People often misrepresent themselves

In my experience as a dating coach and professional dating service owner, I have come to the conclusion that people are often not what they seem. In most cases, people are on their best behaviour when they first meet us, and it is often only after a long time that the real person emerges. In my own case, when I first met my present husband, I thought he was very ordinary and did not give him a second thought. I met him again a year later and something told me to scratch beneath the surface. I am very glad I did just that, because he did not play all his cards when he first met me and I made the common mistake of judging a book by its cover. As time went by, I realised again and again that he has nearly all the qualities I had been looking for in a man and much more. To go to the opposite extreme, a client of mine, Paul*, told me of his experiences the other day. Six months ago he met Mandy*, and could not believe that such a gorgeous creature was interested in him. She was everything a man could dream of: beautiful, a figure to die for and very entertaining company. She was financially independent and did not have any baggage he could see at that stage. As time went by, however, the real Mandy came to light. She lied a lot, she was unreliable, she had a vicious temper and had no friends. In the beginning he was madly in love, but because of the bad treatment he received from her, he eventually fell out of love. It was quite difficult to back out of the relationship, but when he finally did it was a big relief. He says he will be much more careful in the future. If we are prepared to give people a chance and take things slowly, to a large degree we can prevent ourselves from making these types of mistakes. So let’s not judge books by their covers, but look for the inner qualities of the people we meet. First impressions can be deceiving! *Name has been changed. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch. Would you love to meet your soulmate soon? A phenomenal one out of every three people who joins Perfect Strangers meets someone special within twelve months! If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Mixed messages get you nowhere

In my experience as a dating mentor and professional dating service owner, I often come across people who give out mixed messages. A few years ago I mentored a lady called Tessa*, who used to do just this. She came to me because she felt she was having no luck with her dating. On closer examination I found out that her actions contradicted her words. She claimed to be open to having a serious relationship if a suitable man came into her life. The trouble was, in the last five years she had come nowhere near to becoming serious with anyone. I found out that she had not been very open and friendly when anyone asked her for a date and that she had often cancelled a date at the last minute or simply not pitched up! This is what I call incongruent behaviour and it gets you nowhere if you want a serious, stable relationship. At first she did not see anything really wrong with her behaviour and it took quite some time for her to see that the universe only reflects back to you what you give out, and that she would have to change her behaviour before her life would change in any way. It turned out that there were deep-seated reasons for her attitude and I eventually referred her to a competent psychologist. The point is, if you really want something in life, the last thing you need to do is sabotage your attempts to get it. In the dating field, your dates will quickly pick up that something is wrong if you behave in this confused way. Sometimes this kind of behaviour can easily be changed, and it will certainly be worth your while to reflect on the Law of Attraction and how to use it. Like a magnet, what you give out comes back to you and you will eventually get what you think most about. Let’s all give out clear messages and help make our dating less complicated! *Name has been changed. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch. Would you love to meet your soulmate soon? A phenomenal one out of every three people who joins Perfect Strangers meets someone special within twelve months! If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

The importance of good maintenance

A good relationship requires steadfast maintenance A friend of mine, Sylvia*, has a very good relationship with her husband, Ronald*. But she tells me that this was not always the case. Years ago they had fallen into the trap of taking each other for granted. Luckily when they saw things were not going so well, they went for counselling and put matters right. Within a couple of months things had greatly improved. Sylvia says it was actually very simple. They had gotten into bad habits and had started neglecting each other. In a nutshell, it was a case of finding out what had always been good and MAINTAINING and even IMPROVING on that magic. A man will never dream of running his prize motorcar without always checking it has water, oil and petrol. He will send it for regular services and make sure it is always sparkling clean. A good gardener will lavish attention on his garden to make sure it always stays beautiful. He will regularly water and fertilise his plants and lawn. He will make sure everything is trimmed and pruned at the right time. So it is with our relationships. If we are lucky enough to have someone special in our lives, we need to keep the romance alive. We need to nurture and protect this relationship. We need to be unselfish and put the other person first. I was lucky enough to have had a happy marriage to my second husband, Bryan. If something was wrong, we immediately put it right. We worked hard at making sure that the other party always felt appreciated. When he passed away we were on very good terms and I have no regrets. We need to live in the present moment and live as if each day were our very last. Today I am very happily married to my third husband, Richard. We do not take our happiness for granted, and nurture and cherish it every day. These are age-old principles that have stood the test of time. They are definitely doable. So find out what is good in your relationship, build on that and MAINTAIN AND EVEN IMPROVE on it. Pull out the weeds that are choking it to death and look after your relationship as if it were gold. What we give out comes back to us, so it is in our own best interests. *Names have been changed. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch. Would you love to meet your soulmate soon? A phenomenal one out of every three people who joins Perfect Strangers meets someone special within twelve months! If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Keep your power

As a professional dating service owner and relationship mentor, many people tell me the ways in which they conduct their romantic relationships. Something I often hear is “When I am in a relationship, I give my all.” These people invariably have a history of failed relationships, even though they gave their all. Are you perhaps falling into the same trap? When we are in a relationship, our partner generally likes to see us as a socially healthy, independent individual with our own wonderful, exciting life. When we “give our all” to a relationship, we may come across as needy and clingy. By giving our all to our partner, we may also come across as not having much to give to the rest of the world. It may also put a lot of pressure on our partner to reciprocate, which may make him/her very uncomfortable. By focusing on our partner in this way, we do not appear to them as rare and special individuals, whose company is of great value. We are too easy to get and are therefore easy to forget. For these reasons, this approach may very well be a big turnoff for our partner! So what is the solution? Like with everything else in this life, it is good to keep a healthy balance. Rather focus on your Creator, your own personal development, your family and friends and your hobbies and interests. Then, if you have time left over, give it to the person you are dating. Let them understand that they are lucky to have you in their lives. Believe this yourself. Let your company always be a special event, not something that smothers them. Less is generally more, and it is no different when you date. If, with time, your partner shows definite signs of appreciating you, then is the time to gradually start giving more. Let them earn the loving attention you want to give them. I guarantee you if you give this attention too soon, your partner will not appreciate it. All you will do is give away your power and be on your way to another failed relationship. This gradual process of positive growth will result in you keeping your power in your relationship. It should be a mutual thing, and it will ensure that you keep your respect for each other. This kind of approach assures a solid foundation upon which a sound, healthy relationship can grow. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch. Would you love to meet your soulmate soon? A phenomenal one out of every three people who joins Perfect Strangers meets someone special within twelve months! If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.