In my experience as a professional dating service owner, I often see people comparing their dates to their previous partner(s). This is a process none of us can resist, but is it a good thing to do?
A client of mine (Let’s call him Hardus), who was widowed a few years ago comes to mind. He was very happily married and idolised his wife. Somehow he just can’t seem to find someone else he feels he can be happy with. He is a wonderful man and has met many wonderful women through my service, but just can’t seem to settle down. It is as if he has never found closure with his deceased wife and that he just cannot let her go and move on.
Often we idealise someone in the past as being just perfect for us. If this relationship never worked out and we move on, somehow nobody else after that is able to measure up. This type of situation can really shoot us in the foot when meeting new dates. We make snap judgements about them based on assumptions which often are not valid. We do our date and ourselves a disservice. We ourselves would not like to be compared to someone else and found wanting, and yet we readily do this to others. We can then miss out on having the marvellous experience of getting to know someone completely different, who is just as wonderful as our previous partner(s), and who may have things to offer which we may not even have dreamed of!
Yes, we definitely need to keep an open mind when meeting new dates. An example I used in a recent blog emphasises this. I wrote that each one of us is like a flower, with our own unique colour, shape and exquisite perfume. We cannot say that one flower is better than another, they are just all different. Let’s celebrate our differences and appreciate what each new person has to offer! © 2010
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Do the thing you fear
As a professional dating service owner, I get to hear the personal stories of many of my clients. A particularly heartwarming story was told to me last week:
A 35 year old guy (let’s call him Piet) had been married for the last 10 years. He had tried very hard to make a success of his marriage, but his wife’s behaviour had spiralled out of control in recent years. To make a long story short she had been taking drugs and was without work. The thing he feared most was looming uppermost in his mind: he was about to lose his wife.
In short, their marriage did come to an end. But now, a year later, he has a very interesting perspective on it: He discovered that the whole process was not as bad as he had feared it would be, and that he had actually coped quite well. Now that he has more or less put it behind him, he even sees it as a blessing in disguise! For a long time he thought he would never be interested in women again, but to his surprise, this last month he has been feeling that he would like to date again. Understandably he is very cautious and would just like to make friends, but isn’t it wonderful how time and circumstances can actually be powerful healing influences?
Sometimes we fear losing a partner so much that we continue on dead-end street for many years. We are afraid that we will never again meet someone special and that we will be very lonely without that person. We humans are very resilient, however, and it is really true that the universe arranges all things for good, if only we would believe it. Sometimes it is necessary to take a step of faith and do the thing we fear. Not only do our circumstances usually improve, but we gain a confidence we would never have had.
So if you find yourself in similar circumstances, remember Piet’s story. Take a leap of faith and do the thing you fear. You will discover that the worst thing to be afraid of is not the thing that you are about to do, but the actual fear itself! © 2010
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To find out more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
A 35 year old guy (let’s call him Piet) had been married for the last 10 years. He had tried very hard to make a success of his marriage, but his wife’s behaviour had spiralled out of control in recent years. To make a long story short she had been taking drugs and was without work. The thing he feared most was looming uppermost in his mind: he was about to lose his wife.
In short, their marriage did come to an end. But now, a year later, he has a very interesting perspective on it: He discovered that the whole process was not as bad as he had feared it would be, and that he had actually coped quite well. Now that he has more or less put it behind him, he even sees it as a blessing in disguise! For a long time he thought he would never be interested in women again, but to his surprise, this last month he has been feeling that he would like to date again. Understandably he is very cautious and would just like to make friends, but isn’t it wonderful how time and circumstances can actually be powerful healing influences?
Sometimes we fear losing a partner so much that we continue on dead-end street for many years. We are afraid that we will never again meet someone special and that we will be very lonely without that person. We humans are very resilient, however, and it is really true that the universe arranges all things for good, if only we would believe it. Sometimes it is necessary to take a step of faith and do the thing we fear. Not only do our circumstances usually improve, but we gain a confidence we would never have had.
So if you find yourself in similar circumstances, remember Piet’s story. Take a leap of faith and do the thing you fear. You will discover that the worst thing to be afraid of is not the thing that you are about to do, but the actual fear itself! © 2010
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To find out more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Be an original
So often in the course of my duties as a professional dating service owner, I come across people who are afraid to be themselves. They find it easier to fit in with what everyone else is doing and feel they have to live up to others’ expectations, and so find themselves conforming to “the norm”. They feel that if they are the same as everyone else, they are more likely to find a suitable partner. No, no, no!
