How does one recognize one’s soulmate? Most of us tend to think we will recognize him/her immediately and then proceed to have a relationship most people only dream about. Sadly, in most cases, this does not happen. Bear in mind that many people who are extremely happy in their relationship did not start off in this way.
In my own case, when I met the man I am happy with today, I was still getting over the death of my husband, Bryan. I compared him to Bryan and he was very different. Also I felt I was not ready for a relationship at the time. So I avoided him and it was only a year later that we met again. By then tremendous growth had taken place in my emotional and spiritual life, and I was prepared to give this man a chance. At first, I felt a mild attraction, but it was not the kind of attraction you read about or see in the movies. As time went by, I found myself liking this man more and more, and, to my delight, I kept on discovering new things about him that I had always wanted in a man. Today I can honestly say I feel he is my soulmate. But, please note, I did not feel this way at all when I first met him.
This is just what happened in my case, but perhaps there is someone out there you are not giving a chance, because you think lightning bolts are meant to hit you when you meet your soulmate. And also, please remember, a relationship takes time to grow. I knew my husband, Bryan, for 5 years before he passed away, but it took a number of years before we could really know that we loved each other, years of consistently caring and being considerate towards each other. Only when infatuation disappears does real love have a chance to take root.
So real love is something that takes its time. It needs consistent nourishment and a mature approach.
I wish you well in your search for your soulmate!
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Honesty is always the best policy
Today I am going to focus on why honesty is the best policy in your relationships. We have all heard the saying: “It pays to be honest”, but what will this mean to you in your relationship with your partner?
Firstly, you want to lay a good foundation for the future of your relationship. As layer after layer of a relationship is built, it will be unstable if there is not a sound foundation based on honesty. We all want a partner we can trust. Someone who is reliable, consistent and open. So many of my clients ask to meet someone who has integrity and who is trustworthy. This factor of honesty is indeed high on everyone’s list of priorities.
According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like, so if you yourself are honest, you are likely to attract an honest partner. It is very important to be the kind of person you want to attract.
It is also very important to always be yourself, and not try and be someone you are not I know a lady called Sandy, who tried so hard to impress her partner by trying to appear as if she was someone “better” than what she actually was. She confessed to me later that it was always so stressful to be in her partner’s company, as she always had to be “better than her best” and she could never relax. Of course, the relationship did not succeed. And some months later, through the grapevine, she heard that this man had initially liked her, but had been intimidated by what she projected, and had gone off in search of easier, more “laid-back” company. So this relationship was based on lies, and she lost a promising boyfriend. If she had just been herself, it might have turned into something more, which was what she wanted right from the start.
Another lady called Madeleine fell in love with a guy she thought was a hunk, and whom she wanted at any cost. Shortly after they met, she started feeling that she was “too good” for him. She was still infatuated with him, however, so she started playing herself down and hiding all her good points, so that he would not be intimidated by her. In the end he turned out to be the kind of guy who often put her down, and she didn’t even have to put herself down anymore. Luckily her eyes opened and she got out of the relationship before it was too late. Her self confidence took a knock, however, and she is still recovering from the experience.
There are many other detrimental twists and turns a relationship can take as a result of not being honest with one’s partner. I am not talking about “letting it all hang out”, but about a mature sharing of who you truly are with someone you really like a lot. If you are not the right partner for this person, the sooner you know about it, the better. Less damage will be done, and you will have a clearer idea of who your ideal soulmate is.
I recommend that you are open and honest with your prospective partner right from the word go. If the relationship does not work out, you are more likely to at least have made a good friend.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Dating Guide “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
* Names have been changed.
Firstly, you want to lay a good foundation for the future of your relationship. As layer after layer of a relationship is built, it will be unstable if there is not a sound foundation based on honesty. We all want a partner we can trust. Someone who is reliable, consistent and open. So many of my clients ask to meet someone who has integrity and who is trustworthy. This factor of honesty is indeed high on everyone’s list of priorities.
