have issues about successful dating and forming healthy romantic relationships, I am happy to discuss them with you until they are resolved.

If you spot it you've got it!

In my last blog entry I told the story of my two clients, Anne and Louise. Anne simply loved the men I introduced to her and Louise could only find fault with them. Ironically, I introduced them to exactly the same men! So what was the problem? Were the men to blame or was Louise the problem?

It just so happens that we see people not as they are, but as we are. We notice things in others that we identify with, things that are part of our own makeup. If there are things in ourselves that we are not happy with, we notice them in others, and these qualities irritate us speechless. People reflect back to us the things we don't like in ourselves and we think that they are at fault and not us!

The universe arranges situations in such a way that we are constantly given opportunities to learn and grow as people. The people we find fault with are often our best teachers! They give us the opportunities to change for the better and transcend ourselves, if we so choose.

I have lost contact with Louise, but I know that Anne has now met the man of her dreams. They are happily engaged and excited about their future. When you see the best in life and people, the universe is eager to give you back what you deserve.

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!