Don't compare

In my experience as a professional dating service owner, I often see people comparing their dates to their previous partner(s). This is a process none of us can resist, but is it a good thing to do? A client of mine (Let’s call him Hardus*), who was widowed a few years ago comes to mind. He was very happily married and idolised his wife. Somehow he just can’t seem to find someone else he feels he can be happy with. He is a wonderful man and has met many wonderful women through my service, but just can’t seem to settle down. It is as if he has never found closure with his deceased wife and that he just cannot let her go and move on. Often we idealise someone in the past as being just perfect for us. If this relationship never worked out and we move on, somehow nobody else after that is able to measure up. This type of situation can really shoot us in the foot when meeting new dates. We make snap judgements about them based on assumptions which often are not valid. We do our date and ourselves a disservice. We ourselves would not like to be compared to someone else and found wanting, and yet we readily do this to others. We can then miss out on having the marvellous experience of getting to know someone completely different, who is just as wonderful as our previous partner(s), and who has things to offer which we may never even have dreamed of! Yes, we definitely need to keep an open mind when meeting new dates. An example I used in a recent blog emphasises this. I wrote that each one of us is like a flower, with our own unique colour, shape and exquisite perfume. We cannot say that one flower is better than another, they are just all different. Let’s celebrate our differences and appreciate what each new person has to offer! *Name has been changed © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Do the thing you fear

As a professional dating service owner, I get to hear the personal stories of many of my clients. A particularly heartwarming story was told to me last week: A 35 year old guy, Piet*, had been married for the last 10 years. He had tried very hard to make a success of his marriage, but his wife’s behaviour had spiralled out of control in recent years. To make a long story short she had been taking drugs and was without work. The thing he feared most was looming uppermost in his mind: he was about to lose his wife. In short, their marriage did come to an end. But now, a year later, he has a very interesting perspective on it: He discovered that the whole process was not as bad as he had feared it would be, and that he had actually coped quite well. Now that he has more or less put it behind him, he even sees it as a blessing in disguise! For a long time he thought he would never be interested in women again, but to his surprise, this last month he has been feeling that he would like to date again. Understandably he is very cautious and would just like to make friends, but isn’t it wonderful how time and circumstances can actually be powerful healing influences? Sometimes we fear losing a partner so much that we continue on dead-end street for many years. We are afraid that we will never again meet someone special and that we will be very lonely without that person. We humans are very resilient, however, and it is really true that the universe arranges all things for good, if only we would believe it. Sometimes it is necessary to take a step of faith and do the thing we fear. Not only do our circumstances usually improve, but we gain a confidence we would never have had. So if you find yourself in similar circumstances, remember Piet’s story. Take a leap of faith and do the thing you fear. You will discover that the worst thing to be afraid of is not the thing that you are about to do, but the actual fear itself! *Name has been changed © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Be an original

So often in the course of my duties as a professional dating service owner, I come across people who are afraid to be themselves. They find it easier to fit in with what everyone else is doing and feel they have to live up to others’ expectations, and so find themselves conforming to “the norm”. They feel that if they are the same as everyone else, they are more likely to find a suitable partner. No, no, no! We were made to be originals, and it is true that as they say in Afrikaans: “Elke pot het ‘n deksel”. I remember being quite hurt years ago when someone said to me: “’n Skewe pot sal ook sy deksel kry!” Now when I look back, I am pleased to say that I have always had interesting boyfriends. In all honesty I would not be attracted to a conventional man. There are many of us out there who enjoy partners who are “different”. So why are we so hesitant to be “different” ourselves? Let’s rather celebrate our uniqueness than be carbon copies. When I look at the ladies on my books, I always think of them as flowers, each one with a different, colour, shape, perfume, etc, but each one with an exquisite beauty of her own. In reality, people love someone who is original and different, and the ones that aren’t attracted to you are ones you can pass by. Be yourself, and you will always find that you draw the “right” people to you. Relax and enjoy yourself just the way you are! © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

All that glitters is not gold

In my 15 years of experience as a professional dating service owner, I have come across many people who are attracted by material things. For example, a woman may say she would like to meet a good-looking hunk with lots of money and a man may say he wants to meet a woman who is slim and gorgeous. I see from my vantage point of getting to know my clients that this is often a recipe for disaster. The women often find that this kind of man does not appreciate them or treat them well. The men often find that the stunning looking women turn out to be bitches who make their lives a misery. The men and women who look for these qualities often go through a series of failed relationships before they learn to look more for the inner qualities that make a person a good romantic partner. It is not to say that good-looking hunks with lots of money and slim, gorgeous women are all bad. My advice is just to be careful. You may find instead that the so-called “ordinary and boring” people make the best life partners. Every person we meet has something unique and wonderful to offer. So let’s not judge a book by its cover and be more flexible in our choices. We may just be surprised! © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation, 90 minute “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

