Relax when dating

Isn’t it ironical that whenever we are anxious to have something, it just seems to run away from us all the time? In a similar vein, whenever we have felt ready to meet our soulmate, we are so impatient to do so, and we seem to find that despite how hard we try, our dating results in failure after failure.

I always tell my members to relax about dating and to just have fun. They should not be so keen to have results when they date, but just enjoy each moment for what it brings. I find that when they have this attitude, things somehow seem to fall into place, they enjoy themselves, and when the time is right, their soulmate just seems to fall into their lap!

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate this coming year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Be happy with yourself

A wise person once said: “If you are happy with who you are, you will be happy with your circumstances.” I would like to take that a step further and say that if you are happy with who you are, you will be happy in your relationships.

As a professional dating service owner, I often come across people who are unhappy and searching. They think that if they meet the “right” person, their troubles will stop and they will be happy. Unfortunately life does not work that way. The Law of Attraction is absolute and what we give out comes back to us. If we give out vibes of being unhappy with ourselves, we will attract people who will magnify our problems and our dissatisfaction will spiral out of control.

We need to be emotionally whole before we start attracting the kind of circumstances and people who will add the best value to our lives. A good place to start is to recognise our strong points and good things in our life and be grateful for them. Once we start focusing on these things, we attract more of them into our lives and before long our lives will change for the better. Each of us has a unique role to play on this earth. Recognising our own greatness is just a start to playing the game of life and winning.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate this coming year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Be content with what you have

We seem to spend our entire lives searching and striving for what we perceive we do not have. These days we are bombarded with stimuli urging us to buy this, do that, etc. We are seldom encouraged to take stock of what we have and learn to be content with it.

The same goes for our relationships. We always feel there is something missing or that maybe someone else will do it better for us. No. No. No. If we step back, count our blessings and take time to be sincerely grateful for what we have, the universe is more likely to give us more of those good things.

Perhaps now is the time to jump off that hamster wheel, break out and LIVE HAPPILY IN THE NOW. Quit thinking of yesterday or tomorrow, just be happy for what is happening now. Learn to appreciate your partner and enjoy his/her company NOW. Now is all we have. Live your relationship to the full so that you will never have regrets. Your partner will love you for it!

If you are single at the moment, structure your life in such a way that you thoroughly enjoy it. Learn to be happy with what you already have. This contentment is more likely to attract a good partner than an attitude of dissatisfaction. Remember that your mindset is constantly giving off signals to the universe and according to the Law of Attraction, you will attract what you think most about. Food for thought …

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate this coming year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Appreciate your partner's energies

Running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, has taught me many things. One of the things I have become increasingly aware of over the years is the significant difference in energies that men and women live out.

Women are the nurturers and caregivers, but they tend to become too serious and nit-picking. They can also be calculating. Their feelings are easily hurt.

Men are the hunters and providers. They live more in the moment. They have a more casual approach to life and tend to bring humour to a situation.

If we have too many people of the same sex people in our lives, we tend to get slightly out of balance. That is one of the reasons why we enjoy dating and relationships so much. It provides a totally different energy to our day-to-day life and thus makes things a lot more interesting.

I remember when my husband passed away four years ago. I was left alone in my house with my old female dog, an old female cat and a young male cat. I was feeling a bit like an old woman myself at the time, and I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to have my young male cat in the house. I was so starved of living without the human male energy that my husband used to provide, that I developed a strong appreciation for my little cat. I found his approach to life quite delightful, and very different to mine. This made me more aware of male energies in general, and what an important contribution our sexual energies are to our partners.

So be aware of the spiritual/sexual energies your partner brings to your relationship. Appreciate the differences between you and don’t wish that your partner could be more like you!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you love to meet your soulmate this coming year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Accept your partner as they are

Sometimes in the course of my work, I am confronted with the fact that people want their partners to change. Of course, no one will ever be 100% what you are looking for, but there comes a time when you need to weigh up all the factors and decide to be happy with the partner you have, if you decide to stay with them.

One also needs to remember, if you want someone to change, you yourself need to change first before you can expect your partner to do any changing. Once they see that you are willing to put in an effort, they are far more likely to put in an effort themselves.

The people who irritate you are often your best life teachers. Usually the thing that gets to you is something in the depths of your very own persona that you do not like. It is your partner who is reflecting this to you, and that is often why you want them to change!

If you let go of your own issues, you will also find that it is easier to accept your partner as they are. Serenity will then surround you and you will find it easier to be grateful for this person. This state of mind will transmigrate into other areas in your life and you will be more content with life in general.

This is also a chance to practice some unconditional love. This is the kind of love you usually crave for yourself. What you give out comes back to you, so this is the best way to get what you want.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

I am making a Christmas special once-off offer to clients who enrol with Perfect Strangers between now and 31 December 2011: In addition to their normal membership, each client will also receive:

a) 20 Written Laser “Prepare to Meet Your Soulmate” Coaching sessions (one per week in your personal email inbox - Value R897-00). These inspiring teachings will coach you through any stumbling blocks you may experience in attracting and keeping the love of your life. (This will be the first time I am publishing these teachings!)

b) Each client will receive 2 extra months on their membership which will give them an additional window to meet their soulmate.

NB: The first 20 clients who enrol will, in addition, each receive a fabulous surprise bonus from me (Value R300). Remember to ask for this bonus when you apply.

Make use of this special offer before 31 December 2011 by contacting me for a FREE one-hour “Find Your Soulmate” session. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Marilyn Welch can also be contacted on 0825598322 or at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Keep your balance (Plus Christmas Special Offer)

Often clients who join my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, tell me that they like to “give their all” in a relationship, or that they like really “spoiling” their partner. Despite this dedicated approach, they have not managed to be in a successful relationship. Why is this?

Too often when we go into a relationship, we find that either we or our partner or giving too much. This is a recipe for failure, as a successful relationship is a balanced relationship, where there is equal giving and receiving.

When we give more than our partners, we like to think we want nothing in return, but actually deep down we want a return on our investment very badly, and in the long term we feel cheated if our giving has not been reciprocated.

Worse still, our partner may see our giving as a means whereby they are controlled, and they may feel obligated to return the favours in some way, which takes away from the freedom of a loving relationship.

