The importance of self-respect

Does your partner treat you well? We all dream about having someone who will not only complement us, but be kind, considerate and thoughtful, and treat us with respect. We want someone who encourages us and brings out the best in us. The Law of Attraction in Quantum Physics states that like attracts like, and so we will attract the signal we are giving out. In other words, if we are kind, considerate and thoughtful towards our partners, and treat them with respect, we are likely to get the same kind of treatment back. So we must be the partner we dream of, and then we are likely to be treated in a similar way. I am not talking about being a doormat for someone or being a wimp in your relationship. We must obviously have a healthy self-respect first. This self-respect seems to command a respect from others and good treatment follows. So if we respect ourselves, we are also likely to find someone who respects him/herself and then things start falling into place. Perhaps we need to do some soul searching here. Are we in any way belittling our partners or putting them down? This kind of thing can be so subtle, but once it is there, it is a big turnoff. Men and women are very different, and sometimes we can be doing something that minimizes our partners without even realising it, simply because we do not understand how the opposite sex thinks. It is important to study and read up information on dating and how the sexes differ in order to be good at this. It is surely worth the trouble to do this if it means a rewarding relationship in the long run. We also need to examine ourselves and discover if we really like the opposite sex. Sometimes we were brought up with a parent(s) who warped our perception of how the sexes should behave and interact. This can cause a deep seated fear or dislike of one’s partner that one may not consciously be aware of. Should you suspect this is the case, it would be wise to go for counselling. For those of us who do not have a healthy self-respect, we must remember that other people will only treat us badly to the same degree that we are prepared to treat ourselves badly. It is really important for us to think well of ourselves and have a healthy self-esteem. This augurs well for all relationships. I wish you luck in your relationships! © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Dating issues - various

Today I am going to cover some issues that I am often asked about: Why is it so difficult to find the perfect match these days? These days there are no longer arranged marriages, and people’s lists of what they want in a partner get bigger and better by the day, even to the point of being unrealistic. If people would just learn to love the person they find, and not have unrealistic expectations, they would be a lot happier. It seems that not only they, but the whole world must think their partner is wonderful. People are only human, after all, and one must realize that every person has good and bad character and personality traits. Is there an ideal partner out there for each of us? I believe there are several ideal partners out there for each one of us, it’s just a matter of finding them. But what we think is our ideal partner is often not the case and someone we may discard as irrelevant, may in actual fact be just the right partner for us. What do you find are the most important things one should have in common to be really compatible? Or is it not that important to have things in common? The most important thing to have in common is common values. A person will be loyal to his/her values before being loyal to a partner. Don’t underestimate the value of common values. What is the one thing that dooms any budding relationship? When one or both parties are in a hurry and take things too fast, the relationship is always on rocky ground. If you are not in a hurry, it usually augurs well for any relationship. How does one handle rejection? The important thing with rejection is not to take it personally. The reason you are rejected has usually 100% to do with the other person and their particular frame of reference and almost NOTHING to do with you at all. There will always be people who like you just the way you are, and at the same time there will always be people who find fault with you. I see this happening with my clients all the time. As many as there are people, there will be different opinions about them. These opinions have nothing to do with you, it is just how people perceive you, according to their own unique place where they are coming from. You remain unchanged, whilst all around you, different people perceive you differently. Therefore one should not take other people’s opinions, whether good or bad, too seriously. If you really think you can improve, then do something about it, but don’t be discouraged if you encounter rejection, simply move on to the next person to meet. Don’t: Be discouraged if you have difficulty finding that ideal partner. Do: Meet as many people as you can, and know that the right person is out there waiting for you. © 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Commitment in a relationship

Today I am going to cover an issue which I am often asked about, namely “At what stage is one ready for commitment in a relationship?” Firstly, I have noticed that almost inevitably, a woman will usually commit to a relationship before a man does. Invariably, she will phone me first to say she does not want me to arrange any more introductions for her, she and x now have a relationship. That’s all well and good, but has she any idea about how HE feels about commitment? Often it is not even the next day and x has asked me to organise another introduction for him!!! A man will often enjoy dating many women before he feels ready for a commitment. A woman seems to want to settle down earlier. Perhaps she is cheating herself out of meeting a variety of men. This would give her a better idea of what she really wants and she could have the opportunity to “practise” on men who are not so important to her, so that she is “ready” when the man of her dreams crosses her path. A woman is very appealing when she has her own busy life and lots of friends, and is not waiting for that telephone to ring. A man is more likely to adore and commit to a woman who fits this scenario, and who has lots of spunk, than one who is needy and clingy. It is not always a good idea for a woman to sit a man down and have a “commitment” talk with him. If he was committed to her, she would have known about it long ago, and it wouldn’t have been necessary to ask. She is likely to get an evasive answer, something like: “I don’t know what I want”. This is “guy speak” for “I’m not seriously interested in a relationship right now.” Remember, IF A GUY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT HE WANTS, HE GENERALLY DOESN’T WANT WHAT HE’S GOT. Lots of women ignore this principle. When men avoid, deny, react with anger, or play dumb, they’re communicating with indirect signals that they aren’t on the same page as a woman. If a woman ignores these signals, resists what he’s trying to tell her or tries to overcompensate in the relationship, she will never figure out how to make it work. And she’ll constantly remain the one who’s doing all the “work” in the relationship, only to have him sit back and not help out or do his part. If this is the scenario, a man will definitely not commit to a relationship. I notice that quite often both sexes are too “anxious” to have a committed relationship, which puts all sorts of pressures on the people they date. This actually chases those potential partners away, which is just the opposite of what they want to achieve. It is better to relax, have fun, and let the universe “unfold”. Let the universe bring your partner to you, let the relationship develop naturally, and commitment will not be an issue. A relationship will then not be such a lot of hard work. Don’t: Pressurise your partner too early for a commitment. Do: Relax, have fun, enjoy your dating and don’t be too concerned about results – they will sort themselves out. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Never take rejection personally