According to the Law of Attraction, like attracts like, so if you yourself are honest, you are likely to attract an honest partner. It is very important to be the kind of person you want to attract.
It is also very important to always be yourself, and not try and be someone you are not I know a lady called Sandy, who tried so hard to impress her partner by trying to appear as if she was someone “better” than what she actually was. She confessed to me later that it was always so stressful to be in her partner’s company, as she always had to be “better than her best” and she could never relax. Of course, the relationship did not succeed. And some months later, through the grapevine, she heard that this man had initially liked her, but had been intimidated by what she projected, and had gone off in search of easier, more “laid-back” company. So this relationship was based on lies, and she lost a promising boyfriend. If she had just been herself, it might have turned into something more, which was what she wanted right from the start.
Another lady called Madeleine fell in love with a guy she thought was a hunk, and whom she wanted at any cost. Shortly after they met, she started feeling that she was “too good” for him. She was still infatuated with him, however, so she started playing herself down and hiding all her good points, so that he would not be intimidated by her. In the end he turned out to be the kind of guy who often put her down, and she didn’t even have to put herself down anymore. Luckily her eyes opened and she got out of the relationship before it was too late. Her self confidence took a knock, however, and she is still recovering from the experience.
There are many other detrimental twists and turns a relationship can take as a result of not being honest with one’s partner. I am not talking about “letting it all hang out”, but about a mature sharing of who you truly are with someone you really like a lot. If you are not the right partner for this person, the sooner you know about it, the better. Less damage will be done, and you will have a clearer idea of who your ideal soulmate is.
I recommend that you are open and honest with your prospective partner right from the word go. If the relationship does not work out, you are more likely to at least have made a good friend.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Dating Guide “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
* Names have been changed.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
How to make a success of every relationship
Sometimes singles have very black or white ideas about relationships, particularly if a marriage or short or long term relationship has not worked out. They tend to think in absolutes, that because it didn’t last forever, the relationship was a failure, or worse still, that they themselves are failures.
It would help if people would just look at the whole scenario differently. Firstly, you are carrying a very heavy weight by believing that you or your relationship was a failure. Secondly, this is not even true! Every relationship is a success if you grow from it and learn how to make better and more conscious decisions the next time round. You will have learned lessons from this relationship, which will stand you in good stead for all future relationships, and you are a better person because of what you have learned.
Often I hear people say:
“I’ve been divorced more than once. I’m a complete failure when it comes to relationships.”
Or “None of the relationships I have been in have worked out.”
One must learn to think differently about these relationships. Rather train yourself to think:
“What have I learned from my marriage(s) and divorce(s) that I can use to make healthy, conscious choices as I move forward?”
Or “What have I learned from this/these relationship(s) and how am I a better person because of them?”
So stop beating yourself up about your past failed relationships, change your attitude about them and see them as learning processes. See yourself as a WINNER for having gone through the experience and coming out wiser at the other side. See yourself as brave for having made the attempt and know that you have definitely not lost anything.
I wish you luck for your future relationships!
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
It would help if people would just look at the whole scenario differently. Firstly, you are carrying a very heavy weight by believing that you or your relationship was a failure. Secondly, this is not even true! Every relationship is a success if you grow from it and learn how to make better and more conscious decisions the next time round. You will have learned lessons from this relationship, which will stand you in good stead for all future relationships, and you are a better person because of what you have learned.
Often I hear people say:
“I’ve been divorced more than once. I’m a complete failure when it comes to relationships.”
Or “None of the relationships I have been in have worked out.”
One must learn to think differently about these relationships. Rather train yourself to think:
“What have I learned from my marriage(s) and divorce(s) that I can use to make healthy, conscious choices as I move forward?”
Or “What have I learned from this/these relationship(s) and how am I a better person because of them?”
So stop beating yourself up about your past failed relationships, change your attitude about them and see them as learning processes. See yourself as a WINNER for having gone through the experience and coming out wiser at the other side. See yourself as brave for having made the attempt and know that you have definitely not lost anything.
