We all have our ideas about what we are looking for in a partner, and it is very good to know what one wants, but what if one is so fussy, that one eventually has nobody to choose from?
Every now and then I have somebody on my books who is very particular about what they want in a partner. There is a long list of MUST HAVES and MUST NOT HAVES. When this happens, this person’s list of potential partners is cut in half and it is very difficult to match him/her. Whilst this person is fully entitled to have their preferences, I sometimes wonder if this is wise. It also happens that I sometimes take a chance and introduce them to someone who is not “quite right” and they are overjoyed with the match. That special “chemistry” was there or they saw something else they liked and that list they had flew out the window!
I was just as fussy some years back. Not that it helped, because I had many disastrous relationships! The first time I met my second husband, Bryan, I did not like him at all. He did not fit in with my “list” and I thought he was not at all suited to me. Two years later I met him again and decided to give him a chance because I then saw some very good aspects of his personality and character. That was an excellent move on my part, because he proved to be the most wonderful husband and we were very happy during the short time that we were together. I would have robbed myself of a blessing if I had stuck to my rigid “list”, and I am forever grateful for the experience of having had a happy marriage. The same thing happened with my present partner. There were no fireworks for me when I first met him, but as time went by I saw more and more things in him that I really liked and today I can truly say that he is the most wonderful partner I have ever had.
Perhaps one should keep a healthy balance between having set ideas about what one wants and keeping an open mind. People are all so vastly different and each one has something wonderful to offer. We would all like others to see us in the best possible light, so perhaps we should offer them the same opportunity and not make hasty judgements when we hardly know them.
As we get to know someone, it is like peeling off the layers of an onion. There is always something fresh and new coming to the surface. One has to go through quite a few layers before one gets to the core of the onion, and similarly it takes us a long time to get to know someone. People are also always changing, so even if you think you know someone, you can be in for a surprise.
Don’t: Take people at face value.
Do: Be open to possibilities and give your dates a chance.
May you meet a partner who will delight you!
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Visit my website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za, to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
Expect the best
Some time ago I interviewed a lady who very quickly told me that she had met some horrible men, had some disastrous relationships and that all her friends had experienced the same thing. For this reason she was very dubious about meeting good men, as she had it firmly entrenched in her mind that there are no more good men around. I listened in dismay, because this kind of thinking is a self-fulfilling prophecy, and her chances of meeting a good man are minimal, if these are the thoughts she is feeding her mind.
Many years ago, I myself fell into the same trap, and I also met dreadful men until I met my first husband, who was a psychopath! That really taught me a lesson, and I was determined at that stage to change my life, and change it I did. It was almost as if up until then I had the word “Victim” stamped on my forehead. From then on I decided to choose “good” men, and it was then that my life changed. I married Bryan, my second husband, and he was a “good” man and he treated me very well. After he passed away, I made friends with a friend of his, who is also a “good” man and today I have a wonderful relationship with my present boyfriend, who treats me like a queen. All these men live in Centurion, and there must be many more “good” men in Centurion, Pretoria, South Africa and anywhere in the world, for that matter. It is just a matter of having the right mindset.
The lady I interviewed is inviting the wrong men into her life by her negative mindset. She will continue meeting the wrong men until she changes her thinking. The universe has an infinite supply of good men, she is only attracting “bad” men because of the way she is thinking. If someone treats us badly, we must remember we more than likely invited that kind of treatment in some way. We need to change our mindset, respect ourselves and put out the right thoughts, which includes thinking well of everyone, as well as the opposite sex, and then we are more likely to attract “good” partners.
The same holds true for men who want to attract good women. They are out there, we must just hold the right thoughts, and the universe will supply them in abundance. For more information on this kind of thinking, read the books, “The Heart of Love” and “The Breakthrough Experience” by Dr John Demartini. These books will help you heal where you have been hurt and put you on the path to meeting suitable partners.
Don’t: Make the mistake of thinking that everyone is the same.
Do: Expect the best, and you will get the best!
May you have an abundance mentality and meet the soulmate of your dreams!