Women especially tend to give more in a relationship. It is their natural instinct as nurturers and caregivers. This giving of their all often results in losing the man of their dreams, as men naturally like to be the hunters.

Similarly, a man who spoils his girlfriend or wife disproportionately may find that his favours are not appreciated and that she takes him for granted. The relationship is not in balance and love flies out the window.

This world is not perfect, but in this world everything is in perfect balance. If we want our relationship to be successful, we need to be vigilant about keeping it in good balance. Apply this principle of balance with the giving and receiving in your relationship. You will be in tune with the natural harmony of the universe and your relationship is more likely to go in an upward spiral.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

I am making a special once-off Christmas offer to clients who enrol with Perfect Strangers between now and 31 December 2011: In addition to their normal membership, each client will also receive:

a) 20 Written Laser "Prepare to Meet Your Soulmate" Coaching sessions (one per week in your personal email inbox)(Value R1500-00). These inspiring teachings will coach you through any stumbling blocks you may experience in attracting and keeping the love of your life. (It will be the first time I am publishing these teachings!)

b) Each client will receive 2 extra months on their membership which will give them an additional window to meet their soulmate

NB: The first 20 clients who enrol will each receive a fabulous surprise bonus (Value R300). Remember to ask for this bonus when you apply.

Make use of this special offer before 31 December 2011 by contacting me for a FREE one-hour “Find Your Soulmate” session. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Marilyn Welch can be contacted personally on 0825598322 or at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

A good self-image promotes healthy relationships

Two weeks ago I bumped into Alison, a client I coached four years ago. At the time she was in a toxic relationship and was very unhappy. Together we had worked through a lot of her issues, but her primary problem was that she did not think well of herself and thus allowed people to treat her badly. She was struggling to find the strength to set proper boundaries with her boyfriend as she was scared she would lose him.

Catching up on her news I was very glad to hear that she had finally got rid of the old boyfriend and that she had had two relatively happy relationships since then and that she was now engaged to be married to a guy that “treats her like a queen”. She said it had been a gradual process, but that she now realises we only allow others to treat us badly to the extent that we treat ourselves badly. Without being selfish or conceited in any way it is better for us and for all our friends if we have a healthy self-respect and good self-image. We will also never be happy with our circumstances until we are happy with ourselves. It is true that if we expect the best we will get the best. Expect and command the best treatment from all the people you meet, remembering that you need to treat them with respect and consideration as well. With this kind of attitude, your relationships are likely to go in an upward spiral and you will be a far happier person for it.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Does your partner meet your needs?

We all dream of that special partner who will love and understand us and meet all our needs. We also all need to come down to earth and realise that we as well as our partners are both imperfect human beings and that it is totally impossible for one person to meet ALL our needs.

So how do we find that someone special and cultivate an atmosphere in which we can both be happy?

It takes quite a while to get to know someone and to find out if we can be happy with them or not. If after six months we feel that our partner meets 80% of our needs, we are indeed fortunate. We also need to bear in mind that as time goes by our needs change and develop, so that is an added complication. If we are not the demanding type and live in gratitude, our needs will be less. We will focus on what is already good and build on that. Then our relationship goes in an upward spiral and we are very blessed.

No matter how wonderful our partner is, he/she will not be able to meet all our needs. It is up to us to fulfil our own needs or find same-sex friends and family who will meet the gap. That is why it is important to be a well-rounded person before you enter any romantic relationship. If one comes into a new relationship as a happy and whole person, and already knows how to get one’s needs met through a variety of different people, it takes pressure off the relationship, things are more likely to run smoothly and our relationship will be easy and pleasurable.

It is also important to be happy with the fact that in anything worthwhile in life we cannot have our cake and eat it. We need to be faithful to our partners if we want a winning relationship. If we want a fulfilling relationship, it may be a good idea to give up intimate friendships with others of the opposite sex. The idea is to give up these friendships for something that is better and more rewarding. Our partner will always appreciate our fidelity. Once we have made peace with this concept, we will be far happier in our relationship.

Don’t: Expect your partner to be perfect

Do: Practice appreciation and fidelity in your relationship

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation "Find Your Soulmate" session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Remain independent when in a relationship

It is vitally important for the success of any relationship for both partners to remain as financially and emotionally independent as possible. The less we need our partners for anything, the more we are able to enjoy each other’s company. If we are financially independent, we seek each other’s company for the pure fun and pleasure of being with that person, and we have no ulterior motives or second agendas in working on our relationship.

A problem often arises with women in that they become so involved with their partners as their relationship progresses, that they often lose their emotional independence. They can often forget that they have interests of their own as they take on their partner’s interests. They often give up arrangements they have made with their female friends in order to spend time with their boyfriends. They forget their own value and importance as time goes by and put their partners on pedestals. By doing all these things, they lose their emotional independence and are no longer the independent woman their partners knew when they first met. They thus become less attractive in their partner’s eyes and he starts to lose interest. This is a very subtle, insidious process, and deadly if a woman wants to keep her relationship healthy. As he loses attraction for her and starts pulling away, she starts to pursue him which makes him want to pull still further away. He then also starts acting differently and they both wonder where their wonderful romance went to. This is a terrible, negative spiral which can be avoided by women not slipping into the bad habits I mentioned earlier in this paragraph and retaining their emotional independence and wonderful life they had before they met their boyfriends.

A woman values a man who is emotionally independent of her and not clingy in any way. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander!

Set time aside for the things that are important to you, and do them. Do not live in your partner’s pocket. Honour his/her need for space with vigilance.

Don’t: Cling to your partner, as this will just drive them away.

Do: Initiate the healthy relationship habits mentioned above, and maintain them.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Keep a sense of humour in your relationship

When we start a relationship, all is moonshine and roses. That delicious euphoria of being in love takes over and we are totally besotted with our partners. With time, however, that feeling fades, and hopefully we have built a good enough foundation for the relationship to last. We should have kept up the romance and made it a habit, and with a bit of luck we may also find out that we are compatible with our partner.

It is important at this stage not to let your relationship become one of drudgery. Life is unpredictable and can often be downright lousy, but let your relationship be one area where you find enjoyment and satisfaction. We can get so serious in our everyday life. Wouldn’t it be nice if our relationship was one where we could laugh a lot, flirt and have a whole lot of fun?