We were made to be originals, and it is true that as they say in Afrikaans: “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”. I remember being quite hurt years ago when someone said to me: “’n Skewe pot sal ook sy deksel kry!” Now when I look back, I am pleased to say that I have always had interesting boyfriends. In all honesty I would not be attracted to a conventional man. There are many of us out there who enjoy partners who are “different”. So why are we so hesitant to be “different” ourselves? Let’s rather celebrate our uniqueness than be carbon copies.
When I look at the ladies on my books, I always think of them as flowers, each one with a different, colour, shape, perfume, etc, but each one with an exquisite beauty of her own. In reality, people love someone who is original and different, and the ones that aren’t attracted to you are ones you can pass by. Be yourself, and you will always find that you draw the “right” people to you. Relax and enjoy yourself the way God made you! © 2010
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
We were made to be originals, and it is true that as they say in Afrikaans: “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”. I remember being quite hurt years ago when someone said to me: “’n Skewe pot sal ook sy deksel kry!” Now when I look back, I am pleased to say that I have always had interesting boyfriends. In all honesty I would not be attracted to a conventional man. There are many of us out there who enjoy partners who are “different”. So why are we so hesitant to be “different” ourselves? Let’s rather celebrate our uniqueness than be carbon copies.
When I look at the ladies on my books, I always think of them as flowers, each one with a different, colour, shape, perfume, etc, but each one with an exquisite beauty of her own. In reality, people love someone who is original and different, and the ones that aren’t attracted to you are ones you can pass by. Be yourself, and you will always find that you draw the “right” people to you. Relax and enjoy yourself the way God made you! © 2010
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch and her professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
Monday, April 19, 2010
You decide your own dating future
In the course of running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, I see time and again that people hold their dating future in their own hands. They themselves determine what is going to happen to them.
Firstly by joining my service, they make a commitment to meet partners, which puts them squarely in the running for meeting a possible soulmate. Secondly, their attitude, positive or negative, determines the outcome of the dates they go on.
The way they handle how their dates go now also determines their long term future when it comes to relationships. I have seen men being slow to commit to women, only to lose them to someone else and be very sorry they lost their chance. I have seen women become embittered when their relationships do not work out, and this attitude sabotages any relationships they may have in the future.
I have seen clients who look for the best in their partners, and who find it. I have seen clients who are patient and confident that they will get what they want, only to find that the Law of Attraction really works and that they ultimately meet and marry the partner of their dreams.
Yes, our attitude determines our dating future, and we alone are responsible for our decisions. © 2010
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more on Marilyn Welch, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material and it may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
Firstly by joining my service, they make a commitment to meet partners, which puts them squarely in the running for meeting a possible soulmate. Secondly, their attitude, positive or negative, determines the outcome of the dates they go on.
The way they handle how their dates go now also determines their long term future when it comes to relationships. I have seen men being slow to commit to women, only to lose them to someone else and be very sorry they lost their chance. I have seen women become embittered when their relationships do not work out, and this attitude sabotages any relationships they may have in the future.
I have seen clients who look for the best in their partners, and who find it. I have seen clients who are patient and confident that they will get what they want, only to find that the Law of Attraction really works and that they ultimately meet and marry the partner of their dreams.
Yes, our attitude determines our dating future, and we alone are responsible for our decisions. © 2010
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
To read up more on Marilyn Welch, click here.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material and it may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Give your partner space
© As a professional dating service owner, I get to see the “wish lists” of my clients. One of the things they often say is “I need someone who will give me space”. Sometimes we think that because we want to see someone as often as possible, that they want the same thing. This is not always the case.
When a relationship is new, we cannot see enough of our partner, and this is just the time when we should start practising the art of giving them space. Even the Bible says that we should not visit our neighbours too often because they will tire of us and start to despise us! It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you want your partner to really crave your company, try being a little scarce. It works nearly every time!
Paired with giving your partner space is giving him/her freedom. When my husband was still alive he gave me all the space and freedom I could possibly have desired. And do you know what? I didn’t want to go anywhere! But if he had cramped my style and been possessive I would have found every excuse under the sun to just get away. That is how we human beings are wired and this is just one of the things it would do us all good to remember when we want a relationship to work.
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email me at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch, click here.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
When a relationship is new, we cannot see enough of our partner, and this is just the time when we should start practising the art of giving them space. Even the Bible says that we should not visit our neighbours too often because they will tire of us and start to despise us! It is true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. If you want your partner to really crave your company, try being a little scarce. It works nearly every time!
