Honour what is important to your partner

When we are in a relationship we are very aware of what we regard as important to us in that relationship, but sometimes we forget that it is perhaps even more important to honour what is important to our partner. A relationship is a two way street and sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. When our partner was first attracted to us, he/she saw something in us that corresponded to his/her values. In a similar fashion we were attracted to him/her. A person’s values are very important to them, and they will be loyal to their values even before they are loyal to their partner – food for thought. We may not have the same values as our partner, but it is very important to hold them in respect. This will definitely endear us to our partner. There are the values of the Love Languages, which I have discussed before. They are words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time and receiving of gifts. We need to discover our partner’s love language(s) and communicate with them via these languages to attain maximum benefit out of our relationship. This is one way of honouring what is important to our partner. For more information on this, read “The Five Languages of Love” by Gary Chapman. Something men value a lot is their freedom. Some women give their partners plenty of freedom, and this is to be commended. Other women do not. Perhaps they are operating from a deep-seated sense of insecurity, or perhaps they gave their partner freedom before, only to have it abused. However, most men will deeply appreciate a woman who gives them freedom and will always gladly return to her once they are ready to “come out of their cave”. (Read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.) Women, on the other hand, value a partner who gives them security. We are not necessarily talking about financial security here, but more about emotional security. A woman likes to know where she stands in a relationship, whereas men generally prefer a bit of a challenge. A woman needs to work on her own emotional security before she enters a relationship, because if she is “needy” she will drive all potential partners away. A man with a mature approach goes a long way in giving a woman the security she needs. Sometimes our partner’s values can be seen in their hobbies. This is often seen by the other partner as time that is taken away from the relationship and can be viewed as a threat. Again it is part of the freedom aspect that is so important in a relationship. Each partner should have the freedom to pursue their own hobbies, within reason. It is also important that if you have a consuming passion for one or other hobby that you do not neglect your partner at the same time. One must always keep a balance. Don’t: Trample on what your partner views as important, i.e. his/her values. Do: Learn to communicate with your partner via his/her own love language(s). © 2010, 2014 Marilyn Welch. Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Introduction Society for Professionals and in the last year, 49% of the clients who joined Perfect Strangers met someone special, many within a very few short months! Of these, 71% remain in their committed relationships. Visit our website to meet a variety of quality partners amongst whom you may find your soulmate!