Marriage counsellors often say that the couples who play together stay together. That is food for thought. Not all of us are clowns who can always be jovial and tell a lot of jokes, but we can all at least be open to the humorous side of life. Sometimes we can get into sticky situations in our relationships, and if we can at least laugh at ourselves, it just makes things a whole lot better.

It is also important to keep on flirting with your partner throughout your relationship, even if you have been married for fifty years! This helps keep the spice in your relationship and reminds you why you got together in the first place. Keep your partner guessing a little bit and even play innocent tricks on him/her. Of course, we all love to tease our partners, and this is a good thing as long as we don’t become personal and hurt their feelings. We also all love pleasant surprises, so make an effort to be innovative and be open to trying new things.

Don’t: Get stuck in the same old boring habits in your relationship.

Do: Always be on the lookout for humour in your relationship.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The power of NOW in your relationship

The famous author Eckhart Tolle has written a very thought-provoking book called “The Power of Now”. Some of what he writes is very applicable to our relationships. We have a constant stream of thoughts in our minds, always based on something in the past or future, and we very seldom enjoy each moment as it arrives in our lives.

It would be wise to apply the principles in this book to our relationships. The present (now) is actually all we have. This very moment is complete and in it we have everything to make us happy. If we dwell on the past or are always dreaming of what may happen in the future, we are likely to make ourselves unhappy.

Tolle states that if we are unhappy with our situation, we can do one of three things: Walk away, change our circumstances or simply accept them as they are and decide to be content with them.

Some of us are fretting because we are not in a relationship, which is something we intensely desire. If this is the case, we should first and foremost accept what IS and make peace with it. Secondly, we can occupy our minds with good thoughts and find constructive things to keep ourselves busy. Best of all, if we find an interest we can be passionate about, this will do a lot to keep us busy and our minds will not be preoccupied with discontented thoughts.

If we are in a relationship that is not working out and we dislike our current circumstances, we can walk away or start changing things. A good place to start changing things is with our attitude. Are we anxious because we are focused on a result of some kind in our relationship? If so, we are focusing on the future and not on the now. Are we overreacting to something that is happening in our relationship because of something that happened in the past? Then we are dwelling on the past and also not living in the now. As you can see, both scenarios are a recipe for unhappiness. As I have said in many previous newsletters and blogs, have fun and enjoy your dating and don’t think that you need to see a result of some kind (like a marriage proposal) to make you happy.

If we drop thoughts of the past and the future and simply enjoy each moment as it arrives, we are much more likely to love life and be happy. We will have a lot more fun and life will be easier in general. Where do all these thoughts of the past and the future get us? Precisely nowhere, that’s where. Yes, it is important to plan for the future and also learn from our mistakes, but not at the expense of seldom enjoying what is happening in each moment, particularly when it comes to our relationships.

Don’t: Take your relationship or your present circumstances for granted.

Do: Savour and appreciate each moment as it arrives.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Honour what is important to your partner

When we are in a relationship we are very aware of what we regard as important to us in that relationship, but sometimes we forget that it is perhaps even more important to honour what is important to our partner. A relationship is a two way street and sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

When our partner was first attracted to us, he/she saw something in us that corresponded to his/her values. In a similar fashion we were attracted to him/her. A person’s values are very important to them, and they will be loyal to their values even before they are loyal to their partner – food for thought. We may not have the same values as our partner, but it is very important to hold them in respect. This will definitely endear us to our partner.

There are the values of the Love Languages, which I have discussed before. They are words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and receiving of gifts. We need to discover our partner’s love language(s) and communicate with them via these languages to attain maximum benefit out of our relationship. This is one way of honouring what is important to our partner. For more information on this, read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.

Something men value a lot is their freedom. Some women give their partners plenty of freedom, and this is to be commended. Other women do not. Perhaps they are operating from a deep-seated sense of insecurity, or perhaps they gave their partner freedom before, only to have it abused. However, most men will deeply appreciate a woman who gives them freedom and will always gladly return to her once they are ready to “come out of their cave”. (Read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.)

Women, on the other hand, value a partner who gives them security. We are not necessarily talking about financial security here, but more about emotional security. A woman likes to know where she stands in a relationship, whereas men generally prefer a bit of a challenge. A woman needs to work on her own emotional security before she enters a relationship, because if she is “needy” she will drive all potential partners away. A man with a mature approach goes a long way in giving a woman the security she needs.

Sometimes our partner’s values can be seen in their hobbies. This is often seen by the other partner as time that is taken away from the relationship and can be viewed as a threat. Again it is part of the freedom aspect that is so important in a relationship. Each partner should have the freedom to pursue their own hobbies, within reason. It is also important that if you have a consuming passion for one or other hobby that you do not neglect your partner at the same time. One must always keep a balance.

Don’t: Trample on what your partner views as important, i.e. his/her values.

Do: Learn to communicate with your partner via his/her own love language(s).

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't create baggage as you go along

What does the word “baggage” mean to you? We all want a partner who does not have baggage. We ourselves try not to have too much baggage. But there are plenty of us who actually create baggage as we go along in our relationship, as if there wasn’t enough of it already!

We are all familiar with control dramas. We see them often in the movies and on TV. Is this what we should be modelling our lives on? This is the kind of behaviour that definitely creates baggage, baggage that need not have been there. People who create baggage usually do not think before they act. They act on impulses which they often live to regret. When we act on an impulse, we usually do not consider our partner’s frame of reference and where they are coming from. It is all about our own egos, what WE want and how WE see life. We are then acting from a limited perspective.

When our partner makes us angry, we should count to ten and then count our words. What is it that is making us angry? Is it something that is threatening our ego? Are we reacting with an impoverished spirit and not an abundance mentality? Are we feeling threatened? Do we want to take revenge on our partner for an imagined wrong that we feel has been done to us? Good communication can do a lot to iron out misunderstandings that can lead to this kind of nonsense. Are we riddled with jealousy? Are we afraid to give our partners freedom because we are afraid to lose them? Deep-seated insecurities can lead to this kind of behaviour, which does not bode well for any relationship.

So what can we do to avoid creating baggage? First and foremost it is very important to be grateful for all the good we have in our lives and in our relationship. This helps create the abundance mentality I have just mentioned. We need to focus on good, wholesome things and not give negativity a chance to take root. We need to BE the type of partner we want in our lives. All this does not come in an instant, but may take many years of continual work on ourselves. Sometimes it is even necessary to go for counselling. But the rewards are there, and it is definitely worth all the time and effort.