Paired with giving your partner space is giving him/her freedom. When my husband was still alive he gave me all the space and freedom I could possibly have desired. And do you know what? I didn’t want to go anywhere! But if he had cramped my style and been possessive I would have found every excuse under the sun to just get away. That is how we human beings are wired and this is just one of the things it would do us all good to remember when we want a relationship to work.
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email me at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
To read up more about Marilyn Welch, click here.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It may not be reproduced in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Be happy with who you are
© A wise person once said: “If you are happy with who you are, you will be happy with your circumstances.” I would like to take that a step further and say that if you are happy with who you are, you will be happy in your relationships.
As a professional dating service owner, I often come across people who are unhappy and searching. They think that if they meet the “right” person, their troubles will stop and they will be happy. Unfortunately life does not work that way. The Law of Attraction is absolute and what you give out comes back to you. If you give out vibes of being unhappy with yourself, you will attract people who will magnify your problem and your dissatisfaction will spiral out of control.
We need to be emotionally whole before we start attracting the kind of circumstances and people who will add the best value to our lives. A good place to start is to recognise your strong points and good things in your life and be grateful for them. Once we start focusing on these things, we attract more of them into our lives and before long our lives will change for the better. Each of us has a unique role to play on this earth. Recognising your own greatness is just a start to playing the game of life and winning.
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It is illegal to reproduce it in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
As a professional dating service owner, I often come across people who are unhappy and searching. They think that if they meet the “right” person, their troubles will stop and they will be happy. Unfortunately life does not work that way. The Law of Attraction is absolute and what you give out comes back to you. If you give out vibes of being unhappy with yourself, you will attract people who will magnify your problem and your dissatisfaction will spiral out of control.
We need to be emotionally whole before we start attracting the kind of circumstances and people who will add the best value to our lives. A good place to start is to recognise your strong points and good things in your life and be grateful for them. Once we start focusing on these things, we attract more of them into our lives and before long our lives will change for the better. Each of us has a unique role to play on this earth. Recognising your own greatness is just a start to playing the game of life and winning.
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It is illegal to reproduce it in any way whatsoever without the express, written permission of Marilyn Welch.
Friday, April 9, 2010
A good self-image promotes healthy relationships
Two weeks ago I bumped into Alison, a client I coached four years ago. At the time she was in a toxic relationship and was very unhappy. Together we had worked through a lot of her issues, but her primary problem was that she did not think well of herself and thus allowed people to treat her badly. She was struggling to find the strength to set proper boundaries with her boyfriend as she was scared she would lose him.
Catching up on her news I was very glad to hear that she had finally got rid of the old boyfriend and that she had had two relatively happy relationships since then and that she was now engaged to be married to a guy that “treats her like a queen”. She said it had been a gradual process, but that she now realises we allow others to treat us badly to the extent that we treat ourselves badly. Without being selfish or conceited in any way it is better for us and for all our friends if we have a healthy self-respect and good self-image. We will also never be happy with our circumstances until we are happy with ourselves. It is true that if we expect the best we will get the best. Expect and command the best treatment from all the people you meet, remembering that you need to treat them with respect and consideration as well. With this kind of attitude, your relationships are likely to go in an upward spiral and you will be a far happier person for it.
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It is illegal to reproduce it in any way whatsoever without the express, written consent of Marilyn Welch.
Catching up on her news I was very glad to hear that she had finally got rid of the old boyfriend and that she had had two relatively happy relationships since then and that she was now engaged to be married to a guy that “treats her like a queen”. She said it had been a gradual process, but that she now realises we allow others to treat us badly to the extent that we treat ourselves badly. Without being selfish or conceited in any way it is better for us and for all our friends if we have a healthy self-respect and good self-image. We will also never be happy with our circumstances until we are happy with ourselves. It is true that if we expect the best we will get the best. Expect and command the best treatment from all the people you meet, remembering that you need to treat them with respect and consideration as well. With this kind of attitude, your relationships are likely to go in an upward spiral and you will be a far happier person for it.
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
NB: Copyright subsists in this material. It is illegal to reproduce it in any way whatsoever without the express, written consent of Marilyn Welch.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
A relationship must be in balance
Often clients who join my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, tell me that they like to “give their all” in a relationship, or that they like really “spoiling” their partner. Despite this dedicated approach, they have not yet managed to be in a successful relationship. Why is this?
