Don't have unrealistic expectations

All of us want an ideal partner, someone who at least approaches our idea of perfect, but how does one find such a person when everyone around us seems to have issues, problems and baggage? Moreover we ourselves are always working through our own issues, so can we in any way be a perfect partner for someone else? When clients approach me for membership to Perfect Strangers, I sometimes sense they have unrealistic expectations. A woman, for example, may, before she joins, have an issue with men standing her up on dates. This is a very real problem that is re-occurring in her life, and she expects that when she joins Perfect Strangers this problem is just going to go away completely. My heart sinks when I hear things like this, because I know her problem is ongoing, and even the most reliable men on my books will somehow find a way of letting her down. There is something in her psyche that is inviting men to do this, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it until she sorts it out in her own mind. Then and then only will the problem be righted. Then there are others who find that in ordinary, everyday life they are meeting ordinary, everyday people, but they expect that when they join Perfect Strangers that they are suddenly going to meet partners who look like they have walked out of the movies or a glossy magazine! Nothing and nobody in this life is ever going to be perfect, but rest assured, you can find someone who is perfect for you, which implies that this person may have faults and issues, but they will certainly contribute towards your growth and development, which is, after all, why we have been put on this earth. The media can often be blamed for us having these unrealistic expectations. The movies, TV and popular magazines often portray highly attractive, airbrushed people with superb builds, but in reality only 2% of the population look like this. The media also portray most people as always ready for instant, uncomplicated sex, whereas in real life romantic love doesn’t always work in this way. They also blow up these people as heroes and heroines in everyday situations, and real-life people simply cannot compete. And so we idealise what we see and expect our partners to live up to these unrealistic expectations. By doing this, we are only setting ourselves up for disappointment time after time. We also need to do some soul-searching into ourselves and our own lives. Are we in any way being the kind of partner we hope to meet? I have sometimes had overweight men come for interviews who tell me they want to meet petite women! This is an extreme example, but it happens from time to time. And then I might have a woman who tells me there are no good men left. This is her perception, but it is based on a lie which she has come to believe as true. She expects to meet only “bad” men and this is what she will find time after time. So expecting the worst is also an example of having unrealistic expectations. When we are in the middle of a situation, it is sometimes difficult to see life in its true perspective. It is best for us if we have a cautiously optimistic outlook, without losing track of reality. Don’t: Expect the airbrushed, skinny supermodels you see on TV and in glossy magazines to show up in real life. Do: Train yourself to have a cautiously optimistic outlook while at the same time keeping your feet firmly on the ground. © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!