Don’t: Get caught in the groove of continual control dramas.

Do: Read “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle and broaden your perspective on life.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Seek time-honoured values in your relationship

We would all like to ultimately be in a relationship that has stood the test of time, but to reach that much sought after destination, we need to seek time-honoured values in our relationship.

Integrity and trust are two very important factors in a relationship. It is very important that both parties should keep their word when dealing with their partner (and, indeed, in all of life!). We all want someone who is consistent, congruent, and reliable. No relationship built on a foundation of lies will last. We need to make honesty a habit, so that our partner will know where we stand and also where they stand. We want someone who will trust us enough to give us freedom and space, yet who can also draw us near and hold us close. This foundation of trust protects a relationship. You have then built your relationship on a solid pillar and you know you can count on it.

Respect and consideration shown to your partner on a continual, long-term basis will endear you to him/her. This type of treatment from one’s partner gives a chance for real love to grow. We need to cultivate a healthy self-respect first before we can happily afford others the same respect. You may sometimes perceive your partner to be making wrong choices, but it is important to still respect them, and their choices, however hard this may be.

Consideration for one’s partner’s happiness and wellbeing is also very important in a relationship. If we are selfish and always thinking of how we can please ourselves in our relationship, it will bring us short term gratification only. We are then always wanting more and more, and are never satisfied. This type of behaviour leads to a downward spiral in your relationship, and should be avoided.

Loyalty and unconditional love are also important. We all want to know that our partner is faithful to us, no matter what. Our first loyalty should be to our partner, and if we are married, this is even more important. It is important that we are always supportive towards our partner, especially in company. It is very destructive to criticize one’s partner in the company of others, even if you perceive them to be wrong about something. Those matters should be sorted out in private.

It is also important to us that our partner loves us unconditionally. None of us can be perfect, and we need to know we are accepted for who we are, despite of our shortcomings. We need to know that even if our behaviour is not always of the best, that we have a safe haven where our partner will love us regardless. We want this for ourselves, so we must afford it to our partners.

Treat your partner in the same way as you would like to be treated. Take that one step further and treat them the way they would like to be treated. Remember, you will get back what you put into a relationship and much more, if you treat your partner well.

Don’t: Look for short term gratification in your relationship at the expense of your partner.

Do: Do unto your partner as you would have done unto you!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you still like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't have unrealistic expectations

All of us want an ideal partner, someone who at least approaches our idea of perfect, but how does one find such a person when everyone around us seems to have issues, problems and baggage? Moreover we ourselves are always working through our own issues, so can we in any way be a perfect partner for someone else?

When clients approach me for membership to Perfect Strangers, I sometimes sense they have unrealistic expectations. A woman, for example, may, before she joins, have an issue with men standing her up on dates. This is a very real problem that is re-occurring in her life, and she expects that when she joins Perfect Strangers this problem is just going to go away completely. My heart sinks when I hear things like this, because I know her problem is ongoing, and even the most reliable men on my books will somehow find a way of letting her down. There is something in her psyche that is inviting men to do this, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it until she sorts it out in her own mind. Then and then only will the problem be righted.

Then there are others who find that in ordinary, everyday life they are meeting ordinary, everyday people, but they expect that when they join Perfect Strangers that they are suddenly going to meet partners who look like they have walked out of the movies or a glossy magazine! Nothing and nobody in this life is ever going to be perfect, but rest assured, you can find someone who is perfect for you, which implies that this person may have faults and issues, but they will certainly contribute towards your growth and development, which is, after all, why we have been put on this earth.

The media can often be blamed for us having these unrealistic expectations. The movies, TV and popular magazines often portray highly attractive, airbrushed people with superb builds, but in reality only 2% of the population look like this. The media also portray most people as always ready for instant, uncomplicated sex, whereas in real life romantic love doesn’t always work in this way. They also blow up these people as heroes and heroines in everyday situations, and real-life people simply cannot compete. And so we idealise what we see and expect our partners to live up to these unrealistic expectations. By doing this, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment time after time.

We also need to do some soul-searching into ourselves and our own lives. Are we in any way being the kind of partner we hope to meet? I have sometimes had overweight men come for interviews who tell me they want to meet petite women! This is an extreme example, but it happens from time to time. And then I might have a woman who tells me there are no good men left. This is her perception, but it is based on a lie which she has come to believe as true. She expects to meet only “bad” men and this is what she will find time after time. So expecting the worst is also an example of having unrealistic expectations.

When we are in the middle of a situation, it is sometimes difficult to see life in its true perspective. It is best for us if we have a cautiously optimistic outlook, without losing track of reality.

Don’t: Expect the airbrushed, skinny supermodels you see on TV and in glossy magazines to show up in real life.

Do: Train yourself to have a cautiously optimistic outlook while at the same time keeping your feet firmly on the ground.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Focus on your partner's good points

We all would like a partner who sees the best in us and believes we are well-intentioned. We want someone who turns a blind eye to our many faults and who loves us just as we are, warts and all. Because this is what we want, this is the kind of partner we must be ourselves.

The Law of Attraction states that we bring about what we focus on. So if we want a certain result, it is very important to control our thoughts concerning this matter. Most surely we want more of the good points of our partner and less of the ones we don’t like. And so we must focus on the things we like in him/her and ignore the things that bother us. Apart from the fact that we will then get more of what we want, we ourselves will be happier people because of our positive attitude, and so the spin-offs multiply and our relationship goes in an upward spiral of getting better and better.

When we know our partner thinks well of us and expects the best of us, we are always very eager to prove them right and not to let them down. This is just human nature. Give someone a good name and they will do their best to live up to it. What’s more, it is also very important to let them know how much we appreciate the wonderful things they are and do, as this also opens up better communication between the two of you. Your partner will enjoy your conversation and appreciate you in return.