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her FREE Dating Guide: “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Many years ago, I myself fell into the same trap, and I also met dreadful men until I met my first husband, who was a psychopath! That really taught me a lesson, and I was determined at that stage to change my life, and change it I did. It was almost as if up until then I had the word “Victim” stamped on my forehead. From then on I decided to choose “good” men, and it was then that my life changed. I married Bryan, my second husband, and he was a “good” man and he treated me very well. After he passed away, I made friends with a friend of his, who is also a “good” man and today I have a wonderful relationship with my present boyfriend, who treats me like a queen. All these men live in Centurion, and there must be many more “good” men in Centurion, Pretoria, South Africa and anywhere in the world, for that matter. It is just a matter of having the right mindset.
The lady I interviewed is inviting the wrong men into her life by her negative mindset. She will continue meeting the wrong men until she changes her thinking. The universe has an infinite supply of good men, she is only attracting “bad” men because of the way she is thinking. If someone treats us badly, we must remember we more than likely invited that kind of treatment in some way. We need to change our mindset, respect ourselves and put out the right thoughts, which includes thinking well of everyone, as well as the opposite sex, and then we are more likely to attract “good” partners.
The same holds true for men who want to attract good women. They are out there, we must just hold the right thoughts, and the universe will supply them in abundance. For more information on this kind of thinking, read the books, “The Heart of Love” and “The Breakthrough Experience” by Dr John Demartini. These books will help you heal where you have been hurt and put you on the path to meeting suitable partners.
Don’t: Make the mistake of thinking that everyone is the same.
Do: Expect the best, and you will get the best!
May you have an abundance mentality and meet the soulmate of your dreams!
© 2008 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her FREE Dating Guide: “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
The importance of self-respect
Does your partner treat you well? We all dream about having someone who will not only complement us, but be kind, considerate and thoughtful, and treat us with respect. We want someone who encourages us and brings out the best in us.
The Law of Attraction in Quantum Physics states that like attracts like, and so we will attract the signal we are giving out. In other words, if we are kind, considerate and thoughtful towards our partners, and treat them with respect, we are likely to get the same kind of treatment back. So we must be the partner we dream of, and then we are likely to be treated in a similar way.
I am not talking about being a doormat for someone or being a wimp in your relationship. We must obviously have a healthy self-respect first. This self-respect seems to command a respect from others and good treatment follows. So if we respect ourselves, we are also likely to find someone who respects him/herself and then things start falling into place.
Perhaps we need to do some soul searching here. Are we in any way belittling our partners or putting them down? This kind of thing can be so subtle, but once it is there, it is a big turnoff. Men and women are very different, and sometimes we can be doing something that minimizes our partners without even realising it, simply because we do not understand how the opposite sex thinks. It is important to study and read up information on dating and how the sexes differ in order to be good at this. It is surely worth the trouble to do this if it means a rewarding relationship in the long run.
We also need to examine ourselves and discover if we really like the opposite sex. Sometimes we were brought up with a parent(s) who warped our perception of how the sexes should behave and interact. This can cause a deep seated fear or dislike of one’s partner that one may not consciously be aware of. Should you suspect this is the case, it would be wise to go for counselling.
For those of us who do not have a healthy self-respect, we must remember that other people will only treat us badly to the same degree that we are prepared to treat ourselves badly. It is really important for us to think well of ourselves and have a healthy self-esteem. This augurs well for all relationships.
I wish you luck in your relationships!
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
The Law of Attraction in Quantum Physics states that like attracts like, and so we will attract the signal we are giving out. In other words, if we are kind, considerate and thoughtful towards our partners, and treat them with respect, we are likely to get the same kind of treatment back. So we must be the partner we dream of, and then we are likely to be treated in a similar way.
I am not talking about being a doormat for someone or being a wimp in your relationship. We must obviously have a healthy self-respect first. This self-respect seems to command a respect from others and good treatment follows. So if we respect ourselves, we are also likely to find someone who respects him/herself and then things start falling into place.
Perhaps we need to do some soul searching here. Are we in any way belittling our partners or putting them down? This kind of thing can be so subtle, but once it is there, it is a big turnoff. Men and women are very different, and sometimes we can be doing something that minimizes our partners without even realising it, simply because we do not understand how the opposite sex thinks. It is important to study and read up information on dating and how the sexes differ in order to be good at this. It is surely worth the trouble to do this if it means a rewarding relationship in the long run.
We also need to examine ourselves and discover if we really like the opposite sex. Sometimes we were brought up with a parent(s) who warped our perception of how the sexes should behave and interact. This can cause a deep seated fear or dislike of one’s partner that one may not consciously be aware of. Should you suspect this is the case, it would be wise to go for counselling.
