What are singles looking for appearance-wise? Remember, you never get a second chance to make a first impression!
Men are very visually oriented. They will usually make up their minds within twenty seconds whether they are interested in a woman or not. They actually admit that they look at things like personality later. And 99.9% of the men all say that they do not want to meet an overweight woman! Weight is a big issue for men. For them, sexual chemistry is either there or not there. They are not like women, and most of them do not believe in giving it time. Every now and then I get a phone call from one of my female clients to say that she had a wonderful first date with x, but cannot understand why he has not contacted her again. I can see that he obviously only liked her as a friend, and that the sexual chemistry was not there for him. In a case like this, the woman must realise that men are different, love them for it, and move on. She is walking in a fools’ paradise if she thinks that with time he will develop sexual chemistry for her. In practice this simply does not happen. “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”, and there are enough other people out there for you to meet someone who finds you appealing.
Most women, on the other hand, will still give a man a chance. For instance, a woman may wait to see how a man behaves in different circumstances or how he treats her before she finally makes up her mind. She will often accept it if a man is bald or if he has a bit of a tummy. Of importance to a woman, is that a man is kind and that he makes her laugh.
If you want to meet someone nice, you yourself must be marketable. Start with your appearance. A man wants to meet a FEMININE woman. A surprising amount of men look at FEET! Two things that put women off are men with huge big stomachs and men who drink too much. Now and then I interview a man with a big stomach who wants to meet a petite woman! And he doesn’t realise that a petite woman would not want to meet him!
Your appearance can be likened to your gift-wrapping, or the frosting on the cake. It can make all the difference between someone stopping to take a closer look or simply passing you by.
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
How to relax whilst waiting for your Soulmate
Today I want to focus on being relaxed about meeting your soulmate. So many times we are in a hurry and want it to have happened yesterday, but in practicality, this is not how life works. God and the universe are not in a hurry, and if we want to work with them, we would be wise to be patient.
The universe unfolds, so they say, and that is a very gentle way of putting it. God is weaving an intricate tapestry of our lives intertwined with the lives of others, and His timing is exquisite. If you will just wait patiently, all the time working on yourself and knowing that the universe will deliver your soulmate to you, that person is sure to turn up at just the right time. Fruit is best when it is ripe and almost falling off the tree. If you try to push and rush something, it will not be of the best.
Never be hasty. That is just the time when you might have poor judgement and make mistakes. Who of us has not burnt their fingers by being in a hurry? We all have tales to tell. Hasty people are bad shoppers! They don’t examine the goods thoroughly before they buy and often end up being dissatisfied with their purchases. Beware if your partner is in a hurry. What are their motives? Lust, monetary greed? If a person cannot even enjoy his/her own company, what kind of company will they be for you? These are all things to consider when approaching a relationship.
Happiness is like a butterfly. When you pursue it, it is always just beyond your reach, but if you just relax, somehow, somewhere, it may alight upon your shoulder. It is just like this when you are seeking a soulmate. When you pursue a partner, they often flee. It is better to let a good romance and friendship develop slowly and sedately. We all at some time or other get caught up in a heady romance where things happen quickly, but how often does something like that last? “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”, the saying goes, and everything comes to he who waits. Have your dreams, but remember that patience and timing are crucial. Usually if we wait, it eventually just happens, and then that happening is perfect.
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
The universe unfolds, so they say, and that is a very gentle way of putting it. God is weaving an intricate tapestry of our lives intertwined with the lives of others, and His timing is exquisite. If you will just wait patiently, all the time working on yourself and knowing that the universe will deliver your soulmate to you, that person is sure to turn up at just the right time. Fruit is best when it is ripe and almost falling off the tree. If you try to push and rush something, it will not be of the best.
Never be hasty. That is just the time when you might have poor judgement and make mistakes. Who of us has not burnt their fingers by being in a hurry? We all have tales to tell. Hasty people are bad shoppers! They don’t examine the goods thoroughly before they buy and often end up being dissatisfied with their purchases. Beware if your partner is in a hurry. What are their motives? Lust, monetary greed? If a person cannot even enjoy his/her own company, what kind of company will they be for you? These are all things to consider when approaching a relationship.