I myself was once happily married to a man who was a smoker. I am not a smoker, and did not enjoy his smoking. I found when I focused on his smoking I made myself unhappy. When I concentrated on how wonderful a partner he was in other ways, I had a more balanced perspective, and rightly considered myself lucky to have him in my life. He passed away five years ago and I remember him only as an exceptionally good husband who made me a very happy woman. It was a small sacrifice to put up with his smoking, considering what I received in return. Now that he is gone I only have good memories, and the smoking is a complete non-issue. I am glad we parted on excellent terms, and not with me focussing on his smoking.

Don’t: Let little annoyances trip up your relationship.

Do: See the bigger picture of your relationship in a balanced perspective.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Make romance a habit

What is the glue that keeps relationships fun and exciting? Two major factors come to mind: chemistry and romance. Chemistry is either there or not there, and there is not much you can do to change it. But romance is equally as important, and it is something that can be worked on by both parties.

We experience many different kinds of relationships in life, but the ones that we remember as the most poignant are those where romance has played a big role. Romance is what makes your partner special: it sets your partner apart from the crowd. We often think of romance as gigantic gestures which are obvious and “in your face”. But it is the small things that count (as my clients tell me again and again). You can make a habit of keeping romance alive by doing little, inexpensive things that will make your partner love you to bits!

Gestures of caring and consideration are very important when it comes to romance. Do you make it a habit to always be kind to your partner? Romance does not start in the bedroom, but is the way you treat your partner on a 24/7 basis! It is easy to be romantic when a relationship is new, but it is very important to keep up those wonderful habits you got into when your relationship started and make them a way of life. When you see couples that have been happily married for years, they have inevitably kept the fires of romance consistently burning.

Romance need not be an expensive thing to maintain. It can be kept alive by being aware of the love language(s) that your partner speaks. (For more information on this read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.) To summarise, the languages are:

1. Words of Affirmation (These are positive and often involve sincere praise and encouragement)
2. Physical Touch (This covers a much broader base than sex on its own)
3. Quality Time
4. Deeds of Service
5. Gift Giving (Gifts can be small and inexpensive – it’s the thought that counts!)

Think about these five aspects of a relationship, and work out which one(s) appeals most to your partner. The way your partner treats you is a clue: they will relate to you according to their own love language(s), which is usually easy to spot. The very fact that you are making an effort indicates that you are already working on the romance in your relationship.

Don’t: Let your relationship run on autopilot.

Do: Make romance a habit, and watch love blossom!

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Practise gratitude in your relationship

There is something that almost all of us overlook when it comes to relationships, and that is sincere appreciation for our partner. We all need to practise gratitude in life, especially when it comes to our partners. Never take a good relationship for granted, because you never know how long that person may still be with you. If your partner is showing you sincere appreciation for all you do for him/her, you just want to do more and more for them, and so the relationship goes in an upward spiral of just getting better and better.

Sometimes in a relationship it can become hard to find things to be grateful for. Perhaps you and your partner are going through a difficult patch and things are not going so well. Isn’t it a good idea to rather focus on whatever you can find that is positive than to dwell on the negative and make yourself unhappy? You will find that if you focus on something positive, you will get more of that thing, and the negatives will tend to fade away. It all boils down to the Law of Attraction: You will attract into your life what you think about most.

Gratitude is a habit and a way of life. It is a universal principle that applies in all spheres of life. Why would the universe give you more of something you like if you are not grateful for what you already have? It applies to our finances as well. If you teach yourself how to work with money, appreciate every cent you earn and work hard for it, you are more likely to prosper financially than if you have a “don’t care” attitude towards money. Similarly, if we study the art of good relationships, cultivate good habits in our relationship and appreciate our partner for being in our life, our relationship is likely to be healthy and very rewarding.

If one has not yet consciously practised the habit of gratitude, how does one start? At the end of each day, before you go to sleep, think over the day and find at least five good things to thank your Creator for. Even better, write them down. Make this a daily habit, and before long you will find that your whole attitude to life has changed, and you are much happier. Moreover, as the years pass, this habit becomes ingrained, and you are a better person for it. At the same time, seize every opportunity to appreciate your partner, and let them know that you appreciate them. They will love you for it.

Don’t: Take life and your partner for granted.

Do: Seize every opportunity to sincerely appreciate life and the wonderful partner that you have.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought-after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

There is a blessing in every relationship

Sometimes we wonder why we ever landed up in certain relationships. Everything just seems to go wrong and sometimes things get so twisted we just don’t know what to do. And often there doesn’t seem to be any end in sight. What are we supposed to do in these circumstances?

Firstly it is good to remember that there is a divine balance in our universe. To the degree that something is bad, we can also find good things about it! You might ask what good there could possibly be in your situation, but if you think very deeply and for some time, you are bound to come up with some benefits, believe it or not. Often it is only in hindsight that we can see these blessings, but they are always there, if we just scratch beneath the surface.

Perhaps we “pushed” a relationship that was not yet “ripe”. Perhaps we took our partner for granted. Perhaps we neglected our partner. Maybe we were selfish … This list could go on and on, but there are mistakes we often make in relationships which lead to their downfall. These mistakes happened for a reason, as nothing happens by chance. They happened so that we could LEARN from our situation. And life keeps on presenting the same lessons to us until we learn to do things differently, so there is no escape.

We should train ourselves to look for the positives in every situation, as well as our relationships. If we dwell on what is wrong, we just make ourselves unhappy and gain nothing. Do yourself a favour and look back on all the relationships you have ever had. Find at least one good thing about every one of them, even if they didn’t end well. Then look at your present relationship and do the same thing. It is often more difficult to do this in the present, as we are so involved we often cannot see things in their true perspective. Something we can do is ask a friend if they can see any blessings that we are blind to. Our friends will give opinions that come from a completely different frame of reference, and they can often see things more clearly than we can when we are so caught up in a situation.

Don’t: Beat yourself up about it if a relationship has not worked out.

Do: Learn from your mistakes, see the blessings and move on.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Have you ever tried to force a relationship?

There are a lot of us who have regrets in this life, and many who wish our lives were different. We look back and think of all sorts of situations we could have handled in a better way. Some of us look back on divorces and bad choices we made when selecting previous partners. Often we made wrong decisions only yesterday. Many of us are even guilty of forcing relationships and then wondering why they did not work out. What are the benefits of having a more relaxed approach to life and dating? How do we learn to let go and rather let the Universe organise things for us?