A good relationship is earned

A myth that a lot of people have bought into is that one day they will look into the eyes of a stranger, see that this person is their soulmate, and walk off happily into a life of bliss. They even think that this is their birthright and feel cheated if it does not happen! I don’t know who taught us to believe this fairytale, but what I do know is that a good relationship is earned. Like with everything else, you have to work hard for it. You do not get capped with a doctorate if you do not first become a diligent student, and then slowly make your way up through all the stages of attaining your lesser degrees until you finally make it to the top. Similarly, if you want a happy relationship, you have to approach it with the best attitude, learn sound dating skills, adopt healthy relationship habits and consistently keep on improving on them etc. until you finally tie the knot with the love of your life. Then the work really starts!! We seldom appreciate anything if we get it for nothing, so there is justice in this system that the universe has arranged for us. In my own life, I know I would not have appreciated my second husband, Bryan, or my present husband so much if romantic relationships had always been easy for me. And I never even think that I myself have “arrived” when it comes to my present marriage, even though it is wonderful in many ways. There are always areas I am spotting where I can improve – it’s an ongoing process. As time goes by, we should always be earning our way towards an even better relationship with our loved one. The alternative is that we and our relationship stagnate, with all the undesirable consequences. The choice is always ours. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

What you focus on you get more of

In 2009 I mentored a client called Helen* through her divorce. When I first spoke to her and assessed her situation, it was clear to me that she spent all her time and energy focusing on her impending divorce, and that the rest of her life was simply passing her by. At the time she was bitterly unhappy and life had indeed turned sour. She had seen a psychologist and counsellors from her church, but there just seemed to be no solutions. She thought that if she started meeting some decent men, that that might help her to feel happier. So she turned to me for some dating and relationship advice, with a view to joining my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, when her divorce was through. It was obvious to me that she needed to get past her problems and gain some inner peace before she could attract anybody remotely like what she had in mind. I asked her what good things there were in her life. Surprisingly enough she could quickly mention at least five positive things about her life (her good health, her well-paying career, her nice home, her children and the relationship she had with her parents). Somehow, amidst all her problems, she had forgotten these wonderful aspects of her life. I told her to take 30 minutes each day and to focus on being grateful for these things (What you focus on you get more of). During these 30 minutes she was to shut out all thoughts of her soon-to-be ex husband and their divorce situation. When we discussed this, she immediately perked up and had something to look forward to each day. Her feedback a week later was that she now realised she had been giving a disproportionate amount of time and energy to her problems, and not enough time to the things that made her happy. She realised that she had been responsible for a lot of her own misery by doing this. As time went by, the intensity of her emotions about the divorce diminished, and she was also able to incorporate in her daily 30 minutes some pleasant dreams about the kind of men she would like to meet in the future. Note made in 2010: It is now a year later and two months ago she joined my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers. Because her focus has dramatically shifted since a year ago, she is giving out a different vibe, attracting good things into her life, and she is a catch for any man. She is enjoying the experience of meeting new people and the men on my books like her immensely. By a simple change in her focus, she turned her life around! Note made in 2012: This is a universal principle that was applied here: What you focus on, you will get more of , and what you ignore usually fades away. * Name has been changed. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.

Women like security whereas men want a challenge

Running my professional dating service, Perfect Strangers, certainly shows me that people have a wide variety of different motives for wanting a special romantic relationship. In general, women seem to focus on having a committed long term relationship, whilst men seem to think more about having fun with their partners and enjoying what each moment brings. Neither approach is wrong. Men and women are just different, and maybe these differences are teaching us to love and appreciate the opposite sex! I cannot stress enough the importance of living in the present moment and enjoying what each moment brings. If we are results oriented in our dating and relationships, we can very easily set ourselves up for disappointment. If our partner senses that we want something from them other than simply the pleasure of their company, we bring issues and complications into the relationship. This can really ruin a friendship that has the potential to become something special. In relationships, women tend to like security whilst men generally want a challenge. We as women all need to realise that our only true security lies within ourselves. Another human simply cannot cater for all our needs. We need to develop the independence to understand and apply this knowledge. I have seen in my practice that a woman who has this kind of mindset is automatically a challenge for her partner. By having this kind of outlook, a woman is more likely to have success in a long term relationship and thus meets her need of a long term commitment from her partner. This is most certainly an excellent way of setting an upward spiral in a potentially good relationship, and it will satisfy the needs of both parties. © 2010, 2012 Marilyn Welch Would you love to meet your soulmate in this year? If you have read through my website thoroughly and feel that you would like to work with me, contact me for a FREE, no-obligation “Find Your Soulmate” session. We can then see what Perfect Strangers can do for you and get you started to meet the partner of your dreams. I am looking forward to hearing from you! Would you like to use this article? You may if you include the following paragraph with the article: Marilyn Welch is the owner of Perfect Strangers Professional Introduction Service and a sought-after Relationship Mentor specialising in dating skills. You can read more of her articles at www.perfectstrangersdating.blogspot.com and download her Free Special Report “Three Ways to Finding the Soulmate of Your Dreams” by going to her website, www.perfectstrangers.co.za and sending her your details. You are welcome to email Marilyn Welch at info@perfectstrangers.co.za.