Many of you out there are probably wondering why you go out with someone for a first or second date and then nothing happens after then. There could be many reasons for this, but it is very important to never take anything personally. The reason could be as simple as there simply wasn’t a strong enough connection, sexual or otherwise. Most of the time when this happens, you and your partner are coming from two completely different perspectives. The fact that there was no connection has very little, if anything to do with you, so there is no reason to beat yourself up about it or wonder if there is something wrong with you. Remember, “elke pot het ‘n deksel”, and sooner or later, if you are giving off the right signals, someone will come along who is genuinely interested in dating you. Most of the time, men either feel an immediate sexual chemistry or there is no chemistry at all. This can be confusing for women, who often do not see a man in this way when they first meet him. My female clients sometimes tell me they can’t understand why x never phoned them after their first date, because they had such a good time. He obviously never felt any sexual chemistry, and that is why he never followed up. Men usually make up their minds in half a minute whether they are interested in a woman or not, based on sexual chemistry, whereas a woman will often wait to see how a man treats her and how he behaves before she makes up her mind about him. It is important to her that he is kind, and that he makes her laugh. Good manners certainly help. Always remember that the opposite sex sees things differently. It is very important for a man to not lead a woman on, right from the word go, if he knows he is not really interested. A lot of men, in an effort to be nice, say to the woman at the end of the date that they will phone her, not meaning to do so at all. This is wrong. Rather say nothing at all, than do something different to what you say. A man should have enough self confidence and be consistent enough to have integrity on this issue. Believe me, the women will appreciate this more than a meaningless promise. Women should recognise their own power and not be needy and desperate. If you really believe in yourself and have plenty going for you, you will not be phased by a man who dates you once or twice and then disappears. You will have your own busy and interesting life to contend with and if someone does not appreciate you, you have the self-confidence to know that there are plenty of others out there who will. It is very important to relax about dating and not worry about a clock that is ticking or feel that this is your last chance. Do not think that you will be a failure if your date does not work out as you planned or if the other party eventually is not interested in you. Your date will pick up subconsciously if you are needy or clingy, and nothing could be a bigger turnoff. Concentrate on enjoying the present moment with your date and do not have second agendas. Have innocent fun and laugh a lot. If you follow these guidelines, you are more likely to be successful in your dating than if you have planned an outcome before the time. Be fun and uncomplicated company, and your date is more likely to appreciate you. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Recognise your inherent magnificence

Have you ever been in a relationship where you craved commitment from your partner, but he/she just simply didn’t seem able to give it? Many people are in this position, and below are my thoughts on such a situation: When you have a partner, and you perceive (rightly or wrongly) that that person is in a stronger position than you (this can be real or imagined), you naturally want to align yourself with that person, so you yourself can become stronger. In your thoughts you have endowed this person with character and personality traits and capabilities that you admire and want to be associated with. You have more than likely idolized this person, and assume that they have something you do not have, e.g. you may perceive them as secure, and you assume that if you are married to them, you will also be secure. Two things I’d like to mention here: You are most probably not aware of your own strengths and capabilities, and secondly, as I have said previously, if you spot it, you’ve got it! It is important for the health of the relationship for each of the two partners to realize their own power in the relationship. So many of us think very little of ourselves and do not recognise our own inherent magnificence. What you need to do is to go within yourself in the seven areas of your life and look really hard for your strengths. The seven areas are: Spiritual, Mental, Vocational, Financial, Familial, Social and Physical. The strength you perceive in your partner is very likely to be an unrecognised strength within your very own self. Look deep within yourself for the same strengths he/she has in the seven areas of your life. Your strengths will manifest differently to your partner’s strengths, so look at things from a different angle. Once you can draw your own strengths into the light, you will look at yourself in a different way, and start recognising your power. Firstly this will allow you to crave commitment from your partner far less, and he/she will perceive you as less clingy. Secondly, when you recognise and acknowledge your own power, your partner will perceive you as more desirable, and he/she will be far more likely to commit him/herself to you! So as you can see, this process is a double-edged sword and a good tool to use in all your relationships. For more information on this process, read “The Heart of Love” by Dr John Demartini. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.