The first thing to know is that our Creator is in charge, and that the universe is arranging all things for our good. We often overlook the blessing when we are going through a rough patch. We see nothing good about what is happening to us at the time. Sometimes it is only years later that we see how that difficult time actually benefitted us, and that it was a good thing that it happened. Hindsight is an exact science, but most of us have been around long enough to know that there are many sides to most situations, both good and bad. The trick is to have a positive outlook and always look for the benefits of a situation. They are there, if we will just put our minds to it. It only makes us unhappy to dwell on the negative aspects of a situation, so we should learn to rather dwell on the positive side of the equation. Knowing that there are always positives to any situation should help us to relax a little about what is happening and this should also help us to have a happy mindset. Then we can say with a cheerful heart, “What’s meant to be is meant to be”. We never know what life is going to present us with, but if we just do what we have to do and relax about the outcome, we will have a serenity that nothing can take away.

We can also apply this attitude to our relationships. We often wish we could have our lives over and be wiser in our choice of partners. But if we look on the bright side, the universe allowed us to make those mistakes in order that we could be wiser and learn from them. If a relationship does not work out for whatever reason, be assured that there is someone better waiting for you around the next corner, someone more suited to you, who will appreciate you more than your previous partner did. I myself was once in love with someone who was no good for me. And because a relationship never got off the ground with him, I was open to a relationship with someone far better suited to me. But I would never have believed that at the time. Things were unclear to me then, but now many years have passed, I see the wisdom of my Creator, who actually had the best in mind for me. It was all a learning curve.

God’s timing is also perfect. We want things yesterday, but He knows best, and will give us what we need when the time is right. When we are pushing and chasing a relationship, it often seems to be running away from us all the time. But when we relax and let the universe unfold, and bring our partner gently to us, it is the best relationship we could ever have hoped for. Our Creator does things much better for us and in far grander style than we could ever hope to imagine!

Don’t: Try to force a relationship with anyone.

Do: Relax, enjoy your dating, and detach yourself from the results.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

How to have abundance in your relationship

We are now officially into winter and as it becomes colder we are aware of how nice it can be to have someone special to cuddle up with. We actually want much more than that. We all want a relationship that is abundant.

The word “abundant” implies that there is more than sufficient of something, that there is a wealth of whatever it is that is abundant. One immediately thinks of a relationship that is very happy, with plenty of love flowing between the two partners.

How does one establish such a relationship?

A relationship like this is built on a good, solid foundation. All these things do not come immediately. In short, a relationship like this is earned. We all think that in the beginning, when everything is moonshine and roses, that OF COURSE we have abundance in our relationship, but, if after a year or two, all that love and happiness is still there, then you have definitely EARNED the abundance in your relationship. This abundance, that you have obviously worked hard to maintain, is of the lasting kind as good relationship habits pave the way to it.

Men like their freedom, and women like their security. Are you providing these elements in your relationship? Women, if you are giving your men freedom, they will appreciate it and if the relationship is meant to be, they will always come back to you with loving hearts. If you give them their freedom, and they don’t come back to you, there is always someone else out there who will appreciate you building on this important long-term pillar in a relationship. Men, are you giving your girlfriends a lot of love and care and do they know that they can count on you? These are the things that make women feel secure and they will always love you for it. Giving freedom and security to one’s partner is not always easy, and often requires sacrifice on your part, over and over again. Make it a long term habit, and you will be amply rewarded with love and happiness in your relationship.

Caring and consideration are also important elements in a relationship. Sometimes one does not feel like being considerate, because it doesn’t suit one, but this always comes at the cost of the relationship. Everything has a price. Wouldn’t it be a good idea to pay small increments on a consistent basis towards your relationship in the form of sound relationship habits? Soon you will no longer notice that it is an effort, and it will come naturally and easily. Nothing worthwhile is achieved in life without sacrifice of some sort, and with time the good habits will be ingrained in you. Being selfish and thinking only of oneself can cost a relationship dearly. Your partner will not be happy and love will fly out of the window.

Don’t: Take your partner for granted.

Do: Practice generosity with your partner, especially generosity of your time and your love

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Don't be materialistic

We all want a partner who loves us just for who we are, as well as for who we are not. None of us wants to perceive that our partner wants us for any kind of ulterior motive. We like to think that we are receiving at least as much as we are giving in our relationship. That makes us want to give more and more, and so our relationship goes in an upward spiral of giving and receiving, which is healthy.

Do we ever examine our motives when we start dating someone we like a lot?

Often when we are dating we weed out those people who are needy, who seem to want something from us and who are on the take. That is why it is healthy to date many people before marriage, so that you can recognise who the people are who relate to you in healthy ways. Once you are in a committed relationship, it is also wise to remain vigilant in keeping the balance of give and take between you and your partner.

Oftentimes a man is materialistic in a relationship when he is in it for the sex. He is vitally interested in satisfying himself and can leave his partner feeling unfulfilled. What is that man bringing to the relationship? Is he making it worthwhile for his partner? Maybe he thinks he can buy her love/sex, but that will ultimately leave her feeling empty and used. If, on the other hand, he is bringing in a healthy amount of loving and genuine happiness to the relationship, his partner will just want to give him more and more and will appreciate him hugely.

Women can be materialistic in expecting men to be the providers. In today’s society, where women are often the bigger earners, this is becoming more and more unrealistic. Yes, a man likes to provide, but never likes to feel that he is being used, or that a woman likes him just because he has money. He likes to feel admired, respected and loved for who he is as a person, and not only for the money he brings to the table. Everything is becoming more and more expensive as time goes by, and if a woman also earns good money, she should be willing to share some of it and not let her man bear the burden of all the expenses, unless, of course, he really doesn’t need or want any help in this arena.

The Law of Attraction also fits into this picture. What you constantly think about, you will ultimately bring into your life. Do you want to have a mountain of money when you are old, and no love and happiness to go with it, or do you want a healthy balance of a happy family, friends and good memories? On your deathbed, are you going to want to look at your bank balance, or are you going to want to look into the face of someone you have genuinely loved and been happy with? If we are in a relationship just for what we can get out of it, the universe may very well punish us by giving us what we want. Later we will see that genuine, time honoured values have made us happier than our materialistic desires have.

Don’t: Always think of what you can get out of a relationship.

Do: Appreciate your partner for who they are as a person.