Too often when we go into a relationship, we find that either we or our partner are giving too much. This is a recipe for failure, as a successful relationship is a balanced relationship, where there is equal giving and receiving.
When we give more than our partners, we like to think we want nothing in return, but actually deep down we want a return on our investment very badly, and in the long term we feel cheated if our giving has not been reciprocated.
Worse still, our partner may see our giving as a means whereby they are controlled, and they may feel obligated to return the favours in some way, which takes away from the freedom of a loving relationship.
Women especially tend to give more in a relationship. It is their natural instinct as nurturers and caregivers. This giving of their all often results in losing the man of their dreams, as men naturally like to be the hunters.
Similarly, a man who spoils his girlfriend or wife disproportionately may find that his favours are not appreciated and that she takes him for granted. The relationship is not in balance and love flies out the window.
This world is not perfect, but in this world everything is in perfect balance. If we want our relationship to be successful, we need to be vigilant about keeping it in good balance. Apply this principle of balance with the giving and receiving in your relationship. You will be in tune with the natural harmony of the universe and your relationship is more likely to go in an upward spiral.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website to find some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
Too often when we go into a relationship, we find that either we or our partner are giving too much. This is a recipe for failure, as a successful relationship is a balanced relationship, where there is equal giving and receiving.
When we give more than our partners, we like to think we want nothing in return, but actually deep down we want a return on our investment very badly, and in the long term we feel cheated if our giving has not been reciprocated.
Worse still, our partner may see our giving as a means whereby they are controlled, and they may feel obligated to return the favours in some way, which takes away from the freedom of a loving relationship.
Women especially tend to give more in a relationship. It is their natural instinct as nurturers and caregivers. This giving of their all often results in losing the man of their dreams, as men naturally like to be the hunters.
Similarly, a man who spoils his girlfriend or wife disproportionately may find that his favours are not appreciated and that she takes him for granted. The relationship is not in balance and love flies out the window.
This world is not perfect, but in this world everything is in perfect balance. If we want our relationship to be successful, we need to be vigilant about keeping it in good balance. Apply this principle of balance with the giving and receiving in your relationship. You will be in tune with the natural harmony of the universe and your relationship is more likely to go in an upward spiral.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website to find some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Appreciate your partner's energies
Running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, has taught me many things. One of the things I have become increasingly aware of over the years is the significant difference in energies that men and women live out.
Women are the nurturers and caregivers, but they tend to become too serious and nit-picking. They can also be calculating. Their feelings are easily hurt.
Men are the hunters and providers. They live more in the moment. They have a more casual approach to life and tend to bring humour to a situation.
If we have too many people of the same sex in our lives, we tend to get a bit out of balance. That is one of the reasons why we enjoy dating and relationships so much. It provides something different to ourselves and thus makes our lives more interesting.
I remember when my husband, Bryan, passed away four years ago. I was left alone in my house with my old female dog, an old female cat and a young male cat, Gungie. I was feeling a bit like an old woman myself at the time, and I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to have Gungie in the house. I was so starved of living without the human male energy that Bryan used to provide, that I developed a strong appreciation for my little cat. I found his approach to life quite delightful, and very different to mine. This made me more aware of male energies in general, and what an important contribution our sexual energies are to our partners.
So be aware of the spiritual/sexual energies your partner brings to your relationship. Appreciate the differences between you and don’t wish that your partner could be more like you!
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
Women are the nurturers and caregivers, but they tend to become too serious and nit-picking. They can also be calculating. Their feelings are easily hurt.
Men are the hunters and providers. They live more in the moment. They have a more casual approach to life and tend to bring humour to a situation.
If we have too many people of the same sex in our lives, we tend to get a bit out of balance. That is one of the reasons why we enjoy dating and relationships so much. It provides something different to ourselves and thus makes our lives more interesting.
I remember when my husband, Bryan, passed away four years ago. I was left alone in my house with my old female dog, an old female cat and a young male cat, Gungie. I was feeling a bit like an old woman myself at the time, and I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to have Gungie in the house. I was so starved of living without the human male energy that Bryan used to provide, that I developed a strong appreciation for my little cat. I found his approach to life quite delightful, and very different to mine. This made me more aware of male energies in general, and what an important contribution our sexual energies are to our partners.
So be aware of the spiritual/sexual energies your partner brings to your relationship. Appreciate the differences between you and don’t wish that your partner could be more like you!
Visit my professional dating service website to meet a variety of quality partners from whom you can choose a soulmate!
Visit the coaching section of my website for some practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
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