Happiness is like a butterfly. When you pursue it, it is always just beyond your reach, but if you just relax, somehow, somewhere, it may alight upon your shoulder. It is just like this when you are seeking a soulmate. When you pursue a partner, they often flee. It is better to let a good romance and friendship develop slowly and sedately. We all at some time or other get caught up in a heady romance where things happen quickly, but how often does something like that last? “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”, the saying goes, and everything comes to he who waits. Have your dreams, but remember that patience and timing are crucial. Usually if we wait, it eventually just happens, and then that happening is perfect.
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Monday, November 15, 2010
How to end a relationship and learn from it
Some weeks ago, a young lady phoned me to say she wanted very much to join Perfect Strangers. Her fiancée had just left her for another woman and she was devastated, to say the least. I could hear how distraught she was and she kept saying “Marilyn, what must I do?”
Immediately red lights started going off in my mind. This woman was not in any state to start another relationship. She was not even ready to start dating again. Of course, she could not see it.
What must one do in such a situation?
One must always try to end a relationship in such a manner, that you are still on good terms with the other party. This is not always possible, but it augurs well for the next relationship.
Next, one must take stock of one’s situation, take a step back and withdraw temporarily from the dating scene. Now is the time to search your heart and see if there are any unresolved issues you can work on (anger, jealousy, resentment etc.). Now is also the time to realise that the relationship was not actually a failure, even though it ended. It was not a failure, because you learned something from it, even if all you learned is how to do it differently next time. THERE ARE NO FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. All relationships are learning processes. You had your good times and your bad times. You enjoyed the good times and learned to love, and you must make sure that the lessons of the bad times sink in and stand you in good stead in all future relationships in that you do not repeat them. Do NOT, on any account feel that YOU are a failure. You have learned a lesson, albeit a painful one, and therefore, you are actually a WINNER, and you will do better next time.
If you date or become involved too soon after a relationship has ended, you will take all your unfinished business to the next relationship and just repeat your experience, albeit in a slightly different way. Take this time to enjoy your own company, treat yourself and strengthen ties with family and friends. With time you will feel stronger and more relaxed about dating again.
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Immediately red lights started going off in my mind. This woman was not in any state to start another relationship. She was not even ready to start dating again. Of course, she could not see it.
What must one do in such a situation?
One must always try to end a relationship in such a manner, that you are still on good terms with the other party. This is not always possible, but it augurs well for the next relationship.
Next, one must take stock of one’s situation, take a step back and withdraw temporarily from the dating scene. Now is the time to search your heart and see if there are any unresolved issues you can work on (anger, jealousy, resentment etc.). Now is also the time to realise that the relationship was not actually a failure, even though it ended. It was not a failure, because you learned something from it, even if all you learned is how to do it differently next time. THERE ARE NO FAILED RELATIONSHIPS. All relationships are learning processes. You had your good times and your bad times. You enjoyed the good times and learned to love, and you must make sure that the lessons of the bad times sink in and stand you in good stead in all future relationships in that you do not repeat them. Do NOT, on any account feel that YOU are a failure. You have learned a lesson, albeit a painful one, and therefore, you are actually a WINNER, and you will do better next time.
If you date or become involved too soon after a relationship has ended, you will take all your unfinished business to the next relationship and just repeat your experience, albeit in a slightly different way. Take this time to enjoy your own company, treat yourself and strengthen ties with family and friends. With time you will feel stronger and more relaxed about dating again.
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
How to Attract the Partner of your Dreams
How do you get your dream partner to come looking for you? You most probably have all heard about Quantum Physics and the Law of Attraction. This law states that like attracts like, and so, like a magnet, you will draw to you people who have similarities to you. You may say, but I am not like the people around me, and I say to you look again. As they say, if you spot it, you’ve got it. Your personality trait may just appear in a different or disguised form, but I guarantee you, you are reflecting what you see!
So how to attract what you really want? The answer is almost obvious. You must BE the type of person you want to attract. Your psyche is sending out a constant signal to the universe of who and what you are, and people are picking up that signal. Sooner or later, someone with a similar signal will pick up yours and be drawn to you like a magnet … Therefore, if you want to find a suitable partner, it will be worth your while to work on yourself. Develop the personality traits you desire most in a partner, in yourself.