For those of us who do not have a healthy self-respect, we must remember that other people will only treat us badly to the same degree that we are prepared to treat ourselves badly. It is really important for us to think well of ourselves and have a healthy self-esteem. This augurs well for all relationships.
I wish you luck in your relationships!
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Common dating issues
Today I am going to cover some issues that I am often asked about:
Why is it so difficult to find the perfect match these days?
These days there are no longer arranged marriages, and people’s lists of what they want in a partner gets bigger and better by the day, even to the point of being unrealistic. If people would just learn to love the person they find, and not have unrealistic expectations, they would be a lot happier. It seems that not only they, but the whole world must think their partner is wonderful. People are only human, after all, and one must realize that every person has good and bad character and personality traits.
Is there an ideal partner out there for each of us?
I believe there are several ideal partners out there for each one of us, it’s just a matter of finding them. But what we think is our ideal partner is often not the case and someone we may discard as irrelevant, may in actual fact be just the right partner for us.
What do you find are the most important things one should have in common to be really compatible? Or is it not that important to have things in common?
The most important thing to have in common is common values. A person will be loyal to his/her values before being loyal to a partner. Don’t underestimate the value of common values.
What is the one thing that dooms any budding relationship?
When one or both parties are in a hurry and take things too fast, the relationship is always on rocky ground. If you are not in a hurry, it always augurs well for any relationship.
How does one handle rejection?
The important thing with rejection is not to take it personally. The reason you are rejected has usually 100% to do with the other person and their particular frame of reference and almost NOTHING to do with you at all. There will always be people who like you just the way you are, and at the same time there will always be people who find fault with you. I see this happening with my clients all the time. As many as there are people, there will be different opinions about them. These opinions have nothing to do with you, it is just how people perceive you, according to their own unique place where they are coming from. You remain unchanged, whilst all around you, different people perceive you differently. Therefore one should not take other people’s opinions, whether good or bad, too seriously. If you really think you can improve, then do something about it, but don’t be discouraged if you encounter rejection, simply move on to the next person to meet.
Don’t: Be discouraged if you have difficulty finding that ideal partner.
Do: Meet as many people as you can, and know that the right person is out there waiting for you.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
Why is it so difficult to find the perfect match these days?
These days there are no longer arranged marriages, and people’s lists of what they want in a partner gets bigger and better by the day, even to the point of being unrealistic. If people would just learn to love the person they find, and not have unrealistic expectations, they would be a lot happier. It seems that not only they, but the whole world must think their partner is wonderful. People are only human, after all, and one must realize that every person has good and bad character and personality traits.
Is there an ideal partner out there for each of us?
I believe there are several ideal partners out there for each one of us, it’s just a matter of finding them. But what we think is our ideal partner is often not the case and someone we may discard as irrelevant, may in actual fact be just the right partner for us.
What do you find are the most important things one should have in common to be really compatible? Or is it not that important to have things in common?
The most important thing to have in common is common values. A person will be loyal to his/her values before being loyal to a partner. Don’t underestimate the value of common values.
What is the one thing that dooms any budding relationship?
When one or both parties are in a hurry and take things too fast, the relationship is always on rocky ground. If you are not in a hurry, it always augurs well for any relationship.
How does one handle rejection?
The important thing with rejection is not to take it personally. The reason you are rejected has usually 100% to do with the other person and their particular frame of reference and almost NOTHING to do with you at all. There will always be people who like you just the way you are, and at the same time there will always be people who find fault with you. I see this happening with my clients all the time. As many as there are people, there will be different opinions about them. These opinions have nothing to do with you, it is just how people perceive you, according to their own unique place where they are coming from. You remain unchanged, whilst all around you, different people perceive you differently. Therefore one should not take other people’s opinions, whether good or bad, too seriously. If you really think you can improve, then do something about it, but don’t be discouraged if you encounter rejection, simply move on to the next person to meet.
Don’t: Be discouraged if you have difficulty finding that ideal partner.
Do: Meet as many people as you can, and know that the right person is out there waiting for you.
© 2009 Marilyn Welch
Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Dating Service and a sought after Relationship Coach specialising in social skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details.
Visit my website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!
You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.
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