© 2010 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Appreciate your partner

We all want a partner who will treat us with respect and who will value us as human beings. When my husband, Bryan, was alive, we had this kind of relationship and appreciated each other enormously. It made it easier for me to find closure when he passed away four years ago because we had no unfinished business between us and we parted on good terms.

How do we set the stage to appreciate our partners?

Something we must always keep in mind is the law of attraction. The law of attraction is like a magnet, where like attracts like. So if we respect and value ourselves, we will automatically draw people to us who will treat us in this way.

Some of us tend to put others first, especially women. It is the way we were brought up to always care for others. This is especially true for a woman who has children. But a woman owes it to herself to take good care of herself, and to think well of herself, or otherwise she could end up being a doormat for her children and the man in her life.

Something we should never do is take people for granted, especially our partners. We never know how long we will have them in our lives, so whilst they are here, we should really appreciate them and also SHOW that appreciation. The chances are that if we are doing this, we ourselves will be appreciated and valued.

Another thing to respect is the free will of our partners. Who likes to be pushed into a corner and forced to do things? Nobody. Our partner’s free will is something we often never give a second thought. It is that free will that caused him/her to love you in the first place. Wouldn’t you like your partner to have choices, just as you have choices? If you respect your partner’s free will, he/she will most likely respect yours.

It is also very important to respect your partner’s values. They will most probably be different to your values, which will obviously require a little effort from you. Read Dr John Demartini’s book, “The Heart of Love”, which elaborates on the importance of aligning your values with those of your partner. It will be well worth that effort in the long run, because your partner is likely to appreciate your stance and reciprocate by returning the favour. Always be the first to show respect and appreciation – your partner is likely to follow suit.

Don’t: Put others first to your own detriment.

Do: Show your appreciation to your partner because you never know how long you will have them in your life.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Create variety in your relationship

We all long for a partner who is interesting, and who surprises and delights us often, but have we ever thought about our own role in creating variety in our relationship?

It’s all too easy to start off a relationship, where everything is new and we are on a voyage of discovery. We are getting to know our partner and find everything he or she says or does to be fascinating. Come six months down the line and we could be falling into the trap of a set routine, always doing the same things and finding our once tantalizing partner to suddenly be boring and predictable!

How do we maintain the romance and excitement? (We wanted this to be forever, remember?) The secret is to cultivate good habits right from when the relationship starts. It is even more important for a woman to be unpredictable, as this is often one of the factors that keeps a man interested in her. (A woman can think differently, as she tends to find security in predictability, and security is often one of the most important values that she has.)

Part of the secret of being unpredictable and creating variety is to keep our partner guessing just a little bit. There is a fine balance between a mature sharing of your innermost self and “not letting it all hang out”. We all want a mixture of familiarity and that element of surprise.

Part of all this is self-respect, where we find it easy to act with poise. We even find ourselves exciting as we discover new things on life’s journey. Make a point of doing things that are out of your normal routine from time to time. And the things that you normally do … well, if you like to do them, try to do them differently now and then, just to spice things up a bit. Find novel ways of showing your respect and appreciation, and just now and then, if you have something else important and worthwhile to do, be unavailable. Bring fun and mischief into some of the things you do. There is nothing like laughter to add to good memories.

Remember the law of attraction? It works like a magnet. So if you want your relationship to be interesting, make sure you yourself are an interesting person. This involves creating variety and adventure in your relationship. Your partner is likely to mirror your behaviour and your relationship will tend to be exciting.

Don’t: Fall into the trap of having too set a routine in your relationship.

Do: Cultivate the habit of surprising your partner from time to time.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Would you like to meet your soulmate this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a free, no-obligation “get-acquainted” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Give your partner privacy

We all like to have our privacy, and so it is natural to expect that our partner would want the same for him/herself. We should all treat other people the way we want to be treated, so the privacy of both partners should be a given in a relationship.

How often does it happen that a call or sms arrives on our partner’s phone and we are tempted to peek and see who it was from? Some of us even think it is our right to do so, and yet we would hate it if we ourselves were treated like this.

Worse still, we want to know what our partner is up to every minute of the day. If you want your partner to feel hounded and to start withdrawing, be on his/her case in this way.

It all boils down to trust. Trust is such a vital part of a relationship that it needs to be mentioned here. It is always a good thing to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and to extend your trust first. If your trust is broken, that is another matter, but everyone likes to feel they are trusted when a relationship starts out. Your partner will not want to let you down and break your trust if he/she knows it has been extended. Expect the best and you will get the best.

What about secrets? If we can keep our own private secrets, our partner will know that they can trust us with theirs. It is not a good idea to be too inquisitive about one’s partner’s private life. If there is something you really need to know, the universe will make sure that you get wind of it.

Privacy and freedom go hand in hand. If you hold on tight to your partner and never want to let them out of your sight, they will rebel and want to get as far away from you as possible. If your partner knows you respect their space, he/she will surely appreciate this hugely and you will reap the benefits of the same respect afforded to you.

Privacy is sometimes very difficult to maintain when one lives with one’s partner. Here it is doubly important to be vigilant about giving one’s partner space. It all adds up to a healthy relationship.

Don’t: Be continually suspicious and snoop on your partner’s every move.

Do: Extend your trust to your partner in a mature way and you are likely to be rewarded.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Be generous in your relationship

An aunt of mine once said to beware of a partner who is stingy with money in your relationship, because he/she will be stingy with their love as well. Being generous, however, applies to all areas of a relationship, including things like time and effort.

When a relationship is new and things are finding their balance, it is important not to overdo one’s generosity, as this will more than likely scare off one’s partner. Men in particular find a women who is over the top in this area, very scary, especially when a relationship is new. Women are by nature nurturers and it is very natural for them to give all they can, but this is not advisable in a new relationship. At this stage, a man usually enjoys pursuing a woman, and likes to perceive the woman as a challenge. A woman will completely take the wind out of his sails if she smothers him with attention at this stage. However, as things progress, a healthy give and take by both partners is desirable.

As time goes by and trust develops, a man likes it when the woman takes the initiative and makes him feel appreciated. Then both partners usually enjoy it when the other person gives them lots of time and attention. In particular, a man enjoys it when the woman is generous in giving him space. One can also be generous in affording one’s partner privacy. This kind of respect should be mutual. In a relationship like this there is an aura of abundance. Both partners have abundance mentalities and there is a great deal of freedom afforded to each person.