I wish you luck for your future relationships!
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
The Number One Relationship Myth
What is the No. 1 relationship myth that nearly all singles believe? When I meet my soulmate, we will live happily ever after and life will forever be a bed of roses. Somehow people think that once they meet their special partner and especially if they get married, life is going to magically change and there will only be pleasure and no pain…
When you first meet your dream partner, yes, indeed, all is moonshine and roses, but there is a danger in that infatuation. You do not notice that he has bad table manners or that her feet smell. It is only when you know the person much better and have risen to some form of commitment, that these things surface in your awareness. That is what we call reality setting in …
They did not make those marriage vows for nothing: for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health … These things really do play a role. Isn’t it better to experience life in all its richness? Aren’t the best friends tested “deur om ‘n sakkie sout saam op te eet?”
We are not complete unless we experience the duality of life, in all its dreadfulness as well as all its splendour. When we have bad times, we appreciate the good times more, and if we are aware that the good times may not last forever, it keeps us humble. Would we build character if things always went well for us? No, we would become selfish, egotistical, horrible people.
Yes, we need both the good and the bad times to make sense of this wonderful life. We need to stay centred and humbly grateful for both. When times are tough, it inevitably builds our character and makes better people of us. Are we not rewarded with a pearl of a relationship when we have withstood a tough test and come out together at the other end?
So beware when you are infatuated and only see the good side of your partner. Try to remember that he/she is a person who has a good side and a bad side. THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS ONLY GOOD, AND THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS ONLY BAD, we all have both good and bad character and personality traits in our make-up, and that is reality. In all probability, you will RESENT the person you were once infatuated with, once you realise that person is not all you thought he/she was, and that they perhaps do not live up to your expectations. After infatuation has cooled down, you have a chance to get to know your partner properly. It is then that the lesson of your being together can be learned. We are all here to grow and evolve, and it is through our “rubbing against each other” that it happens. As they say in Afrikaans: “Yster slyp yster, vriende vorm mekaar.” Whether the relationship lasts or is only for a season, appreciate your partner for what you can learn from him/her.
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
When you first meet your dream partner, yes, indeed, all is moonshine and roses, but there is a danger in that infatuation. You do not notice that he has bad table manners or that her feet smell. It is only when you know the person much better and have risen to some form of commitment, that these things surface in your awareness. That is what we call reality setting in …
They did not make those marriage vows for nothing: for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health … These things really do play a role. Isn’t it better to experience life in all its richness? Aren’t the best friends tested “deur om ‘n sakkie sout saam op te eet?”
We are not complete unless we experience the duality of life, in all its dreadfulness as well as all its splendour. When we have bad times, we appreciate the good times more, and if we are aware that the good times may not last forever, it keeps us humble. Would we build character if things always went well for us? No, we would become selfish, egotistical, horrible people.
Yes, we need both the good and the bad times to make sense of this wonderful life. We need to stay centred and humbly grateful for both. When times are tough, it inevitably builds our character and makes better people of us. Are we not rewarded with a pearl of a relationship when we have withstood a tough test and come out together at the other end?
So beware when you are infatuated and only see the good side of your partner. Try to remember that he/she is a person who has a good side and a bad side. THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS ONLY GOOD, AND THERE IS NOBODY WHO IS ONLY BAD, we all have both good and bad character and personality traits in our make-up, and that is reality. In all probability, you will RESENT the person you were once infatuated with, once you realise that person is not all you thought he/she was, and that they perhaps do not live up to your expectations. After infatuation has cooled down, you have a chance to get to know your partner properly. It is then that the lesson of your being together can be learned. We are all here to grow and evolve, and it is through our “rubbing against each other” that it happens. As they say in Afrikaans: “Yster slyp yster, vriende vorm mekaar.” Whether the relationship lasts or is only for a season, appreciate your partner for what you can learn from him/her.
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
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