Don't be materialistic

We all want a partner who loves us just for who we are, as well as for who we are not. None of us wants to perceive that our partner wants us for any kind of ulterior motive. We like to think that we are receiving at least as much as we are giving in our relationship. That makes us want to give more and more, and so our relationship goes in an upward spiral of giving and receiving, which is healthy. Do we ever examine our motives when we start dating someone we like a lot? Often when we are dating we weed out those people who are needy, who seem to want something from us and who are on the take. That is why it is healthy to date many people before marriage, so that you can recognise who the people are who relate to you in healthy ways. Once you are in a committed relationship, it is also wise to remain vigilant in keeping the balance of give and take between you and your partner. Oftentimes a man is materialistic in a relationship when he is in it for the sex. He is vitally interested in satisfying himself and can leave his partner feeling unfulfilled. What is that man bringing to the relationship? Is he making it worthwhile for his partner? Maybe he thinks he can buy her love/sex, but that will ultimately leave her feeling empty and used. If, on the other hand, he is bringing in a healthy amount of loving and genuine happiness to the relationship, his partner will just want to give him more and more and will appreciate him hugely. Women can be materialistic in expecting men to be the providers. In today’s society, where women are often the bigger earners, this is becoming more and more unrealistic. Yes, a man likes to provide, but never likes to feel that he is being used, or that a woman likes him just because he has money. He likes to feel admired, respected and loved for who he is as a person, and not only for the money he brings to the table. Everything is becoming more and more expensive as time goes by, and if a woman also earns good money, she should be willing to share some of it and not let her man bear the burden of all the expenses, unless, of course, he really doesn’t need or want any help in this arena. The Law of Attraction also fits into this picture. What you constantly think about, you will ultimately bring into your life. Do you want to have a mountain of money when you are old, and no love and happiness to go with it, or do you want a healthy balance of a happy family, friends and good memories? On your deathbed, are you going to want to look at your bank balance, or are you going to want to look into the face of someone you have genuinely loved and been happy with? If we are in a relationship just for what we can get out of it, the universe may very well punish us by giving us what we want! Later we will see that genuine, time honoured values have made us happier than our materialistic desires have. Don’t: Always think of what you can get out of a relationship. Do: Appreciate your partner for who they are as a person. © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Appreciate your partner

We all want a partner who will treat us with respect and who will value us as human beings. When my previous husband, Bryan, was alive, we had this kind of relationship and appreciated each other enormously. It made it easier for me to find closure when he passed away eight years ago because we had no unfinished business between us and we parted on good terms. How do we set the stage to appreciate our partners? Something we must always keep in mind is the law of attraction. The law of attraction is like a magnet, where like attracts like. So if we respect and value ourselves, we will automatically draw people to us who will treat us in this way. Some of us tend to put others first, especially women. It is the way we were brought up to always care for others. This is especially true for a woman who has children. But a woman owes it to herself to take good care of herself, and to think well of herself, or otherwise she could end up being a doormat for her children and the man in her life. Something we should never do is take people for granted, especially our partners. We never know how long we will have them in our lives, so whilst they are here, we should really appreciate them and also SHOW that appreciation. The chances are that if we are doing this, we ourselves will be appreciated and valued. Another thing to respect is the free will of our partners. Who likes to be pushed into a corner and forced to do things? Nobody. Our partner’s free will is something we often never give a second thought. It is that free will that caused him/her to love you in the first place. Wouldn’t you like your partner to have choices, just as you have choices? If you respect your partner’s free will, he/she will most likely respect yours. It is also very important to respect your partner’s values. They will most probably be different to your values, which will obviously require a little effort from you. Read Dr John Demartini’s book, “The Heart of Love”, which elaborates on the importance of aligning your values with those of your partner. It will be well worth that effort in the long run, because your partner is likely to appreciate your stance and reciprocate by returning the favour. Always be the first to show respect and appreciation – your partner is likely to follow suit. Don’t: Put others first to your own detriment. Do: Show your appreciation to your partner because you never know how long you will have them in your life. © 2009, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Create variety in your relationship