If you have unresolved issues, you will draw to you people who will force you to work on those issues. This explains why a woman who has an alcoholic father may marry one or two, if not more alcoholics in her lifetime. She vows and declares she will never become involved with an alcoholic again, but who is she most attracted to? You guessed it. This is nature’s way of ensuring that we as people are constantly evolving towards becoming the best we can be. Sometimes the lesson is not learned the first or second time, but you can be assured, the same situations will keep happening until you learn to deal with your issues and put them behind you. These situations are seen as patterns in our lives, and we should be vigilant and go for counselling if there is something we cannot resolve on our own.
A good book to read, which relates to this theme is “Keeping The Love You Find” by Harville Hendrix.
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
So how to attract what you really want? The answer is almost obvious. You must BE the type of person you want to attract. Your psyche is sending out a constant signal to the universe of who and what you are, and people are picking up that signal. Sooner or later, someone with a similar signal will pick up yours and be drawn to you like a magnet … Therefore, if you want to find a suitable partner, it will be worth your while to work on yourself. Develop the personality traits you desire most in a partner, in yourself.
If you have unresolved issues, you will draw to you people who will force you to work on those issues. This explains why a woman who has an alcoholic father may marry one or two, if not more alcoholics in her lifetime. She vows and declares she will never become involved with an alcoholic again, but who is she most attracted to? You guessed it. This is nature’s way of ensuring that we as people are constantly evolving towards becoming the best we can be. Sometimes the lesson is not learned the first or second time, but you can be assured, the same situations will keep happening until you learn to deal with your issues and put them behind you. These situations are seen as patterns in our lives, and we should be vigilant and go for counselling if there is something we cannot resolve on our own.
A good book to read, which relates to this theme is “Keeping The Love You Find” by Harville Hendrix.
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Communication between the sexes
Communication between the sexes seems to be a very complicated issue. Although we have all the means to communicate often, easily and inexpensively, we often end up misunderstanding each other. Because the two sexes come from frames of reference as opposite as Mars and Venus, there is bound to be sports!
If a man says something as simple as “I’ll pick the bread and milk up on the way home”, that is exactly what he means – it is all very simple. His wife may have another interpretation: She may think he means he is sick and tired of her choosing the bread he doesn’t like (as usual) and that he is trying to tell her she never does anything right. He may even be thinking “My wife looked so tired last night. Let me see if I can help her.” He gets home thinking he will get a big hug for being so helpful and instead she sarcastically says “Well, at least we won’t have to give half the bread to the dog” and moves out of his way before he can get near her! That night she finds something else to pick him out about and he ends up sleeping in the guest bedroom. And so the circus continues …
To cut a long story short, men are usually a lot more straightforward than women. We may think they are sometimes rude or bad-mannered, but they would also be right in thinking that women often have agendas and analyse and interpret things all the time, often incorrectly.
Sometimes it is even not a good thing to explain in detail what we mean because then something small and completely innocent can become an issue.
The trick is probably to try and see life the way your partner sees it (at important moments during communication and also in the longer term), and to be aware of his/her values and style of communication. Then have your say the way your partner would say it when communicating something important to him/her. Whichever way, if you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you are more likely to be understood in the way you really want to be.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
If a man says something as simple as “I’ll pick the bread and milk up on the way home”, that is exactly what he means – it is all very simple. His wife may have another interpretation: She may think he means he is sick and tired of her choosing the bread he doesn’t like (as usual) and that he is trying to tell her she never does anything right. He may even be thinking “My wife looked so tired last night. Let me see if I can help her.” He gets home thinking he will get a big hug for being so helpful and instead she sarcastically says “Well, at least we won’t have to give half the bread to the dog” and moves out of his way before he can get near her! That night she finds something else to pick him out about and he ends up sleeping in the guest bedroom. And so the circus continues …
To cut a long story short, men are usually a lot more straightforward than women. We may think they are sometimes rude or bad-mannered, but they would also be right in thinking that women often have agendas and analyse and interpret things all the time, often incorrectly.
Sometimes it is even not a good thing to explain in detail what we mean because then something small and completely innocent can become an issue.
The trick is probably to try and see life the way your partner sees it (at important moments during communication and also in the longer term), and to be aware of his/her values and style of communication. Then have your say the way your partner would say it when communicating something important to him/her. Whichever way, if you put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you are more likely to be understood in the way you really want to be.
© 2010 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details on the Contact Us / Register page.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Visit the Coaching section of my website for practical, no-nonsense dating and relationship advice.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
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