One can also be abundant in honesty. This type of generosity is usually much appreciated, as everyone wants a partner who is trustworthy and consistent in their approach to life.

One can be generous in one’s appreciation of one’s partner. It is nice when someone notices the things you do for them, however small, and thanks you from their heart. This kind of appreciation usually has a snowball effect of your partner wanting to do even more for you, and so the relationship goes in an upward spiral of getting better and better as time goes by. One has cultivated good habits and if one keeps them up, this type of relationship then does not require a lot of work.

Don’t: Expect your partner to do all the work in your relationship.

Do: Operate from an abundance mentality in your relationship, and things are likely to go your way.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Create space in your relationship

Today I am going to focus on creating space for each other in your relationship. I am reminded of when I was married to my second husband, Bryan, and how happy we were. He gave me all the space I could possibly have desired, and you know what? I just simply didn’t want to go anywhere! If he had cramped my space, you can be sure I would have found all sorts of things I wanted to get up to. And I afforded him the same space. He never abused his freedom, always told me where he was going and always phoned if he was going to be late. And I was happy to let him do as he pleased. It was such a free arrangement that we had. I would wish this for any relationship.

Underlying the giving of space is an aura of trust. If one does not trust one’s partner, one is reluctant to give him/her the luxury of some space. Trust stems from a healthy self-respect and self-liking. You must trust yourself and have faith in your own integrity before you can trust someone else. With this attitude, you like to treat your partner the way you yourself want to be treated. You should offer your trust first, expecting it to be honoured. Only if this trust is broken do you need to reassess the situation.

How do we behave when we know we are trusted? We put our best foot forward, not wanting to disappoint our partner. We want him/her to know that this is the way we want to be treated and that we deserve this trust. This kind of attitude inspires loyalty, which in turn creates greater trust, and so the spiral goes upward. And the more trust there is, the more space we are prepared to give our partner and the more freedom we both have.

Needy, clingy people find it difficult to give their partners space. They need reassurance every step of the way and do not enjoy their own company. They tend to want to control their partner as they think this will make them feel more secure. What does this type of behaviour inspire in your partner? They want to get away from you and need even more space than what they normally would have wanted. The tight rein you try to harness them with just makes them want to rebel and so the spiral goes downward.

It is important to be emotionally independent in order not to be needy. Your emotional wholeness will go a long way towards ensuring a happy partnership.

Don’t: Hold on to your partner in an effort to make him/her stay with you.

Do: Give your partner the freedom they deserve. They will love you for it and always want to return to you.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Give and take in a relationship

There is something that is very vital that must be present in a romantic relationship for it to prosper, and that is that there must be more or less equal give and take in the relationship. We all know of relationships where one party seems to be doing all the giving, and it becomes very hard for that person over time. So hard, that after a while it just does not seem worth it any more.

Why do some people give so much and others just take? If we look into the cause for this, it gives us some clues. Someone who gives more than they receive often has some kind of inferiority complex, and believes that of themselves they are not enough to sustain their partner’s interest. They feel their partner is in some way(s) superior to them, and they must compensate by working harder at the relationship. They attribute values to their partner that they believe they themselves do not have, not realising that they probably have those same values, just manifesting in different ways. If you spot it, you’ve got it, i.e. if you recognise some or other characteristic in your partner, you are able to see it because you have that same characteristic and it is in your frame of reference. By not recognising your own good qualities, you feel you are not good enough and give away your power to your partner, and so the cycle starts of doing more for the relationship than your partner in order to keep the relationship going. This is an unhealthy scenario.

The person who takes more than their partner often does so unconsciously, not even realising the sacrifices the other is making. When this kind of pattern is allowed to develop, the taker often takes for granted what his/her partner is doing and is not given a chance to do some of the giving. The taker is robbed of a chance to contribute equally and often starts to lose interest. The taker then does not see the giver as a person of equal status, with the same power as he/she has. The taker sees other people outside the relationship as having more power and more magnetic attraction. The giver ends up with feelings of jealousy and insecurity. As time goes on, the relationship becomes more and more unhealthy.

These are some of the scenarios that underlie problems in giving and taking. It is much better if both parties can recognise their own power from the start and not be sucked into unhealthy behavioural patterns. Each partner should have a healthy self-respect and self-liking for a relationship to get off to a good start. Do not allow your partner to give or take more than you do, and the relationship is more likely to be on a good footing.

Don’t: Attribute superiority to your partner

Do: Recognise your own good qualities and keep your relationship on an equal footing

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The importance of romance in a relationship

I am often asked the question: “Who is the most romantic when it comes to relationships, men or women?” The answer is a little more complicated than one would think.

Women often set the scene with candlelit dinners, setting the atmosphere for a wonderful evening at home, whereas men often feel that they are the planners, planning dates at various romantic venues. Both sexes can be good at the giving of romantic gifts like flowers and chocolates etc.

Over time, I have come to the conclusion that the one who is more passionate and committed in a relationship will be the more romantic one. It is this particular partner who is more dedicated to the relationship, who will invest more in the relationship to keep it going, who will actively plan to keep romance alive.

Romance is a vitally important element in a relationship between a man and a woman. It is the aura of romance that will set a relationship apart from other relationships and make it special. We can all be friends with anyone, but we normally only have room for one person when it comes to romance.

And romance can be a time and energy consuming thing. It takes time and energy to plan special dates and outings, and buy suitable gifts for whatever occasion. Romance can also be a commitment of our energies to making our partner happy, whatever that may take.

Married people should especially be on their guard when it comes to romance. Too often one becomes so accustomed to one’s partner that before one knows it romance has flown out the window. Children come along, work commitments take one’s time away from one’s partner, and all too soon romance can be a thing of the past. Married people need to actively work on the romantic element in their relationship to keep it special. One actually needs to make romance a habit. Start when your relationship is new and it is very easy, and then keep up those habits for a lifetime. It will be well worth the effort. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to look back on a lifetime of romance with one’s partner, rather than one of drudgery?

Don’t: Think and act as if romance is not important in your relationship.

Do: Make it a habit to plan for romance in your relationship – it will be well worth your time and effort.

© 2009 Marilyn Welch

Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!

Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.

You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.