We all long for a partner who is interesting, and who surprises and delights us often, but have we ever thought about our own role in creating variety in our relationship? It’s all too easy to start off a relationship, where everything is new and we are on a voyage of discovery. We are getting to know our partner and find everything he or she says or does to be fascinating. Come six months down the line and we could be falling into the trap of a set routine, always doing the same things and finding our once tantalizing partner to suddenly be boring and predictable! How do we maintain the romance and excitement? (We wanted this to be forever, remember?) The secret is to cultivate good habits right from when the relationship starts. It is even more important for a woman to be unpredictable, as this is often one of the factors that keeps a man interested in her. (A woman can think differently, as she tends to find security in predictability, and security is often one of the most important values that she has.) Part of the secret of being unpredictable and creating variety is to keep our partner guessing just a little bit. There is a fine balance between a mature sharing of your innermost self and “not letting it all hang out”. We all want a mixture of familiarity and that element of surprise. Part of all this is self-respect, where we find it easy to act with poise. We even find ourselves exciting as we discover new things on life’s journey. Make a point of doing things that are out of your normal routine from time to time. And the things that you normally do … well, if you like to do them, try to do them differently now and then, just to spice things up a bit. Find novel ways of showing your respect and appreciation, and just now and then, if you have something else important and worthwhile to do, be unavailable. Bring fun and mischief into some of the things you do. There is nothing like laughter to add to good memories. Remember the law of attraction? It works like a magnet. So if you want your relationship to be interesting, make sure you yourself are an interesting person. This involves creating variety and adventure in your relationship. Your partner is likely to mirror your behaviour and your relationship will tend to be exciting. Don’t: Fall into the trap of having too set a routine in your relationship. Do: Cultivate the habit of surprising your partner from time to time. © 2009, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Give your partner privacy

We all like to have our privacy, and so it is natural to expect that our partner would want the same for him/herself. We should all treat other people the way we want to be treated, so the privacy of both partners should be a given in a relationship. How often does it happen that a call or sms arrives on our partner’s phone and we are tempted to peek and see who it was from? Some of us even think it is our right to do so, and yet we would hate it if we ourselves were treated like this. Worse still, we want to know what our partner is up to every minute of the day. If you want your partner to feel hounded and to start withdrawing, be on his/her case in this way. It all boils down to trust. Trust is such a vital part of a relationship that it needs to be mentioned here. It is usually a good thing to give your partner the benefit of the doubt and to extend your trust first. If your trust is broken, that is another matter, but everyone likes to feel they are trusted when a relationship starts out. Your partner will not want to let you down and break your trust if he/she knows that that trust has been extended. Expect the best and you will get the best. What about secrets? If we can keep our own private secrets, our partner will know that they can trust us with theirs. It is not a good idea to be too inquisitive about one’s partner’s private life. If there is something you really need to know, it is better to let it come to the surface in a natural way than to force an issue. Privacy and freedom go hand in hand. If you hold on tight to your partner and never want to let them out of your sight, they will rebel and want to get as far away from you as possible. If your partner knows you respect their space, he/she will surely appreciate this hugely and you will reap the benefits of the same respect afforded to you. Privacy is sometimes very difficult to maintain when one lives with one’s partner. Here it is doubly important to be vigilant about giving one’s partner space. It all adds up to a healthy relationship. Don’t: Be continually suspicious and snoop on your partner’s every move. Do: Extend your trust to your partner in a mature way and you are likely to be rewarded. © 2009, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.

Be generous in your relationship

An aunt of mine once said to beware of a partner who is stingy with money in your relationship, because he/she will be stingy with their love as well. Being generous, however, applies to all areas of a relationship, including things like time and effort. When a relationship is new and things are finding their balance, it is important not to overdo one’s generosity, as this will more than likely scare off one’s partner. Men in particular find a women who is over the top in this area, very scary, especially when a relationship is new. Women are by nature nurturers and it is very natural for them to give all they can, but this is not advisable in a new relationship. At this stage, a man usually enjoys pursuing a woman, and likes to perceive the woman as a challenge. A woman will completely take the wind out of his sails if she smothers him with attention at this stage. However, as things develop, a healthy give and take by both partners is desirable. As time goes by and trust develops, a man likes it when the woman takes the initiative and makes him feel appreciated. Then both partners usually enjoy it when the other person gives them lots of time and attention. In particular, a man enjoys it when the woman is generous in giving him space. One can also be generous in affording one’s partner privacy. This kind of respect should be mutual. In a relationship like this there is an aura of abundance. Both partners have abundance mentalities and there is a great deal of freedom afforded to each person. One can also be abundant in honesty. This type of generosity is usually much appreciated, as everyone wants a partner who is trustworthy and consistent in their approach to life. One can be generous in one’s appreciation of one’s partner. It is nice when someone notices the things you do for them, however small, and thanks you from their heart. This kind of appreciation usually has a snowball effect of your partner wanting to do even more for you, and so the relationship goes in an upward spiral of getting better and better as time goes by. One has cultivated good habits and if one keeps them up, this type of relationship then does not require a lot of work. Don’t: Expect your partner to do all the work in your relationship. Do: Operate from an abundance mentality in your relationship, and things are likely to go your way. © 2009, 2013 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate.